Chapter 9

Are you free for breakfast?

I’m thinking of treating you to some coffee and toast.

And you still have to tell me why you are in L.A., remember?

I look for Alex’s number on my phonebook and press send. I couldn’t get enough of our Six Flags adventure yesterday. I wanted to see her again, I feel that as the days pass by my admiration for her grows stronger. She’s amazing, a girl like her is one of a kind, and I’m lucky that I found her. All this time, playing and messing around with girls gets tiring and I ask for someone who would stop me from all of those. And she came, she’s the girl I ask for. I took interest in her from the very first time that I saw her on TV and ever since then, I would find myself watching her drama just to see her beautiful face. I thought of plans to meet her, visiting Kame during filming so that I can see her, but I didn’t do it, I’m too shy. When I read that article about her boyfriend, I said to myself that I would never get a chance. So I went to L.A. with plans to forget her, focus on my concert and get my mind off that girl from TV, but when I saw her that night, on that party, I couldn’t believe that of all places I would meet her in L.A.Maybe she’s the one? I would think. And after spending time with her in Santa Monica and yesterday in Six Flags, I knew she’s the one. I don’t care if she’s taken, all I know is that I finally found her, the girl who would stop me from all those partying and messing around with different girls. She’s someone who I want to be serious with and with the recent problems she’s having with her boyfriend, I knew that the door opened for me.

My phone rings and she replied.

Sure. Pick me up in 30 minutes.

I picked her up at 9am, I waited outside Mike’s house sitting at my car’s hood waiting for her to come out.

“Sorry for the wait!” I turned around to look at her, she’s gorgeous as ever. She’s wearing a blue striped flowy mini dress, her hair is tied in a messy ponytail and sporting a flip-flops. 

“You look so summer-ish.” I said as I gave her a peck on the cheek. I can smell the floral, fruity fragrance of her perfume.

“It’s summer! Be shocked if I wear something like this on winter!” she said putting her sunglasses on. Her wit never fails to amaze me.

“I would want to see you in that in winter.” I said, opening the passenger seat door.

“HA.HA. funny.” she said sarcastically as she entered my car.

We pulled in at The Griddle Cafe in Sunset Boulevard moments later. It’s full packed when we arrived, so we waited for awhile before we are seated.

“You really are an L.A. boy. You sure know where to take girls.” she said looking through the menu.

“Is that a compliment?” I asked looking at her as she searched the long list of menu on the card.

“Six Flags and Griddle? I’ve been in L.A. most of my life and these places are hot spots.” She put her menu down to look at me. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you took me to Rodeo Drive for shopping or The Grove to chill-out...We would use your money, though.” she smiled, looking back at the menu.

 “Ahh... Miss Lee, are you after my money?” I smiled, teasing her.

“Akanishi-san, I have my own money, I don’t need yours. But since I’m jobless for a month, maybe we can use yours.” she said.

“Sure, but take me shopping too when I go back to Japan.” I said, a light conversation like this with her is what I love the most. We talk about anything, even if sometimes it’s lame and random.

“I think I need to go hiding when you comes back.” she gave out a cheeky smile.

“I didn’t know you were such a cheapskate!” I more.

“I’m not!” she pouted.

We ordered her chocolate hazelnut stuffed French toast and chai latte and my blueberry filled toast and cappuccino.

“Mmmmm, yum!” she said as she took her first bite. I observed for the past week that we’ve been together that her way of eating is adorable. She eats so much and doesn’t care about how she looks. She’s so real and I love it.

“Easy, Alex.” I said watching her.

“I miss French toast! I never had French toast in Korea or in Japan.” she mumbled.

“You eat so much, don’t you gain weight? It looks like you eat the same amount that I do and I’m a guy.” I said, taking a first bite of my French toast.

“Even if I gain weight, you’ll still love me right?” I almost choked with what she said, I look at her and she’s smiling naughtily, I know she’s teasing me again.

“Yes, I’ll still love you even if you grew as big as an elephant.” I giggled and we both laugh.

“So, are you willing to tell me now why you are here?” I asked her.

“We can have time for that later.” She smiled. “over some beers at The Grove...your treat, of course.”

“Yeah, right! It was you who decided to go there and yet it’s still my treat.” I said.

“How can you refuse to accept my offer? I know I can get you with my irresistible charm.” she said, intentionally faking a y voice.

“Are you flirting with me? We’re exchanging roles now?” I said, we’re messing around again.

“I just wanted free beers, that’s it!” she said, back in her normal voice. “It’s better to talk about boy problems at night over some beers instead of talking about it early in the morning over coffee and French toast.” she said, she’s right though. And that means I can spend the whole day with her too.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I replied.

We went to Rodeo Drive after breakfast, she started shopping and I can feel my feet are now sore and my hands packed with her shopping bags.

“Ooohh! Here!” she said pulling inside the Jimmy Choo store. She started looking at those high heels which makes my feet sorer. The heels are so thin I can’t imagine walking in those. Good thing I’m not a girl.

“Which one is nicer?” she asked, showing me two strappy, high-heeled sandals that’s just one shade different than the other.

“Ahhh...don’t you think it’s the same?” I answered.

“No it differs in colour. Can’t you see?” she said.

“It’s the same, it’s just one shade difference.” I laugh.

“Fine, I’ll buy these.” showing me the darker one and moving to the counter to pay.

“Isn’t your credit card wiped out already? Look at these!” I said, raising her signature shopping bags. “And yet you always get me to treat you, you’re richer than me.”

“I never got a chance to do shopping, so spare me.” she said, tapping my cheeks.

“You should be the one to treat me tonight. Look at all these bags, it’s expensive and besides, you dragged me everywhere so my feet are now sore and you made me carry these stuff. You owe me.” I said sitting at the couch.

“I’m sorry, forgive me, please?” she seat beside me and started making these pleading face, I know I can’t resist that.

“Miss Lee, your charm doesn’t work when I’m tired.” I said, turning behind and I started to smile.

“You’re smiling, I know you can’t resist me.” she said standing up to get her purchase. Alexa Lee, I can never resist you, even if you waste all your money on expensive high-heeled sandals which I doubt that you can be able to walk with, I thought, which brings another smile to my face.

We went out of the shop with another shopping bag in my hand. I notice that it’s already 6pm. My stomach started to growl.

“How about some dinner?” I asked.

“Great!” she said. She’s so energized after shopping.

We arrived at The Grove minutes later and took our dinner at The Whisper Lounge.

“Nice dinner!” I said, patting my stomach as I finished my grilled tenderloin steak.

“Time for some beer!” she raised her hand to call the waiter. She ordered some Guinness.

“Okay, as you promised. Spill!” I said.

“You are really persistent, huh?” she smirked. I nodded, my hands closed on my chin and my elbow is rested on the table. “We had a fight. “she said looking down.

“I kinda figured that one out.” I said, she smiled.

“Because I wanted to reveal to the world about us, but he don’t agree.” she said, she’s smiling but I know she’s not really comfortable to talk about it. The Guinness arrived at our table.

“If you’re not comfortable talking about it, it’s fine, we’ll drop it.” I said, holding her hand. Now that I know how deep their fight is, I kinda feel bad for pushing her to tell me.

“No it’s fine.” she said, holding back my hand. “We’re okay now. We got to talk and decided to take a break and give each other some space.” she said, sadness filled her eyes as she pours some beer on her glass and drinks it.

“So, you guys broke-up?” I was eagerly waiting for her reply, secretly wishing that she’d say yes.

“No,” it broke my heart. “It’s just some sort of cool-off, you know. We’ll talk it out when I come back.”

“You really want to publicize everything?” I asked, taking a sip of my beer. She nodded.

“Sneaking and hiding and disguising, it all . I want to be normal.”

“What if he’d still insist that you don’t?” I asked again.

It took her time before she answers back. “I really don’t know.” she murmured. “I’m thinking that if I follow what he wants, I wouldn’t really be happy.”

“That’s true.” I agreed with her.

“But I don’t want to lose him. He’s been there all this time, we had so many ups and downs together and somehow, we made it through all of those. I’m used to him being there all the time.” she said, her words are killing me. Lucky , If she’s my girlfriend I would tell the whole world about her, I thought.

“Are you happy with him? I mean, do you still feel the happiness you felt during the start of your relationship?” I asked.

“Not really.” she replied, “During the few years, it’s fun. But now, I’m sick of it.”

“And you’re still with him because...?” I said, she raised her right eyebrow. “Alex! If you’re not happy and if you’re sick of it, why stay?” I said.

“Because I love him...” she murmured.

“Love? I don’t know anything about love but if loving someone makes you sick of them then I wouldn’t want to try love.” I said.

“I’m not sick of loving him, I’m sick of hiding the relationship.”

“It’s pretty much the same. The relationship equals him, am I right?” I said, she’s thinking, she’s processing what I just said and I know I’m right.

“I don’t know...” she said softly, her left hand on the top of her forehead.

“Alex, don’t you think you’re forcing it?”

“Forcing it? What do you mean?” she asked, confused.

“You’re afraid to lose him because you’re used to him. You’re with him for four years and you think it would be a waste to end the four years that you’ve spend together. So you just ignored the fact that you’re not happy anymore and hold on just for the sake of the long years.” I explained, she’s still dealing out what I said.

 “In other words, you completely closed your heart and mind for him because you thought memories are more important than happiness.”

“So what’s with forcing it? I still don’t get the forcing thing.” she asked.

“You’re forcing your heart, Alex. You’re forcing it to love someone even if it is shouting to let go.” she took her glass and finished the half filled beer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I empty my glass of beer as I heard those words come out of Jin’s mouth. Many questions filled my head after Jin’s words. Is he right? Am I really forcing it? It is true that I don’t love Yoochun anymore? Does my heart really want to let go? I am not happy it’s true but that does mean that I have to let go? Let go of all the memories I have with the one man I thought I will love forever? Suddenly, I feel the tears start to fall from my eyes.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.” he said, brushing my tears away with his warm hand.

And this man, what is this man to me? He makes me happy, he makes me forget all my problems, he’s gentle and caring and he makes me feel special. He makes me experience a lot of things that I haven’t done, things that I wanted to do. Does that mean that this man is the one person my heart wants to let in?

We went home shortly after my tears fell. We didn’t talk much in the car on our way home. My mind is confused, confused on what my heart really wants. Jin stopped the car, my mind is too far away to noticed that we’re already outside Mike’s house. He went out of the car and opens the door on my side and helped me out of the car.

“Just forget everything I said. I didn’t mean to make you sad, Alex.” he said softly, holding my hand. These hands, why do I want these warm hands to hold mine?

“It’s fine.”I assured him with a smile, still holding his hand.

“I didn’t really know about love or whatever related to it, so maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just desperate to make you leave him.” he said, his beautiful eyes looking at mine. “So I can make you mine.” he softly said, and butterflies start to rumble in my stomach. Our eyes wouldn’t want to leave each other, our hands tightening together. His free hand started to brush against my cheeks, his face getting closer to mine. I can feel his warm breathing, his lips starting to reach mine.

“Alex...” Mike’s voice startled us. He moves his face right away, and lets go of my hand. “You better come in.” he said standing on the door way.

I looked at Jin and his eyes say ‘go’.  “Come with me.” I said. He nodded and smile.

We walked to the front door and passed by Mike, he doesn’t look too happy to see us in that scene, he gave Jin a look that made Jin a bit uncomfortable.

We reach the living room and Saab is there with someone.

“Alex...” said a voice, a voice that I want to hear so badly.

“Yoochun...” My voice is hardly heard, he’s here, Yoochun’s here. Why is he here? He rushed toward me and gave me a tight hug.

“I miss you so much, baby!” he said while hugging me. He breaks free and my face, and then he pressed his lips on mine, a kiss that I haven’t tasted for so long. “I love you, Alex” he murmurs in between kisses.

“I love you too, baby.” I said as we escape from the kiss.

I look at everyone. Saab, she’s smiling at me and I smile back. Mike is still not too happy, I just kissed my boyfriend while he saw me a while ago almost kissing his friend. And his friend...Jin, I couldn’t stand looking at him, he’s looking down on the floor, I know he’s hurting and it hurts me too.

“Maybe I should go, still have stuff to do tomorrow.” he said, he’s not looking at me, he gave Saab a peck on the cheek and a tap on Mike’s shoulder.

“Bye, Alex” he said softly, shooting a glance at me.

“Bye, Jin.” is all I can say.