I was staring ahead into the horizon, watching the sun slowly travel down as evening approached. The sky was still orange around it but the rest was beginning to color a dark blue. It looked so serene and beautiful.

But that wasn’t what was taking up my mind at the moment. Like I’d said before, the most breathtaking scenery was sitting beneath this tree, right beside me.

I heard him call my name and I was effectively brought out of my thoughts. Turning my head to the side, I met his gaze right away.

“You’re being oddly quiet. Is there something wrong?” His brows creased a little where they met. I smiled at him, wanting to reassure him.

“I was just thinking about something.” I shrugged. He didn’t buy it though, his eyes still worriedly searching mine.

“Tell me.” He was really persistent when he wanted something, and I know that I couldn’t resist him for long. But I didn’t want to tell him such a ridiculous idea.

Shifting to lie down on the grass, I lay my head on his lap, and his hand automatically flew to my head. It felt nice when his fingers brush through my hair. It always sent shivers running down my spine, but I like the feeling of it. And he would always smirk at me when he notices it.

That’s fine with me. He knows how I feel afterall.

“Fine. But don’t laugh at me, okay?” I pouted cutely. Sometime after I confessed to him I realized how much he really found it cute when I pouted, and so I’d learned to use it on him whenever possible.

He pretended to think about it, “Only if it’s not really funny.” I rolled my eyes.

Whatever. He has this really ridiculous laugh that I can always with later on. Besides, he really was handsome when he laughs so I guess that’s okay.

I took his free hand and played with it on my stomach, tracing the contours and feeling the seemingly absent calluses with my fingers. I frowned. They were really there, thick and rough, but it still feels so smooth.

“You remember the lanky sophomore I told you about? The one that’s been crushing on my cousin, Jaejin?” I started, and when he nodded, I continued on, “He told me earlier that he saw me here on his way home a few days ago…”

I intertwined our fingers together as I spoke, and as he returned my hold, my heart felt like it was going to swell up and burst through my chest at the sight.

Our hands molded perfectly together. Like those spaces between our fingers were really meant for each other.

It looked wonderful. I felt wonderful.

A wide smile made its way to my lips as I continued staring at our entwined fingers.

Before I met Jonghun, I honestly don’t think I have ever felt such happiness as I am feeling now. I’ve never felt anything at all. Everything was plain and dull.

But right now, it feels like everything has finally fallen into their rightful places. I just… feel perfectly whole at this moment. I want this to last forever…

He snapped a finger at my face, making me blink in surprise.

“I’m really happy that your mind is full of thoughts of me, Hongki, but can you move on with your story now?” he commented, pinching my nose with the hand that was on my head.

I pouted again as I playfully glared at him, and he bit his lower lip trying to hide a smile. The sight was… endearing, to say the least. I felt my pulse quicken in response and I had to force myself to look away before I could do something totally crazy.

I fixed my gaze on our hands again instead and continued on with what I was saying.

“He said he saw me laughing alone. I told him it was impossible because I was with you all the time I was here. Then he said,” I paused to glance at him, “He said you must be the evil spirit that was haunting this tree.” I finished my story, laughing at the end as I also found it completely ridiculous to be taken seriously.

I watched his face, expecting him to laugh out loud.

“I know it’s absurd. Go ahead and laugh.” Looking back at our hands, I stretched his out and started tracing my name on his palm, still waiting for him to react.

He was just calmly looking down at me instead, his brown orbs seemingly searching for something in my face.

“What would you do if I was something like that?” he suddenly asked, his voice low and serious as he calmly held my gaze, his hand lightly twirling strands of my hair around his fingers.

I don’t know why but I was suddenly reminded of one of those psycho killers I see in thriller movies as I found myself lost into his deep stare. Unconsciously, I voiced my thoughts out loud.

“But you’d pass more as a psycho killer to me. You know, the type that seduces girls and then torture them to death. Like in the movies.”

His mouth gaped at my words, obviously wasn’t expecting the comment.

“I look like a psycho killer to you?” he gasped, his face in complete disbelief. “Now that was ridiculous, how could you think that?”

“Well, you don’t only look like a psycho, you even act like one sometimes, you know?” I teased more, but the response he gave me totally knocked me off guard and I heard myself gasp unconsciously.

It was the first time I saw his lips push forward into a pout like this, and I found myself wanting nothing more than to ease those sulking lips with my own.

Feeling my pulse quicken again, I instantly tore my eyes away as the butterflies in my stomach suddenly went on a somersault spree.

I pushed myself up unwillingly, and went back to sit beside him instead, my legs crossed on the ground. I felt him frowning at me, probably surprised by my sudden action. What was I supposed to do? I was about to lose it.

I was sure that I was flushing, so I kept my eyes locked down as I desperately searched my mind for something proper to say, but it was futile as my poor mind seems to have finally lost it too.

“Are you afraid?” his soft voice rang clear into my ears despite my mind’s chaotic screams. It was a simple question, but there was something in those quiet words that made me feel terribly uneasy.

I glanced back at him, and there, in those deep brown eyes of his, was something faint and almost inconspicuous, but it was definitely there. Something that closely resembled… fear..?

My chest constricted at the sight, I found my body moving towards him and my hands instinctively cupping his face.

His eyes widened a little as my skin touched his, and I almost missed the cautious look he gave me as they flicked to my lips for a fraction of a second.

“No. I’m not.” I whispered, looking deep into his fearful eyes, as if that would make him see right through my feelings. “Why would I be, when… everytime I look at you I feel like I’m looking at an angel.”

It was getting dark as the sun finally lost its last rays in the horizon. The tree’s leaves rustled above us as the cool night wind breezed calmly across the meadow. I held his face firmly between my hands, wishing to the stars above that may their warmth convey the same warmth of the feelings I have for him. That they may reassure him.

His cold hand slowly reached up to one of mine, pressing it closer to his cheek. I noticed a tiny smile in his lips, but his eyes that were looking back into mine were a pool of melancholy.

Why…

What is bothering you?

I was about to ask that out loud when he suddenly grabbed both my hands and pulled me up with him. I stumbled forward in surprise, landing against his chest, and then I froze when he suddenly wrapped his arms around me.

I swear he’ll be the cause of my death one of these days.

I shivered as I felt his cool breath on the flushed skin of my neck, and I unconsciously closed my eyes at the sensation. His arms were tight around me, but he wasn’t saying anything. Was he trying to convey something too?

Just when I was about to hug him back though, he let go of me, much to my obvious disappointment.

“Jonghun…” I whined, pouting at him. He flicked my nose lightly, and I watched as he smiled that handsome smile that I’ve always loved, all traces of whatever I saw just moments ago gone from his face.

“Go home now, it’s already dark.” he noted, fixing some stubborn strands of hair above my head. How I love when he does that, but I don’t want to go home yet, not on my special day.

“Jonghun… do you know what today is?” I couldn’t help smiling expectantly at him, my hands sneaking around his small waist.

But he just frowned at my face. “No. Was today supposed to be special?” he asked innocently. I felt all my excitement went down the drain in a second’s time.

Of course he doesn’t know, it’s not like I’ve told him yet. He frowned deeper at my dejected face.

“It’s my birthday today.” I informed him, pretending to sound more disappointed than I truly was. Bowing my head slightly, I pushed my lips forward sulkily as I waited for him to comfort me.

Though I immediately regretted doing that as soon as I glanced back up at him.

“I- I’m sorry… Hongki. How could I…” he uttered incredulously, his voice sounding shaky, as well as the hands that were gripping on my arms. He looked as if… as if he couldn’t believe he had just forgotten my birthday.

Surprised at his reaction, I immediately tried to console him.

“It’s okay, Jonghun. I haven’t really mentioned it before, so it’s fine.” I said softly, pulling him closer to me. I tried to reassure him with a smile, but he just shook his head.

“No… I should have at least remembered… I’ve always… wanted to celebrate your birthday together.” he murmured as he bowed his head. I studied him for a while, my brows knitting together as his words resounded in my ears.

Remembered… Always…

I felt the corners of my lips twitch upward, and then I was grinning as I pulled him even closer into a hug. His body stiffened for a mere second before he relaxed into me and hugged me back. I felt his arms tight around me, his head again buried into the crook of my neck.

Holding him close, I felt how his body shuddered ever so slightly, but I was just too happy to even wonder why he was reacting like this. Breathing in his scent, I closed my eyes, relishing into this feeling of contentment he was giving me at this moment.

I wonder why God is giving me my share of happiness at once…

“My gift.” I heard him mumble softly against my neck. “I don’t have it right now.” Oh, looks like he was really preparing for this day. I smiled more, feeling my heart leaping in joy within my chest.

The dim light of the moon illuminated us through the tree’s leaves as I pulled back to gaze at him, and I couldn’t help but be stunned yet again at the beautiful man I held in front of me. I gasped silently, my eyes instinctively trailing over his features.

Only a half of his face was palely lit, while the other was hidden into the dark, but it was enough to discern how his high cheeks, his defined jaw, his sharp nose, his whole figure seem more and more dreamy. More and more unreal. More and more unworldly.

Yet more and more stunning than ever.

And those plump pink lips, still faintly quivering, seemed more and more alluring as I found myself unable to tear my gaze away from it.

“Then give me something else for now.” I blurted out before I had time to think of my words. “Should I tell you what I want?” I asked, my voice growing lower as anticipation slowly built up in the pit of my stomach.

He gave a small smile, and then nodded.

“Take me.” I uttered boldly, feeling my palms get sweaty as I waited for his reply. His brows creased for a fraction of a second before he spoke.

“Where do you want to go? It’s already dark.” My jaw dropped, literally, at his answer. Oh Dear Lord, how can this guy be so slow?

“Yah, Choi Jonghun! I didn’t mean it like that!” I exclaimed exasperatedly, withdrawing my hands from around him. He seemed confused, as his brows were annoyingly knitted deeply together.

“What did you mean then?” he asked in his irritatingly naïve tone that I just had to roll my eyes before they fall out of their sockets.

I looked back at him, at those lips, as I felt the heat steadily creeping up onto the surface. I vaguely noticed his eyes widening a little as he seem to have understood what I was about to do.

“I meant this.” I groaned, leaning in. My eyes closed automatically as I felt his breath ghost over my lips.

But they never met his.

My eyes were forced wide open when he suddenly jerked me away, his hands firm on my arms. I felt a little dazed as I stared wide eyed at him. My hands clenched weakly at my sides.

I wonder why.

It should be me… so why are you the one looking at me with such anguish in your eyes?

“Why?” My voice came out weak; my chest tightening painfully so that breathing became a difficult task. I blinked a few times to hold back the tears forming in my eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I heard him whisper, his hands sliding down to hold mine. He gave it a gentle squeeze, his eyes pleading me. “I’m sorry, Hongki.”

Something just exploded within me, and then I couldn’t take any more. I pulled my hands sharply and shoved him on the chest. He staggered backwards slightly but he didn’t seem surprised at my action.

“Will you just stop saying sorry and tell me why!?” I exclaimed, furious, the words exploding out of me. I glared at his blurry image as more tears formed in my eyes. I blinked furiously.

“Hongki…” He stepped closer and tried to hold my hands again but I pushed him away once more.

“Tell me why!” I demanded, stepping away from him. I was starting to feel dizzy as my breathing became unstable that I had to cling to the tree to keep me from wobbling.

For a moment, he just stared at me with those anguished eyes, his lips shut tight. Then he bowed his head, his hands slowly clenching tightly at his sides.

“Because I’m scared... that I might not be able to let go.” he whispered with such suffering in his voice that I could almost feel it.

As fast as it came, I felt my anger quickly fade away as my heart crumbled looking at him like this.

“Then don’t. Why are you even thinking of letting me go?” I asked desperately, pulling away from the tree and stepping closer to him, but he didn’t say anything and kept his face down.

“Jonghun…” I called out brokenly as I reached him. I cupped his face, forcing him to look at me. “You don’t have to let go…”

“You don’t understand, Hongki.” he breathed just as brokenly, gently shaking his head.

“Then, explain it to me so I can understand.” I pleaded him, desperate to know everything that was holding him back. Everything that was making him look back at me with such pain and hopelessness in his eyes.

But again, he didn’t answer. He merely brought his hands up over mine and pressed them closer to his cheeks, closing his eyes. He let out a shaky sigh, his breath cold on my own cheeks. 

I felt tears finally spill down my eyes, and I bit my lip to stop the sob I so wanted to let out. I stood like that just watching him, unable to think of anything more to plead him with.

He moved his head slightly, and then I felt something warm and soft press on my palm briefly. His lips were unexpectedly warm, and it felt nice on my skin.

It left a fluttering sensation where it touched, slowly travelling until it reached my chest and settled there.

I withdrew my hands when he let go of them, shifting my gaze away as he opened his eyes.

“Hongki.” he called out, his voice as feathery as ever.  I looked down, but he caught my face immediately and brought it back to him. He then my cheeks tenderly, getting rid of the last trails of tears on my face.

He smiled, but it wasn’t the smile that made butterflies in my stomach go wild.

“I will tell you on my birthday.” he murmured, flicking my nose once more. 

I could only nod in response as I couldn’t find my voice at the moment. He smiled once more, before he proceeded to fix strands of stray hair again.

“Have I ever told you that I love your hair?” he asked quietly and I frowned, why suddenly ask something like that? I shook my head in response.

“Well, I love it. And your eyes too. And your nose, lips, teeth, ears, neck, hands, voice, scent… everything about you.” he murmured as he looked into my eyes. Somehow, I felt light again hearing those from him. I smiled back faintly.

But he hasn’t said what I wanted to hear the most yet.

“You should go home now.” he then uttered, but didn’t pull away from me so I did, reluctantly, after nodding once more. I scooped up my bag, hanging it on my shoulder.

I wanted to ask if he wasn’t going home yet, but I didn’t trust my voice just yet so I decided not to.

I glanced one last time at him and smiled before I turned away halfheartedly.

“Hongki?” he called out just before I took a step, and it might sound cliché, but a grin crept up on my lips at the sound of my name, and I instantly spun around.

He must have been surprised by my action, because he suddenly started chuckling. Then I saw it again, that smile that I love so much.

“Happy birthday.”

That wasn’t exactly what I was waiting to hear, but I guess that’s enough for now.

“Thank you.” I whispered as I smiled back at him, then I waved my hand once before I turned around again and started walking home.

He’s gonna tell me on his birthday… When is that? I even forgot to ask.

I’m glad, but I feel more uneasy than ever.

Somehow…

I’m scared to know, Jonghun.

hello! :D

first of all, i wanted to thank you guys for all the wonderful comments!~ and for sharing your thoughts about Jonghun >.< and for subscribing and reading and everything!! you guys are awesome :3

about Jonghun being slow here, i'd like to think that it wasn't that he doesn't know what Hongki meant, rather he wasn't thinking about that at the moment... so he wasn't expecting Hongki to mean that. haha whatever >.<

i made a poster! :D but i don't know why no matter what i do it just comes out low quality, but i like it so that's fine i guess XD

i've said too much XD i hope you enjoy this chapter!!! :D