It’s Saturday now and the last two nights have been characterized by humid breathing and rushing thoughts, flittering butterflies and electricity getting stuck in between Kyungsoo’s pores and pillowcases as he looks forward to seeing Jongin again today. He appears at work almost an hour too early, almost skipping from the popping bubbles and rapid heartbeats in his chest.

He knows that Jongin wouldn’t be here this early but he wants to see him as soon as he walks through the door. He decides to walk around on the second floor, his shoes making leisurely skids and muted sounds on the carpeting and as he walks by, he notices the seat that Jongin’s always sitting in. And the curiosity overwhelms him as he conjures up another creepy, stalker-like thought.

He makes his way towards the cushioned chair slowly, proceeding down the table and stares at it for a moment. There wasn’t anything significant about the chair itself but it was the person who always sits here that made him do it. His heart beats a tad faster as he grazes his fingertips over the top and pulls it out from under the wooden table.

The padded seat is comfortable underneath him and he breathes in the air around him as if he can sense himself in Jongin’s shoes, looking through his eyes and seeing what he sees. He runs his fingertips lightly over the table’s surface and the smooth wood texture greets him. The connection makes his cheeks flush a rosy pink and he thinks that he wants to experience more of this. He wants to know the person named Kim Jongin.

So he pretends to be him for a moment, pulling out his mp3 player and stuffing the earbuds in his ears. He even pulls up his favorite classical pieces, listening to the sound of lovely violins and deep cellos spewing arpeggios and chords. He turns to glance out the tall windows and he flinches a little by what he sees there.

The heavy bookshelves are all aligned in perfect columns, allowing sight down their infinite aisles. The bright lighting just above the table makes the background of the library reflect intensely on the glass, barely allowing objects on the outside to pass through. He notices one of the new workers clumsily rearranging books through their reflection on the window and Kyungsoo blushes a bit by the sight.

Jongin’s arriving at the library a tad earlier than he usually does today because he’s excited to see the person who he has managed to capture and turn into his--

Boyfriend.

And the word sends red-hot embarrassment into his ears and his cheeks, making his skin feverish and nervous with the thought. So he covers his face with his hands for just a moment outside of the library’s entrance, taking only slight notice of the awkward stares of passing women with their children and teenagers.

Jongin comes up the stairs to the second floor of the library and turns the corner to walk towards his usual seat with an outer shell made of calm and confidence like he always does but with a flutter of eagerness. He comes to an abrupt stop when he sees who is sitting in his spot though-- and even worse, staring out the window with his wide eyes.

.

Jongin’s creepy secret has been found out and the only thing running through his mind is the fact that he’s going to be hated after this. It’s been less than forty-eight hours since they’ve started dating-- they haven’t even exchanged phone numbers yet-- and they’re going to break up because of Jongin’s disgusting habit.

Yes, he stares at Kyungsoo all day when he’s at the library.

And his brain has a momentary panic attack as he tries to think up excuses and alternatives as to how he can maneuver himself out of this situation. Maybe he’s actually looking out the window and not at the reflections. Hey, Kyungsoo, I don’t actually stare at you all the time; only on the days when you’re not working in the storage room. Wow, gosh, Kim Jongin you are one disturbing guy. You’re going to freak him out!

So he gives Kyungsoo the benefit of the doubt and tries to act like nothing is wrong as he approaches him. He’ll know if Kyungsoo’s actually looking out the window and not at the reflections if he doesn’t see him coming. Please be looking out the window, please be looking out the window, Jongin chants to himself mentally as if sending telepathic waves to the man in front of him.

And Kyungsoo turns to look at Jongin as he nears him.

. He’s definitely going to dump me.

But Kyungsoo flashes a gorgeous and dazzling smile at him with crinkled eyes. Jongin’s heart flutters a bit as he in a quick breath of air and the relief is overwhelming as he smiles back, glad that the other person doesn’t think that he’s a weird stalker of some sort.

“Sorry I took your seat,” Kyungsoo whispers as Jongin slides into the chair next to him.

“It’s okay. Umm, your pho--”

“Hey!”

Jongin jumps a little from the hand on his shoulder and he recognizes the voice of the person who is behind him right now. He curses her for just a second for intercepting his attempt to obtain Kyungsoo’s phone number but that bitterness quickly dissipates into blame at himself for not being more assertive.

“Jisoo, keep your voice down; we’re in a library,” Jongin reprimands gently. And he glances over at Kyungsoo for a moment to see that he’s shifting in his seat a bit and avoiding eye contact. Is he uncomfortable around her?

“I need to start work now so I should get going,” Kyungsoo whispers as he gets up from Jongin’s familiar seat.

“Can we see each other when you’re done?” Jongin’s not going to give up on his mission of getting Kyungsoo’s phone number today and he’s even more determined than ever because of the interruption.

“Yeah...”

Jongin stares at Kyungsoo’s receding form as he walks away and he’s slightly annoyed at the reduction in time he was able to spend with him. He shoots a glare at the girl who is settling down next to him and she smiles cutely, well-aware of the reason for his bitterness.

“Are you stalking me?” Jongin asks jokingly as he reaches into his book bag for his mp3 player.

“You can flirt with him some other time but my biochemistry midterm is tomorrow! Maaaster. Please tutor me agaaaain. I’ll repay you with your favorite candy~” Jisoo reaches into her frilly pocket and pulls out the miniature, wrapped circular object with the red and white swirls on it.

Jongin glances at the peppermint candy in temptation then looks away, trying to feign anger at her earlier interruption. “Go find someone else.”

She puffs up her cheeks and scrunches her eyebrows at his remark as she reaches into her pink polka-dotted bag and pulls out a handful of the delectable candies to bribe Jongin with. She smiles a bit in joy from seeing him slide the small pile towards himself and straight into his bag. “Reaction rates again?” Jongin asks, popping one of the peppermints into his mouth and out the refreshing flavor. Bribe accepted.

Kyungsoo’s fuming again because of that girl who Jongin has labeled as ‘Jisoo.’ He’s rapidly checking books in, the barcode scanner sounding just as angry as he is as it analyzes the thin black lines. So she’s not his girlfriend... classmate? And he wonders about Jongin’s past. He wonders about his life and what kind of person he really is outside of the library. Maybe he’s kind of weird outside too...

His thoughts are interrupted when he sees Jongin heading towards the reference desk with Jisoo and he feels the ugly feelings overwhelming him again. It’s not like they’ve been going out for very long at all so he still feels like all of this is unreal; like he’s still living in a fantasy dream world.

Too bad he’s not working the reference desk right now.

Because Jongin grins and waves at him for a second before splitting off and heading to the reference desk to check out his books... and Jisoo is heading straight towards him, bouncing slightly as she walks. He decides in that moment that he should be as nice as possible to her because it seems like they’ll be seeing a lot of each other from now on.

“Hi there!” she greets in an overly peppy voice. Kyungsoo smiles politely at her and mutters a quiet hello. “I’m Park Jisoo. I went to highschool with Jongin and we’re in the same university with the same major.” She sticks out her hand at him in a jutting manner, smiling brightly. Kyungsoo shakes her hand somewhat cautiously and thinks that he really doesn’t know what Jongin’s majoring in right now, where he goes to school, or anything really. And he feels a pang of pain shoot into his heart at the obvious advantage she has over him.

“I’m Do Kyungsoo--”

“--You’re dating Jongin, right?” Kyungsoo’s taken aback by the abruptness of her statement and he feels uncomfortable talking to her. He wants Jongin to hurry and finish checking out his books so that they can leave. He knows it’s bad of him but he can’t help but feel troubled talking to her in her overly cheerful tone.

“Er--”

“Have you kissed him yet?”

Kyungsoo’s face floods with blood and the redness seeps through his translucent skin, saturating it with a mix of irritation and discomfort. How is it any of her business if they’ve kissed yet? Why is she asking him this? If she already knows that they’re dating then she should have just asked Jongin for the answer. He’s starting to feel the distress spilling onto the surface of his skin from where he's kept it hidden all this time.

And Jisoo knows. She knows that this kind of thing is making him feel anxious but she wants to see who this person is. She wants to test the person who has Jongin wrapped around his little finger and what better time to ask than now. She already knows the answer to her question but seeing Kyungsoo’s face flustered like this perplexes her. But she can’t give up now because she doesn’t want Jongin to get hurt by this insignificant person. So she pulls out her ace card on a whim and deals a heavy blow to him.

“Because I have.”

This statement has Kyungsoo’s eyes wide in shock and his body numb for a split second before a piece of his heart shatters and he feels the tears coming from the mental stress. His stomach is churning in ugly shapes and motions and his head hurts from the painful pulsing. He wants it to stop so he bites his lower lip in silence, unable to say anything back to the girl. Jongin’s done checking out his books now and he strolls over to where they’re standing.

“Kyungsoo, are you done with work now?”

“Well, I have to go now! Bye bye~ See you in class!” Jisoo waves as she trots out of the library, a gleaming smile of accomplishment plastered on her face.

On the way to the train station, Jongin purposefully left the hand closest to Kyungsoo free and he’s nervous about this next action but he’s always wanted to do it; walking while holding hands. He glances down and notices that Kyungsoo’s hand is also free and he slides a bit closer, all the better to attack.

Now!

And he shoots his hand out but Kyungsoo swiftly brings his arm up to check the watch on his wrist, dodging the move unintentionally. Jongin mentally sighs and decides that maybe he should just settle for the phone number and not be too ambitious today.

“We still haven’t exchanged phone numbers. Is it okay?” Jongin smiles as he turns to look into Kyungsoo’s face.

“Huh? Oh, yeah.”

Jongin furrows his eyebrows and he’s always worried about Kyungsoo. He worries about every little thing and it’s because he’s afraid of being hated. He’s afraid of what will happen if he doesn’t manage to get Kyungsoo to fall in love with him. What then?

They’ve arrived at the train platform now and the cool night air breezes passed them, tousling their hair and chilling their skin. Kyungsoo’s glad that nobody is around as Jongin grasps his hand and rubs his thumb over the knuckles lovingly. He looks up at Jongin with watery eyes, projecting his insecurities and worries into him and Jongin’s heartstrings shake as he looks down at him.

Out of impulse, Jongin leans in and plants a gentle kiss on the apple of Kyungsoo’s cheek, filling it with love and care. And his lips linger there for a moment longer before kissing him again on the cheek and Kyungsoo takes it, maintaining a tighter grasp on the hand around his. Kyungsoo’s eyes scan the floor for nothing in particular but he’s still bothered about his conversation earlier.

“Is something wrong?” Jongin whispers, his breath burning hot against Kyungsoo’s skin.

“What are you majoring in?”

The quiet and soft-spoken question is so sudden that it takes Jongin off-guard and he’s fumbling in his brain for the answer when it’s so obvious what it is. “Huh? Oh-- uh, biochemistry and molecular biology...” Is he bothered by just that? Jongin can see the eyes widening in front of him as he takes it in and he thinks that he doesn’t know who Kyungsoo is either. Geez, the guy could be forty with a babyface and I wouldn’t know... or care for that matter...

“Are you going to become a doctor? That’s really amazing!”  

Kyungsoo’s smile makes Jongin feel bashful and he grips the hand in his a bit tighter. “It’s not much. Are you in school? --Oh, I don’t mean-- it’s not like you look like a kid-- er, you’re not old-looking or--”

Kyungsoo giggles a little and his eyes are smiling as he says, “I’m 21. I’m a mathematics major.”

“You’re only a year older than me! When is your birthday?”

“January 12th.”

“Our birthdays are so close too. Mine’s January 14th.”

Jongin’s excited about getting to know more about Kyungsoo after almost a year of waiting for someone who was practically a stranger to him. And his excitement shows on his face through the form of an ear-to-ear grin as he clenches his eyes shut for a moment due to embarrassment.

Kyungsoo looks up at him and tries to crack a small grin on his face too but glancing at Jongin’s lips opens up the wound on his heart again. So he looks away with a sad expression as the train is rushing to a stop in front of them and lets go of Jongin’s hand.

“Goodnight,” Kyungsoo whispers in a trembling voice.

-----------------

Jongin’s twirling the shiny pen through his lithe fingers in his Tuesday afternoon Cell Physiology class as Kyungsoo runs through his mind again and again. It wasn’t anything unusual seeing as how he’s pretty obsessed with him but it looked like he was upset again. Jongin closes his eyes for a second and sighs. It always seems like Kyungsoo’s upset when he’s with him so he wants to see him laugh and smile again. He furrows his eyebrows and scribbles doodles into the margins of his notebook, watching the blue ink color the paper.

He glances over at the girl next to him, suspicion arising from her recent interactions with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo being upset at him for having a ‘girlfriend,’ feeling uncomfortable when Jisoo came up to them, looking sad after talking to her... Maybe she...

Jisoo’s surprised when Jongin pushes his notebook towards her, as he rarely gets distracted during lectures, being the perfect student he is. So she indulges her fantasies a bit thinking that he wrote something wonderful to her but it turned out to be an angry message. She frowns.

‘Did you say something to Kyungsoo?’

She sighs and her spiraling purple handwriting graces the page. ‘Aww~ I didn’t know that you liked me so much that you’d be jealous of him for talking to me ❤’

Jongin rolls his eyes and mouths a ‘forget it,’ turning back to focus on the professor. And Jisoo’s even more interested in this person now that she knows that he hasn’t told Jongin anything about their encounter but she’s also happy by the way Jongin seems to care for him. The Jongin who once didn’t put his feelings into anything or anybody is now opening up to someone and she feels like she likes this side of him. So she quietly supports him from the side and mentally shouts a ‘fighting!’ for them.

----------

Kyungsoo’s been a mess since talking to her. Even as he’s organizing books in the storage room; away from Jongin. Since when was he so sensitive? It’s been years since he’s last shed a tear and he spilled his eyes out that night just because of one sentence? Love is painful... Why do I care so much about something that happened in the past? He knows that Jongin’s here today and even made sure to come into work super early to avoid him because he doesn’t want to risk talking to that girl again. But it’s closing time now and he’s sure that Jongin’s waiting for him.

When did I start being like this? This isn’t the person Jongin likes at all...

Jongin’s sleeping on his arms again in his window seat as Kyungsoo slides into the chair next to him. The smooth smell of cologne and the muted orchestral music never fail to make his heart race. And he listens to the soft and even breathing as he stares at his face.

Kyungsoo reaches into his bag and pulls out a few wooden clothespins, the ones he uses to clip notes and reminders on for the new workers because overlooking a sticky note is easier than overlooking a clothespin, and he’s feeling a bit mischievous and creative today so he writes on them.

‘You’re handsome.’

And he clips it on the hem of Jongin’s shirt as he’s sleeping. He stifles a giggle to himself and smiles brightly. His emotions feel like they’re flooding out of his heart so he decides to write a few more messages to Jongin for when he wakes up.

‘You smell good.’

He clips them on his bookbag and on his pockets and he realizes that Jongin’s a pretty deep sleeper. So he gets carried away and starts writing his recent thoughts on them; the ones he dared not to say to Jongin’s face.

‘I want to kiss y’

The ‘y’ is smeared and the black marker is seeping into the wood fibers of the clothespin as Jongin grips Kyungsoo’s writing hand in his. Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide and his heart is beating quickly because he didn’t think of what would happen if Jongin woke up and saw this one.

“I want to kiss you too,” Jongin whispers, his dark eyes boring into Kyungsoo’s. He gets up from his sleeping position and leans in, their eyes never leaving each other’s. “If you don’t want to... you can say no.”

With the night seeping in through the windows and dimming the room, Kyungsoo doesn’t say no but instead closes his eyes and takes in the rich scent of cologne and peppermints as Jongin’s hot breath tickles his lips. Their lips are hot against each other’s, soft and lovely, making his head faint and his cheeks burn. Time is stilled for them as Jongin continues to kiss him over and over again, his pent up desires overtaking him.

When he finally manages to stop himself, he touches their foreheads together and whispers softly, “I love you.”

“...More than her?”

“What? Who?”

“--Jisoo...”

Jongin’s confused so he pulls back to get a clear look at Kyungsoo's anxious face and inspects it carefully. “Why would you ask that?”

Kyungsoo's embarrassed to say it but the moment is raw and flooded with their emotions so he lets go of his self-control and spills out his insecurities to him here in the empty library. His voice is quiet and shaking as he responds, “She told me that you kissed her...”

“She told you that?!” Jongin brings an ashamed hand up to cover his eyes, as if he could hide his entire body from Kyungsoo behind just that hand. And the embarrassment wells up horribly as he recalls the memories that he wish would just disappear. “It’s not what it sounds like.”

Kyungsoo’s even more insecure because of this statement because it’s confirming that they really did kiss. So he feels bad about the thought that Jongin’s kissed someone else before and it brings up the nagging jealousy again. “Then what happened?”

Jongin sighs and he knows he has to clear up this misunderstanding but he’s reluctant so his voice comes out sheepish. “We were just learning CPR, okay? It’s part of medical training and we just so happened to get paired together so don’t take it the wrong way. We’re only friends.”

A strange wave of relief washes through Kyungsoo and he thinks that he’s stupid for misunderstanding this whole thing. So it wasn’t a romantic kiss... He’s sitting there stupefied by the thought and Jongin feels like this side of Kyungsoo is adorable so he plants another kiss on the top of his head. “There’s only you. Always.”

“Yeah... me too...”

Jongin leans back out of shock and stares into Kyungsoo’s face with amazement. “Really? Does that mean you’re--”

“Shhh, this is a library.” Kyungsoo leans in to seal his lips with his own and he thinks that he’s looking forward to their future together. Now and always.