KpopLover15751 ~ Art of Smiling

✩*:･ﾟ Art of Smiling *:･ﾟ✩

Author: KpopLover15751

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Reviewer : mindashii

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Title [4/5]:

It's short and to the point, which makes for a very good title. But, there are a lot of other "The Art of --" stories on AFF. It's still has originality, however, so it still works.

Foreword & Description [9/10]:

The description, like the title, is short and to the point. It doesn't give away the plot of the story at all; which is a good thing, it makes the readers more curious to read it. The foreword itself is very simple, which I like. Forewords that are too crowded are unattractive. However, instead of having two prologues, the first prologue would've been find by itself. It would've added more suspense.

Appearance [9/10]:

The poster is really beautiful, and very well done. As well as the character chart. But, adding a background that matches the poster would make it even better, and more attractive to readers.

Characterization [10/10]:

I really like the character you made out of Sungmin. He has depth, a past, and he really works well with the plot.

Plot/Originality [14/15]:

The plot seems really interesting. The whole 'smiling is a facade' thing, has been used in many stories, but with your plot, it works.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation [16/25]:

★"Smiling; that’s an easy task to do. People say it is a beautiful thing we living beings could do. A simple action that can resemble what a person is feeling but smiling can also façade the hidden emotions, such a clever technique isn’t it?" (-2)
^The above doesn't work.

This is much better:
"Smiling; that’s an easy task to do. People say it is a beautiful thing, we living beings can do. A simple action that can resemble what a person is feeling. But, smiling can also façade hidden emotions. Such a clever technique, isn’t it?"

★ "The people walked around the still classroom, dumping their bags the second they got to their seat." I'm not taking points of for this, I'm just suggesting you replace 'people' with 'students'.

★ "Pencils, Pens, Rubber were displayed over the space..." (-2) pens, and rubber, should be lower case. Also, rubber what? Do you mean eraser?

★ "...Eunhyuk and Donghae bickering over which was best, Monkeys or fishes." 'Monkeys' should be lowercase. (-1)

★ "...they had been best friends since births..." 'births' should be 'birth'. (-1)

★ "...Mr Park or Leeteuk as he like to call himself."

Should be this:
"...Mr Park, or Leeteuk, as he liked to call himself." (-1)

★ “Class since your math teacher is not here,” He paused over the deafening noise..." Should be a comma after class. (-1)

★ "Dressing in his pyjamas,..." 'pyjamas' should be 'pajamas'. (-1)

There are many, many more mistakes. It would be too long to list on here. I trust that you will take what you learned through these examples and use them as a guide as you look over your chapters.

Flow [9/10]:

The story flows really well, but it would be better if the grammar/spelling mistakes were fixed.

Enjoyment [15/15]:

I enjoyed reading this, readers who are a fan of angst would enjoy reading it too. I feel with the character Sungmin, he's relatable to people who smile on the outside, but are hiding true emotions on the inside.

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Total: [ 86/100 ]

Extra Comments:

Just fix those grammar/spelling mistakes, add a background, and this story would be golden.

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✩*:･ﾟ Stars given to KpopLover15751 *:･ﾟ✩

★★★★✩ 79-91