Current year

AMBER'S P.O.V.

It has been months and I think I have moved on.  I have to convince my brain that I did and am.  If not I would not have bothered trying to be busy.  No, I did not lock myself up as typical of those people who are heart broken.  Nor did I "play" around with other people for that matter.  It's not worth my time if I do that.  After it up and wasting my days crying until I'd fall asleep with swollen eyes the next morning, I decided one day to let it go. I rationalized and have decided that 'her' happening in my life is part of getting great experiences.  I may sound like I am finding excuses however I have nothing else but myself.  My family does not even know that she and I broke it off nor that there was even a "her and me/we" news.  They have always been suspicious of me liking and being into girls but I do not say much about it.

Moving on....  Funny how I would use that phrase "moving on" in a sentence or in my thoughts.  Anyway, I think I am okay now.  As for 'her' well she did try to contact me a couple of times.  The irony of someone saying they don't love you anymore but is still worried about you after they have done the deed.  I tried to act cool when I chose to speak to her.  I was reluctant at first however the further we talked, the further I missed her.  And like a stupid person that I am, I slipped and said I missed her.  Oh did I mention that I also said that I still love her?  Foolish and idiotic isn't it?  Please spare me the details and lecture.  

I cannot help being me.  So I did what I did and told her many things.  After that first talk with her for a long time I planned many events in my head.  I said to myself to change.  And I went on doing so.  For the past few months all things were great with work and my family.  I was not entirely happy like blissfully happy. "Being in content" is a more specific description to that feeling I had when I rose up from my bed one dawn break.  Standing outside the balcony of my room and basking myself under the fresh rays of sun with closed eyes and curved up lips.  I wanted to shout at that time and say 'Damn!  It's good to be alive!'

Krystal (wow I am saying her name now *pats self on the back for my courage*) is now okay as far as I know of it.  I wanted to meet her as casual friends but I think she is making up excuses of not making it happen.  And I did not force such matter anymore.  If it was me in the past, I would have but now I will not and will never do.   She knows all too clearly that I love her still and there's not a passing moment that I don't remind her of it.  I even have encouraged her to go out and mingle with other people.   about having a boyfriend and such.  But she shrugs it off and says that she is not into those things at this moment.  She explained that she is too pre occupied with family matters now.  At that time I wanted to reach out for her and help her.  Although I did offer help and other encouragement.  She said that was nice of me but she can handle it.  

At this point I think she and I are growing up.  Long gone were the days of being too absorbed in nothing but pure fun and being so in love.  It is such a nice experience, love that is.  I told her that she should be happy and that if ever fate does not allow me to be with her I will gladly accept it as long as she is happy.  She said the same to me.  And at the end of that conversation I said......

"But if time and fate permits that there will be an "us" again, I will never let you go and you will be all mine.  Let me court you and date you whenever I can when that time comes.  Selfish and though I should not say things as if it were my last but still I would like to hope even if you do not like this - saying things before they could even happen.  So please do not protest.  I do not have any intentions to beg.  However, I want you to know that I am hoping for this.  You may meet many guys to fall in love with and if so you will get married to one of them then I am too late.  Do not worry, as long as you are happy, I will be happy."

A/N:  I am so sorry for updating only now :( Work got me to be too pre-occupied.

P.S.  I know it is short but I think it is best to just end it here.  :)  I am hoping to publish my other stories soon.