I am standing on the rooftop of my apartment. Smoking for a while to let the weights in my shoulder go away for a while. But it doesn't even effect it anymore. Lot of thoughts in my mind now. About my boyfriend. About his proposal to marry soon. About my job. About my family. About Ji.

It has been a while since the last time I met him on his studio. He contacted me, called, texted me. But I still feel angry on him. Sounds better if we keep some distances. I know, if that day didn't come, he would be coming here and calm myself down. Telling me, what I should and shouldn't do. I close my both ear with my hands, screaming loudly because the pain doesn't decrease even more. Why this needs to be so complicated. Until in a sudden I feel someone standing beside me. I look at beside me and I find Jiyong with his turtle neck and suit. He looks so much great.

"What are you doing here?"

Surprised? Not really. He knows well that this place would be a first place that I would visit once I get some problems and needs to relieve it.

"The thoughts of you that angry with me never leave my mind even a second",explained Jiyong. He stands so handsome beside me with his two hands inside his pants' pocket. I throw away my ciggarates and grab my stuff. Ready to leaving. "Please, I am begging to you, I just want one chance to explain"

"What thing you should explain? Ji, why you are being over immature like this, huh?"

Jiyong looks at me with his puppy eyes. His face showing how sincere his intention is. My bestfriend for a long time won't hurt me. I know that right.

"I know. This all my fault"

"Do you know how much I feel pain when you call a guy that I love as bastard? And even more, the one who called him that way is you, my bestfriend! What Ji? That bastard?!",said me with almost shouting tones. Tears running down from my eyes. Jiyong looks surprised and trying to handing his thumbs to wipe my tears but I slap his hand away. "I know you don't like him from very first time. But why you have to make that song!?! So my boyfriend will know that he is such a bastard because he hurts me?! Ji! Grow up! He did fault just once! He has explained it well to me! Why you still not over that thing!!!!!!"

I can't hold my anger anymore. I just throw my anger to him and he, once again, accepts it. I am leaving him again with another anger. He stands there just watching me leaving. Before I close the door of the rooftop and really leaving him in silence.

***

Jiyong called me this morning, asked if I have some times to meet him in the afternoon. At first, I just want to reject his phone, however he told me that this is the last time he begging like this. After this he told me that he would forget about this incident.

So I pack my bag and prepare to going to YG building. Jiyong told me to meet him in one of the practice room. And once I enter the practice room, the lights all are turned off. When I step in to the practice room, some lights are being and I see Jiyong with his guitar. He looks at me deeply and now I am standing frozen at the place where I stand up.

"I know you hate this song really much. And I promise, today, in this room, will be the last time you listen this song. And since then, I won't even remember that this song has existed. I will forget this song, just like you want me to. Because despite of how hard I was writing this song, you are more important than this. I hate to losing you just because of this song",explained Jiyong clearly. I close my eyes to surpress the sadness feeling that coming through my whole body. This guy knows well to make me cry in a minute.

He starts to playing his guitar, humming the beginning of the song and singing it with his beautiful voice.

Like fate, I saw your man while walking down the street

I thought maybe (this wasn't real) but my instincts were right

(he) took off the ring you gave him, linked arms on one side

I’ll just say it up to there (I don’t want to hurt you)

but you’re getting mad at me

you say that he’ll never do that

I am careful around you and I say that I saw wrong

I’ll lie for you

I hate you who doesn’t understand me

I hate this waiting

so let go of this hand

me who visits you whenever you’re sad

feels like dying, baby

what did I do wrong than that bastard

why can’t I be the one who has you

that bastard doesn’t love you

till when are you going to keep crying like a fool

you look happy when you talk about that person

it looks good to see you smiling/laughing like this

you who believe that that you love that person, that it’ll be forever is…

I don’t know what to say no more

all of your friends know him well

why are you the only one who can’t see what everyone else sees

they say love is blind, oh baby you so blind

I’ll keep on hoping that you guys will separate

I hate you who doesn’t understand me

I hate this waiting

so let go of this hand

me who visits you whenever you’re sad

feels like dying, baby

what did I do wrong than that bastard

why can’t I be the one who has you

that bastard doesn’t love you

till when are you going to keep crying like a fool yeah

expensive car, pretty cars

sophisticated restaurant, you get along well with guys

however, next to you, that X is really not it. doesn’t look good with you

smiling next to you, touching your cheeks and your hair,

inside, he’s definitely thinking of some other girl.

how can he do that, it’s like a sin

as much as the tears you shed, I’ll treat you better baby

the pain you face alone, can you share it with me baby

please look at me, how do you not know that your love is me

why do you not know it’s me

what did I do wrong than that bastard

why can’t I be the one who has you

that bastard doesn’t love you

till when are you going to keep crying like a fool

what did I do wrong than that bastard

why can’t I be the one who has you

that bastard doesn’t love you

till when are you going to keep crying like a fool

I am kneeling down to the floor. Jiyong sings the song sincerely with his whole heart. I cover my face and crying on my palms. I hear the footsteps and Jiyong suddenly already kneeling in front of me. He takes my two hands and hugs me. I am crying on his shoulder now. He keeps rubbing my back to make me calm. I am closing my eyes as I am sobbing hard because his lyric now sounds more sad than before. Maybe because I listen this sincerely. The images of Jiyong hit my boyfriend, accused him because Jiyong found out that he cheated on me. Like since the beginning Jiyong already knew that my boyfriend isn't a good person for me. Jiyong always keeps my feeling well. He doesn't want to hurt my feeling because he knows that I love my boyfriend very much.

"I promise baby, this will be the last time you know that this song is existed. I will delete this song away and won't release it. I promise",convinced Jiyong while rubbing my back. I maybe have been ruined his shirt now. But he doesn't look care. "I am sorry because since the beginning when I knew he hurt you, I feel very sad. I hate to see you crying for not-worth guy like him. I hate to see you become so much weak. I often missing your tough self"

"Baby.. maybe you don't understand the pain that I feel. How much I was trying to control the anger that I feel once I saw him betraying your love. You might never know about my love but my feeling is real. I finally realize that you are more than just bestfriend in my heart. Everytime I am with you, I can be who I am. I don't care to be so dirty and dark but you always stay there with your bright personality. I can be much better than what your boyfriend has done to you. I will do everything to protect you from any pains. Because what I want just your happiness"

His words are sincere from his heart. No shaking tones like he telling me a lies. He kissing the top of my head and this warmth of his body and his words calming me down. I look at him and his face showing his concerns toward me.

"Ji.."

"Hm?"

"Do you really love me that much?", he nods his head with smile on his face. He wipes my tears with his thumb and kisses my forehead. "If you love me that much then no reason for you to not releasing the song"

"W..what.."

"I appreciate your feeling to me. Your sincerety on that song.. I understand it. You touch me right away with this song.. I know that to write a song won't be as easy as writing a diary. But you put your diary beautifully and decorated it well to be this beautiful song. I like to listen this on your next album Ji.."

Jiyong's wide smile appears on his bright face. He holds my body and cups my face, "Are you sure?"

I nod my head and he hugs me very tight.

"Everything for you baby. Everything"