So like, no sleep + krisyeol feels = this

Park Chanyeol liked to believe that he was living the perfect life.
How could it not have been.
He had the best friends, a wonderful family, a great job, and...a loving boyfriend
by the name of Wu Yi Fan.
That's right, the Wu Yi Fan who everyone thinks is a jerk.
But Chanyeol knew better than that.
He had seen all shades of gray and he knew, for a fact, that Kris
(he preferred being called by his nickname for some reason) was no jerk.
Sure, he could be a little lazy with his actions, but there were a thousand thoughts behind every single gesture.
Kris didn't have to say anything and Chanyeol would know what he wanted to say.
I love you.
Chanyeol needed Kris. 
He cherished every minute they had together.
He melted in every embrace.
He just wasn't Chanyeol without Kris.
Kris completed him.
So when good turned to bad and bad turned to worse,
Chanyeol was broken.

Is this what we want?

Never looking into each other's eyes again?

It started with ignored calls.
It was a daily routine, for Kris to call Chanyeol before he went to bed.
So when he didn't, Chanyeol was torn between thoughts of:
Kris had merely forgotten to call and:
Kris was finding the routine a burden.
Hoping it was teh former, Chanyeol shot Kris a call, only to end with an automated message.
His thoughts ended.
beep beep beep.
It would be confirmed in the morning.
When Kris was confronted about it (in the godly hours of the morning, as Chanyeol's mind would not leave him be)
he casually answered with "I accidentally fell asleep, sorry." 
Not pleased with the answer, but also not pleased about the tired tone in his boyfriend's voice, 
he accepted the apology and hung up.
He would not fall asleep until the sun was peeking up behind the horizon. 

Never speaking to me again?

Never saying that you love me again?

It continued with forgotten dates.
Wu Yi Fan might be lazy and he might not be into the lovey-dovey stuff,
but he had never forgotten a date.
And certainly not one as important as this. [A/N: omg, I just realized I wrote imported instead of important in my journal. rofl. so this is why we need sleep.]
You can't possibly have forgotten. You were looking forward to it so much...Our sixth month together.
Refusing to believe what was true, he waited.
One by one, the customers left.
Minute by minute, he became lonelier,
until he was the last one left.
Chairs were pushed in,
tables were wiped,
dishes cleaned.
But he just sat there, clinging to the last, smallest piece of hope he had.
The waiter came.
"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to leave, we're closing now."
That's when his last piece of hope shattered.
He's not coming, you idiot. Why are you still waiting.
Maybe...maybe he forgot because he was busy.
But he was not. KRis was there when Chanyeol came home.
Sitting on the couch, watching TV.
"Hey, where have you been? I was wondering how long you were going to be out," but his attention was still on the TV.
'Look at me. Look at me, dammit." [A/N: I just cursed. ;A;] Chanyeol wanted to shout out.
But he didn't. He didn't want Kris to see how broken he was.
"Just out. I'm tired so I'm going to sleep. Make sure you turn everything off when you leave."
If Kris had looked up just once, he would have seen Chanyeol,
breaking little by little.

Even if I get hurt and my tears fall like vain,

will changing solve anything?

He pledged silence.
If Kris wasn't going to remember, he wasn't going to tell.
They went on normally.
As normal as a broken couple could go.
Where did things go wrong.
There was one thing that Chanyeol wanted to know,
with all his heart.
He wanted to know if, Kris still cared.
Chanyeol didn't know, and he wouldn't know
but Kris had remembered.
The moment he saw Chanyeol come home, he had remembered.
And he fell, hard.
But how could he apologize?
How could he tell the one person he loved with all his heart,
"I forgot our anniversary"
He didn't know how. So he didn't. 
He didn't say a word.
And then, they were on the road of no return.

Can we change?

They drifted.
Kris stopped trying, Chanyeol stopped caring.
Everything went cold.
No more cheesy text messages. No more late night calls.
Occassional get-togethers.
Single word greetings and ten minute convos.
They were strangers, again.
But there was still a small sliver of hope in them.
It shine at the bottom of their heart.
Chanyeol had convinced himself that if KRis apologized,
or showed even the slightest that he cared,
he would forgive him.
For it was a fact, that he needed Kris.
And had he known that Kris was just as broken,
and had he confronted him with his thoughts,
then maybe, things would have turned out differently.
Or maybe, if Kris had gathered up the courage to confess
the secrets he held of  that day,
he could have stopped them from crashing.
But he didn't. And he never would.
They reached a dead end.
And there was no way out.

The string holding them together snapped.
They broke it off.
They both fell hard.
Who fell the hardest?
Was it Chanyeol?
The Chanyeol who needed Kris? Whose smile showed brightest at mention of his name. 
Whose body felt most secure in his arms.
Whose mind would be filled with thoughts of one man,
and one man only.
They were the exact same thoughts that left him regretting.
That left him thinking that it could have been different.
Was it Wu Yi Fan?
The Wu Fan who lieved a life of regret? Who loved Chanyeol so much,
he was afraide to hurt him. 
Who couldn't express what he felt because he didn't know?
Who would never love anyone as much as Chanyeol again?
Thoughts of "I should have told him" refused to release him from his nightmare.

If I had told him, it would have been different.

If I had told him, he wouldn't have experienced such pain

If I had told him, we would have ended differently

If I had told, he would still be mine.

Can we....turn back?

Yayy, first one. Took me two hours to write by hand ._. And then I had to retype it. Sorry. orz

poster by: [http://kris-n-crack.tumblr.com]

And here's mine: [http://intoo-yeol-world.tumblr.com]

Krisyeol urls! Lmao. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  yay for shameless advertising.

Comments? Yeah yeah? Not needed, but greatly appreciated! I have two more I'm going to type out right now.