Everyone loves me.

Yeah, I am serious. You are probably going all "This conceited b*tch..." this and that but you just don't know. Most of them love me, I mean not just my fans but idols, specially male idols. BUT. (I wish there was no but in life *sigh*) They love me like loving a little mommy, or nicer, a noona. *sign* I am not old in general, but in the industry I am not young either. So you know, when you get older it is just sad.

Not that I mind though. I mean I am obsessed with kids. When I travel to different countries, you know what I collect? I bought kids toys, and everything that relates to kids. Oh that is freaky. No. NO. Don't worry, I am not a freak or something so I won't break into your house to steal your kids but until I get the real one, I don't mind having some grown-up kids like them either. 

Males are all kids in aldult bodies. Especially those who are at the same age as mine or younger, sometimes even older (oh btw please can you grow up?). You know that theory which said males grow slower than females mentally? I tell you what? yeah it is not just theory, it is a fact. They all act like kids, at least around me. You probably think i am lying. LOL. No, those cool men you see on TV does not exist in real life. They are all silly, noisy, and crazy. 

However it is kinda nice, imagine it people, would it be so great that you can all those pretty boys' hair, pinch their cheeks, and hit them when you want to? ( This, by the way, I mean, I stand up to their arms only) Ok I am going overboard now. But I mean when you have all the boys being around you without any shyness. They are not afraid to show me their real selves. NOT AT ALL. Ugly self to be honest. Not like when they are other female idols at least.

Why? You are probably wondering either. To tell you the truth, I just don't know. I have always been like that. No. I don't mean I am popular among men. But you know, I have always been so comfortable to play with. To the point that when I was in all my schools, despite not being a hot or pretty girl, I always had the most fans...I mean fanboys... Not fans, but all the annoying tails who would try to drag me in their problems, who would find me when they have no one to talk to, who would hug me when they were down, who would share me their good news first among their peers, not all bad things though, who would SHARE ME GOOD FOOD  FIRST. (Oh talking about food, I LOVE FOODS *criesssss*)

Ok you don't believe me? Lemme give you two example. But lemme finish between you stab me because of being jealous. Everything is never as nice and pink as it sounds, so you know.... just calm down and eat your popcorns. So lemme tell you my relationship with some rising male idols now. 

First is BEAST. In general, BEAST just likes me, especially Doonjoon and Yoseob. Doojoon is the same age as mine and Yoseob is younger, around one year I guess. Yoseob, oh this hyper boy, he loves to whisper to my ears, he probably thinks it is y, but not for me, and all his silly jokes are so nonsense HAHA. Others members have good feeling about me actually. And this Kikwang little kid is just so shy, I mean he is probably shy with everyone but to me, he tries his best to keep his straight face but he failed, or maybe I have a good eyes to realize that haha. So I am surprised in that OMS broadcast, but it was just for the show so I am very cool.

I know Doojoon pretty well, to be more exact, we know each other. Doojoon may look way maturer for his age but he is not. He is still a kid and still want to play around. Honestly, you always think that being a leader is lucky, but no it is totally not. The responsibily suffocates you. Beast members love each other of course, but having six grown-up people with totally different characteristics living together is not simple. I know this kid probably suffers a lot through that. I mean all leaders do, but especially for Doojoon who looks older and maturer among s, the expectation on him is just too big.  He looks like that but there are many times he is down, and when he is, you know what he does. HE FINDS ME TO SPILL OUT ALL HIS PROBLEM. NO, GIVE ME A BREAK. Time like that, I just want to shout out that I am tired, that I have problems in life too, but somehow when I look at him I just want to give him a sympathy pat on his head. And just stay like that to listen to what he wants to say. 

Second is Infinite. I want to talk about MBLAQ but I will talk about this later. I think Infinite is just a better example. Beast and MBLAQ are our debut buddies so you probably think we are just naturally close like that. Infinite is our dongsaeng.

Watching their shows, you already know how Infinite is. Infinite is a mess, there is no harmony and no unity at all in that group in real life despite their famous in sycn performances. They are just way too different and way too expressive about their differences. That makes them special. They all like me, as a noona of course, except for Sungjong who has a mommy-son crush on me (urg I dunno there is something called mommy-son crush though). Dongwoo is super weird, he looks all tough on stage but his personality in real life is breakable. I mean for real. He is scared of anything. One time he stepped into the female restroom by mistake and I was in there. Oh you have no idea how much and how long I laughed that time. Then the handsome kid Woohyun, he doesn't show it out a lot but he thinks he absolutely wants to have a sister like me. I am not lying. Most of them chose me for their brother. Except for L , Sungjong and Hoya. I think L and Hoya mistook it as choosing me as their girlfriends, and I am of course not their type. And Sungjong doesn't want to choose me all the time so... I am surprised at Sungyeol though, I heard Sungjong said he doesn't like bubbly and innocent girls, I just look bubbly and innocent naturally, and he still chose me. WOW *impressed* And Sunggyu *sign*, I am confident that I am good at seeing through people only if I see their eyes. For Sunggyu, I can't see his eyes AT ALL.

So if you, female fans, or any female idol are jealous of me now, please change your mind. This is nothing fun. And they don't consider me their ideal type, they may say so on TV but in real life, no. I actually don't care though, but if you expect to be love interests of those boys then I am not the answer.

Everyone loves her. Yes. BUT.

I have this serious crush on this one girl. For me she is perfect in everything. She has a pretty face, maybe not for some of you who think she is just cute, i have grown up with my mom and for her, the type of face like that girl show a good sign of nice, kind and perfect soulmate and (ehem) wife accroding to Asian standard. But not just that. Her body is perfect. I am not going to be all y here but I am not the only one who thinks that. And I absolutely don't feel easy with her stage outfits. When I see her backstage, I choke and ogle of course. If I am like that then what other male idols will react? Like NO, please put some clothes on (Here I go, being a typical Korean man)

That is just about her appearance. There is something about her that is so real. She is no your typical Korean female idol or girl, absolutely not trying to act all distanced and arrogant. She is just so down-to-earth, so kind, so understanding and so outgoing. So everyone just loves her, especially male idols. And I am having a hard time because of that. However, I don't mind, I can just, you know, stay afar to observe her. The way she laughs so loud and her monkey face when she is curious about something. At least until I find out the classiest way to ask her out. (You hear it clear? II don't lack of courage or not,I just want to be classy ) because I am pretty sure she is not going to be stolen away soon.

BUT. There is one thing about her that I can't stand at all. ANd this is ugly. 

That is.

Being delusional.

I know she loves kids, and she has that mommy vide and acknowledge that herself but really. She is delusional and obsessed over it to the point that she keeps thinking every male species approach her because they want a noona. NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. I am a male and I know what all of them think. DAT BODY. DAT BABY FACE. DAT PERSONALITY. You think it is easy to stop at noona-dongsaeng or friend level. NO. I told you. She is obsessed about the dream to be the noona of everyone. AND WORSE. The little mommy of everyone. 

Stop thinking all males are kids, they may act like that, but they are all evils with lust. Especially at those ages. Like seriously what does she think she is? She has this habit of, you know, thinking those beasts not having any bad intention when they are so comfortable around her but come on she has no idea about any thing at all. Male idols are not normal boys you see at school or at work. Being cool just works for fangirls, and they know it well. 

Male idols are no normal boys, we are not shy. How can we be shy seriously? We are the ones that stand on that stage and try to steal every female's heart. we are the ones who know all the tricks to seduce women. We know each other, we are all good players in that field. Those men around her don't use that on her because if they jumped on her, she would run away,they are trying to make her believe that they want her as a friend, a noona but actually, they want that face and that body too. 

Because she thinks she can see through people and underestimate about her own appeal, she drives me insane. We, idols, know eveyrthing that happens in our circle. We know who is hitting on who, who is breaking up with who, who is cheating on who. Basically everything. Except for Secret. I think they are isolated in idol community as they don't have phones and don't spend much time with other idols. Well Sunhwa does though, but not Hyosung. So I know Himchan is lying, there ain't about mommy vide, or grandma vibe or whatever, he just has a crush on her. And I saw something very lustful in Bang Yong Guk's eyes, maybe just my delusion. Not to mention that Doojoon. OMG. And Lee Joon is just uncontrollably out of limit.

But the thing that drives me insane is what happen in my group, Infinite. Sungjong has this insane crush on her. And he hasn't grown up yet, he is just a kid. And Hyosung doesn't look like his sister at all. I saw his sister, so many times already. He is just lying. TOTALLY. But I like to think it is just a crush, he will forget it when he grows older. The problem is Sungyeol and Dongwoo. Dongwoo is totally sold after seeing her dace along and even kick the chair at the end of BTD performance when we were on Shimshimtapa together, he keeps bragging about that. And Sungyeol keeps pretending that he doesn't like bubbly and nice girl. He does. HE DOES. I know him.

Anyway, I am not that extremely worried yet. You know all those boys like her, but not like they are extremely in love with her. But boys always have that thought in mind of trying to work it out with someone they find likable. So among those, I think there is just one or two that are serious but noone is as serious at me. And I saw her even way before them, when she was in Good Entertainment. That is such a long story. I will tell you later. Now I am only upset that she can't feel my feeling, and my sincerity through my eyes. Even though I never try to talk or be close with her, but I always believe I have just an expressive pair of eyes that can speak. How can she not feel that yet?

Tell me how you think about my story. Do you like this way of story telling? Maybe you find it weird but I want to do it in a different style from other stories here.