{ What If  }

Pairing: Kwon Jiyong and Park Bom

“Where is he?”

‘He’s gone.’

“What do you mean my kid’s gone? “

‘He didn’t make it, Jiyong. His heart wasn’t strong enough. ‘

There are times when those words haunted him. It’s been four years since he convinced himself that his son is gone. He saw the tomb. He saw his baby’s name engraved, using his surname despite the fact that they never got married. Bom left for good since then. Like she was in a rush to put everything behind her—including him.

It was five in the morning, the sun was still nowhere in sight as Jiyong decided to take a walk to ease his mind from all the chaos from his life. Wearing a hooded jacket and dark shades, he stopped by the empty bus stop in Gangnam and took the next bus that stopped before him. He didn’t mind where the destination was, he just wanted his feet to take him somewhere—anywhere but here.

With no direction whatsoever, his feet led him to a park near a residential area probably in the outskirts of Seoul. The place was still bare, no traces of kids nor adults jogging around. He takes this as a good sign and continues to walk aimlessly towards the play ground.

 “Baby, stop running! You might get hurt!”

A woman shouted as a toddler went running from the park’s garden to his direction. His tiny little steps were accompanied with a certain bounce of cheerfulness. The little kid ran towards him, wide eyed, chubby cheeks with his mouth hung open. His chopped bangs were parted in irregular intervals, the wind sweeping it as he crashes towards him.

Jiyong looks down on the kid who bumped into his legs like he was some sort of sturdy log causing the child to sit back down on the ground. The child didn’t cry though, he just stared at him with those big glassy eyes whilst holding his breath.

“Jihoo! Omo, are you hurt baby?!” The woman, probably his mother, shouted from a short distance whilst running towards them. He kept staring back down to the child, the child doing just the same as him. They held their gazes only to be broken when the mother came close, huffing and puffing from running.

“Cute kid. Yours?”

“Y-yeah.”

That voice. He knew that voice.

But it can’t be. She’s been gone for almost five years now. It would be ridiculous to find her here. With slight hesitation, he removes his glasses, lifts his gaze up and to his utter shock-- it was her.

How ridiculous. He rides a random bus, gets down on a random stop, walks aimlessly to a random park and yet his feet still leads him back to her. What a play of fate.

“Looks like you’ve settled down. That’s… nice.”         

He studies her, takes note of any changes that might have occurred in between the years they’ve been apart. She’s still beautiful. She still had that long, brown hair that he loved to touch and play with. Her face still exuded that same glow she used to have. She looks happy. The years apart must have done her well. Maybe she’s better… without him.

It was the opposite for Jiyong though. Not even a single second that he didn’t think about her. He wrote songs, tons f them, all dedicated to her with the hope that one of his songs will eventually reach her no matter where she was. Everyday he wondered how things were if he didn’t screw things up back then. What if he stayed the man that she needed? What if he stopped her from leaving him entirely? What if they stayed together, could their baby have survived? Could he have been a good father to his son?

What if?

Sure, he wanted to wish her well. But he couldn’t seem to let go of the thought of having her back. She may have left, they may have separated… but maybe some things didn’t change.

He still loves her.

“Hey buddy.” Jiyong bends down to the kid’s level and gives him a warm smile.

“What do you want from me? I’m just four.” The child pouted his tiny lips which caused Jiyong to chuckle in astonishment. He finds the kid amusing with the way he talks like an adult. A certain pang of jealousy struck him, like he wished he had one of his own.

One of their own.

“Wait a minute, you look like…Oh my gosh, momma. Look! It’s G Dragon!! AHHH!” The kid started to scream like a lunatic, waving his short arms up and down as Bom tried to hush her son’s uncontrollable behaviour.

“Kid, it’s okay. Why are you screaming?” Jiyong frowns in worry, the reaction he expected wasn’t the way he imagined.

“’Cause fans are supposed to scream, right? That’s what they do in the DVD’s we watch at home.” He blinks twice and he remembers how Bom used to do the same out of habit.

“Oh. So you’re my fan? Wow. What’s your name, kid?”

“I’m JiHoo. Are you really G Dragon?” JiHoo leans closer to him, scrutinizing his features trying to confirm his hunch. G Dragon, the famous leader of Big Bang. A genius in his own right, a snobbish guy with so much swag. But inside he’s just Kwon Jiyong—the guy who’s trying to make a mark of his own, just a normal guy who longs to love and be loved. The stupid guy who let the love of his life walk out of the picture.

“Umm. Yeah, that’s me. But call me Jiyong. Can we be friends?”

“YOU BETCHA! We should take a p-p--picturegraph! Then I can post it in my TWEEDER!” JiHoo jumps up and down, the excitement clearly evident in his face.

“You mean Twitter? Awesome, I can follow you. I have that too!”

Jiyong offers him a high five and Jihoo reaches for it with a smack.

He has earned himself a friend. Jiyong can feel the mild reluctance from Bom when she meekly invited him over at their house. They lived nearby, probably two blocks from the park. She led him to one of the benches in their tiny garden under a big old tree. JiHoo played the role of a host as his mother hurried to excuse herself to the bathroom.

“I wish you were my dad, Mr. G-Dragon. Can you be my dad?” JiHoo tugs on his hand and looks at him with his innocent eyes. They were sitting under the tree, he looked at him and his pleading eyes trying to distinguish that certain longing in the child’s gaze-- like there was something missing.

I wish I could, buddy. He thought.

“Where’s your appa?” Curiosity got the best of him. He wanted to know. He wanted to go deeper but if Bom refuses to open up, he’s left with no choice but to ask her own son.

“Mom said that my dad lived in a different universe.”

Jiyong frowns. How can Bom tell her child such nonsense? Can this kid be…? No, he saw the grave.  It can’t be. It’s far from possible.

“Really? Then does that mean you’re an alien?”

“Yes, I’m half human, half alien. Mom said that whenever dad walks around, he’s always surrounded by different lights and fireworks. He’s like a really awesome cool dad, you know. Though he never comes home because mom said their universe needs him and he has a very important job there.”

JiHoo never let go of Jiyong’s hand. He led him inside their tiny house, touring him to each and every room possible, even to his tiny inflatable pool by the garden.

“What are these?” Jiyong stops by the living room and reaches for the pile of DVDs stacked in one corner.

“Oh these are called DVDs. They’re all BigBang and yours. I don’t know why we watch it a lot but mom cries whenever she watches Mr. G Dragon’s dvd. I don’t understand, you’re so cool but mom cries about it. She said she’s really a fan.” JiHoo grabs the copies and stares at it with deep curiosity.

 “Is that so? I bet your mom is a big fan of ours for keeping so much merchandise.” Jiyong stifles a smile. Despite the bitter feeling of entertaining someone else’s child, he’s happy to know that she’s been supporting him in her own ways. He was taking a moment to scan through all the DVDS, wondering why there wasn’t a trace of Bom’s or 2ne1’s previous performances whatsoever. She must’ve kept it from his son. Out of nowhere, he feels a pair of tiny hands grab his left wrist whilst hearing,

“Hey, why do you have the same drawing with momma?” JiHoo pointed at Jiyong’s left wrist where an inked artwork was etched.

“What? What drawing? Oh, it’s called a tattoo…” It was their tattoo. The only memory of what they used to have. The only reminder of her pain and his stupid mistakes.

“A tattoo? Can I have one too?”, the child spoke with giddiness.

“Only when you’re old enough, buddy.”

“But I’m turning five! Mom said that she’s gonna allow me to use ball pens when I’m five.”

“Why?”

“Because I like drawing on walls. It’s cool. But mom hates it ‘cause she needs to scrub them off. Can you draw me a tattoo of that too? Do all of your fans have that?”

“Umm..no…” It’s an exclusive memento of him and Bom-- just the two of them. They didn’t care about the rules back then. They were so in love, it was worth risking anything. It used to be like that. Just him and Bom.

“Then why does mom have the same drawing? Is she a copy cat? Oh mom , I thought she was cool. She was just copying our idol all along. Hmp.”

“It’s hard to explain, buddy.”

“Then tell me what it means. I can’t read,”

With a deep breath he tries to go back to that day they both had it inked. He remembers it like it was so new to him. She was in pain, he wanted to stop the artist from doing it ‘cause he couldn’t take the look of Bom hurting. But she did it anyway, she said it was worth all the pain and that it will forever be a remembrance of their undying love. The tattoo used to have so much meaning… It actually still does.

“Well, it says here ‘Forever’ and this sign here is an infinite sign. It means never ending… something like that…”

“Oh… I don’t understand.”

Jiyong chuckles. This kid is just so fun to be with. Now he’s starting to think how it would be like to have a son like him. It would probably be epic. Bom emerges from the kitchen, a ruffled white apron hung around her neck making her look like a real housewife.

How he wished he’d go home to that every single day.

‘Here I am, scared to see her with someone else. Yet I had all the chance in the world when I used to have her….yet I still let her go. And then she disappears, I could’ve searched for her. I could have shook the world up side down just so I could find her but I became the coward and I let her leave. I let her vanish along with my heart. Can she be anymore ruthless?

And here she is, smiling happily at me, with someone else’s kid in her arms. I should’ve been that guy. I should’ve been all she ever needed… yet I let it all slip away.

I should have been the better man.

“Jihoo, baby, did you give Mr. G- Dragon a hard time? Jiyong, I hope he didn’t give you a headache… he’s quite a kid…”

“No problem, he’s quite interesting.”

“BUT MOOOOOM, I WANT MISTER GDRAGON TO STAY!!!!”

“Listen, JiHoo buddy. You really want me to stay?” Jiyong leans down to JiHoo to whisper, making sure Bom couln’t hear any of it.

“YESH!”

“Then all you have to do is cry really, really, really loud; if you can fake tears then better. Then tell your mom that you won’t stop crying unless I stay here. Got that?”

JiHoo nods like the obedient kid that he is. The child is determined to get his idol to stay even for the night so he can exchange stories with him and play with him some more.

With a deep breath and determined eyes, JiHoo wails out of nowhere, sitting on the floor as he kicks his legs.

WAAAAAAAAAAAA~

“But *sobs* I want him *sobs* t-to stay!” Bom gives his son a troubled look. She didn’t want to trouble Jiyong with his son’s whims. JiHoo is generally a good boy but he started acting strange since Jiyong appeared, she thought. She was fighting with her inner dilemmas, trying to make excuses just so JiHoo won’t bother Jiyong.

“Baby, Mr. G-Dragon is famous, remember? He has tons of things to do and…”

“No, it’s fine. I actually enjoy his company. But, well, that is if it’s okay with you…”

Bom stood frozen, her eyes never leaving him. She didn’t even realize that his son has stopped wailing now. She gulps down the huge lump forming in , tries to say a word but there came nothing.

“I’d take that as a yes?” He suggested, secretly wishing that he can still persuade the goddess of his life.

“Y-you can have dinner with us. I made kimchi fried rice and bulgogi, I hope it’s okay.”

How can he forget Bom’s unusual kimchi rice?

“Do you still put corn in it?” Jiyong mutters with a smile on his face, remembering how Bom’s kimchi rice has always been made—with corn. He hates it that way though but he still eats it anyway. He never really liked his kimchi rice bastardized but it was Bom, he’ll eat whatever she gives.

JiHoo sat next to him, carefully picking out the kernels of corn from his bowl using his plastic spoon.

“I hate corn.” The child whined still picking the bits and pieces of corn from his share of dinner.

“What did I say about being picky? Baby please, eat those. We don’t want Mr. G-Dragon to think you’re picky.” Bom pleaded with puppy eyes which Jiyong found amusing. He continued to watch the mother and son as they fought over a bowl of rice.

“Hmp. Fine. But only for MR. GD.” They finished dinner silently, with JiHoo’s smart remarks to fill the air once in a while.  It’s funny how time flew when you’re having fun. It was almost bedtime for JiHoo and Jiyong was still there with them keeping them company.

JiHoo started yawning, probably tired from all the day’s activities. Jiyong offered to watch his One of a Kind Concert with them after dinner. He shyly danced along his One of a Kind number just to fulfil JiHoo’s wish of dancing with him which will eventually give the kid fond memories and sweet dreams.

“Can you please come on my birthday? My playmates will be happy to see you.”

“Baby, you’re asking for too much.” Bom looked at JiHoo with worried eyes, she can’t let her son be disappointed. She didn’t want his kid to expect too much but little did she know that he didn’t really mind.

Besides, the kid was just too hard to resist.

“I promise I’ll be there.” She stares at him, obviously surprised. Could it be that he’s turned into a better man now? Could it be that the Kwon Jiyong she loved is still somewhere in there? Without her realizing, JiHoo had already fallen asleep in her arms. Her arms were starting to go numb from his child’s weight when she heard him say,

“Can I carry him to bed?”

Without a word, he takes JiHoo from Bom and carries him in his arms. Bom tried her best to keep her tears from falling. It was the last thing he needed to see. She wanted to be strong for once. She wanted to be strong for JiHoo too.

Bom stood by the door as Jiyong laid her son on the bed and tucks him in, she couldn’t help but wipe away a tear that escaped her eye as she watched him act so fatherly towards her son. This could have been their family. If only things weren’t so messed up back then…

He JiHoo’s hair, watched the kid drift into deep slumber while Bom remained on her feet right behind him.

“I’m not judging you, Bom. I actually feel sorry for myself instead. This could’ve been us. If only I didn’t mess it all up back then…”

She couldn’t take it any longer, the tears b to fall were now streaming down her face uncontrollably.

“It’s funny how fate brought me back to you. Maybe this is the universe’s way of telling me something… Maybe this is karma. I don’t know. It actually kills me to see you with this kid. Your husband? Damn that lucky guy. He’s so lucky to actually walk down the isle with you. All these years I wondered how it could have been for us. I could have been that guy waiting at the end of the isle… I could’ve been that guy who’d hurry home just to make it in time for dinner with you.

Youngbae told me there was always a reason for everything… I didn’t believe him before but I guess after seeing you with this wonderful kid I believe him now. Maybe the reason fate brought me back to you is to meet this kid—to remind me of the mistakes I’ve made. To remind me how sorry I am for taking you for granted… for missing that once chance of forever with you.”

Tears started gliding down his cheeks, all his pent up feelings now flowing like the endless stream of their tears. Bom cried harder, her eyes clouded by waterworks. She couldn’t believe she’s hearing this from the man who broke her heart a few years ago.

She couldn’t believe that she still loved this man despite everything he has done.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being there when our baby died. I’m sorry when I never stood up for us. I’m sorry for leaving you and making you wait all the time. I’m sorry, Bom. But you know what? After everything I guess I finally realized one thing… I still love you… but dammit, it’s all too late.”

 “Jiyong…” her voice cracks as she tries to speak despite the sobbing and tears.

“I’m sorry too. I hope you’ll learn to forgive me… but I lied to you.”

“What?”

“I lied to you, Jiyong. I fooled you because I thought running away from you was the best thing. I wanted to forget you so bad but I guess I was wrong too. I can never runaway from something that holds a special place in my heart. And that is us, Jiyong.”

“I don’t understand, Bom.”

She sits on the other end of the bed just across him, tucks the stray hair away from JiHoo’s serene face as she spoke,

“JiHoo… this beautiful kid… is ours.”

This kid is Xiao Xiao Bin. OMFG, when this kid cries, I cry too. That's the power he holds over me.

This one shot actually is inspired by one of my favorite dramas, Autumn's Concerto. (Yep, I like watching dramas too. Vanness Wu and Ady An)

I do not own anything, okay. This one shot was a product of mixed inspirations and usually songs. (What If by Babyface and The One that Got Away by Katy Perry) So yeah, hope you liked it. I actually cried on Jiyong's part by the end. THE FEELS, kinda got carried away  >_< 

THERE YOU GO WITH THE SEQUEL~~~ I made this in two nights, non stop. It's 1am in here, OMFG!! IM CRAY CRAY!

Although when I think about it, maybe this story 6 can actually stand up on its own as a one shot. OH WELL. WHATEVER>