It was a raining day, the day we first met and decided to fall in love.

It was a raining day, the day you decided to walk out of my life.

It was a raining day, the day you took me back into your house after all these years.

I was angry and at the same time, still hurting. Every little thing about you brought upon those undesirable memories but like in the past, I followed your every order and command without any objection. Just like a lost puppy being lead around by the nose.

After a long hot bath, I finally gathered enough courage to come out of that suffocating bathroom. I put on the clean clothes you prepared and came out wearing your oversized white tee shirts that kept slipping off one side of my shoulders and a pair of comfy black sweat pants.

I stepped into the living room and was welcomed by a sweet aroma floating in the air.

Chocolate.

I have always love chocolates. Chocolates sooths me and makes me happier, especially-

“Come here.” You suddenly looked up and patted on the seat on the sofa next to you. Without another word, I strolled over and sat down next to you, with the towel hung over my neck and my hair dripping wet.

We sat in silence. With you watching me intensely and me admiring your carpeted floor. The silence was getting uncomfortable. I fidgeted and cleared my throat softly and that’s when you spoke once again.

“Here. Drink up,” you handed me a cup of hot chocolate. “It’s your favourite. I make it with melted white chocolate.”

I was surprised. You remembered. You remembered how much I love white chocolate. You remembered how to make me my special hot chocolate but why will you remember such small things? I thought you never loved me?

I stared at you with confused eyes.

You shrugged. “Turn around.”

Without another word, I turned around with my back facing you obediently. For I already know your intention. Just like the past, you took the towel and started drying my hair while I slipped the hot chocolate just like you always did.

Why are you doing this? I thought you never loved me?

The rhythmic beating of the rain against the window, and warmth emitting from your body so close to mine and the sweet comforting hot chocolate trickling down my throat; everything was so comforting and relaxing that it made me let my guard down.

You started humming a song and I could feel your hot breath caressing my neck and that was when the tip of your nose brush across my ears and a gush of hot air heating up my body, making my heart beat like crazy.

“Rella.” You whispered into my ears, sending shivers down my spine.

I froze at the name. I have not heard that name in years. The mere sound of that sweet name made me my heart squeezed. Pain shot through my fragile heart.

I am no longer your princess. You abandoned me a long time back. Why are you calling me that now? It hurts. My heart hurts. I can’t breathe.

“I am sorry.” You said with your face buried into the crook of my neck.

I took in a sharp breath and held it there. My body tensed and I was speechless. Tears began to swell in my eyes and my nose soured. I don’t know how to react to your sudden apology.

It was the first time I heard you apologise. You never say sorry to me, ever.

Part of me was angry with you, for hurting me so bad and yet part of me yearned for you so much I will exchange my life for a chance back in your arms again.

“I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.”

A million ‘sorry’ from a man who never ever apologise. I was flattered but at the same time, lost. I am not used to you being so fragile and weak. I don’t know how to handle the emotional you. Your voice started to quiver and I felt hot tears on my skin.

I felt the need to respond.

“Why?” I closed my eyes and asked with a shaky voice. That was all I could manage which was to ask you why.

Why did you throw me away?

You did not speak. Instead, you kept chanting your apologises and more tears fell onto my skin.

Why are you crying? You are the one that hurt me, left me alone – unwanted and abandoned. I should be the one crying!

“Why?” I asked once again and when I received none, anger rose within me. I felt myself shaking with much anger as I remembered those harsh words. Word for word. 

How dare you ask for my forgiveness? How dare you ask for my forgiveness?

“Why?” I asked once again through gritted teeth. “I am just a lowly e that sleeps around and s any men that gives me money. I am not worthy of you or any other decent men in this world. I am meant to be ing around with criminals, drug addicts and faggots and eventually die on the streets because of AIDS or some other disgusting diseases. No?”

Hot tears brimmed my eyes as I remember those harsh words and humiliation. The slaps and spits. My breathing quickens and became irregular as anger rose to a new high.

“No, no, no, no, no!” You hugged me from behind all of a sudden. “I never said that! You know that you are my world and I love you!”

Your hug and confession melted my heart and calmed me down almost immediately. I hated myself for loving you too much. So much that I have let down my pride. I can never stay angry with you, no matter how much you hurt me – physically or mentally.

Your hug reminds me of your warmth and how you always made me feel safe and secure. It reminds me of how much I yearned for you and how much I love you. I love you so much even when you hurt me too bad. But I still cannot forget and I don’t know how to forgive. My heart was being ripped apart once again. It was bleeding once again.

I was torn between my pride and my love for you. I love you so much that I could run back into your arms right now and be your obedient lover once again but I just couldn’t. Not yet.

I bit my lips hard, drawing blood and held back my tears.

“No, you didn’t. But you didn’t fight for me when your parents said that and you did nothing when they humiliated me in front of all your relatives and friends. Nor did you fight for our love when your parents told you to throw me out of our house. You left me alone wandering on the streets, living like a beggar. No. You never loved me. Never.”

“I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am so sorry, Rella.” You cried harder, turning me around and pulled me into another bone crushing hug. “Please forgive me? Please… Please… Please… I beg you!”

I never once see you cry and your tears made my heart hurts even more. I was weak, too weak when it comes to you. Everything about you affects me. I couldn’t even protect my pride. I love you too much. I let out a sigh.

“I… I… I…”

You released your hug and looked at me with those pleading eyes, tears flowing down your flushed cheeks. I looked into your eyes and I saw desperation and yet at the same time a tiny sparkle of hope. I love you too much to disappoint you, no matter how much you hurt me. I heaved another sigh.

“I… am not sure if I can forgive you now.”

Your face lit up in delight almost immediately. A tiny smile escaped.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me immediately! I just beg for you to give me a last chance to prove my love for you and to make things right. I will do all I can to protect you and our love from now on! I swear I will! I will do whatever it takes to protect you and give you the happiness you deserve! Even if it means severing ties with my family! Please give me a chance?” you pleaded with those charming eyes, dazzling me.

“I… I…”

No words came and a simple nod brought upon the most gorgeous smile onto your face. Looking at your happy face, how can I ever say no to you? How can I hate you? No, I can’t. So I can only hate myself, for loving you too much.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” You kept chanting. “Thank you so much Rella, you are the kindest person in the whole world. You are like an angel from heaven sent to me.” You pulled me into another hug though till now I still refused to hug you back. Not yet.

You finally pulled away after what feels like ages.

“Rella… Will you stay tonight?” You asked with a voice filled with hope.

I frowned and narrowed my eyes at your ridiculous request.

“I promised I would not do anything that is against your will! I just want to talk. Please?”

How can I reject you? You are the love of my life but I still can’t forgive you. Just not yet.

It was a raining day and I love you too much to disappoint you.

“I… I… guess I can do that.”

You held my hands in yours and brought it to your lips.

“I love you Rella, and I know you might not be able to love me back just yet. But still, I want you to know that I really love you and thank you for your chance. I will prove to you that I am worth your forgiveness.” You whispered sweet nothings and promises, warming my once cold heart and giving it hope once again.

“It’s late. Let me tug you to sleep.” You said and lead me into you room and onto your… bed.

It was a raining day.

★★★★★

as promised, chapter 2.
tomorrow wil be the last (unless I decided to write an epilogue, maybe a short - have yet to decide though)

on a major writer's block, hopefully after this I could update my chaptered fics soon (i felt so bad, leaving them on hiatus)