Jongin hated the fact that for the past two years not a day went by when he didn’t think about Kyungsoo. He would be listening to the radio and the singer would hit a high note and suddenly he found himself smiling, remembering the time he had spied on Kyungsoo’s vocal practice when Kyungsoo had been learning a song with a difficult high note. He remembered the way his boyfriend’s voice kept cracking, unable to go that high and Kyungsoo would cutely huff out a frustrated breath, unaware that Jongin was watching him, silently encouraging him.

It was little memories like these that made it impossible for Jongin to breathe sometimes. They were funny memories, cute and sweet. But the pain that came with them, realizing the memory was simply that, a memory, always caused a dull ache in Jongin’s chest that never seemed to go away.

He constantly found himself wondering where Kyungsoo was now, what he was doing, if he was with anyone…If he still thought about Jongin.

After the night of the breakup Kyungsoo had called Jongin constantly, searching for an explanation that Jongin didn’t know how to give him. So he didn’t. He ignored the calls, avoided him, tried to push him out of his life until one day it worked. There was simply one day when Jongin didn’t receive a call, didn’t hear a knock on his door or Kyungsoo’s angry voice on the other side of it demanding that he open the door and explain. All Jongin heard was silence. A suffocating silence that no one around him seemed to be able to fill and he felt that they never would.

The only thing that seemed to keep him from hating himself was dance. It was the only thing left for him and he threw himself into it, practicing constantly in an attempt to prove to himself that his decision was the right one. So he danced. Endlessly. And now here he was, in one of Korea’s biggest entertainment companies, dancing. Doing the one thing he sacrificed his everything for, the one thing he thought would satisfy him in life.

And while there was a part of him that was ecstatic to be there, to be dancing, to be living out his dream, there was another, much bigger part that simply felt empty.

-

“Hey.” Yixing said, walking into the practice room and setting down his bags before taking a seat next to Jongin on the floor.

Jongin nodded his head in response, still working on re-tying his shoes.

“Did you hear about the new trainees coming in today?” Yixing asked, stretching his legs out in front of him and reaching his hands towards his toes as a warm up.

“That’s today? I didn’t think they were coming in for a while.” Jongin was only mildly surprised at the news. The company had been speeding up the preparations for their debut so he supposed it only made sense that the trainees were coming in sooner.

“Yeah, they’ll be here at three. Are you nervous there’s going to be any competition?” Yixing nudged Jongin, a playful smile on his lips and Jongin found himself smiling back.

“You mean they’re bringing in more dancers?” Between himself, Yixing, and Sehun, Jongin thought they already had plenty of dancers. Why did they need more?

“No, no I’m just playing.” Yixing said, getting up and stretching out his legs some more. “They’re bringing in more singers. Three of them I think, and then there’s some martial arts guy also. ”

“Hmm.” Jongin muttered in response, losing interest. He got up and began to stretch as well, glancing at the door.

“Where’s Sehun?” The company had only just told them that all three of them were going to filming teasers soon and Jongin needed to start practicing the one he and Sehun were doing together.

“Right here!” He heard a familiar voice say and he turned to see a slightly out of breath Sehun walking in. “Sorry I’m late. Your manager told me to give this to you.” Sehun said, reaching into his bag and pulling out a cd. “He said it’s the music for your solo teaser.”

“Thanks.” Jongin threw the cd haphazardly into his bag, disregarding it for now.

“Should we start?” Sehun asked, glancing between Yixing and Jongin.

“Sure.” Yixing replied. “Although I still don’t understand why I need to be here. I’m not even in this teaser.”

Jongin rolled his eyes and gave a pointed look to Sehun. “Because he can’t get one of the steps right and he won’t listen to me.”

“He’s not a very good teacher!” Sehun responded indignantly, returning Jongin’s pointed look.

Yixing smiled and sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Alright, alright, what step is he doing wrong?”

An hour later when Sehun and Jongin were able to get through all of the choreography without messing up they slumped down onto the floor together and threw a grateful look to Yixing, who was packing up his stuff.

“I have to go practice my own teaser now, so I’ll see you guys later.” He said, picking up his bag and heading toward the door.

“Thanks!” Jongin said and Sehun nodded his head beside him, looking too tired to open his mouth.

“I don’t know how you do this. I mean I like dancing and all but it’s so tiring. We didn’t even take a break.” Sehun slumped even further down onto the floor and closed his eyes.

“Sorry, I don’t usually need breaks, so I figured you didn’t either. I guess I should have asked.” Jongin smiled sheepishly, feeling guilty.

Sehun opened his eyes to look at Jongin disbelievingly. “What do you mean you ‘don’t need breaks?’”

“I don’t know.” Jongin shrugged. “I just don’t.” He figured it was because of the time period where he threw himself into dancing in an attempt to escape the pain. He had practiced constantly, not stopping. It was only natural that his body would become accustomed to that kind of practice.

“You’re weird.” Sehun muttered, hoisting himself up. “I need to go take a nap now.”

“What? But shouldn’t we practice some more?” Jongin asked.

“Ha.” Sehun laughed, shaking his head. “Why don’t you just practice your solo? You have the music now.” He pointed to the bag where Jongin had thrown the cd.

Jongin nodded his head, deciding it was probably better to let Sehun rest. And anyway he thought it might be nice to practice alone for a while.

He picked through his bag looking for the cd as Sehun left, a small wave thrown his way before he was left alone.

The company had told him that he was allowed to choreograph his solo dance on his own, leaving all the steps completely up to him. At the moment he had no idea where to start so he placed the cd in the player and sat down to simply listen, trying to get a feel for the music.

As soon as it began Jongin felt his whole body freeze up and his heart beat wildly. The familiarity of the voice stunned him and he emitted a small gasp. It was strange how after two years he could still identify the subtle intake of breath before a new line as Kyungsoo’s. It was still so familiar, a sound he thought he had forgotten but apparently had not. He sat there frozen until the short song ended and then, in the absence of the melodic voice he felt the dull pain return, sharper and stronger than it usually was. A stabbing pain.

Had he even heard it correctly? Could it really have been Kyungsoo’s voice on the cd? He lifted his finger to press play once again but stopped mid-air, a numbing fear overcoming him. He didn’t want to know. Was it even possible?  A million feelings and questions coursed through him until he suddenly jumped up, snatching the cd out of the player and sprinting toward Sehun’s room.

"Who sang this?” He asked, throwing open the door to reveal a stunned looking Sehun sitting at his desk.

“Who sang this?” He repeated in a louder voice when Sehun didn’t respond.

“What-I- I don’t know!” Sehun answered, looking bewildered. “Your manager just said it was one of the new trainees.” Sehun’s eyes only widened more when Jongin sprinted from the room as fast as he had entered it.

Jongin paced wildly around the building looking for his manager but too distracted by the questions raging around in his head to really look. It wasn’t until he bumped into Kris that he realized he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings.

“Whoa there.” Kris said, steadying Jongin as he backed away slightly. Jongin looked up at the imposingly tall man and muttered a quick apology before walking quickly away.

“Hey!” Kris called after him and Jongin paused, looking over his shoulder. “The new trainees are here. They want everyone in the lobby to meet them.” Kris said, motioning for Jongin to follow him down to the lobby.

The words registered in Jongin’s head but his body made no move to follow Kris. If he had heard the voice correctly and what Sehun said had been right then that meant that right then, Kyungsoo was waiting downstairs. Kyungsoo. Jongin wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or throw up.

Kris spoke again, snapping Jongin out of his thoughts. “Come on.” He said impatiently, and without really knowing what he was doing Jongin found himself following.