ainnurdoongie ~ I Swear You'll Regret It
11:11 ✩*:･ﾟ Review / Beta / Poster Shoppe *:･ﾟ✩ [CLOSED!]
✩*:･ﾟ I Swear You'll Regret It *:･ﾟ✩
Author: ainnurdoongie
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Reviewer : mindashii
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Title [4/5]:
Not that bad of a title, it's a little long, but it adds mystery and curiosity to the readers who scroll by it.
Foreword & Description [5/10]:
It's kind of a mess. No one really wants to know that, "again, I'm a very fanatic A+, fan of MBLAQ. so my story this time will be about MBLAQ. and some of Beast maybe. Not sure about that yet."
We already know that the stories about MBLAQ with a little bit of Beast because of the 'Character' section.
Save the 'I'm a fanatic A+' stuff for your profile, that's where you're supposed to put that.
Also, the Foreword and Description should trade place. What I mean is, "I know I wasn't supposed to be here. I know this is so ridiculous. Being an idol right after 15 days of becoming a trainee?? No one had ever debuted after only 15 days of practising. Only I did.." And so on should be in the Description, and the "I really need comments and your support. Thank you!" should be in the Foreword.
Also, the font is different. The font for your little author's not should be Georgia too. It looks sloppy if it's two different fonts.
We already know that the stories about MBLAQ with a little bit of Beast because of the 'Character' section.
Save the 'I'm a fanatic A+' stuff for your profile, that's where you're supposed to put that.
Also, the Foreword and Description should trade place. What I mean is, "I know I wasn't supposed to be here. I know this is so ridiculous. Being an idol right after 15 days of becoming a trainee?? No one had ever debuted after only 15 days of practising. Only I did.." And so on should be in the Description, and the "I really need comments and your support. Thank you!" should be in the Foreword.
Also, the font is different. The font for your little author's not should be Georgia too. It looks sloppy if it's two different fonts.
Appearance [7/10]:
The poster is very well done. I'm not a big fan of the background. The background shouldn't be a picture of people, it should be an actually background picture, like this:
It's only a suggestion though, keep your current background if you wish.
Characterization [6/10]:
In the first chapter, why is Mir crying? Just because he couldn't use the iPad? That's kind of weird. I'm pretty sure a 21 year old man wouldn't cry and pout, and he definitely wouldn't do it just because he couldn't use an iPad. I'm not familiar with MBLAQ, but I'm pretty sure Mir's not a whiny crybaby.
I don't like Mir's character, but other then that, everyone else is displayed decently.
I don't like Mir's character, but other then that, everyone else is displayed decently.
Plot/Originality [13/15]:
Although I've never read a fic like this, I did some research on AFF and discovered a lot of fics with almost a resemblance to this one. But, your's it actually different, so it does sustain originality.
As for the plot itself, it's not that bad. If the story is written well enough, it could be a very good plot.
Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation [16/25]:
*Only giving examples from the Foreword, Chapter 1, and Chapter 2. Look over the other chapters yourself and fix the mistakes accordingly to the examples I give you*
★ "Mianhae. I regret it. Really." -1 || One thing that bothers me very much about AFF is the use of Korean words. The whole story is written in English, so what's the point? I let 'hyung' slide, maybe even 'aigoo' if it's not used too much. But please, replace 'Mianhae with 'I'm sorry'.
★ "...only 15 days of practising." -2 || Spelling error. 'Practising' should be 'practicing'.
★ "...had for years.. A dream he worked..." -1 || There should be three periods if they're is a pause in a sentence. For example, "I really wanted to... But I couldn't."
★ "And I took it away from him, in a split of seconds.." -3 || Once again, three periods after a pause. Also, the wording is wrong. Instead of:
'in a split of seconds,'
It should be:
'in a split second,'
★ You start a sentence with 'And' a lot. That, my friend, isn't correct and makes me want to cry. -2
These mistakes happen throughout the story, please fix them-
★ "Mianhae. I regret it. Really." -1 || One thing that bothers me very much about AFF is the use of Korean words. The whole story is written in English, so what's the point? I let 'hyung' slide, maybe even 'aigoo' if it's not used too much. But please, replace 'Mianhae with 'I'm sorry'.
★ "...only 15 days of practising." -2 || Spelling error. 'Practising' should be 'practicing'.
★ "...had for years.. A dream he worked..." -1 || There should be three periods if they're is a pause in a sentence. For example, "I really wanted to... But I couldn't."
★ "And I took it away from him, in a split of seconds.." -3 || Once again, three periods after a pause. Also, the wording is wrong. Instead of:
'in a split of seconds,'
It should be:
'in a split second,'
★ You start a sentence with 'And' a lot. That, my friend, isn't correct and makes me want to cry. -2
These mistakes happen throughout the story, please fix them-
Flow [5/10]:
It flows decently, although the constant use of 'aigoo' is a little annoying. Also, some chapters are decently long while others are really short, which can be a turn off. I'm not saying you have to write a really long chapter every update, but going from a one paragraphed chapter to an eight paragraphed chapter is a little iffy.
Enjoyment [10/15]:
Personally, I didn't enjoy reading this fic as much. Only because I'm not that familiar with MBLAQ. If this story is fixed up, MBLAQ fans might enjoy it.
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Total: [ 66/100 ]
Extra Comments:
Hopefully I wasn't too mean, I was just trying to help. Please fix everything up, okay? :)
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✩*:･ﾟ Stars given to ainnurdoongie *:･ﾟ✩
★★★✩✩ 58-78
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