July was here and finals had finally ended they bid goodbyes to their friend for the summer. Beakhyun and Chanyeol left right after exams finished from the university with Chanyeol carrying 3 of Beakhyun ’s suitcases and one one his. Luhan and Eyoung cracked up at the sight and Chanyeol gave them a death glare. Luhan and Sehun said they’ll spend their holidays at a caravan travel around Korean, going to country side and the sea because Luhan had never see the sea in his life.

No one question where did they find the caravan. Those two had their ways of living and most of them weren’t questionable. Jinah said she was going to Jeju island and she was taking Eyoung with her and that Eyoung loved the sea and was a great opportunity to see it and that she had no say in this. Eyoung hanged her head and Jongdae looked at her with a half apologetic look a half “It’s going to be great” look.

And so their summer start Jongdae indeed took Kyungsoo to his summer house where they were alone.

Days where passing by and the two of them had the most fun. Kyungsoo would cook and Jongdae would try to help him which resulted to Kyungsoo kicking him out of the kitchen and Jongdae going back and just back hug him. They would go to the sea where Kyungsoo looked the most happy to be there. At night they would stay in or go for dinner out or stay at the beach around a fire and look at the stars.

There was that one day that changed almost everything between them. They were sitting around a fire. Kyungsoo in between Jongdae ’s proud legs. Jongdae was back hugging him. Kyungsoo was heating marshmallows in the fire and feeding Jongdae and himself. They sat in comfortable silence for a while.

“The stars are beautiful” Kyungsoo broke the silence.

“Yes beautiful like you” Kyungsoo turned his body to look at Jongdae.

Jongdae looked deep in Kyungsoo ’s eyes, eyes that shined more than the stars and the sun together, eyes that looked at him with anticipation like expecting something from him, eyes that made Jongdae lose himself in them, that could make him drunk like the most sweet wine. Jongdae leaned closer to Kyungsoo until their lips were inches apart until they could feel each other’s breath and he linked their lips together.

Jongdae kissed him it was soft and it didn’t last long, no tongue or teeth just lips but it was beautiful and full of love and neat and everything Kyungsoo could ask. Jongdae felt drunk, Kyungsoo ’s lips were like ambrosia and he felt like God, his lips were sweet he thought that maybe it was because of the marshmallows, maybe cause of the tones of sugar Kyungsoo ate or maybe they were just natural sweet.

Jongdae though, was the one to break the kiss and Kyungsoo felt his heart drop to his stomach, he wanted to feel more of Jongdae ’s lips, he was getting drunk by them, he was falling for Jongdae and the fall was hard, he was coming into piece and they built him up again. Kyungsoo wanted more but he didn’t voice his objection. They kept hugging. They spend the night at the beach.

After that one, there was another one and another and another and another and many others to come. It started with one a day and it came to one every five minutes. Jongdae still would back hug Kyungsoo in the morning while he was making breakfast but he would kiss him this time too. The kisses started to become not only sweet and full of lips but they improved passionate ones with teeth and tongue and make out sessions took place.

One day they almost cross the line. Kyungsoo kissed Jongdae passionate full of lips and Jongdae poked his tongue inside Kyungsoo ’s hot carven he started to explore his inside and Kyungsoo felt to losing himself in the kiss. The kiss became more passionate and lust took over both of them.

Jongdae ’s hands slipped down the smaller boy’s t-shirt and start going up and down his back. Kyungsoo felt the need to feel Jongdae and he straggle to take his shirt off and then he took off his own. They kept kissing and feeling each other but they needed more friction Kyungsoo had a painful and so had Jongdae. They were lost in their lust and Kyungsoo tried to unbuckle Jongdae ’s belt and that was when it hit Jongdae and pushed Kyungsoo away.    
     
This wasn’t right not for him not for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo felt somehow sad but he understood in a way no one could. Jongdae spend the night to the bathroom and then stayed at the sofa watching TV and falling asleep while Kyungsoo slept at their shared bed.

Summer passed without any other incidents.

They would still kiss like before and do all the things they did like nothing ever happened. That was until the last day before they head back. Jongdae said there was a beautiful feast downtown where everyone wore their traditional costumes, there would be food, drinks, events and fireworks he said he used to go there when he was younger with his grandparents, they would bought him a golden fish every year.

Kyungsoo ’s eyes shined at the mention of fireworks and golden fish and he asked, more like pleaded, Jongdae if they could go. Jongdae, of course, there wasn’t a way on earth he would say no.

At evening Kyungsoo came out of the room ready with his traditional costume on and Jongdae felt his jaw drop because really Kyungsoo was stunning. His costume was baby blue and pink with cute little flowers around the sleeved right up his hands. His hair was styled up. Jongdae to Kyungsoo ’s eyes wasn’t any handsome less. His costume was blue, white and red. It was simple, chic and it suited Jongdae ’s personality perfectly.

 Their time passed really smoothly.

 Kyungsoo was stunned by the sight of the city everywhere there were small and big street shops with food and drinks and games, placed there only for this night. The lights hanged above them were making everything look every more magical giving a celebration feeling to the city, he also spotted some fireflies fly here and there.

He couldn’t stop looking at everything and everyone in pure awe and he felt like he was in a fairytale walking hand to hand with Jongdae. They eat, Kyungsoo eat a lot, they watched the fireworks, Jongdae bought a golden fish for Kyungsoo. They also drank, Kyungsoo drank more like “a lot” and ended up drunk and Jongdae piggy backed , back at home.

He layed him on the bed and as he was about to go grab his pajamas, when Kyungsoo dragged him down result him to fall above his body and kissed him. Jongdae didn’t resist and fall for the kiss. They kissed lustfully and messy and sloppy too much teeth and saliva going around.

Kyungsoo was drunk and Jongdae lost himself in his kisses, which ricked of kimchi, red wine and shojo making him drunk himself, and touches full of need, want, lust and something that felt like love, which resulted for Jongdae to make sweet love to Kyungsoo.

Jongdae lost it the time he felt the warm insides of Kyungsoo, he lost himself to Kyungsoo ’s pleads of “Faster”, “Harder”, “There keep hitting there” and “Don’t you dare ing stop”.

 He lost himself to Kyungsoo ’s voiced screaming his name and his hands searching for him. To Kyungsoo trying to take in him as more of Jongdae as he could like tomorrow Jongdae would disappear and he wanted to have something to remember.

  Kyungsoo came hard screaming for Jongdae to come inside him but it took a little more until Jongdae finally came inside Kyungsoo just like he asked. Kyungsoo fell asleep and Jongdae cleaned up everything and dressed him and himself and then fall asleep himself hugging the smaller boy as tight as he could.

The next morning Kyungsoo felt his head ready to explode and he couldn’t remember anything after the golden fish. Jongdae decided not to tell him. If he didn’t remember there was a reason.



University started again and Kyungsoo decided he wanted to be a better person. He wouldn’t be afraid of the world anymore. He actually talked to the lonely Chinese boy. He learned his name is Yixing and he studied marketing. He invited him to sit at their table and the latter gave a warm smile following Kyungsoo.

They talked about summer and how Eyoung bought thousands of clothes and shoes and everything because Jinah actually find it necessary for her to have them and how Jinah had a summer crush on a Canadian boy called Henry “But he went back to Canada” she said half sad.

Yixing told them he went back to China to visit his parents so he didn’t actually do a lot of things but it was a quality time for him. Eyoung found she liked Yixing ’s dimple when he smiled a little, too much.

Yixing found that he liked the red blooming on Eyoung ’s cheeks every time he smiled, a little too much too. Luhan said about all the places he went with Sehun and that Sehun knew so beautiful places that he couldn’t imagine even in his dream and that he took him to all and made him feel like he was a prince.

Sehun was just smiling at his lover’s excitement, thinking he should wait all the summer to tell them everything for him to be so excited and how he wanted to make him the happiest person on the world, but his generous smile turned to an awkward one when he put a hand over Luhan ’s mouth as he went in too deep information about what he and Sehun did at their time alone.

Beakhyun and Chanyeol talked about how nice Beakhyun ’s grandparents were and that they worked at their flower shop and actually made some good amount of money and how their summer where uneventful. Kyungsoo and Jongdae also said about their summer but they kept the details about kissing to themselves. That is for them to know only.

The both of them kept kissing and have some make out sessions. Kyungsoo would often question himself what exactly are they but he wouldn’t voice his mind. Jongdae would do the same.  There was surely something between them they just couldn’t point their finger at what exactly this was.

 But there would be times where Kyungsoo would cry himself to sleep wanted so bad to be with Jongdae to actually be a real couple and also there were times Jongdae would hit his head on the wall for not telling Kyungsoo how he felt.

There were that times where they would look at each other and their eyes would talk. Kyungsoo ’s would ask “What are we?”, “Do you love me?”, “Are we a couple?”, “Why don’t we go further than kissing?” and Jongdae ’s eyes would say all his emotions out loud “I love you, I truly do”, “I want to be with you, open your heart to me”, “Let me be with you” but eyes weren’t enough to build a relationship and Jongdae would find himself too many times ready to scream “I ing love you Do Kyungsoo” but he wouldn’t and so words hanged there, in between them unspoken.



It was around November when Kyungsoo decided to knock on the next door to ask for some sugar which was an excuse to talk to him. Sungmin opened the door. Kyungsoo laid his eyes on a small blond figure around his height toned back, cute face, puffy red eyes, he guessed he should be crying. He asked for some sugar and Sungmin asked him why all of a sudden knocked on his door.

Kyungsoo didn’t know what to say so he said that his neighbor, Jongin wasn’t back from his holidays, and that was kind of true, and the market was closed, and that was a lie as the thing that run out of sugar because Kyungsoo loved sugar and he wouldn’t run out of it. Sungmin smiled a cute smile and asked him if he wanted to eat dinner and that he could bring his friend too.

 Sungmin knew why Kyungsoo was there, he wasn’t any kind of idiot. Kyungsoo agreed but he went alone since Jongdae lied to him that he had some essay to finish for a class tomorrow morning, wanting him to actually have some time alone with his neighbor. Kyungsoo found out that Sungmin was an easy going person, smart, funny, good mannered, kindhearted and cute as to the point where he could make you puke rainbows and he found himself wondering why anyone would leave someone like Sungmin but he didn’t voice his thoughts.

Sungmin would often hand out with Kyungsoo and Jongdae and Kyungsoo felt like he accomplished something really big by helping Sungmin to find himself back.
It was around Christmas when Jongdae found Minseok crying on the top step of his floor as he was walking to his apartment.

Jongdae asked him what happened and Minseok raised his head to look at him, eyes puffy and red a trace of stained tears on his bubble cheeks, a line of new forming above it. Minseok broke and told him everything about him and how he was in love with Tiffany but the girl had less than three years life and he felt terrible, how he slept with many women but every ing time he would think about her.

The small man told him about how bad he wanted to hold her to claim her as his, how he thought he was cheating on her with all the other girls. And Jongdae listened and listened because really there was nothing he could say at the time. Minseok thanked him for listen to him and Jongdae smiled and told him that Tiffany was getting worst but the doctors couldn’t find the reason for her sudden change and that he, maybe, should talk to her because if there is someone who could give her a little more time, was him.

  A couple of days later Kyungsoo decided to go talk to Tiffany but the two girls told him that this wasn’t the time because she was with a friend and no one should bother them. Instead Kyungsoo talked with the girls he told them that he knew they were a couple and had no problem with it because he had some gay couples to his friends and that maybe he was in love with a guy himself. Jungah smiled knowing exactly who he meant after all she had see them and Jooyeon laughed saying if he likes him he should go for him.

Kyungsoo learned a lot about the girls. Jungah were like a mom, she was the serious one in the relationship while Jooyeon was loud and a little silly and naive, she kind of reminds him of Chanyeol.

They both were kindhearted and full of smiles, positive people anyone would like by their side. They would occasionally hang out together and Jooyeon would call him almost every morning to ask details about the night before and tell him he is an idiot he doesn’t go for Jongdae.

One February day Kyungsoo was walking up the stairs to Jongdae ’s apartment where he saw them, happily holding hands and smiling to each other. Minseok and Tiffany were walking down the stairs, Tiffany more like hopping down each step and Kyungsoo smiled wide at them “Congratulations” he said bowing and the couple looked at each other and thanked him keep going their way.

Tiffany smiled at him for a little longer, a beautiful eye smile anyone would envy and her face lightened up, her eyes told more to Kyungsoo than her voice “Thank you for coming to find me and I’m sorry I was busy we can hang out sometime if you like” and “Say your friend I thank him from the depths of my heart for giving me actual life”.

They indeed found each other one day on stairs and she called him for a coffee they chatted and he asked sorry about his behavior and told her that he had a crush on her around that time and she understood.

He didn’t really chat with Minseok except that one time Kyungsoo invited them all to his apartment for dinner because it was his birthday he was turning 21 and it was also the first day of spring and to Kyungsoo ’s point of view they should all celebrate the first day of spring.


This summer they did nothing but staying at Seoul. Kyungsoo felt a bit sad but as long as Jongdae was staying with him he was fine. Sehun took Luhan to every place he would think that would make Luhan happy he even took him to a place at China Luhan only dreamed of it and he was planning on asking him to be his husband, after all they were about seven years together and they didn’t feel a bit tired of each other.

Beakhyun went to Europe with his parents and Chanyeol mopped Kyungsoo ’s floor everyday with his tears, telling him how much he misses his Beakhyunie until Kyungsoo finally told him that he should find a job and summer would pass like flowing water and he would also be able to buy something nice for Beakhyun, in which Chanyeol thought about it and thought about Beakhyun ’s smile at his present and took his advice.

Eyoung spend her holidays with Yixing. Yixing took her to China and show her his village and the sea, which he learned during the year she loved it. Eyoung was in love with Yixing and vice versa and summer gave them the opportunity to confess to each other.

Eyoung called Kyungsoo to tell him the news but he answered, it was a common knowledge and something he waited for and so she said he was a boring idiot and called Jinah, which she had the same luck with Kyungsoo. Jinah on the other hand had no luck in love so she did what she knew better, shopping, shopping , shopping she passed her summer at Thailand.

It was around mid summer that Kyungsoo saw Jongin again. Kyungsoo stayed in his apartment take in Jongdae ’s advice and looked from a crack of his slightly open door, not know that Jongin knew it anyway. Jongin looked a lot better, his eyes were still kind of puffy and red but he had gain some weight and he wasn’t a walking mess anymore, though ,Kyungsoo figured, that his heart wasn’t completely healed.

Kyungsoo tried his best to avoid him but Jongin tried his best to talk to him. He found him one day outside their apartment building with Jongdae carrying some shopping bags and asked him if he had time for a coffee. Jongdae took the shopping bags signaling for him that he should go.

They went to a small café downtown, Jongin ’s favorite learned Kyungsoo. Jongin talk to him about everything.

About his feelings for him and the endless nights he cried himself to sleep and that he had more than three years to see his parents because he didn’t want to miss one day without seeing him and that the almost two years he was missing, he didn’t actually went to his parents until few months ago, but to a friend at Canada to try and calm himself and clear his mind because he didn’t want for his parents to see the mess he was in.

Jongin said he doesn’t blame Kyungsoo and that everything was his fault. Kyungsoo told him that he missed 2 years of university and the taller boy answered that he knew but it’s okay. Jongin smiled warmly and truthfully to Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo felt something heavy being lifted by his shoulders.

Jongdae told Kyungsoo that Jongin found a job and was kept busy.
Jongdae came a lot of times to the verge of ing Kyungsoo then and there wanting to feel this heat he left last year again but he kept himself once the smaller boy pushed him lightly away. Jongdae would go out to the balcony to smoke and Kyungsoo would go to sleep.

If the smaller boy didn’t give him permission he wouldn’t do anything.



It was right after Christmas holidays when Jongin took slow steps to Kyungsoo ’s table and asked in a low voice

“May I sit with you?” Jongin felt embarrassed and exposed for the first time in his life but Kyungsoo answered him with a wide smile

“Of course you can, don’t even ask about it” Jongdae felt happy for the boy he loved finally opened up to the world and was such a kindhearted and pure boy.

Jongin sat near Jinah and she left her heart skip a bit at the sight of the tanned boy beside her.Jinah learned from Jongin that he had a hard time and he wasn’t ready for a relationship, he didn’t know if he’ll ever be. Jinah understood him and didn’t ask for more than he could give her and that was hug and some kissing time when they were alone.

Kyungsoo and Jongdae ’s relationship was still the same. They would kiss, hug spend time together but nothing more. Words, words of love, pain, pleas still hanged between them unspoken.

One day they were sitting at Kyungsoo ’s sofa watching a show. Jongdae smoked a cigarette while hugging Kyungsoo not really paying attention to the television.

“Will you ever stop this?” Kyungsoo asked slowly voice low.

“Huh?”.

“The smoking I mean. It will kill you someday” Kyungsoo looked down and Jongdae tried to look at his face.

“Are you afraid of losing me?” He asked half laughing, half joking but the truth is the really wanted to listen to Kyungsoo ’s answer.

“It’s just. I care about you and smoking is bad for your health”. Kyungsoo said gaze at the floor, pal red blooming at his cheeks.

Truth was that yes he was kind of afraid. Jongdae felt somehow sad at the answer it wasn’t what he wanted to hear but it was something.

“Ok if you want it this bad” Jongdae drop his cigarette and from that day he didn’t smoke again.