03. Pregnant
The Irreversible Beguilement
Six months into their marriage, Sandara becomes pregnant.
It’s one of the best moments in her life discovering that the fruit of their love is residing in her womb. As a midwife, she has always thought that pregnancy, labour, and childbirth are a spiritual, as well as a physical, accomplishment. The birth of a child is the ultimate perfection of human love.
Sandara feels different following her discovery and could not wait until she could feel the baby’s movements and get the baby bump. Seung Hyun is thrilled when she says she feels the baby’s kicks, but is disappointed because the baby immediately settles down when he puts his hand over her stomach.
“Don’t worry,” Sandara assures him, “you’ll get to feel the movements eventually. There will be more when I get to thirty weeks.”
Sandara works full-time until her pregnancy reaches twenty-four weeks, making sure she only picks up women to birth around that particular month. Being a caseload midwife, she chooses one of her co-workers, Yuri Kwon, to be her primary midwife. Seung Hyun makes sure he comes to most of the appointments and to be involved as much as he could in this first pregnancy.
With the so many preparations to be done, Sandara is glad her family is there to help. They go on a shopping spree for some baby clothes and on her birthday, Sang Hyun gifts them with a stroller while her parents and Mrs Choi split the price of a child restraint seat—all of which are the things Sandara and Seung Hyun get to save money on. The couple decorates their baby’s room together when Sandara reaches twenty-eight weeks and they begin to look for names.
And that’s when Mrs Choi decides to return to Sydney to help them around. That’s also when the emergency buzzer in Sandara’s head rings.
Sandara wants it to be just her and Seung Hyun at the centre of this life-changing event, with their family in the second set of circle, but Mrs Choi’s decision clearly shows that she wants to be a part of the birth. Sure Sandara loves her family, and Mrs Choi, but she doesn’t want them in the birthing room. She wants to feel unconstrained to give birth to her baby naturally. Although she is a midwife and has seen more labours and births than her friends and family ever been in, she is aware that everyone’s experience is different. She knows what this is about, but she has no idea of how she would deal with it when it’s her time. One thing she knows, though, when you invite family members or friends to your birth, they bring with them their own childbirth and relationship baggage that they might have to you and your partner. Furthermore, if Mrs Choi is there, Seung Hyun’s attention would undoubtedly be diverted.
“You know, about the labour and delivery, I actually have thought about it.”
“Oh... What are your thoughts?”
“Well,” she starts warily; her heart thumping furiously against her ribcage, but she knows that she has to do this for herself, their baby, and the three of them. “I’d just like it to be me, you, Yuri in the room, and Esmeralda when we need a back up, or a student who wants to attend a birth.”
“What about our mums?”
She takes a deep breath in and says, “I have two requests.” He nods slowly, unsure where this is going, but is willing to hear. “One, under no circumstances, are our mums coming to the birthing room while I’m having our baby.” She pauses for emphasis before continuing, “Two, I’d like you to turn your phone off the moment I get into active labour.” She knows that his mother would call him during the labour to ask about the situation, but she doesn’t want him to be sidetracked. “Look, I’ve spoken to my mum and she is okay with it. I know your mum wants to be there, but I really want it to be just… us.” She immediately feels horrible for doing this, but she needs to be in a situation where she feels secure and comfortable. “This is our first step to have a family, Seung Hyun. I want it to be an intimate event with just us and our carers.”
He creases his forehead at this odd request, but chuckles and agrees. “Well, if that’s what you want, sure.”
“I mean I’d highly appreciate it if she wants to help with the baby, but for the labour… it’s just us, okay?” she repeats for good measure.
He caresses her cheek and nods in agreement. “Likewise.”
Sandar has to admit Seung Hyun never stops from being amiable even in their marriage life. The things he does for her during her pregnancy just make her love him more and more. He is an eager learner; he reads books that Sandara recommends to him. They definitely help him with her mood swings and sensitivity throughout the pregnancy. He hopes the information would be useful for the labour and birth as well since there is no rehearsal for childbirth, you can only prepare yourself as much as you can. It amuses Sandara that he actually follows the tips mentioned in one of the books, including giving her a back massage and shoulder rub for one hour every night during her last trimester.
Knowing that he does these out of his love for her, she cannot help but keep adoring him with no resistance, no shame, no change, and without caring of the uncertainties that lay ahead.
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