4:55PM, Gong-il temple

“Are you a friend of HyukJae, son?”

Tired, and unable to answer anymore, DongHae just nods his head. His arm wrapped around the old man’s shoulder, while the old monk s an arm around DongHae’s waist to support him. His limbs aren’t cooperating with him now.

“He looked so sad when he arrived from Seoul this morning, do you know why?”

Feeling guilty, DongHae fixed his gaze on the small, colourful pebbles neatly forming the small route that they had been taking. Again, he found his head nodding at the old man’s question.

“You know son, that boy, he never cries in front of me, even at his family’s funeral, he just quietly sat and bowed politely to the visitors, obediently carrying on his responsibility as the host.”

DongHae’s tears started to fall again. He silently bit his inner cheek, preventing the sobs from escaping. Still limping their way to a destination unknown to him, he keeps on listening to the old monk.

“Later on, I found him crying alone under an old sakura tree on the top of this hill. He sat there for hours and only left when he was ready to do so. Since then, I know, that was his sanctuary, his place when he is sad. And today, he went straight to his tree, with tears on his face.”

DongHae cries harder at this. He doesn’t even try to hide his feeling anymore. He’s the one at fault. He is the reason for HyukJae’s heartache.

“I, as his only family in this world, feel so useless every time I see him like this. He never shares his sorrows with me, he’s afraid to burden me with it. Pabo kid, always thinking about others but never himself.”

The monk suddenly stopped and inhaled deeply. Curious, DongHae lifted his head and looked at the old man’s face. Smiling kindly to him, the old man gestured, pointing to a big old sakura tree ahead them. From afar, DongHae can see a figure sitting at the tree trunk.

 “There he is and this where my stop is. Young man, whatever you have done, please do it better this time. This is a selfish wish of a grandfather for his own grandson.”

Slowly untangling himself from the old man, DongHae properly faced him and bowed deeply before heading to the lonely figure under the tree.

***

A moment later, under the sakura tree.

The sound of approaching steps brought HyukJae back from his stupor. Feeling alert all of a sudden, he started to get on his feet to move away.

“Please stay for a while, Hyukkie.”

HyukJae’s heart stops beating in a split second listening to the voice behind the sakura tree. His limbs freeze, effectively gluing him to his current spot. HyukJae hugged his knees tightly, trying to embrace himself. He clenched his eyes shut and rested his forehead on his knees, forming a human ball.

DongHae moved slowly in front of HyukJae. He fell on his knees ungracefully and just sat there, staring at the bundle. There are so many things he wants to say. He wants to ask for HyukJae’s forgiveness, he wants to explain his stupid acts before, he wanted to say that Jessica is only his best friend, but most of all, he needed to say...

“Hyukkie, I love you”

HyukJae’s shoulders stiffen at the confession, but he didn’t raise his head or say anything back to DongHae. Taking that as a cue, DongHae leans closer until he rests his forehead on HyukJae’s shoulder, just beside his head.

“I love you every time I breathe. I love you so much that my heart feels so cold without you, but it feels warm again each time the thought of you flows through me.”

‘When I said I missed you, it is always my heart that screams that. When I make love to you... it has always been out of love...’ DongHae added silently

DongHae turned his head and buried his face into the blonde hair, inhaling his unique scent. Strawberry. They have just been separated for half of a day, but DongHae already missed this smell like crazy. He whispered softly against HyukJae’s ear,

“Hyukkie, I can’t rewind the past and undo what I did, but I can keep on playing the present to create a future. And for me, there will be no future without you by my side.”

The body he rested his head on shook violently at DongHae’s words. DongHae scooted closer and wrapped his arms around his precious bundle. He hugged him tightly, and slowly, but surely, he felt the boy return his hug back.

***