chapter 1
Of Unspoken words
A story about a series of events, Kyungsoo, a person who changed his life and how they deal with them.
“Kyungsoo is someone that doesn’t know many things, because Kyungsoo is like a child. He is afraid of the world” -Jongdae
Kyungsoo had these little things that carry him go on. The small photograph of his mother in his wallet, the hand clock his best friend gave him back in England, the small frame near his bed that shows his family hugging and laughing.
He doesn’t understand a lot of things going around the world like how the hours pass so fast to his liking or why the universe is never by his side, why he decided that Seoul was the best place for him to go or even why he is so small and his eyes are so big. Big eyes that watch the world with wonder, full of questions that want to be answered, he doesn’t understand why people look down on him while he always looks after them. He doesn’t understand why his neighbor likes to hit on him in every chance possible, he thinks both look straight enough. He doesn’t understand why his life turned the way it is now.
Kyungsoo doesn’t understand most of the things that happen around him but he decides he can live with it.
Kyungsoo is a twenty years old, university student who came from England to Korea, he doesn’t even know why. He tries to persuade himself that he did it for a reason, because he wanted to study economics and Korean universities were the best at it, or because he wanted to know about his mother’s country that she’s refusing to tell him about.
But Kyungsoo doesn’t like to think that there was no reason behind his actions. He is a neat person, someone who likes everything be on time and in the right place, someone who can’t think of something going out of plan. He is a quiet person and he likes when it’s quiet, he feels like he can bear his mind from all the filthiness of the world.
Kyungsoo also doesn’t know many things. He doesn’t know how his neighbor at the opposite apartment is madly in love with him, how he breaks down and crushes to pieces every time Kyungsoo gives him the cold shoulder. He doesn’t know that the beautiful girl on the apartment above his is sick and has less than 4 years to live and how she is desperately in love with the small guy three floors beneath him but there is no point in telling him because she is going to die anyway and it will only hurt him. He also doesn’t know that the girls that live beneath him is a couple that run away from their families because they couldn’t accept their kind of relationship, neither that the small phenomenal happy family two floors down isn’t so happy as it seems because the father is cheating on his wife and their son has dyslexia and is bullied at school. He doesn’t know that the noises in the next apartment isn’t because of the two roommates fighting but because they’re actually couple that likes to get wild when they have their intimate times.
He doesn’t know that the tall brunet guy two rows in front of him in class doesn’t care a bit about the lesson because it isn’t at his courses but he cares about the smaller feminine guy that sits near him with the long fingers, or that the girl behind him wants to be close to him and that she draws painting of him back at her home. He also doesn’t know that the two close friends that are always together it’s because it’s “them against the world” and actually aren’t just friends and live 3 floors above him and that the smaller guy who clings on the handsome one is Chinese and he found his savior to this boy.
He doesn’t know that the popular girl at university is in reality a very lonely girl with family problems who on top of all straggles with her uality because she feels attached to her best friend even though she has a boyfriend. He doesn’t know that the redhead Chinese guy that always sits alone at the cafeteria actually isn’t a loner and dies to have some friends but being Chinese doesn’t help on this or maybe he does understand that it’s not the boy’s choice to be alone and he feels pity before he realise he has no friends himself.
Kyungsoo doesn’t know how all these people are going to change his life and especially the newcomer who rent the apartment opposite the two girls beneath his apartment.
That is when they first meet that Kyungsoo understands that this is a point in his life where everything will change.
It was a rainy October Tuesday and Kyungsoo was running back home, without an umbrella, droplets were falling from every part of his body, feeling desperate and thinking that the goddess of luck abandoned him. His gaze fixed on the pavement so he wouldn’t fall, not giving a glance in front of him wasn’t a surprise that he bumped on someone.
Kyungsoo raised his head to look at the person quick to say sorry and keep running but his voice caught in his throat. He was a boy around his age and height, standing in the rain looking around and trying to light a soaked wet cigarette quietly cursing under his breath. Rain falling on him, his hair pitched black stacked on his forehead, Kyungsoo caught a drop going down his face passing by his eye, near his nose, and stopping between his lips. And another one going down the side of his face, slow making its way through a raised cheekbone, down to a sharp jawline and through a throbbing vein on his neck. He almost lost his breath. Kyungsoo stared for a little too much taken back from the sight in front of him and by himself he didn’t know he could find a guy so appealing, he found his neighbor a good looking guy, but this one was something out of Kyungsoo’s universe it wasn’t until the guy moved his hand in front of Kyungsoo’s face that he snapped out of his trance.
“Hey are you ok?” he guy said voice melodic to Kyungsoo’s ears.
“Y-yes! I’m fine, I’m sorry” he managed an answer.
“It’s ok” he boy smiled and his cheek bones rained in a cute way Kyungsoo noticed, “Hey, maybe you know this address?” the guy passed a small paper to Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo’s eyes got wider.
“Yes this is where I live, I could take you there” he answered his eyes still wide open. The boy chuckled and Kyungsoo looked at him with a questioning expression and as he understood Kyungsoo’s quiet question he answered him.
“You look cute whith those big eyes, by the way I’m Kim Jongdae” Kim Jongdae,
Kyungsoo said the name in his head at least three times before answering “Do Kyungsoo, nice to meet you”.
The walk home was silent. Kyungsoo wasn’t able to utter a word and Jongdae didn’t seem too bothered by it, he was too occupied by trying to light one cigarette behind the other all of them soaked from the rain and Kyungsoo was trying to figure out two things.
First why wouldn’t Jongdae walk faster to get where he headed for if he wanted so bad to smoke and second, was he an idiot? Couldn’t he understand that a wet cigarette will never light up? Jongdae’s voice broke Kyungsoo from his thoughts.
“Where are you from?” Jongdae asked not even looking at him. Kyungsoo was taken by this question, From all the things in the world he asked this? Seriously?.
Kyungsoo seemed to think about it “England” he answered “My mother is Korean, my father from England” Kyungsoo gave a small smile.
“Didn’t really asked about your parents you know” Jongdae said, face straight looking at his wet cigarette. Kyungsoo couldn’t think anything but what an this Jongdae guy seemed.
“Thought so.” He said this time actually looking at Kyungsoo “Your eyes are pretty big not looking like pure asian and your accent is pretty… mmm… English”.
Kyungsoo blushed a little and lowered his head saying quietly “Could we go a little faster please? I don’t really like the rain”.
Jongdae didn’t move a muscle to go faster or even answer so Kyungsoo supposed he didn’t hear him, that was until Jongdae covered Kyungsoo’s head with his jacket “There, now we don’t need to go faster since you don’t get wet” Jongdae gave a little chuckle.
The rest of the walk was quietly.
“We’re here” Kyungsoo announced.
“Good” was all Jongdae said and he followed Kyungsoo in going up the stairs Kyungsoo couldn’t but wonder why did he followed him but he didn’t voice his question until Jongdae asked him if the elevator was broken and Kyungsoo answered him, a hint of annoyance to his voice going unnoticed by Jongdae.
“No, I just don’t really like it I prefer stairs are safer, and by the way. Why do you follow me?” Jongdae didn’t seem to be taken aback by his question and he answered him “I decided to stay to you for the night, is there any problem with that?” Kyungsoo’s eyes widen to an extent he didn’t know they could himself, he was talking like it was the most natural thing on the world, and Jongdae almost fall back from laughter.
“What is so funny?” asked a flushed Kyungsoo feeling embarrassed to no end, wanting the ground would open and swallow him in. “Nothing it’s just – “ Jongdae paused for a moment to catch his breath “You look cute and funny with that terrified expression on your face” Kyungsoo hanged his head low having nothing to say. “I live at the 5th floor, I’m new here” he answered.
“Oh! I think I'm here, so – “ Jongdae leaned closer to Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but stare at his features “so handsome” he thought. Jongdae had sharp cheekbones and manly features, while he himself looked a bit feminine, his nose was perfectly shaped like ancient Greek gods, his lips were thin but not too thin perfectly match his face and his eyes was just the exact shape and size to blend beautifully with the rest of his features.
His ears were a bit big but that made him look cuter.
Kyungsoo snapped out of his trance and suddenly his breath hitched and he doesn’t seem to function right he doesn’t know what is it and the first thought in his mind is to run. And so he does “Bye. See you” he utters those words with difficulty and runs up the stairs leaving a dumbfound Jongdae staring at his back.
“What did I do wrong? I just wanted to take my jacket.” Jongdae wondered to himself “This Kyungsoo guy is really something” he thought smiling to himself and walking to his apartment.
Kyungsoo run and run to his door as fast as his tired feet would allow him and as he was about to unlock his door his neighbor’s voice heard “Kyungsoo hyung want to go to watch a movie? They play this one an – “
“Not now Jongin” Kyungsoo burst into his apartment and locked the door falling on the floor. Jongin left there looking at the locked door feeling his heart falling to his stomach, his smile erased, he walked back to his apartment hitting the door closed. It wasn’t until he relaxed that Kyungsoo realized that probably Jongdae only wanted his jacket and he laughed to himself for being silly.
That night Kyungsoo slept with a smile of his face that he accomplished something, that he maybe found a friend. That night Kyungsoo dreamed of Jongdae and all the things they could do together, but Kyungsoo doesn’t know that Jongin cried himself to sleep thinking about all the things they’ll never be and all the places they’ll never go and Kyungsoo will never know because Jongin will never speak. That is for him to know and Kyungsoo to never learn.
The next day Kyungsoo got up feeling unusually happy. Shuffling to his kitchen to make some breakfast not even bothering to change from his pajamas, after all it was Sunday.
He was eating his breakfast watching his favorite cartoon on the television when the doorbell ranged. Kyungsoo dragged his feet to the door not really wanting to deal with anyone at a quiet Sunday like this, he slowly opened the door with some annoyance written in his features and looked up. Said annoyance being replaced by something Kyungsoo couldn’t actually point his finger at but it surely lightens up his face by the sight of the guy standing at his door looking up with a cigarette at his hand.
“May I come in?” came Jongdae’s voice smooth and calm and Kyungsoo nodded open the door wider for him to get in.
“Are you here for your jacket aren’t you?” Kyungsoo said half hoping Jongdae wouldn’t be here only for this.
“Humm!” Jongdae answered “And because I wanted to spend some quality time with a friend on a beautiful Sunday like this” and to that Kyungsoo’s face bloomed with a shade of light pink.
Jongdae and Kyungsoo spend the Sunday together watching television, eat lunch, going to the cinema, Kyungsoo can’t even remember the last time he went for a movie, it should be about a year ago or something that time where Jongin took him there when he was sad but that was the last time he did something with Jongin or even spoke to him properly, eat dinner and finally part their ways with “See you tomorrow”s and “It was great” and stuff like these.
Kyungsoo found out that Jongdae was at the same university and he was majoring on Mathematics and he found himself being a little too happy about that.
The days were passing by and the two were coming closer and closer and did everything friends did. They would go to the cinema, going to the library, Kyungsoo learned that actually Jongdae was working there. They would go for lunch, dinner, play pranks, stay in watching dramas until their brain turned into piles of goo and Kyungsoo couldn’t feel more happy that he had a friend, he was changing, becoming more like a normal guy at his age and he couldn’t say he didn’t like it a bit.
It was around Christmas that Jongdae literally dragged Kyungsoo out of his books to the store in order to buy a Christmas tree and decorations for his apartment because according to Jongdae, Kyungsoo needed to go out and let his brain take a break from studying because he wouldn’t accomplish anything with a brain that runs out of his ears like soup, as he liked to put it. And his apartment needed some decoration because he was missing the spirit.
And so they went to the store and Kyungsoo kept complain about he needed to study because finals were next week and he needed to actually enjoy his break and not study because he didn’t pass. But Jongdae barely listened to him Kyungsoo noticed because he kept looking at trees too big for Kyungsoo ’s apartment and Kyungsoo gave him the “What the actual do you think” stare every time.
They spend about three hours in there trying to find decorations and a tree to fit Kyungsoo ’s apartment with Kyungsoo complaining like a girl and Jongdae giving him no more than a glance every half an hour or so. But they finally came to an agreement, or at least Jongdae with himself came to an agreement because Kyungsoo doesn’t recall agreeing with anything.
And especially Kyungsoo doesn’t remember agreeing with buying such a huge tree and have to carry it to his apartment because apparently they didn’t have a car and no bus would take them with a tree like that. Kyungsoo even wondered if the tree could actually fit in a bus or even in his house. The walk from the store to his apartment was about thirty minutes without the huge tree; Kyungsoo didn’t want to think how much time it would take them with the tree. Kyungsoo gave a glare of disapproval to Jongdae and he literally tried to open a hole to his head with his eyes but he also felt happy he had such a good friend.
They spend about four hour to decorate his house and the tree, which to Kyungsoo ’s surprise Jongdae managed to fit it in the small apartment perfectly, Jongdae being silly and throwing balls from every direction to Kyungsoo laughing his out that the small boy managed to catch none and Kyungsoo thinking that the odds to pass these exams where against him.
Kyungsoo passed his finals and surprisingly Jongdae, who did anything but studying, passed too. It was Christmas Eve when Kyungsoo ’s doorbell ranged and he shuffled happily thinking it was Jongdae but to his disappointment it was Jongin, “At least I found the first half of the name” thought teasingly to himself.
“Did you wait for someone else?” Jongin asked feeling uneasy with Kyungsoo ’s change of expression to his sight.
“No – no it’s jus – “ Kyungsoo didn’t manage to finish his sentence.
“It’s okay I’ll pass by another time” said Jongin voice near cracking, going unnoticed by Kyungsoo, retreating to his apartment. Kyungsoo stared for a little too long before going in. He stayed in watching TV all day and occasionally looking at his phone waiting a message, a call, something from Jongdae but nothing came. Kyungsoo cried himself to sleep.
His doorbell ranged too many times and his door was abused by knocking. Kyungsoo woke up to the voice he waited to hear yesterday all day. Jongdae 's voice calling him.
“Kyungsoo~, Hey Kyungsoo open up” Kyungsoo dragged his feet not really wanted to face him, after all he was sad and made an agreement with himself to stay mad at Jongdae.
He opened the door anyway.
And what greeted him was a smiling Jongdae, the most handsome one Kyungsoo ever saw, with his left hand raised looking at him. Kyungsoo stared at his face, his cheekbones were raised and his eyes formed an eye smile, he felt something in his heart beating faster at the sight. Jongdae ’s voice broke his thoughts.
“Hey look!” he pointed at his raised hand “It’s mistletoe. Now let’s kiss” Kyungsoo looked up and at those words, his breath hitched, his words caught in his throat and his brain stopped function, every muscle in his body got numb, he found that it wasn’t because he didn’t want but because he actually wanted to kiss Jongdae and that scared him. Jongdae leaned closer and kiss him on the cheek and then laughed a bit. Kyungsoo blushed and chuckled too. Kyungsoo doesn’t know that Jongdae was so tempted by his lips and the first thought was to kiss him there.
Jongdae, Kyungsoo found out, was missing the day before because he prepared a lot of things for Kyungsoo and him to do. He took Kyungsoo to the amusement park, and for a movie, and a special dinner at a nice restaurant and he didn’t let Kyungsoo pay for anything, not even a penny.
Kyungsoo was felt happy, and Jongdae felt happy himself, watching Kyungsoo smile and laugh and occasionally blush, like when Jongdae won a fluffy panda for him. Jongdae ’s heart was skipping many beats and he was planning on asking Kyungsoo out when they would be back because honestly this was the best time, there wasn’t a flaw in their day and what is better than this time when everything is perfect.
That was until they went back.
Kyungsoo still didn’t like to take the elevator so they walked their way upstairs until they reached Kyungsoo ’s floor, the former wondering why didn’t Jongdae retreat to his floor, when they found a drunk Jongin sitting at the last step digging holes with his eyes to the opposite wall and smoking, something Jongin never did before.
Jongin tried to stand up almost falling back down if it wasn’t for Kyungsoo to catch him, and there, was the point where Jongdae thought that his perfect opportunity got ruined by the lovesick boy and seriously he was hoping he wouldn’t have to deal with a love triangle.
“I – I lo – “ Jongin laughed and cough the same time, tears running uncontrollably down his cheeks, eyes shallow red and breath hitching, smoke creating a pitiful atmosphere, like a cloud surrounding Jongin. Jongin was indeed a mess.
“You’re drunk” Jongdae said a matter of fact. Jongin tuned his gaze to him and glared giving a silent warning “Stay out of it” and Jongdae took the message that this was something between Jongin and Kyungsoo as much as he didn’t like it.
“Jongin you are drunk” Kyungsoo defended and Jongin left a halfhearted laugh.
“Of course you would defend him, what would I expect” Kyungsoo felt a little angry, blood boiling inside the small man “Jongin listen – “
“No you listen “ Jongin cut him “I’m going to my parents for Christmas” Kyungsoo couldn’t understand what Jongin meant with this and was looking at him with big eyes full of questions but Jongdae immediately caught the meaning and his features softened feeling actually pity for the drunk guy.
Jongin left back to his apartment murmuring a “later” and hitting his door closed. Jongdae knew this perfect opportunity was ruing so he walked Kyungsoo to his door and kissed his cheek goodnight before heading back to his apartment.
Kyungsoo closed his door and slid down against it touching his cheek where Jongdae kissed him and feeling like a teenage girl who is in love, the thought of Jongin passed from his mind but he didn’t give a second thought since he thought Jongin was telling things like these because he was drunk, his mind being occupied by that one person who made his heart beating fast and his blood raising to his cheeks.
His trace of thought broke by the sound that came of the apartment next to him but he decided to ignore it this time thinking they fight again.
That night, as Kyungsoo was sitting against his door not really wanting to stand up and do anything but think about Jongdae, a series of events took place that will somehow affect Kyungsoo’s life but he doesn’t know.
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