I remember running away from the doctors and nurses. It must have stemmed from the time when I barely escaped from Henry Ford Hospital. As I recalled more of the dream, I saw the face of the man running along side me. He said his name was Hero Kim. He said he no longer wanted to live. How odd it is. Why isn’t he dead?

Dreams are so funny. I sometimes believe they were meant to confuse us. Are we asleep or awake? Did this really happen? Why am I here? I am sitting at a park bench watching the joggers jog, the walkers walk, and the occasional cyclist bike. They all pass me by without a glance. I feel as if I am a ghost. Today I am invisible. Invisible. Huh. Why did I come here for? Where did these cuts on my hand come from?

Wait—Mr. Curly Bear is in my bag. He was also in my dream. The world looks so different. Why—it looks as if the dream is the same while asleep or awake. Hero Kim is here. I recognize him from the dream. He is wearing the same ed white shirt but I do not remember a beer cooler. I should go to him. Maybe he will know what is going on. Maybe he could tell me what is real and what is not. I—Who is that little girl he is talking to. That girl. She must be that girl. Yesterday and the day before that. The girl. My girl? My beautiful girl?

Mana—It is Mana.

But who is Hero Kim? Is he the one who ordered the kidnap? I think it makes sense now. He was trying to brainwash me with that dream but I remember now. Mana—he’s going to kill Mana isn’t he? With whatever it is in that beer cooler, he’s going to kill Mana. I have to stop him. With my blood stained hands, I will stop him—

“Do you not remember who he is? Do you not remember who Hero Kim is?”

That voice in my head. Why was it talking so loudly?

“Why do you not remember him? He was part of you.”

Memories flashed before my eyes. Bits and pieces that made no sense. A man’s hand resting on my protruding stomach. His soft cheek pressed firmly against mine. The strong taste of him in my mouth.

“Our child—” He whispered.

“Our child—” I repeated him.

Our child? Mana? I don’t want to see or hear anymore. I don’t want to remember. I don’t need to remember—Mana’s father. I turned away but the memories came back to haunt me like a malicious tumor. The face that brought so much joy into my life. The same face that ended it all. Why did he leave? Was he sick in the head? It wasn’t just him leaving. It was how he left that pained me the most.

He chose death over me. He chose death over Mana. All my beautiful hopes and dreams of raising Mana together died with him on that day. Even if he had his own reasons. Shouldn’t he tell me? Why was he being so selfish? To end his own pain without a thought to those who must continue to live. To be honest, I had thoughts of following him down that long road to Hell but then, how could I? With Mana inside of me.

How could I be so horribly selfish—just like him? I decided to live on and raise Mana on my own. But those were hard times with the virus still airborne. It affected everything and made it that much harder to live. So I swallowed my pride and sought out help. That was when I met Adam.

“Do you believe in second chances?”

It was a simple question that only required a reply of yes or no. I couldn’t answer it. My past wouldn’t let me.

“Then give up. Just let it all go. You’ve done enough. If you leave now. You won’t be like him. At least you’ve tried your best and now it’s time to rest.”

That voice in my head. So loud.

“Look at those cuts on your hand. You’ve contracted the virus. Isn’t it over?”

I looked down at my hand and shook my head. No. I wasn’t going to give up. Not until I’ve saved Mana. If this virus wanted a fight. I’ll give it a fight.