Current year

AMBER'S P.O.V.

I woke up on my bed feeling all alone for the first time in a few years.  Turning to my side there it was.  The empty space you left when you decided everything all on your own.  Did I wish that you were here beside me?  No, I need you to be here so I would become selfish and never let you go.  However, we would be both living a lie if we think everything will be okay.  'Everything will be okay' is a popular white lie.

Then my head remembered that dream.  It was hard suddenly dreaming about the start of it all.  I could still remember every last piece of detail you had told me on how we coincidentally met for no reason at all.  Looking up to my hand with the blurred ceiling way past in the background I stared at these wrinkled up digits with my flesh wrapped around it.  How I wish I could remember what it felt when any of these fingers had touched you for the first time.  Was it my middle finger?  Maybe not.

Contrary to what you said and had felt I never had any of those electrified state at the first point of physical contact but your blanked out face did caught my attention.  Then my eyes went on to observe you for the following days.  It was indeed a creepy way of getting to know you.  Each day making critique of certain aspects that you and you alone had was what my brain handpicked from time to time in order to be stored.  All of it went into my vast storage of memories.

Being dumped out of nowhere when you thought everything was okay is and would always be hard.  All of it was like death to me.  After the break up memories would come in flashbacks.  Most of it only brought melancholy to my already depressed state.  But as I used to say, life must go on.  So I should really get ready for work.

As I took off the blanket coldness hit my skin making me not want to go out of bed.  Should I call in sick?

But what kind of sickness do I have?  Love sickness?  Ha!  Like they would believe that!  Or maybe they would after all I did scream loud enough for them to make tons of gossips by now.

I have to stop this.  What was I expecting after being so busy and you having your own problems to take care of?  Knowing myself, I do not like to give you the option to choose between me and your family.  Is this what you call 'self pity'?

Standing up my eyes came across that picture frame of a 'happy us'. 

"You wouldn't pick me," I told the 'you' on the captured moment of us smiling with ice cream on each of our noses.

And that pang went to dive into my chest again.  Like a knife that struck itself into me out of nowhere.  I wanted it to stop.

I closed shut my eyes and tried to breathe hoping that the pain would go away if I do this.

"I wouldn't pick me..."

Then something moist flowed out and trickled down my cheeks.  I did not bother as my tears started to fall...  again.