068. Days ; Sungjong/Sunggyu
Rating: PG-13
Length: 'Chaptered'; 4517 words
Type: Angst, Fluff
Warnings (highlight to read): Character Death

102 days till the end, when everything comes crashing down; When the memories are all thats left and the only thing that is real are the tears that streak these sunken cheeks.

Day 1
We had met at the subway station in Mangwondong; he was going somewhere unknown, I was trying to get away from home. The train was late, and as we stood side by side, as strangers that knew not one another, something strange had happened.

It was late at night, the fluorescent lights flickering bitterly and the stench of alcohol and urine strong in the air. The station was empty, not one person in sight, for some odd reason.

I had been about to pop open my can of warm coffee, when it had slipped from my grip. I watched it roll idly across the the distance, backpack lazily falling from my lap, until the can softly nudged his foot.

His shoe shifted, and I looked up to see him gazing down quietly at the can before reaching down and picking it up, examining it, then looking up to meet my eyes.

Melted chocolate brown stared right back at me, and I felt my breath halt for a short moment. He looked around silently before standing up and striding over to stand beside me. Looking towards the rails, he dropped his body into the seat beside mine, casually handing the can back. And as I carefully grabbed it out of his hands, fingers brushing against that warm palm, he looked up and smiled, eyes crinkling and teeth shining. I felt myself blush the slightest bit.

“So where are you off to this cold evening?”

Honey-like and smooth. His voice nestled within the confines my mind, as I parted my lips, a small, “I'm not quite sure...”

His smile slowly faded, “Is that so? Don't tell my you're running from home?”

I shrugged in response, looking down at my feet and pushing my backpack side to side.

“You should really go home, it's unsafe and unfair for you to run away. If you don't mind me asking, why are you leaving, anyhow?”

I shrugged once again, I didn't feel the need to explain my situation. Silence settled around us, an awkward air of nothingness. I leaned down and placed the coffee into my backpack. A few minutes later, he pierced through the silence like a needle.

“I'm going somewhere far away.”

I turned to look at him in question; had he not just told me not to run?

A smile graces his lips once again, as he spoke, “No, I'm not running away. I just... I just need a bit of time away from here. Some time for myself.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but he so rudely turned away, shuffling around in his own backpack. I tilted my head a little as he made a small, “Aha!”, before turning back to me with a large grin that stretched from ear to ear. In his hands was a thick, woollen maroon scarf. He carefully draped it around my neck.

Wind began to dance into the station, and he turned to see the flashing lights coming from the other end of the tunnel, hear the rattling that was quickly approaching; The train is here.

Tightening the scarf around my neck, he stood up, the smile still painted across his features as he looked down at me.

“Make sure to get home safely. And you better start heading back soon, it's already late.”

And then he turned, disappearing into the train carriage, leaving me sitting in the station alone.

And as my fingers melded themselves into the warmth of the wool that was wound around my neck, I decided I would stay, because maybe then I'd chance upon seeing that smiling face once more.


Day 12
I saw him again on the morning of the first snow. I thought, maybe it was a sign. I was once again waiting at the station. It was a Wednesday, and I was headed to school so early in the morning. The maroon scarf fell softly atop my shoulders, obscuring the view of my school emblem on the blazer.

I had been leaning against the wall; the seats had been occupied by the elderly, and he had stepped out of the carriage directly opposite me. His coat was damp at the shoulders, his caramel hair covered in specks of melting snow. He had on the same backpack as the night we had first met.

He looked up and met my eyes, giving me that eyesmile I had caught myself picturing just one too many times in the past week. And I smiled back.

He took his place beside me with a small, “Hi there.”

I had replied with a “Hello,”, before reaching into my backpack and withdrawing a small can of peach tea. As I handed it over, he had noticed, “You must like that scarf I gave you. It's quite warm, is it not?”

And I nodded in response, giving a close-lipped smile. “I suppose you are off to school today?”

Again, I nodded, before questioning, “Where are you off to today....”, I trailed off, realising I had not known his name.

“Sunggyu.” He spoke with a smile.

“Sunggyu...” I let it roll off my tongue, testing the feel, before giving a small nod.

“I'll actually be heading home in a minute. I've just come back from my trip. It was a relaxing few days, and I was able to gather my thoughts a little.”

“Is that so?” I looked down at my shoes, soon hearing the familiar rattling of the train making its way to the platform.

“Yes, that's so. I'm glad you decided not to leave home. It would've been a pity.” And he had turned towards the stairs that led to the street, “Have a lovely day at school.”

I stepped into the carriage, a small smile forming on my face as I fiddled with the wool around my neck.

I had expected to see him at the station when I arrived back from school. He was not there, however. But indeed, why would he be? We had not planned a rendezvous, nor were we more than strangers who happened to chance upon each other a number of two times.

I heaved a sigh as I made my way out onto the street. School had been quite draining, and I decided to make a stop at the small cafe on the main road before heading home. A hot chocolate to go with my homework would be lovely.

The bells had jingled as I stepped into the store, letting the door shut quietly behind me, and as I made my way to the counter, I heard that honey-sweet voice.

“Double Shot Caramel Macchiato for Woohyun.”

He was handing a freshly made paper cup of coffee to, who I supposed was, Woohyun with a bit of chitter chatter, before turning his attention back to the machine to make the next orders.

“Hi, how can I help you today?” A quirky boy with brightly dyed red hair had cheerfully asked. His nametag had read, 'DONGWOO'.

“Hi, could I get a regular hot chocolate to go please?” I pulled out a five thousand and handed it over.

“Sure, that'll be 4,200won. And your name, please?” He quickly handed back the change and squabbled to grab a marker and paper cup.

“Sungjong.”

“It'll just be a minute, would you like to wait at the serving counter? Thank you!”

I took a seat to the side of the counter and watched in mesmerisation as Sunggyu worked away at stirring up the hot chocolate. He was completely focused, tongue peeking out at the corner of my mouth. I smiled at the gesture, it was kind of cute.

“Regular hot chocolate for Sungjong. For Sungjong?”

When he saw me approach, his eyes lit up in recognition.

“Hey there, how was school?”

I told him it was alright, and asked if he worked here. “Yeah, day shifts Monday through to Thursday.”

“I see. Well then, I'll make sure to drop by more often then.” I smiled, and his eyes crinkled at the corners in that endearing way as he grinned back.

“I'd love that. So then I'll see you again, Sungjong.”

I nodded, before turning around and leaving the store, the bells on the door jingling on my exit and the falling snow gently fluttering onto my uniform. As I had taken a sip of the steaming hot chocolate in my hands, I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my lips. Yes, hot chocolate to go with my homework was indeed lovely.

Day 33
We had become a lot like siblings; extremely close friends, over the period of time we had spent together.

There were a number of occasions where we would just chat as he worked away at his cafe job. I'd sit with a cup of hot chocolate, perhaps raspberry tea, doing my homework or just simply watching him work away.

We had watched a few movies together, grabbed lunch on a mix of weekends, even had dinner together on the odd Thursday or Friday night.

I had introduced him to my mother, who was ecstatic that I had made a new friend with class. He would sometimes join us for dinner at my kitchen table, before we'd lie around my bedroom, playing video games and watching movies.

Sometimes he would lay his head on my stomach or my thigh and close his eyes. I often thought that he'd maybe fallen asleep, but then he'd giggle softly and sit up, before saying goodbye and heading off to wherever he needed to be.

It was on the thirty third day that we had met that he had invited me over to his apartment. As we walked, silence skirted around us, and I was unsure of whether to break the tension.

The ride in the elevator was filled with soft breathing, and before I knew it, we were toeing off our shoes at the entrance to his apartment.

“Where's your mother? Is she not home?”

Sunggyu had dropped his sling bag to the ground and gestured over to the sofa in the middle of the room.

“Oh, no. I live by myself. My parents are still back in Jeolla. My older sister lives in the heart of Seoul, but she's normally quite busy so we don't talk much.” He had stepped into the kitchen to pour us both a glass of juice.

“Oh? Aren't you a bit young to be living by yourself? Why didn't you stay with your parents in Jeolla?”

“Well... You see...”

He'd handed me a glass and took a seat beside me on the sofa, placing his own juice down onto the small coffee table in front. He laid his head on my shoulder.

“It's a bit difficult to stay with them.”

“Why is that, hyung?”

“They haven't exactly come to terms with me....” He had trailed off into silence, not finishing his sentence.

I looked down at my shoulder to see his eyes closed and leaned my head atop his. “It's alright if you don't want to talk about it now. Just let me know when you're ready.”

He heaved a small sigh, letting a tired smile slip onto his lips. “Thanks Jongie.”


We had spend the remainder of the night watching sob-story dramas before crashing in his small living room together.

He had fallen asleep first, his slow, shallow breaths filling the silence as I had lain awake, tracing his features with my eyes as the moonlight filtered through the window onto his face; a soft, illuminant glow.

Was his parents against his ual orientation?


Day 58
The confession happened on new years eve. We had been watching the fireworks by Han river after travelling together to Seoul. He had the dark navy scarf my mother had knitted for him wound tightly around his neck, his maroon scarf now worn and tattered around my own.

It was while the firework show had been playing, and we both had a warm can of coffee clutched in our hand. I'd turned to look at him, bringing the can away from my lips, “Hey, hyung.”

He had 'hmmm'-ed in response, slowly tearing his eyes away from the extravagant light show above to meet my own that were looking up at him.

“Hyung, noh johayo.”

He'd narrowed his eyes just that tiny bit, looking down at his hands in what had seemed like confusion, before looking back at me, his eyes pooling with emotion.

“Sungjong-ah... You shouldn't say that...” He had looked down again, away from me, and I could feel the slight sting behind eyelids.

“Why!? Tell me why I shouldn't.”

“It's just... Sungjo-”

“No! I like you, and I thought you felt the same way. So why can't I tell you that simple fact, Gyu? Why?”

He had looked down guiltily, lips slightly parted as though he were about to speak. Instead, he let out a tired puff of air.

“It's not that I don't like you, Sungjong. It's just that this won't work. It won't.”
 

“And why not?! Is it your parents!? How do you know it won't work if you won't even let it begin!?” I had dropped the can of coffee onto the floor, and it had soundlessly rolled away, brown liquid pooling around, before tipping over the edge and falling into the river. I had turned my attention to my grass stained sneakers, blinking back those few tears that had forced their way up. “Why, hyung...?”

“Sungjong, plea-”

“Just give it a chance. We can make it work, I swear. Just one chance, Sunggyu. One.” And I had grabbed his hand in my own, watching as they clasped together perfectly; like matching pieces of a puzzle.

It had come out almost silent, but the whisper had been loud enough for my own ears.

“Okay... Let's try.”

And I had turned to him with an extraordinary smile as he turned to face me, and I had leaned forward just a little to do what I had been waiting for for so long, placing my lips on his.

He had tasted sweet, like cotton candy and peppermint.


Day 76
The first sign came on a Thursday. We had been lounging around at Dongwoo's flat, (remember that other cafe worker? Yeah him, the one with the red hair.), the one he shared with a boy named Howon, (who had turned out to be another one of Sunggyu's coworkers, I had later discovered.)

We had ordered chinese takeaway for dinner; honey chicken and hokkien noodles and snow peas, and had been watching 'A Moment To Remember'. The tupperwear containers lay emptied on the coffee table, paper plates and plastic cups littered around the floor. Howon and Dongwoo leaning on each other on the couch. Sunggyu had been sitting on the single-person sofa, and I had nuzzled comfortably between his thighs, leaning back against his chest.

He'd laid his chin on my shoulder, and nearing the end of the movie, something had happened.

It was the scene in which the main girl had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. I could feel from behind that his breathing had become heavy, strained. His chest had begun to rise and fall rapidly, and the puffs of breath against my ear had quickened as well.

I'd turned around to see him with his eyes closed; felt his arms wound around my waist.

“Are you ok?” I remember whispering, only to receive a muffled grunt when he'd moved to press his head against my back.

“Gyu hyung? What's wrong?”

Dongwoo and Howon had turned to look after hearing my hushed whispers, I recall, and had immediately stepped over to see what was happening.

But when a soft hand was placed lightly on his shoulder, he'd stopped, breathing turning normal once again, and he had looked up at us and smiled; that sparkling, endearing smile that is still fresh in my mind.

“What's up?” He had giggled, before resting his head back on my shoulder.

We'd all given him a strange look, though he'd brushed it off with a wave of his hand, “Guys, I'm fine.”, slipping from his stretched lips.

The three of us had looked at each other doubtfully, but Sunggyu had turned his attention back to the television, wailing a loud, “OH MY GOD, NO! SOOJIN YOU CAN'T FORGET HIM!!”.

The dorky boy I'd fallen in love with was back, and so we'd pushed the event to the back of our minds. Perhaps I should've paid more attention...

Day 91
It was a Friday, the 91^st day, that it happened.

It was our school break, and my school friends; Myungsoo, Woohyun and Sungyeol, had decided to make a trip to Jeju Island. I'd invited along Sunggyu, Dongwoo and Howon, because the more the merrier, right?

Everyone had been ready to go to the hotel pool, waiting quietly in the hallway for the last person to arrive; Sunggyu hadn't come out of his room yet.

I had knocked on his door, a quiet, “Gyu hyung?”.

There had been no reply, so I tried again, but without success. So I'd turned the handle and pushed the door. It had been surprising enough that the door had opened.

The bed was empty and unkempt; Sunggyu was awake, and I had heard the shower running and knocked on that door too. He mustn't have heard, because he didn't reply, so I had stepped inside.

He'd been in the shower cubicle with his head resting idly on the wall.

“Sunggyu?”

He'd jumped and opened his eyes, “Oh, Sungjong?”

“Everyone's ready to go. I'll tell them to go ahead to the pool first, do you want me to wait for you?”

He'd declined and said he'd be down in a minute, so the rest of us had left to the pool. Though I had been a bit worried, I'd brushed it off as a lack of sleep.

 

He'd come to the pool about half an hour later, thin singlet and colourful board shorts adorned, and a towel slung over his shoulder. And as he'd taken a seat beside me at the edge of the pool, I had questioned why he had taken so long.

He never replied, instead quietly laid his head on my shoulder and breathed; Just breathed. Unevenly and jagged.

“Hyung...” No reply.

“Hyung, are you ok? Sunggyu?” I had been getting worried, and my concern was only continuing to grow as he never replied.

He'd stood up slowly, hand on my shoulder to help steady himself. “I think, it's just a bit stuffy right now....”

Stuffy? “But hyung, we're outside. Are you feeling oka-”

He'd crumpled forward; forward, straight into the pool. He didn't come back up to the surface.

“HYUNG!!”

But before I could jump into the water, Howon and Woohyun had already swum over and pulled him out of the pool. He was lain across the cement tiles, and Sungyeol had run over to see what happened, pounding on his chest in an attempt to, well, I wasn't really sure.

But Woohyun had looked up; at me, in my eyes. I'd held my breath.

“Jong, he's not breathing.”
 

And I'd felt like my heart had stopped.


Day 92
“He suffers from heart arrhythmia.”

We had been told it was a ventricular fibrillation attack; that his heart was beating unnaturally fast and that not enough blood was flowing through the body . The doctor had told us it wasn't the first time, and that this was probably the most serious case so far, and that they didn't know if he'd be alright, before he'd left us to our own accords and went to check on the patient. And about ten minutes later, came out and allowed us to enter the ward.

He had been lying on a small cot, paler than usual, with needles and tubes here and there. But the thing that caught my undivided attention was the oxygen mask attached to his face.

His eyes had been closed, chest rising and falling evenly, quietly; normally.

Normally only with the mask.

I had sat beside him on the bed, taken his hand in my own, and I felt the first tear slip when I squeezed his hand but felt no squeeze in return. And I had wondered, why I hadn't noticed before. The signs had been there, but I had brushed them off.

And as I stayed stationary in my position, the others silently behind me, it finally occurred to me.

I finally understood.

I understood why this would never work. Because. Because, even that day more than a month ago, he had known. He had known all along, yet he hadn't told me. Didn't want to tell me. And it was then that I'd let myself go, and I'd felt a pair of arms wound around my waist.

“Don't cry, Sungjong-ah. He's going to be fine.”

I'd turned around into the embrace and cried. Cried like a baby, like I hadn't done in so long. Because I knew. I knew.

He just might not wake up again.


Day 95
There had been a slight shuffle beside my head that afternoon, and as I had rubbed my eyes of the fatigue and looked up, a smile graced my features.

“Hyung! You're awake!”

He had sat up and looked around confusedly for a moment, before turning and squinting in my direction.
“....”

“How are you feeling? You've been out for a few days. Let me call the doctor.”

He had continued to stare confusedly at me as I pressed the nurse buzzer and held his hand in mine, giving it a soft squeeze.

“What happened...?”

He'd tilted his head to the side, and as I'd recounted the event, his brows had furrowed and his forehead had creased.

“But its okay, hyung. Everything's going to be alright; the doctor said if you woke up that everything was going to be alright. You're okay, and that's all that matters.”

He'd looked down at his lap at that comment, just as the nurse had bustled her way in and exclaimed a, “Oh, you're awake! Let me get the doctor!”, before disappearing out the door once again.

We were bathed in silence for the following minutes until the doctor had arrived and asked me to step outside. And I had been reluctant in leaving, being told that 'There's something I must talk to Mr Kim about privately.'.

It was about 15 minutes later that the doctor had stepped out, and I had re-entered the room to find Sunggyu in tears, face buried in his hands and sobs wracking his body.
 

How could this be the boy that I had met at the train station those few months ago? I had wondered, The one who had told me not to run away...?

I'd taken a seat on the edge of his bed and pulled his hands away from him face, feeling a pang of despair in my own being at the sight of his tears.

“Hyung, waeyo? What did he say?”
 

He'd looked up at me; tears still streaming over, bottom lip quivering and cheeks shining.

“A week... He said a week, Sungjong.”

And he'd collapsed into my arms as I felt my own resolve crumble into nothing.
 

Day 102
The silence had been deafening on the 102^nd day.

We had been lounging around in the living room of his apartment watching overrated soapies and eating handfuls of gummy bears and popcorn.

His head was rested against my thigh as I had leant back against the armrest of the sofa, and the light from the television had flickered and reflected off his eyes.

I had been running my hands through his hair, playing with the silky strands between my fingers as his eyes had been slipping closed slowly.

“Hyung, are you tired?”

He'd hummed in response, closed his eyes completely and placed his hand over mine that was fiddling with the strands of hair by his ear.

“Do you want to rest in bed?”

He'd shook his head, whipered, “Jongie-ah...”, and moved our hands to be placed on his cheek. I had the warm flesh for a bit, waiting for him to continue.
 

“Sungjong, can you promise me something?”

It had still been a whisper, but I'd agreed nonetheless, leaning down with my ear against his lips, as he'd sighed, “Don't forget me when I'm gone. I'll wait for you.”

And when I had turned back to him, eyes wide and only inches from his own, I had seen the glassed over look that had emerged from behind his lids.

“Why would you say something like that? Of course I wouldn't, that was a silly statement, Gyu.” And I had felt myself tear up, because I knew it was coming; he was slipping.

I had moved to link his hand with mine, curled my fingers between the gaps of his and gave a small squeeze. He'd returned it, and a faint smile had brushed across his features, before he brought our linked hands up to his lips, pressed a soft, lingering kiss on the backside of my palm.

“You're so thin, Sungjong. You need to make sure to eat more, okay? Hyung can't be here to make sure you eat extra portions. Your cute cheeks are gone.” he'd whispered, before he'd turned his head back to face the television, face illuminated once again by the dull flashes of colour in the dimly lit room.

I'd felt the tears spill over and gripped onto his hand even tighter.

“Don't say that. What do you mean? Of course you'll be here. You'll be here to make sure I eat enough for an entire family of hippos, make sure that I get fat and that I'd need help getting up. Hyung, you'll be here and you'll be fine...”

I had felt his hand slacken in my own, and his breathing had calmed down to almost nonexisting. His head had rolled back to face me, and he gave me that smile that I'd grown to love more than anything I could remember.

“Never forget; I love you Sungjong. Now, and forever.”

His eyes slipped closed.

“I love you too, Sunggyu. Don't- Don't go.”

And I'd pulled his shoulders up into my arms, letting my tears soak his shirt as the soft rise and fall of his chest had come completely to a stop.
 

It was the end.

 

102 days till the end, when everything came crashing down; When the memories were all that's left and the only thing that is real are the tears that streak these sunken cheeks.
 

“Wait for me, hyung. I'm coming to meet you soon.”

******************

Whew! Sorry it took so long for me to finish. I'm a mean, lazy person who leaves things till last minute. i'm going overseas tomorrow :) Maybe i'll be so bored that I'll write things on the plane haha.

Thanks to those who had a peek, and I apologise for this poorly written piece of junk work.
As always, Happy Readings!!
--K