“Well,” I started, “You got all of them right this time.”

                “Thank You!” Jiyang exclaimed happily. I placed his chemistry mid-term study guide back on the kitchen table. “I thought for sure I would miss the density problems.” His bright eyes looked over his scratch sheet of paper.

                “Looks like you were wrong about that,”

                He smiled and scratched the back of his head.”So, did you have time to study for any of your mid-terms?”

                “Kinda,” I admitted.” I think I’ll be alright.”

                “You should study, I want us to graduate together after all these years,”

                “Look who’s talking,” I said through pursed lips. The timer on the stove went off, making Jiyang jump slightly. Laughing, I pulled out the sheet of fresh cookies from the oven. The chair scraped the floor loudly as Jiyang got up.

                “You need help?”

                “No, I’m fine,” I quickly put it on the stove and rubbed my burning hands together.

                “If a woman’s job is in the kitchen, I feel sorry for your husband,” Jiyang said while inspecting the slightly burnt cookies. A woman’s job? Whenever I heard people talk like that it never failed to irritate me. I don’t ever want to waste my life serving a man like some kind of slave.

                “I’m not getting married,” I said and threw a blazing hot burnt cookie at him; I didn’t feel bad till it landed on his face.

                “That’s hot!” He laughed through the obvious pain, pressing his hand to his forehead where the cookie had been before it crumbled to the floor.

                “No shi-“The sound of my mom coughing in the doorway stopped me. “Sorry,” I apologized to both of them, feeling embarrassed. When did she get here? My mom eyed me and placed her keys on the counter.

                “Jiyang?”She asked, sounding a little surprised.

                “Yes,” He smiled.

                “I thought that was you, you’ve grown so fast,”

                “Yeah,” He laughed awkwardly.

                “I haven’t seen you around here in so long.”

                “Yeah, I’m guessing Lucinda got tired of me hanging around all day.”

                “Sure did,” I mumbled.

                “What happened here?” She asked, indicating to the cookies.

                “Lucinda tried to cook,” Jiyang blamed me. I narrowed my eyes at him and looked back to my mom.  He was the one that wanted cookies in the first place.

                “Do you want me to fix some more for you two?” She asked with a laugh.

                “Yes,” We answered at the same time.”You should leave the cooking to the pro’s Lucinda.” Jiyang said.

                “Whatever,” I rolled my eyes and pressed my finger into his reddening forehead.

                “Ow!” He yelled loud enough for my mom to turn around.

                “What happened to your forehead?”

                “He’s being a cry baby,” I said before he could speak. “I’ll get’s some ice for the baby’s forehead.” Smiling, I went to the freezer and found some ice cubes. My mom got a bag and put some in it before passing it to Jiyang.

                “Thank you Mrs. Choi,”

                “You don’t have to call me that, “She laughed,” It makes me feel old. Call me Aedda.”

                “Okay, Aedda,” He said with a laugh. Seeing them together felt a little awkward, but I suppose I’m used to it now.

                “I’ll start on the cookies,” She said as she went to the sink to wash her hands.

                “Okay,” We answered. Jiyang looked at the bag of ice.

                “I remember these; we used to put juice in them instead of water.”

                “Yeah,” I breathed; I did remember that.  But, nothing about Taemin, she must have wanted me to remember Jiyang and not Taemin. I wonder if Jiyang remembers anything about him. Did they even know each other?  I grabbed the bag of ice and moved his hair out of the way. He slightly winched in pain when I put it to his forehead. “Does it hurt?”

                “Yeah,”

                “…Good,” I said under my breath. He laughed quietly, watching me the whole time. “Alright, we should start studying again.” He nodded and reached for the bag. Our hands touched slightly. His cheeks turn a light pink as he looked back at his study guide.

                “Are you going to study to Lucinda?” My mom asked me when she put the new cookies into the oven.

                “Yeah, but I was going to the library after this so I’ll probably do it then. And get some new books.”

                When I made it to the library I wished I had taken my mom’s offer to drive me here. But I couldn’t risk her seeing Taemin. I had to walk a whole hour in the cold air. Before walking into the library, I went to the restroom instead to wash the coldness off my face. My eyes were glued to my tired reflection. He’ll probably think I’m weak if he sees me like this. Lots of people must walk an hour in the cold and look better than this. Wait-why do I care? It’s not like this is a date or something. I ran my hand through my hair and walked into the library.

                I spotted him at a table near a window. There weren’t a lot of people around today. I wonder if he plans to tell me anything about my past today. He looked up from a book and saw me. My stomach twisted when he smiled. I waved back lightly and approached him.

                “Um…here’s your note,” I placed the neatly folded paper on the table. When I looked in the mail box this morning it was in there. I had read it about a thousand times so I pretty much had it memorized. It read:

                “If you’re not too busy tomorrow, would you want to meet me at the library?”

                He didn’t say which library. He didn’t say what time. And he had no way of knowing that my answer would be yes. There is no way that he could have know I was already planning to come here. Unless he can see the future to, but I doubt I was ever able to do that.

                “You didn’t have to give it back,” He laughed softly and picked it up. As he stood up and walked over to the trash, I felt a hint of regret. For some irrational reason I wanted to keep it. “You can sit down,” He said when he came back. I nodded silently and sat across from him.

                “Am I late?” It made me feel awkward to ask since there was no set time.

                “No,” He said with another laugh.

                “So, are you gonna study for the midterms?”

                “I guess,” He breathed sitting back in his seat.

                “Are you ready for them?”

                “Yeah, it’s pretty simple,”

                “Oh,” I looked down at the table. He probably makes straight A’s. Maybe I should ask him for help. No, I can’t do that! He’ll probably think I’m stupid if he has to explain things to me over and over. But he can’t possibly know everything. “Are there any classes your worried about?”

                “Hmm,” Great, he has to think about it! If I fail a class they might take me out of one of the classes we have together. I have to try harder.”Maybe,”He finished simply with a small smile.

                “So…why are we here?” It’s not like I really care, as long as he’s here I’m happy.

                “Does it matter?”

                “Yeah,” I lied.

                “Maybe I wanted to spend the day with you.”

                “Oh,” I looked at the wooden table while my cheeks burned. Does he really mean that? I bit my lip to hide my smile.”Well, is it okay if I study?”

                Moments later he placed the book back onto the table. I had been trying to keep my eyes on my paper all evening.

                “Lucinda,” He said as he closed it. I look up and meet his eyes. “Are you done?” 

                “Um…”Great, he must have noticed I was stuck.”Pretty much,” Well, I only had about two math problems left.”Why?”

                “I was just wondering if you were planning on checking out some books.”

                “Well,” I started slowly,” I did want to look for some books to read during the break.”

                We stood at the same time as I put everything back into my book bag. He followed me down my usual aisle of books.

                “So, you don’t have any plans for the break?”He said slowly, almost hesitating as he ran his hand along random books. That’s strange; I never imagined he’d ever hesitate to say something. I picked up a book as I thought about his question.

                “Probably not.”

                “So, you’re not going anywhere?”

                “No,” Of that I was certain.

                “That’s good,” He said under his breath, sounding slightly pleased. But, I was probably imagining it.

                “What about you?” I asked, turning away from him so he wouldn’t see my blush.

                “Don’t worry about it,” He said with a short laugh. Great, now were going back to not answering my questions. I eyed him until he laughed again.”It’s nothing important, just…reading to.”As he spoke he pulled my hair out of my face, exposing my hiding place. I nodded and quickly walked over to section filled to the brim with old novels complete with a stuffy smell. I picked some out, feeling Taemin’s eyes on me the whole time. Compared to him, I must seem very over dressed in my sweater, jacket and scarf. All he has on is a grey sweater and dark jeans, but he looks warm enough. It’s not even supposed to be this cold in Yulyeong…maybe I’m just overreacting.

                I pulled my books closer to my chest as I reached for a large novel, its bright color calling out to me. It was so high up my fingers could only graze the border. Laughing, Taemin reached up for it. The sleeve of his sweater fell down his arm, revealing deep slashes in his skin. As soon as I gasped, he looked down at me questioningly.

                “What happened?” I almost yelled. A woman looked at me over her glasses before returning to her book. I grabbed his arm gently, pulling the sleeve up to his elbow. The scars weren’t new but they weren’t gonna heal anytime soon. The longest slash was a vertical line starting from under his palm and ending at the crease in his arm, the same deep pain from before pierced my heart.  They felt smooth, but not as smooth as his unscarred skin.”What happened?”

                “I…,” He stopped himself from speaking as his expression turned black, reminding me of the other day, when he told me about his parents.

                “You know you can trust me right?” I asked slowly in a low voice.

                “Yeah,”

                “So, tell me what happened.” He didn’t respond in any way. His dead eyes remained on the scars. “Do you want to talk about it?”

                “No.”

                “Well…you are.” I see now that the only way I’ll ever be able to get anything out of him is if I force it out.”I’m sorry,” I ran my hand over the scars one last time before pulling his sleeve down. When I looked back at his face it held some hint of emotion. The cold look had gone, now he looked almost amused. Is that his way of masking the pain?”What?”

                “Do you really care about me?” What?! He sounded stunned with the small input of feeling he let show.

                “Yes!” I shouted. More than a few people turned in our direction. Embarrassed looked down at the pile of books on the floor. When did I drop them? I hadn’t even heard them fall. Ignoring the obvious stares, I whispered, “Come on,” and lead him out the library quickly, leaving the books behind. The automatic doors slid open as the cold air began to bite at my face once again. I held myself tightly as I breathed out my mouth. We started walking out down the street from the library. “What did you do?”I repeated, not looking at him.

                “I tried to kill myself,” He said in a composed voice.

                “Why?” I attempted to say as calmly as he had.

                “I already told you,” His voice was as quiet as the wind now. Maybe he didn’t even say it at all. Maybe he said it in my mind. Either way, I understood. After connecting the pieces; the look on his face now and from before, it made sense to me. He did it because of his parents.

                “Sorry,” I apologized. I made a mental note; the topic of Taemin’s parents was off limits, even in my mind. If he doesn’t want to talk about it I won’t even think about it. If it hurts him to talk about it, I won’t bring it up or push it by bringing it up intentionally.

                “You don’t have to be sorry,”

                “But I do,” I admitted, my heart speeding up,” How could I not?”

                “I don’t know,” He answered, even though it was a rhetorical question. “I wouldn’t if I were you.” We stopped at the edge of the street while the red hand flashed. I looked at him, my face expressed the way his comment had hurt me. “What?”

                “What nothing. Look, I care about you. I –“Mid sentence I lost my courage and only muttered,” I don’t want you to do something stupid.”As opposed to ‘I don’t want to lose you over something stupid.’ The hand turned green and we crossed the street in silence. After coming so close to telling him how I felt about him and having him be so indifferent took out a lot of my energy for some reason. The silence lasted the whole way home. As we turned the corner to my neighborhood the first thing I spotted was my mom’s black car in the drive way. I walked up the porch steps without a word. At the last second I turn to look at him standing in my driveway. “Bye,” I said in a low voice, my throat was dry from breathing in all that cold air.

                “Bye,” He nodded. I turned and placed my hand on the doorknob. “Lucinda,” I turned to see his cold eyes on me.”Stay warm,” I nodded as he evaporated to smoke in front of me.

                I walked into the living room and saw my mom on the couch watching the news.

                “Hey mom,”

                “Hey sweetie,” She smiled, looking a bit surprised,” You’re back early. Did you not find any good books?” Her question had confused me for a short second.

                “Um, no not yet,” I lied. She smiled slightly and turned back to the television. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water to clear my throat.

                “Oh, Lucinda,” I turned to see her standing in the kitchen door way.

                “Yeah?”

                “I wanted to ask you…about Jiyang.” She said in a semi-serious tone.

                “Okay,” I laughed slightly, taking another sip. Why does she sound like that?

                “Are you and Jiyang…dating?” My eyes bulged as I forced the water painfully down my throat.

                “What?! NO! No, that is never gonna happen. He’s only my friend,” I assured her, trying not to laugh. “He’s like…the brother I never had…or the relative you can only stand to be around for important holidays and funerals,” I added under my breath.

                “Be nice,” She scolded with a slight smile. I bit my lip as she continued,” Don’t say that to him either.”

                “Why not?”

                “He really likes you Lucinda,” She said as though it was obvious, staring directly into my eyes. “Did you see the way he was looking at you today?”

                “No. But, it doesn’t really matter. I don’t feel that way about him.”

                “Please be careful with him. If he tells you how he feels he could really get hurt.”

                “I know,”

                “And…don’t tell him what you told me,” She said through thin lips, trying not to laugh.

                “Sure thing,” I smiled and walked past her to go to my room.

                I opened my bedroom door and saw my violin case leaning against the wall. Maybe I should practice a bit. After putting the water bottle on my dresser, I slowly ped the case. It felt colder than usual, like I hadn’t played it in a long time; I know I played it in class on Friday. I went to open the window, letting in the cool breeze. After pulling out my desk chair, I started to play. Not playing in particular, the sounds started to fill my room…my mind. It sounded better today for some reason. With just those simple notes I started to feel better, calmer…, more relaxed.

                In the music my thoughts became clearer as they swirled in my mind.  I suppose I’ll never know why exactly my mom erased my memories. Did she really do it to protect me? But to protect me from what, magic?

                I believe that if you take something away from someone, and they still find a way back together, there still attracted to it, then maybe it was meant to be. They should never be apart…ever. But, if they were to be separated, because it was meant to be they’d always find a way back together…somehow.