By the next morning, I didn’t feel so good. I felt worst. The worry hadn’t faded at all. My mom used to tell me to count my blessings whenever I was feeling down. One of the things at the top of the list of today’s blessings would be that Yeong was back and feeling well enough to tease Munhee. Another would be that in a few moments I’d be with Taemin again. And, it is finally Friday. And, which I guess should have been first, I’m still alive. In spite of having all of these things to be happy about, I still felt like crap today. I even thought that my headaches were getting better, but by the time that I woke up this morning I was obviously wrong.

                All day, Munhee had been watching Yeong like a hawk. I felt a bit worried about her health to but she seemed alright. The only thing that seemed to be off was her walking. She was stumbling a lot more than I’m used to.

                “I’m so tired,” Yeong said at the end of a long stretch.

                “How long did you sleep?”

                “I’ve been asleep since I got home yesterday.” She ran her hand through her hair as she spoke; all the hairs that usually never seemed to lay flat appeared to have multiplied.”I almost missed the bus this morning.”

                “Did you sleep at all last night?”

                “Yeah,”

                “I don’t think that’s good for you.”I commented, noticing how bright her eyes looked today. Did they really turn black yesterday?

                “Why not?”

                “I think you forgot how to walk,” She smiled wickedly at my poor joke. “I think you might have that disorder-what’s it called?” I looked to Munhee as she closed her health binder, already done with today’s homework.

                “Narcolepsy?”

                “Yeah, that’s it.” I nodded. “You should get it checked out.”

                “Ha ha ha,” She said in a hard voice. We stood up and left the class when the loud bell erupted.

                “So do either of you know what you want to do for the winter break?” Munhee asked. How could I have forgotten that was coming? I used to count down the days to that break.

                “Pro-“

                “Let me guess,” Yeong interrupted me. “Probably read some more books.” She mocked my voice. I don’t know if I should laugh at her impersonation of me or be surprised that she was right. She laughed as she held onto Munhee’s shoulder when her knees gave out quickly. Munhee looked to me worriedly. “I’m fine,” Yeong laughed. I stopped in front of a restroom.

                “Yeong, do you think you can make it to class on your own?”

                “Why?” She questioned with narrowed eyes.

                “I just don’t want you to fall in front of everyone,” I said innocently.

                “Oh, I’ll be fine. You just do whatever you have to do.” Her wicked smile returned as she rubbed her hands together. I’m pretty sure that means she’ll be giving me the ‘Munhee treatment’ now. Maybe I should have kept quiet today. I walked into the crowded restroom and ran water over my hands. It was too embarrassing to look in the mirror at school, so I kept watched my reflection in the silver faucet. Silver…I haven’t seen Taemin yet today. Nor have I seen Jang or Insu. That doesn’t help at all with the worry. I washed my face with my damp hands and headed towards art.

                As soon as I left the restroom I saw Taemin standing across the hall from me. I would have been more excited to see him if he didn’t look so frustrated. My heart started to beat quicker.

                “Hey,” I walked over to his side.

                “Hey,” He ran his hand through his dark hair with a sigh.

                “Are you okay?” We stood in silence as his eyes roamed the halls. I stared into them, waiting for an answer. My head ach crept back, either because this was familiar or because he didn’t seem to have any intent to answer. When my eyebrows pulled together he looked down into my eyes.

                “Come with me,”

                “But class is about to start,” I really don’t care; I’d rather be with him.

                “It’s okay,” He started to walk away so I followed him. It felt weird to be walking in the opposite direction from class when the warning bell rang.

                I followed him into the old orchestra room. Like always, it was dark and dusty. The high windows shone most of the light onto the piano. I shut the door behind me. Should I lock it?

                “So…are you going to answer me any time soon?” I watched as he walked out of the low pillars of light and into the shadows.

                “Lucinda, you were right,” He started, “Something bad is coming.”

                “You feel it to?” I knew it! So, I’m not going crazy. My eyes strained into the darkness to see him nod.

                “I have to take you home,”

                “And how do you intend to do that?” He walked out of the shadows and back toward me. “Why do you have to take me home?”

                “I don’t know,” I lifted my eyebrow. He held his hands out to me. “And as to how- you’ll see.” He said with a devious smile. Before I could react he took my hands and stared down to the ground. His lips started to say something to low to hear and too fast to read. Suddenly there was a shift in my body, it made me dizzy. The light in the room started to change as the pillars moved across the room. A few seconds later they stopped.

                He let go of my hands with the smile still on his lips. I looked around the room. It seemed like nothing had changed besides the lights. Then the final bell rang; the last bell. It was the end of the day!

                Once the too long bus ride ended, it was hard to contain my need to run all the way home. It felt like it was an early release day. I ran up the stairs to my room, threw my book bag down and landed face first on my bed. “Finally,” I said aloud to myself. There was a small shift on my bed suddenly.

                “Really,” A voice that didn’t match sounded from behind me. Am I imagining things now? I turned my head slowly. At the foot of my bed was Taemin-in my room-on my bed!

                “How-what-wait-” I took a deep breath to calm my mind.”What are you doing here? How did you get here?”

                “I wish we had more classes together.”He said nonchalantly.

                “Yeah,” I nodded breathlessly, sitting up so I could see him completely. How could he say that so easily? My heart would be racing so fast…almost like it is now.”Um…did you want to talk about something? Or did you just think school was unsafe at the moment to talk about it?”

                “Yeah,” The frustration came back to his appealing face. I don’t like seeing him this way; I want him to always be happy. What if these feelings were a sign?  “Let’s not worry about danger for now. Let’s just talk about anything.” As he spoke, fractions of unease faded from both of us.

                “Anything,” I repeated, “What do you mean by that?”

                “Useless, unimportant conversation. Or something like…how are we going to return your magic?” I nodded to myself, remembering my questions.

                “What would happen to you if you succeeded?” I intentionally put myself out of the plan; I doubt I’ll be any help to anyone when it comes to magic. My eyes were fixed to his as I spoke. Maybe I should just tell him what’s really making me conflicted about this.” I don’t want you to…” I couldn’t even speak the word.

                “To what, die? If that’s the consequence, then so be it.”

                “What? No!” My cheeks started to burn immediately. It’s too late to hide my feelings now. I’ve already spoken my mind. “I just…don’t, don’t do it. I don’t want to risk it.”

                “Risk what?”

                “Your life!” He still doesn’t get it! “Every life is important, we all have a purpose, a mission, things we were meant to do. I don’t want to risk yours so thoughtlessly just so I can have my magic. I don’t need it…” His eyes flinched away as he looked away.”What’s wrong?”

                “You do need it,”

                “Why?” I challenged.

                “I think Jang is trying to hurt you,” I really wasn’t in the mood to talk about her.

                “She can’t hurt me,”

                “It feels like she can…”He said in a low voice.

                My eyes drifted out the window. If he really believes that Rose, of all people, could hurt me…then maybe it was true. What was I thinking? I’m nothing special, I have no magic, I have no way to protect myself…I’m not as strong as Taemin. He reached out and placed his hand on my cheek. I looked into his steel gaze.

                “I promise,” He said like before,” I will find a way to get your magic back.”

                “You don’t have to. I don’t want you to.” He sighed and removed his hand.

                “Lucinda, please be careful,”

                “I will…but you have to do the same.”

                “Only for you,”

                I stared down at my hands, feeling his eyes on me. Every time I see him, my heart starts to race. More than ever, when I look into his eyes or feel his skin. If my heart was dead before him, then he surely brought it back to life. He’s also the key to my past. But, I’d rather have him instead of my magic or my memories. If he were to disappear because of something I so selfishly wanted, it would be unbearable.

                What if he knew how I felt about him? How would he act? Would he go back to how he was before? Thinking about those times now hurt. But what if he did reject my feelings? How does he feel about me? When he touches me I never reject him…but, I suppose he doesn’t really touch me in a passionate way.  But, I’ve never been so physically close to someone in all my life, we even almost kissed. If he has no feelings for me, why would he be doing this to me? Could he break my heart and feel nothing in the end?

                I looked up, surprised that he was still staring at me. Before the embarrassment blush came, I asked a question at the top of my head.

                “What were my powers? What could I do?”

                “Everything that I can do,”

                “So I could speed up time?”

                “You could…and will.”

                “Can you slow down time to?” I continued to question him, ignoring the last part of what he said. But, it would help me a lot if I could speed up time.

                “Yeah,”

                “Can you…” I tried to think of the many things in life I wanted to do.” I don’t know…teleport or something?”

                “How do you think I got here?” He laughed faintly.  I smiled, not only because I love his laugh, but also because now I can’t deny that I actually do want my magic back. But it’s still not worth it, it never will be.

                “Is there a way for me to remember my past?”

                “I’m trying to figure that out. But I suppose I could just tell you.” He said quietly looking out the window. After his words there was a long silence. It would be magnificent if he could tell me everything. It would mean I could spend more time with him to. I really don’t know what I’d do if he wasn’t here right now. I’d still be wondering hopelessly through my mind trying to fix a puzzle with the wrong pieces. With him here, it feels like everything is in place, like everything is balanced. I’m so grateful to have him here. Even if we only stay friends, I’d be happy just knowing that he’s here with me now.

                “Taemin,” I started after a while. He looked back at me, his eyes glowing.”Thank you,” There was no way for me to express to him the way I feel right now, but I feel like I should try. And also because I have no idea what this emotion is, but I know that I don’t ever want it to leave.

                “For what?” He laughed, momentarily distracted.

                “For being here, for helping me…for everything, you know?”

                “Your welcome,” He smiled gently.

                “And also for getting me out of school,”

                “You’re welcome,” He repeated with a laugh.

                I looked up to the ceiling and back to my hands, completely flushed. My hands clenched and unclenched nervously.  Suddenly, his hand reached up to my face again. This time he pulled my hair behind my ear. I kept my eyes down as my heart beat frantically. He placed his hand on my cheek again, holding it until I gathered the courage to meet his paralyzing eyes again. We stared at each other for so long I memorized all of his flawless features. We weren’t saying anything but as he stared into my eyes, it felt like we were having a conversation. He closed his eyes with a sigh and stood up, walking over to the window.

                “Are you leaving?” I didn’t even attempt to hide my distress this time.

                “No,” He turned to look at me. The sun shining into his eyes made them even more beautiful. His word instantly brightened my mood.

                “When do you usually go home?” When the words were out, I regretted them. His eyes flinched in pain as he looked back out the window.

                “Whenever…,” He said in a low voice, then said even lower, “I don’t really have one.”

                “What?” Did he really say that? Hopefully I only imagined that comment. Either way he had no intent to answer in any form. I stood up and walked to him slowly. The closer I got to him a feeling consumed me, it was a hurt feeling. “Hey…” I gradually reached for his hand that was crossed under his arm.”What do you mean by that?” My voice came out in whisper. He let me pull his chilly hand out. I held it in mine and unclenched his tight fist and looked up into his eyes. In his eyes, there was so much torment. Looking into those eyes made me feel worst, like I had been stabbed in the heart. “I-I’m,” I couldn’t think of what to say. There’s nothing I can do to fix this.

                “You shouldn’t feel any remorse for me,” His strained voice whispered. So, he really doesn’t have a home.

                “May I ask where your parents are?” I felt guilty having to force something out of him when he obviously didn’t want to talk about it; I should have never asked. If he mostly only answers half of my questions what makes me think he’ll answer something so personal? But surprisingly, he took a long deep breath before he started speaking.

                “When I woke up one morning, they never came back for me. It was when I was still in the hospital.” I could see that he wanted to say more…but it seem like he couldn’t. The torment in his eyes started to increase by the second.

                “I’m so sorry,” I tighten my grip on his hand. “If there is anything I can do to help you, you can tell me and I’ll try my best.” He let go of my hand, which actually hurt in a way. He stared deeply into my eyes again, watching me closely as I went numb. Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around me, embracing me gently. Despite the fact that his hands were so cold, his chest was warm. I rested my hands on his back, literally feeling his pain. I know it’s his pain because I’ve never felt this type of pain before. With every breath he took in the pain eased. But, like most pains, it never fades away completely. It’ll always be boiling in your subconscious. But, I’d take all his pain to have him feel better. I don’t ever want to see him in pain again. He pulled away from me as he held my hands again. With another deep sigh, he placed his forehead to mine.  I could feel his smooth face growing closer to mine, his nose on my cheek. If I were to lift my face we’d be even closer. Instead, I lifted my eyes. My cheeks flushed at the sight of him being this close to me.

                Why? Why would he be this close to me if he doesn’t have any feelings for me?  Panic consumed me as I felt his upper lip touch mine with the slightest pressure. My frantic heart beat matched my shaky hands. I know he can feel them shaking. Not realizing that I had closed my eyes, I opened them to see him staring back at me. He stepped back, his face blank, cheeks slightly red. His hand went back to my burning cheek, his pulse slipping. I watched as his frame started shifting to the side, turning into black smoke and soon faded all together.

                I stood by myself for a while, staring out the window. My mind unconsciously brought me to my bed where I stared silently at the ceiling. Taemin was the only thing on my mind as I drifted to sleep. It was becoming a habit. I woke again in the middle of the night feeling very uncomfortable having slept in my school clothes. To make it worst, I slept without covers so I was shivering. I changed into something more comfortable and turned the light off. Still shivering, I balled up under my covers and fell back asleep. Winter must only be right around the corner.