I told her I was in love.

I told her I have a boyfriend and was really happy about it. She said she's happy for me and she always knew I'll end up liking him.  She didn't even care. She wasn't even sad.

I wish she was sad.

I wish she felt really sad knowing that I found someone to love. I wish she showed just a little sign of jealousy. But she didn't and she never will.

Because I'm just her best friend. Just the girl she experimented with and tried to kiss because the girls dared her. The girl she held hands with at night when we were sad of not having to see our families everyday. The girl she dorks around with in reality shows. The girl she found the funniest. Never the girl she will fall in love with.

I can still remember the time when her mother said in one of the shows that I should confess to her already. I knew she was only joking because she thought we were too close for comfort.

But it didn't feel like a joke to me.

I really wanted to confess to her. I really wanted to tell her I was in love with her ever since our trainee days. I have loved her the moment she held my cheeks and told me I had a cute face. I admired her. Everything about her.

So I started hanging out with her more. More than the other members. I treated her specially. I think the other members noticed this but she never did.