003

A loud thump makes the whole canteen suddenly turn into a deep silence. All of the officers in the canteen stare at the person who is the source of the sudden thump, including Soojung. She sees the stranger whom she locked eyes with yesterday. He stands still, watching the tray that just hit the floor.

His tray lays on the floor quiescently and his lunch is scattered, leaving a big mess on the floor. He still stands still, but Soojung finds herself gets up from her seat and walks toward him. Everyone, including Sehun stares at her curiously, watching the side of her that they never see before.

She walks nearer to him until her feet stops, leaving the few inches gap between both of them. She actually doesn’t know why she cares to walk toward him. She doesn’t know what to do next. Should she help him? What should I do? Krystal thinks as she feels cold sweat starts streaming her left cheek. She looks up to him, just to meet eyes with him again. Both of them lock their eyes again, but this time, their position is much closer than before. Both of them can even see their reflections clearly in each other’s eyes. Both of them can even smell the strawberry and coconut scent flowing in the air around them, suffocating them into helpless human-being. They are helpless as they let themselves drown into the moment.

The moment stops until Soojung voluntarily breaks the eye contact and hands him with her handkerchief. He stares at the handkerchief and awkwardly takes it from her hand. He touches the tip of her fingers and both of them shivers for the sudden touch. Soojung quickly walks away from him, getting back to her seat. The canteen is filled with loud chattering again.

“You know him?” Sehun asks, staring at her who unconsciously taps her fingers on the table. He knows this is her action when she feels insecure. Soojung shrugs and continues eating her lunch.

Sehun doesn’t realize that he bits his bottom lip a little bit too hard, the action he does everytime he feels insecure, everytime he feels fear thrilled along his blood.

003a

“Why don’t you tell her?” Luhan suddenly asked Sehun who stared at his laptop, typing something for his work.

He stopped as his brain processing the direction of his words. He actually knew what Luhan meant. He knew to well. But, in contrast, he asked back, “What?”

“Why don’t you tell Soojung that you love her?” Luhan blatanly answered.

Sehun frowned at him, “ Don’t act like you know everything, Lu. And, why do you even care?”

Luhan didn’t know why he suddenly asked about it, but he had this urge to ask him, to care about him, to help him. He knew how much Sehun hated him (-and vice versa), but he knew behind the hate, growing the slight care in their invisible friendship. Luhan still remembered when Sehun threw a plastic of mint candy on his face (-yes, on my face) and said “I hate mint” while walking away from his office. Luhan was dazed but he suddenly smiled at the sticky note plastered on the plastic.

Happy Birthday, Jerk. Stop being an , I have enough dealing with you everyday. P.S: you don’t need to thank me, you just need to raise my salary.

On that day, Sehun was the only person who remembered his birthday. That was how their friendship worked. They acted forgetful yet they remembered. They didn’t care yet they cared. They threw tantrum to each other yet they sticked to each other. They just felt it was better to keep the friendship hidden and invisible.

Luhan smirked at Sehun’s remark, “You’re so easy to read, Sehun. I can even read you better than yourself,” he meant his words to , but he actually told him the truth.

“Shut up,” Sehun didn’t try to reply him back because he knew too well that Luhan was right. And, he hated himself for admitting the fact secretly. Luhan just smiled at him but then his face turned to be more serious, “Answer me.”

Sehun heaved a deep sigh, “Because—“ he silenced and continued, ”The time when she doesn’t know that I fall for her is the time when I love her more than anyone in this world.”

Luhan could feel the pang in his words, “You can’t keep being like that—“

“I want to,” he interrupted and spouted him with lie.

“No, you don’t. I know you want more than that, Sehun. Don’t try to spout me with your ty lies.”

Sehun continued typing his work. He hated to admit that Luhan was right. He was once again right. And, he would always right.

004

Soojung sees her neatly-folded handkerchief is shoved at her sight. She looks up, and there he is. He sits in front of her, handing back the handkerchief. Soojung is once again immersed into his eyes. The gap is even closer until she realizes that his eyes colour isn’t black but dark brown. She flinches back, admitting that she, herself, is turning like an idiot. She takes the handkerchief into her hand and quickly puts it into her handbag.

She starts reading her novel, turning pages over pages, wishing for Sehun to finish his work quickly. It is only him who can make her mind controlled, eventhough she always loses the control everytime she sees this stranger in front of him. She feels like she is going insane.

“Thank you,” he breaks the silence. It is Soojung’s first time to hear his voice and it gives electric vibe thrilled inside her. Her heart seems to pump a little bit faster as she can feel it almost pops out of her chest. Seeing how she doesn’t react at his generousity, he continues, “I am Jungsoo. May I know your name?”

Soojung. Jungsoo. Soojung finds it odd to realize how their names consist of two same syllables. Soojung glances at the shaky hand which is offered to her. She actually wanted to shake his hands, letting the unknown vibe electrizing her nerve but she decides not to. Yet, she decides to answer his question, “Soojung.” She actually expects her voice to come out naturally, but it comes out as shaky as her heart now.

Jungsoo shoves his hand back to himself and takes his time to stare at her figure for while. He doesn’t know what makes him to do that, but he believes there’s something about Soojung that makes him to find more about her. The way she taps her fingers on the table unconsciously, the way she acts like she doesn’t care about anything, the way her eyes show nothing but emptiness, those things remind him of someone. Himself.

Both of them enjoy the comfortable silence arousing them as Soojung stops turning the pages nervously and Jungsoo’s hands stop shaking. He breaks the silence, “Well, I gotta go. I hope to see you again, Soojung-ssi.” He gets up from his seat and stares at Soojung for while, waiting for her reaction. She shows nothing but he smiles a bit. He can tell that Soojung nods heartily in her heart.

004a

The 10-years old Soojung believes that love was like the fairytale she liked to read every night before she slept. It might start with shaky road, but it would definitely last for lifetime. Love was just so beautiful and perfect until she couldn’t wait to feel the feeling later when she got older. She couldn’t wait to hold hands with someone she loved, leading their lives to the perfectly happy ending.

But, as the time passed, Soojung realized how naïve she was. Love was never meant to be perfect as it had flaws hidden beneath the true meaning of the word. Love was never meant to be beautiful as it can stabbed your heart cruelly, leaving the hole of scars that would be imprinted in your life eternally. Love was never meant to be happy as she could peek her Mom who would cry her heart out every night before she slept. Love was never meant to last for lifetime as she believed that nothing could last forever.

She demanded for the perfection and she was afraid of the fiasco. But, she was brave enough to take steps away from the taste of love.

She chose to push herself far away from the bitterness of love.

005

“If both of you mind, can I sit here?”

That voice, again. Soojung thinks as she looks up to meet Jungsoo’s eyes. She doesn’t want to admit it but she expects to see his eyes again in her lunch time. And, she does. She is about to nod her head when she heards Sehun says, “The seat is taken. Sorry.”

She turns her eyes to Sehun who was eating his lunch. She kicks Sehun’s legs under the table but he doesn’t even react or shoves his eyes away from his food.

Jungsoo only nods to her and Sehun, walks away while holding tightly to his tray. Soojung watches him disappearing into the crowd and then she stares at Sehun bewilderedly. “What the heck is wrong with you?”

Sehun stops eating and stares at her back, “What is wrong with me? Seriously, Jung Soojung? I should be the one who asks you that question!” He doesn’t know why he feels himself boiling in anger right now. He doesn’t know why he offends that man yet he knows he is afraid. He is afraid of seeing Soojung’s eyes sparkling whenever she sees that man. He is afraid, he is.. jealous?

“Nothing is wrong with me, Sehun. Don’t act like you know me,” Soojung says as she gets up from her seat, walking away, trying to hide herself from the world. She is afraid. She is afraid that Sehun is probably right. Something is wrong with her and she is too afraid to admit it.

What is wrong with me?

005a

“Shut up.”

“What did you just say to me? Shut up? Shut up? Do you even have the nerve to tell me that?”

“Leave me alone.”

The group of the girls laughed crazily at Soojung. One of them caressed the bruise on her right cheek, making Soojung to flinch. The girl laughed again and grabbed her chin to throw her with another slap. Soojung just closed her eyes as she could feel the hot sensation burn on her bruise. She already used to be bullied by the girls in her school. They never stopped because Soojung was Soojung. She didn’t care about anyone and she didn’t even care about herself. She never cried or screamed in front of them, asking for mercy. She just stood-still, letting them to do what they want to her as if Soojung was their punching bag.

“I want to go to the school,” she tried to pass the girls but they blocked her right away.

The girl who just slapped Soojung grabbed her wrist, preventing her to walk away, “Our problem isn’t done yet, princess.”

“What? I told you I don’t know who that Lee Jaejin is,” Krystal stared at her lazily, making the other girl fuming in her ears. She threw Soojung to the wall and slapped her once again. That girl pushed Soojung’s body by her right hand, making Soojung to bit her lip as she could feel the pain running down from head to toe.

The girl spit on her face and says, “He is my boyfriend, you . Stay away from him or I’ll send you to hell.”

Soojung chuckled at her words, “Ah, that boy. That fool was the one who flirt with me. Do you think I even care? Tsk. And for your information, I already live in hell so I’ll get used to the real hell immediately.”

The girl groaned as she punched Soojung’s face again, “Who do you think you are?! You’re just as filthy as your Mom. Your Dad doesn’t even care about you, right? He left, right? You filthy little brat!”

The girl knew she already hit the spot as she could see Soojung’s face turn into a frown. She knew about Soojung’s story, everyone did. Living in the small neighborhood, you couldn’t hide anything to yourself. Soojung felt her heart burst into the flame. She didn’t like everytime people talk about her parents. She didn’t like it because it was right. She tried to let herself go from the girl’s tight clench and she did. She ran away, making her way into the school.

Fall breeze slapped her across the face as she stomped the falling leaves carelessly. She could see her breath in the air as she tried to hold her tears back. She was a wreck and she didn’t know where to go. But her feet seemed to lead her way upstairs to her usual place, the rooftop. She was there and immediately turn the doorknob to open the door. She went in and slammed the door right away. She leaned against the door, feeling her tears trying to break down from her eyelids. She gave up and let the tears to break down, every piece of soul that was left within her. She fell to the ground, trying to regain herself but she couldn’t. She just sobbed and sobbed, hushing away the sadness in her heart.

She didn’t know that someone was carefully listening to her sobs behind the door, trying to swallow every sadness to make her happy.

***

Sehun just sat on the ground and leaned his back against the door for 15 minutes. He listened to her every second-sob as if he could understand her with only those things. He only listened, and listened, but he didn’t have any courage to do something. Her sobs was like a beautiful sad song, it was sad yet beautiful. It showed Sehun the other side of life he rarely saw in his life, real sadness. It wasn’t like he was never sad in his life. But this one was just real.

Sehun suddenly crunched when he heard the sobs was stopped. He stood up and placed his ears to the door, feeling something wrong would come. He could hear she got up and took few steps but he didn’t know where she would go. But, the step sound was fading as she took more steps. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Sehun counted her steps and suddenly something snapped his mind.

He suddenly turned the doorknob, rushing into the rooftop. He looked around, and found Soojung who already stood at the edge of the rooftop. Didn’t want to waste another time, Sehun ran to her and grabbed her wrist right away.

His mind was in rage as he turned Soojung’s body to face him. He still gripped her wrist tightly, didn’t want to let her to accomplish her stupid mission, “ARE YOU CRAZY?! What the heck— what is wrong with your face?” as much as he wanted to curse her, he felt his heart was wrenched when his eyes caught the bruise on her cheeks.

Soojung just kept shut. She could feel her vision was blur as the tears almost found its way to break down from her eyes. She tried to cover the tears but Sehun knew she was about to break down. He hugged Soojung, burying her face into his chest. He could feel how she tried to let herself out of his embrace but it made him to embrace her even tighter.

“You can cry now, stupid. No one is going to see you. Just, cry,” Sehun said as he put his chin on her head. He could feel that Soojung was already loosened up, and he could feel tears started staining his uniform yet he didn’t care. The only thing he cared now was only Soojung, and only her.

That was how the friendship started.