hello~ this is the final chapter *sobs* this might look looooong, but it’s only 3,113 words XD

i hope you enjoy reading! :D

I feel like I’ve always known.

It never came to me even once, but it was as if I’ve known it all along.

I was supposed to be scared, to turn my back and run as far away as my feet would take me. That was the normal reaction, at least.

But even now, as I pace this dark and silent road to get to where I know he would still be even at this time of night, there’s not an ounce of that kind of fear within me.

What I feel instead is a stronger, more excruciating, kind of fear. It overwhelmed me so much such that my body trembled as I run across the meadow, my heart thundering against my chest as I scan around for a sign of him.

Pausing on my track unconsciously, a brief sense of relief washed over me when the tree’s figure reached my vision. It still stood on that same spot, dimly lit by a crescent moon lingering right above it in the late night sky. It was still there, beckoning me over, as it always had.

At least I know everything wasn’t just unreal afterall. I run again, my lungs demanding for more air but I couldn’t stop now when I was almost there.

I strained my tired eyes in the dark, helplessly turning in every direction for a glimpse of that smile I longed for in the days that I wasn’t able to see him. I circled the tree, searched its thick branches, turned again and again until I was dizzy that I had to stop.

My erratic breathing echoed in my ears through the silence, and with a roll of nausea, I realized the thing I feared the most might have just come true. My heart tightened painfully in my chest, my body suddenly drained of all the adrenaline I had just seconds ago. And then I couldn’t feel the ground beneath me anymore.

I feel numb.

My knees must have started to shake violently, because the tree was suddenly wobbling. I reached out, somehow my hands managed to reach it before I fell. I shut my eyes tight. Through the dizziness, I tried to breathe normally despite my lungs seeming like they were burning. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare…

“Jonghun…” I called out, but I couldn’t hear my voice. Vague images of us together flashed quickly through my mind in my dazed state. I could hear his chuckles, his laughs, his whispers, his soft voice calling my name repeatedly. Hongki. Hongki.

“Where are you.. Jonghun?

I clasped my hands tighter to the tree even though I couldn’t feel it. As numb as I was, I thought I was beyond sensing anything more, but then his voice rang clear into my ears.

“Hongki?”

And as if on cue, the adrenaline rushed back into me and I found myself abruptly turning around. I stared wide eyed, my senses coming back slowly.

He’s really here… right? Why do I feel like he would just disappear in front of my eyes?

“Jonghun..?” I called out, but my voice sounded weak and distant. Did he hear me? “Jonghun…” I tried again.

“Hongki, are you alright?” His worried voice resounded in my ears. He stepped closer to me, his warm brown eyes watching my face, and I stayed frozen, still stunned, and watched him back.

My mind must have been too dazed that I still couldn’t be sure even when he was already just a few inches from me. I lifted my trembling hand slowly and brought it to his shirt, wanting to feel it.

“You’re here...” I breathed in profound relief as I felt the smooth cotton beneath my fingers. I wrapped my arms around his neck on impulse, and he automatically hugged me back.

He chuckled. “Of course, I am. I’ve always been here.”

It was like I haven’t held him in ages, though I just did less than two days ago. Despite how pathetic it may seem, I know I’ve already reached the point where living wasn’t gonna be possible without him anymore.

I held him tighter, letting his scent wash away all the fear I was feeling.

When he pulled back, he studied my face, worry still apparent in his creased brows and intense eyes. He my cheeks as tenderly as ever. ”But why are you crying?” he asked in a concerned voice. I frowned confusedly. I was?

“I thought you were gone.” I answered, my voice faintly stronger, as I also lifted my hand to my face. It was true, my cheeks were indeed wet. It surprised me, I didn’t even feel my tears.

Something flickered across his face as I said that, though it was gone before I had time to recognize it.

He smiled gently. “I wasn’t gonna leave without telling you.” he murmured into my hair as he hugged me again. “You’re such a cry-baby, Hongki. I’ll always worry when I’m not with you.” I wanted to discern what his words meant, but I was too glad at the moment to even think of anything else aside from the fact that he was still here, and my nightmare will forever remain a nightmare.

I hope so, at least.

I was still sniffing a little into his shoulder when he spoke again. “Where were you?” he asked, his voice cheerless.

That question brought everything back into my mind. I clutched at his shirt tighter, to a point where it was hard for me to breathe, but I don’t care. I just don’t want to let go.

“I was sick today, I couldn’t get up until just now.” I admitted, “Yesterday after class, Jaejin and Seunghyun forced me to stay at school. We talked about... you.” He didn’t say anything, instead, he drew out a long sigh and tried to pull back, but I didn’t let him.

“Hongki, let go first.” he urged softly, “There’s something I need to tell you.” He tried to pull away again, but I held him firm.

“Why do you wanna let go? Just say it. I wanna stay like this.” I insisted, feeling a little annoyed at him, and anxious at the same time.

“Let’s sit at least, okay? I bet you can’t breathe well hugging me this tight.” He laughed heartily, poking my ticklish waist. Yeah, I can’t, but you don’t seem bothered at all.

I nodded, still not loosening my hold around his back. I heard him chuckle again. “Yah, Hongki~ how do you suppose we move if you don’t let go?” I could imagine his cute aegyo face, but I still persisted.

“Up to you.” I mumbled sulkily against his shoulder. “Tsk. Wanting to let go so much...”

He chuckled again, ruffling my hair, “Fine! Hang on tight stubborn little Hongki, we’re gonna fly~” What a lame joke.

“Whatever.” I mumbled again, then I felt our bodies spin around once. He rested his back onto something, I figured it was the tree, as I kept my face buried into his neck, then he slid down slowly, still carrying me along.

“You’re really heavy, Hongki. You should lose some weight.” he grumbled when his hit the ground, though, again, he didn’t sound bothered at all.

I sat across his lap when he straightened them together, my legs on either side of his thighs, and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself as close to him as possible. As close to him as I needed to be... to feel at ease.  To feel safe. To feel complete.

“You already know.” he whispered against my ear after a while, and I felt my heart thump faster in my chest. It unnerved me, the sound of affirmation in his words, though I do already know.

“I want you to tell me.” I muttered, burying my face deeper into the crook of his neck.

He exhaled heavily, and as much as I wanted to see the face he had on as he did, I was a little glad that I couldn’t.

“The truth is...” I held my breath, still hoping he wouldn’t say what I know he would. “I’m a ghost.”

I breathed out shakily, my hand unconsciously clasping tighter through his soft hair. My heart ached. I wanted to pretend I didn’t hear what he just said. No, I need to pretend...

“I’m no longer human, Hongki.” he murmured, his voice weak but calm. A sob rose up in my throat and I bit my lower lip trying to hold it back. I felt his hand on my head, gently my hair as if to soothe me.

I know I should have been prepared for this. I already know afterall. But it’s different when he says it as if he’s been preparing for this all along...

“How..?” I asked after my chest calmed down a little. This too, I already know, but still I need to hear it from him.

“Over three years ago, in a car accident.” he explained. I tried to process what he said.

“But, I’ve seen you here longer than that...”

He hummed. “I’ve been here since the start of the school year, four years ago... Like I’d told you before, I always sat here, waiting for someone to walk by.” I felt him lean his head on my shoulder, against mine, his hands wrapping around my waist tightly. He bended his knees, as if to push me even closer. I didn’t say anything, waiting for him to say more.

“I first saw that person during the school entrance ceremony, four years ago, and I was immediately drawn to those smiling eyes that at that very moment... I decided that he was the one I was going to spend my whole life with.” There was a faint hint of a lost hope in his dreamy voice, and I couldn’t help but feel sorry... for him and for the person he was waiting for... for myself...

“But I didn’t have the courage to confess, instead I came here everyday to watch him secretly.” I wonder what would have happened... if you confessed. Would I have accepted you? Would you have been happy... before you died...

“Then I got into an accident one day, and when I woke up, I was here, sitting under this tree, on the same spot that I’ve always sat on. And I couldn’t leave anymore.” You can’t leave anymore... Is it alright to feel happy hearing that?

“I had watched him since then, not having to pretend that I wasn’t looking at him when he walks by.” I understand now, the times you held a book or a guitar...

“Hongki... I’ve always waited for you.” he whispered, “You don’t know how I felt when you suddenly glanced at me... when you came here and talked to me.” I remember that time, you were grinning like an idiot, weren’t you...

Do you know? I’ve always glanced your way. If I only knew that you were waiting for me...

“Were you happy?” I asked quietly.

“I have been since then.” he murmured, and I could almost see him smiling tenderly.

Had I known, I would have come sooner. You would have been happier, Jonghun...

Slowly, I pulled back and looked at him. He was smiling like I’d imagined he was, his warm eyes watching my face. I pressed my forehead against his, feeling his cool breath on my lips, my hands caressing his neck.

 “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He sighed. “I feared I might scare you away. I’m sorry...” I smiled, shaking my head briefly.

“No... It’s fine. We can always start over, right?” I asked hopefully. He was silent as he brought his hand to my face, brushing his thumb over my lips lightly. He wasn’t smiling anymore; instead, he wore that same sad expression that always made my heart thud hard in anxiety.

“Hongki...” he breathed my name, “The reason I couldn’t leave is because I still have one last thing I needed to do.”

I backed away hesitantly, my brows creasing together into a small frown as I searched his eyes. My stomach began to churn in uneasiness.

“What do you mean by that..?” I asked uncertainly.

“Hongki... all this time I’ve wanted to tell you-”

“Stop.” I cut him off hastily. No... I don’t like where this is going. I stared widely at him, my eyes becoming moist again as realization suddenly hit me. “Don’t, Jonghun.” I shook my head, urging him to stop.

“Hongki, I-”

“Stop! Please!” I pleaded, burying my head into his neck as hot tears hastily fell down my cheeks. The fabric of his shirt was easily getting soaked with my agony, still I clutched at it tightly. “Please don’t say it, Jonghun... I don’t want to hear it.” I pleaded once more, my broken sob seemingly echoing through the quiet, almost dreamy night. I clung onto him, and he held me tight, saying nothing while he my hair soothingly.

“Jonghun, please say you won’t-”

“I love you.” he breathed into my ear.

How long have I been waiting to hear those words? Why is it that I’m not glad to finally hear them…

It’s painful.

As if those words signal the end of everything…

I continued to cry while he pulled my face up to him. He smiled warmly, but those deep brown eyes of his mirrored the same sorrow I felt deep within me. Shaking my head gently, I tried again to beg him, but my broken sobs wouldn’t allow me.

“I’m sorry that I had to say it...” he murmured. “I’ll always be with you, Hongki.”As tenderly as always, he brushed his fingers through my fringes, sweeping them away from my swollen eyes.

“I won’t ever leave you.” I shook my head.

“I’ll always watch over you.” I shook my head again, feeling a slight throbbing sensation gradually form in the base of my skull. He my quivering lips, a tiny smile tugging at his own as he gazed at it lovingly.

“Please stay…” I whimpered. His eyes flickered to mine, and then he shook his head, as if to say there’s nothing more the both of us can do. I closed my eyes, fresh tears yet again streaming down.

 He held my face in his hands. “Will you say it? Say you love me too.”

“No.” I moaned.

“It’s my birthday today. Say it as a gift.”

“No!” I exclaimed stubbornly, my voice breaking. “Tomorrow. No, next week. I’ll say it next week so you have to be here or else… or else…”

“Hongki… I don’t have much time left.”

I merely continued to sob as I held onto his hands that were on my face. How much time is there left, Jonghun..?

I heard him sigh quietly and I opened my eyes to peer at him. “It doesn’t matter.” he mumbled, “I think I already know.”

Then he pulled me in, closing the small gap between our lips before I could realize what he was doing. I gasped as our lips met, but I closed my eyes and let my mouth mould together with his in a soft, warm kiss, feeling his sweet taste fill my senses as I shivered under his touch.

I kissed him longingly, like I’ll never kiss him ever again. Another tear rolled down my cheek.

Because I’ll never kiss him again…

“My gift.” he panted against my lips, making me shiver again as I frowned absentmindedly, short of breath and a little lightheaded. “The gift you wanted.” he reminded me.

“What…” I wheezed. He flicked my nose, chuckling as he slid his hands down my shoulders. He gave them a light push and the next thing I heard was my surprised gasp as my back met the cold ground, my wide eyes meeting his warm ones as he hovered over me. His gaze trailed over my face, as well as his fingers, as intently as always, as if memorizing every detail. I reached out to touch his face, my vision blurring as another set of tears escaped my tired eyes.

Don’t leave me… I tried to tell him. His eyes were moist, as if he was about to cry. He leaned down, just enough for his lips to ghost over mine, and whispered a muted promise, before he placed one last feathery kiss over them.

I smiled through my tears, his words finding their way to my heart.

“I love you too.”

He smiled back, running his thumb over my cheek once, and then my lids fluttered close as I felt him within me, my mind becoming hazy and dim as I was slowly dragged into unconsciousness. I vaguely felt warm droplets trickle down my face from over me. And then everything was black.

Hongki…

When I opened my eyes again, I felt cold. But it was far too different from Jonghun’s comforting coldness. This coldness frightened me.

I looked up. The tree’s leaves were swaying over me, humming a low melody while they danced to the wind’s calm breeze. The sun’s light streamed through them, blinding me. I closed my swollen eyes.

Jonghun, it wasn’t a dream, right..? If it was, why do I feel so empty..?

Are you here..? Tell me...

Something soft rested on my cheek, and I opened my eyes in surprise, bolting up as I did, my heart racing up in anticipation.

It landed on my lap. I stared at it, astonished, and then I felt a blush creep up my cheeks.

“You really like to tease me, don’t you?” I could almost hear him laughing at me. I frowned, running my fingers along the sleek, white strands.

“Is this yours?” I asked quietly, picking up the long white feather from my lap. It almost slipped out of my grasp when the wind blew again, but I caught it with two hands, bringing it to my chest to secure it. His scent wafted into my nose along with the gentle wind, and for a moment I was stunned.

As I recalled the promise he had whispered against my lips, I clutched it tighter to my chest, and from where it touched, it warmed me up, steadily spreading out, until it filled up the hollow I felt in my heart.

“Silly you…” I smiled softly. “Happy birthday.”

Like a little seed thrown onto the ground, the words he spoke rooted their way to the deepest of my core, to be planted deep and blossom there. And never to wither, until the time we meet again, here, beneath our tree.

I’ll always be with you.

I love you.

-  Fin  -

please don’t mind that -  Fin  - i just wanted to try using it XD

so yeah, it’s over *sob* my heart ached when I clicked that ‘Mark story complete’ T^T i fail with plots you guys guessed right about Jonghun from the very start! -_-"

anyway, I’m so happy that I now have a finished fic! yey~ THANK YOU guys for subscribing and reading this fic, and keeping quiet about my wrong grammars XD and for your wonderful comments! T^T i’m so happy~

please do comment about this ending, I couldn’t quite feel the emotions in here, maybe because I was the one writing it? XD

i just wanted to share this XD a few days ago I was in a job interview and I mentioned writing fics as one of my hobbies, and then the interviewer was just like “tell me about your most recent work” and I was like ( O_O OMG WHAT TO DO ASDFGHJKL IT’S KPOP AND AND THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THE ROOM ) but I ended up telling them about the story anyway OTL  i watched my words carefully so as not to give them a hint that it was a BoyxBoy story XDDD anyway, I got hired!~ Jongki is my lucky charm <3

again, i’m really so grateful to you, awesome readers!~ <3 until next time? :D byeeeee~