Yoo-hee is walking on the beach, hand in hand with a guy taller than her. She couldn’t see his face but she knows he was someone very important to her. The guy puts his hands on her shoulders as she faces him.

“I’ll meet you here tomorrow, okay?” he says but his face could not be seen. It was against the blinding sun.

“I will be here.” Yoo-hee answers as she felt the waters rush to her feet.

 

She opens her eyes and sees nothing. Just the dark.

Maybe God was too busy listening to more important prayers. Maybe I’ll just have to wait a bit longer.

 

 

“Oppa, how could you?!” Jessica angrily says to Kris. He’s breaking up with her.

“I’m sorry. I thought you were the one. But I was wrong.” He tells her straight.

“But I thought you loved me!”

“I never told you. That was your own perception. I’m sorry, I was rushing.” Kris says and walks away.

 

Jessica was his 24^th girlfriend. He likes her, he really does. But he never loved her. There were a lot of girls better than her, he played with them so many times until they became boring. So, he settled things straight with Jessica. But when he met that girl, that Yoo-hee girl, he started to question his feelings for Jessica Jung.

There is something about Yoo-hee that Jessica does not have. And he doesn’t know what it is. Yet.

 

 But he had the feeling he should look for her again.

 

“Look for a girl named Song Yoo-hee.” Kris tells their manager.

“There’s at least 50 or more women with that name in Seoul alone.” He answers.

“She’s at least my age. Maybe 5’4” in height. Please, help me with this one. Just this.” Kris pleads. This is the first time he actually begs for something. He never begs, not even for his life. But this one, this is the only chance to see her again. If he doesn’t look for her, he will never see her again. His time is running out.

“Kris, if you’re just playing—“

“I’m not playing with her. I have to look for her. I need to, please hyungnim. Please.” He begs again.

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do—“

“No, you have to find her. You have to. You know I don’t have much time.” He looks at his manager with determination. His hyungnim holds his arm and tells him,

“Don’t be like that, Kris. We need you, you should know that. Your time is not running out. I will look for her. Trust me, I will. If this is the only way to help you, then I’ll find her.” He manages to smile at Kris before he walks away.

 

A week passes by, still no Song Yoo-hee was found. Kris slowly gives up on looking for her. Maybe she’s not the person I need. Maybe I got it wrong.

His condition was getting worse at the same time. His heart was acting abnormally. Some days, his heart would have Arrhythmia or irregular heart rhythms. The doctors said there was no cure. No, there was actually one. And it was surgery.

For goddamn sake, he was only holding on a thin string of hope. What could a mere surgery do for him?

 

 

 

Kris is standing outside the SM Entertainment building that next day when he sees a girl pass by. For a second, his heart thuds madly inside his chest. Fate is on his side.

Song Yoo-hee. It was her, he was sure of it.

 

“Yoo-hee! Song Yoo-hee!” He calls out as he runs toward her. She looks at the side where the voice came from.

He rushes up to her as he gasps for air. His heart was reacting badly now. Not now please. This can’t be it. He inhales small amounts of air to regulate his breathing. He places his hand on his chest. He turns into a pale color.

“Are you Kris?” the old man beside Yoo-hee asks.

“Yes, I am sir.” Kris manages to answer but the air entering his lungs was still insufficient.

“Kris? It’s you?” Yoo-hee asks as her eyes lit up.

“Yes, it’s me.” he answers, still gasping for air.

“Are you okay?” the man asks him as he tries to support Kris by holding his arm.

“I-I’m fine.” he coughs as his breathing goes back to normal. Thank God.

“By the way, Kris, this is my father.” Yoo-hee inserts.

“Nice meeting you sir.” He bows down and extends his hand to Yoo-hee’s father.

 

He spends his time with Yoo-hee that day after he promised him that she will arrive home safely.

 

“You looked for me?” Yoo-hee asks him as they sat on a bench that warm afternoon.

“Hmm. I almost gave up. Until I saw you today.” Kris admits, as he blushes.

“Why?”

“What why?”

“Why did you look for me?”

“I don’t know. It just came to me.”

“I don’t understand.” Yoo-hee mutters, enough for Kris to overhear.

“You don’t understand?”

“I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

“Me neither.”

“No, not that. It’s just that, I tried to look for you too. But I couldn’t see and that was the problem.”

 

A frown replaces the smile on Kris’ face as he looks at Yoo-hee. He touches her hand and she instantly flinches from his cold fingers.

“I’m sorry.” Kris apologizes.

“It’s okay.” Yoo-hee gives him a smile.

They were enveloped in a silence they were comfortable with. Kris felt at ease with Yoo-hee, and Yoo-hee felt the same way towards him. The moment did not need any words.

“If only time doesn’t run.” Kris says in a soft tone.

“Why?”

“I never realized my time was running out until I met you.” He suddenly admits. Yoo-hee’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Your time is not running out. We’re just—“

“No, you don’t know anything, that’s why.”

“Kris, you don’t understand.”

“Fine, let’s just say I don’t. Then what happens next? Will I get to live much longer?”

“What do you mean ‘live much longer’? Kris, is there something going on?” Yoo-hee says.

“No. Nothing is going on.” He answers.

 

Nobody tries to ask again. Kris drops Yoo-hee at her house that night.

“Will I get to see you again?” he asks.

“You have other better things to do tomorrow.” She answers.

“But—“

“Kris, just… Come here when you have a time. Don’t come here when you’re busy. Okay?” Yoo-hee manages to say though she wants to tell him to stay for a while.

“Okay, I will.” Kris says and rings the doorbell for her.

“I’ll come here when I’m not busy then.” Kris murmurs, Yoo-hee does not answer. Instead, she gives him a smile. That smile that will always freeze Kris’ time.

“You’re always busy, Kris. You’re an idol.” She manages to answer before her dad taps her shoulder.

 

Later that night, when Kris arrives at the dorm, he was fired with lots of demanding questions.

“Hyung, where have you been?” Chen asks as he munches on a biscuit.

“Strolling around. Doing some stuff.” He reasons out, but Tao noticed the bright shade of pink appearing on his face.

“What stuff?” Kai inserts and gives Kris the ‘I-KNOW-WHAT-YOU-DID-THERE’ look.

“Not that stuff, hyung.” He answers immediately before the rest would ask more.

“You know, Krystal dropped by this morning. She wanted to talk to you.” Kyungsoo seriously says.

He continues, “You know, if you keep on playing and messing around—“

“I stopped.”

“You what?” Tao asks as his eyes widens in surprise.

“Oh, the great Kris has finally ended his ‘playing with girls’ course.” Kai says as he quotes his fingers in the air.

“Why, gege? Are you now really falling for me?” Tao slips an arm on Kris’ shoulder.

“I’m a straight man, gege. I’m not like that.” He smacks Tao’s arm as he sits on the couch.

“I was just joking you know.” Tao smiles at him like an idiot and he walks towards the kitchen.

 

Suho sits beside Kris, his ‘I’ll remind you again’ face appearing.

“Not now, hyung. I have lots of things to worry about.” Kris covers his face with his palms.

“Hyung, it’s just a surgery. It won’t hurt that much.” Suho murmurs, just enough for both of them to hear.

“Once damage is done, it can’t be repaired. It can be handled, but it cannot be completely fixed back to normal again.” Kris explains to him.

“But you can be saved.”

“I don’t need to be saved, hyung.”

“Why are you doing this, Kris? Tell me why.” Suho leans closer, his eyes completely fixed on him.

“Because, just because.” He answers, his eyes completely fixed on the ground.

“Look at them—“ Suho gestures to Kai and Kyungsoo sharing a pint of ice cream on the table, Chanyeol and Baekhyun running around, Xiumin and Chen making funny faces in the mirror, Sehun and Luhan playing with pillows, Tao posing around with a camera on his hand and Lay practicing the new choreography. Kris’ eyes follow along.

“Look at us.” Suho finally whispers in broken sobs.

“We need you, hyung. You said yourself that we are one. So we’ll work as one. Let’s work as one.” He continues on as he holds Kris’ hand.

Kris looks away. He was not the type who cried like a baby in front of other people. He’s known as being strong. If he acted weak, then who would be a shoulder to his hyungs?

 

“I know it’s too much to ask but hyung, if you can’t do it for us then at least do it for yourself.” Suho pats Kris’ shoulder and walks away, towards Kai and Kyungsoo who were too busy spoon-feeding themselves with ice cream.

 

Suho steals away the pint and runs away, laughing.

“Hey, that’s ours!” Kai jumps off his seat and follows Suho.

“It will ruin your diet, here let me help you guys.” Suho gets a spoon and feeds himself.

“No, we don’t need someone to help us. Come here, give it back!” Kyungsoo demands as they broke off with a laugh.

 

Kris watches them, Suho is right. He forces himself to accept the truth, he needed the surgery.

 

The next few weeks were busy for the group, Kris never had the time to visit Yoo-hee.

Yoo-hee on the other hand, was also busy for medical check-ups, she needed an eye donor immediately or else she will never get the chance to see again. The doctor had explained everything to her but she could not understand a word. He also mentioned about cornea and lens but her mind was drifting off into space. My days are counted, I will never see the sun again. I will never see Kris.

 

Then that day came, it hit the papers. Kris was seen with a girl and to prove it was a photo. It was taken by a student strolling on that same place. In protest, 20 fan sites close down, teenagers boycott EXO albums and products, advertisers back out from planned endorsements.

“Explain why this happened.” The manager asks in a clear, serious manner as he throws off the newspaper into the table.

“She’s just a friend.” Kris reasons out, looking at it. The girl on the picture was Yoo-hee. Thank god her face was not caught.

“I don’t think so. Leave EXO if you think you’re unworthy.”

“Hyung.” Voices from his group mates in protest fill the air.

“Suho will replace you.” Their manager continues.

“No.” Suho answers firmly.

“We started as one, we will end as one.” He inserts as he glances at the paling Kris.

 

Kris was coughing really hard, like his lungs might fall off any second. Instantly, Suho rushes to his side.

“Hyung?” he calls out, his arm supporting Kris’ shoulder.

“I—I’m fine, don’t worry.” He manages to answer despite his coughing.

 

What Suho saw was beyond his thoughts and imagination, Kris was coughing up blood. Lots of it. Suho makes a quick glance at the others. They all had the same reaction. Worry.

Kris was getting worse by the minute. And there was nothing they could do.

“Gege, let’s go to the hospital.” Tao stands up and walks toward Kris. His face was full of worry.

“Why?” Kris looks at their faces, until his eyes follow up to his left hand. It had blood, his blood.

Everything turns to black after that incident.

 

 

Kris opens his eyes to the blinding light, he was lying on a warm bed and beside him were his weeping hyungs.

“You’re too excited. I’m not dead yet.” Kris jokes as he reaches out to Baekhyun who was seated beside him.

“Hyung, you’re not going to die.” He brokenly whispers.

“My time—“

“You’re time is not running out.” Xiumin manages to insert though his eyes were already stinging.

“Let me go home. I want to go home, I hate hospitals.” Kris sniffs, as he tries to ignore the lump on his throat.

“We will go home soon, gege. But you need to rest.” Tao sits on his bedside and pats his leg.

“I can rest at home. C’mon, I’m fine. It was just –“

 

“FOR GODDAMN’S SAKE, YOU HAVE EISENMENGER’S SYNDROME! YOU ARE NOT FINE! YOU’RE NOT OKAY!” Suho shouts at him. He was standing in corner of the room, his hands covering his ears. He had enough of Kris’ words. They were repeated so many times before and now, he’s tired of it. He knows Kris is in a very bad state, and there is no cure.

 

Tears fall from Kris’ eyes as he drifts back to sleep.

 

“Yoo-hee, wake up.” Her father taps her lightly on the shoulder.

“Hmmm? Why dad?” She asks as she opens her eyes to the dark.

“Wash your face, someone’s waiting for you.” He says and helps her get up.

 

Yoo-hee’s father helps her go to the living room, a familiar scent welcomes her.

“Good morning, Yoo-hee.” Kris says in a weak tone.

“Good morning, Kris. You’re quite early today.” She jokes.

“Yeah, I noticed.” He chuckles under his breath.

“You sound tired. Are you okay?” She asks.

“No, I’m fine. Do you have time today? Can we go out?” He invites.

“Ummm, okay, sure. I’ll get dressed first, wait for me here.” She answers as her father helps her walk back to her room.

 

 

They spent the day together, they strolled along the park, listened to birds sing, feel the sun on their skin.

“I envy you.” Yoo-hee says.

“Why?”

“You can see everything, the sky, trees, happy kids running around, birds flying, etcetera, etcetera.”

“It doesn’t really look good as it seems.” He answers, his gaze completely fixed on her.

“I never really gave importance to what I had until I knew it was gone.”

“Had? What do you mean?”

“My days are counted, if I can’t find an eye donor soon, then I will lose my sight permanently.”

“I-I don’t know what to say.”

“Me neither. I was speechless when the doctor said that to me.”

“Is there something else you could do?”

“There’s no other option.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. But don’t pity me, please. I’ve had enough of that for the past four years.”

 

As they quietly sat on the bench, Kris starts to sing the first few lines of Two Moons (Roll like a buffalo), Yoo-hee, as if she could see him, looks his way and sings along. He laughs and continues to rap. When the song ended, he immediately sang Angel. Yoo-hee starts to listen closely to his voice. She never heard him sing a ballad. In between, Kris felt tears running down his cheeks as he looked closely at Yoo-hee. He immediately ends it with a sudden clap.

“Wow, you have a really great voice.” Yoo-hee says and claps along.

“I know.” He tries to joke but the tears kept coming. He was forcing himself to laugh like an idiot in front of her.

 

Do or die. Kris tells himself as he gathers the courage to move in closer and touch Yoo-hee’s hand.

 

“Kris—“

“I like you, I really do.” He holds her hand tightly on his.

“Kris, I like you but—“

“But what?”

“We can’t be together. I will never get to see you.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me, Kris. It really does. I don’t know why but now, it does.” She answers him while tears started to flow from her eyes.

“You’re the first person who made me desperate to see the world again.” She continues on.

“Shush. There’s still hope, Yoo-hee.” He says, wipes away her tears as his spilled even more.

“There’s no hope, there’s nothing we could do for the both of us. We’ll only get hurt.”

“It will work out.”

“Kris, don’t make the impossible happen, it will not work out. It never will.” She harshly answers and pulls her hand away from Kris’ grasp.

That moment, Kris felt his heart acting strangely again. His heart was beating too fast and his nose was already bleeding. He held his face up and covered his nose with a handkerchief.

 

God, not now. Yoo-hee, she needs me.