-His name was Choi Seung Hyun.  He was 17 years old, lived in Seoul, went to high school but rarely went to class. He was about 183 high, weighted 64 kilos. His hobbies were – working out, going out with his friends, get laid and fighting. He had no interest in studying and education and he didn’t care about where he ended up, he just wanted to live his life while he could.

 

Every day he would lock the door to his room when he was about to go to sleep, because he never knew which men his mom would bring home and when his dad would come home and beat both him and his mom up. His dad was big and fat, and Seung Hyun could easily defeat him, but he was still his dad, and even though he didn’t want to admit it... he loved his parents, very much.

And every morning he would lock the door to his room as he left because he knew his mother would go in there if he didn’t. He would leave for school when his mother was still asleep to avoid talking to her. We actually went the same way each morning; he was just always a bit further ahead than I was. Even so we crossed the same path every day when he laid down at the same bench in the park, as he did every day. I always pitied him, never knowing who he was, because he always slept hiding his face in his arms. I really pitied him as he looked so vulnerable, but even so I walked by him, and that way we never got to meet before a certain day.

Anyway, let me tell you more about this amazing boy...

He would come to school...

But during class he would sleep or skip it. He smoked everyday on the roof by himself which probably was the only time I saw him be alone, because he always had at least 4 friends/girls by his side. I also liked being on the roof, out in refreshing wind, but he never saw me. I just quietly observed him, sitting there with the smoke in his hand on his lips... watch him observe the world from a higher level. And he was fascinating... he was beautiful. I knew that there was more to him than what everyone saw. They saw a cool guy who never thought about what other thought about him, they saw a guy who had quitted his chances of a normal life and lived in despair. But most of all they saw him as a guy who couldn’t care less, and a guy who ran this school. He was kinda like a king... only hanging out with the ‘cool kids’, even the rich kids. He never even gave types like me a glance... if a person like me stood in his path; he would without hesitation push them cruelly aside and walked over it. I had seen him do that, and I could clearly feel goosebumps down my spine when I saw his cold eyes. They looked so empty, like a deep endless pond that no one would ever be able to dive down in and reach the bottom... well, mostly because no one had ever dared to...

However... there was something no one knew about him... he had a huge secret, that to them would seem ridiculous, but to people like me... fantastic...

We, of course walked the same way home – him always a tad earlier, because he always had something to do, but I could always see him, walk after him. But every day, he would make it to the corner with traffic lights first when there was green, and I would get there when there was red, and that way I always lost sight of him there.

I went over the road too, and into a small path between two house blocks. No one rarely used this path, it was probably only me and Seung Hyun that used it... even so... by an old bench which has almost lost its colour, stood a drenched box of cardboard, and in that box was a lonely starved puppy. I always saved food from my lunch at school and some water, and brought it with me to give the dog. But strangely enough someone had also started feeding it after I had started doing that. I always wondered who that might be as I sat with the puppy on my lap, gently its soft yet ruffled fur.

One day when I had read in the news that it was going to rain awfully lot and maybe even storm, I decided to skip the last class of school to be able get a few new boxes of cardboard, and give the puppy a warm blanket and lots of food. I really did skip class which I had never done before, and went to get cardboard boxes but ended up getting one made out of metal – even better, I happily thought as I ran towards the corner where I always lost sight of Seung Ho, and got happy when I discovered that there was green and ran over and onto the little path just a little further ahead. As I reached the bench I could hear the puppy yelp. I bit my lip and ran even faster over to the bench where I quickly got the metal box ready for use, with blanket, food and water in it and the little metal plate I also got so that I could make a roof – there was holes in it so that it could breathe. I took the yelping, cold and wet puppy up and sat with it close to my chest – close to my heart – and its skin as I tried to calm the shaking puppy down.

“Don’t worry... I’m here...” I said as I would kiss its head as I would gentle rock it to sleep in my arms. I started singing to calm it down... It was that song I loved, it was “Your song”. The puppy always calmed down hearing me sing it, and it did that day also. I smiled and closed my eyes as I kept gently singing.

Suddenly I could hear footsteps and I woke up from my calm world of only me and the puppy, and saw a tall figure drenched by rain, looking at me with deep eyes.

In his hands was an old blanket, dog food and a water bottle. I looked surprised at him and saw the face I had never expected to see. A stone fell from my heart.

I gently put the dog down in its new ‘home’, and faced him. He hadn’t moved - he just looked at me, observed me. I awkwardly coughed and tried to remove my wet hair from my face and as I was about to say anymore it suddenly started raining even more. My mouth fell open and I sighed, “Stupid rain...” I mumbled for myself as I kicked a small puddle that was getting bigger by the time.

“You’re... you’re the one taking care of this puppy?” he asked with a rusty voice. I looked at him, and smiled gently. I could see my own reflection in his eyes.

“Yeah, I am. I’ve been taking care of him *cough, cough* for... a while...” I said and coughed again. “Oh my... I’m going to get sick now... “I said and tried to smile, but eventually coughed again. He looked concerned at me, which made me look surprised at him. He bit his lip, then went beside me and bent down in front of the puppy’s new ‘home’ and placed the food, blanket and water in it, and then stood up and glanced at me. I met his glance but quickly cut off. He was beautiful, even when he was soaked. But even when his eyes had lightened a little up, they were still ‘dead’.

“You’re going to get really sick.” He then said. I looked at him, crooked my eyebrows but laughed, “So are you!” I laughed as I stole small glances of him. I saw him smirk, then bite his lip, and then... smile. For the first time I saw him smile like that – a warm, gentle and a little shy, smile.

“How about we avoid getting you anymore sick?” he then suddenly said, grabbed my hand and pulled me with him as he ran down the old pathway... away from the lonely, defenceless puppy.

He took my hand, and ran in which seemed a long time.

We finally found a motel where we checked in.

We each went to get a bath in the room we had rented, I first then him. I can clearly remember how nervous I felt, haha, it really was nerve wrecking sitting in that motel room with a guy like him – besides I had never dated any guy before, so the time he was in bath I had my adrenaline running through my whole body. I couldn’t sit still, I moved from the bed to the sofa the window and over again, until he finally came out only wearing a bathrobe like me. I quickly conquered the sofa and he the bed. He dried his hair with a towel as he watched me. I didn’t dare look at him, and pretended that I was thinking about something serious as I was watching the rain fall outside. He smirked, and threw the towel on the ground and stood up. He walked over the window and looked outside, I secretly glanced at him. He had build legs, and I could sense from the way the bathrobe folded on his body that he had a toned body. I blushed and looked away.

“Hey...” he then suddenly said, “come see...”

I did as he said, hesitatingly, and stood beside him. I watched the street which was filled with umbrellas, and a few running people. I then suddenly realised that you could see the spot where Puppy was from the window and smiled. I could feel Seung Hyun gaze on me, and blushed a little pretending I didn’t notice him looking at me.

“Sing for me...” he then suddenly said, and I looked surprised at him, “that song... that English song you sang for the puppy...” he said and awkwardly coughed.

 I stared at him with a surprised face, “D-did you... hear me...?” I said and blushed wildly, “Oh my god! How embarrassing!”

“Just sing will you.” He coldly said, and I started singing as soon as he said it, but with a weak voice. I sang watching the little box where my fragile and lonely friend lived, and relaxed. I felt like I sang to Puppy, but stopped as I saw two people walk by the box, stop, walk back, and then look down in it. It looked like a married couple. They picked puppy up, his fur, kissed him and held him tight and then they... took him with them. Just as I was about to scream “don’t”, Seung Hyun grabbed my hand and gently squeezed it.

“Be happy...” he said and turned and looked at me, “that puppy got a home. Be happy for him that is the best thing you can ever do for him. You took care of him... you... fed him, gave him water, gave warmth and love and tenderness. You gave the will to survive, and look... now he has got the chance of a better life thanks to you.” He said and looked at me with gentle eyes. They weren’t cold as before... they were warm, and deep and gentle and they lighted up as a lightening the evening sky.

I threw myself into his arms, shaking.

“That puppy... I discovered it long ago, but never took the time to help it, but eventually I couldn’t help seeing how much it reminded of me. How we were the same.” He said and gently my hair, he laughed softly, “your hair is really soft...” he whispered in my ear.

“So... are you still lost? Are you still the homeless puppy without friends, family and love? Are you still the helpless fragile puppy, or... have you found a new home...?” I asked without thinking. I buried my face into his chest and pressed my body against his. I had never thought that I would ever be with him this way... be in his embrace, talk to him... look him in the eyes and feel the warmth stream out of them.

“I have... just now... I saw this angel. She sat down beside my ‘home’ of coldness and loneliness, and caressed my hair and my skin. She sang me to sleep with the sweetest song and most gentle voice. And now I’m in her arms, feeling the warmth... but I’m still wondering...” he said and paused. I looked up at him. His eyes looked watery, but gentle... fragile. “Will I be put back in the box and left by myself... again?”

Another lightening lit up the sky, and the rain hit the window hard as the wind pushed it to. The whole building creaked a little, and I felt unsteady but safe in a weird way.

I bit my lip then smiled.

“You... are always welcome in my home... in my heart...” I said and smiled gently at him, as I his hair. He then let a tear fall and let his head rest against my shoulder.

We stood like that, until the rain stopped and we went each different ways. He went home to his lonely ‘box’ and I to my ‘dollhouse’, not knowing what was to happen. I remember smiling all over my face when I got home, and still smile when I woke up and went to school. I remember it being a warm summer day with only a few gently clouds on the vast blue sky, and I remember feeling the sun gently sting my arm and warm me up.  I couldn’t wait to see him, to touch him to be able to speak to him everyday in school.

But... he never showed up.

Never since that night...

 

It was just a few days ago I heard what happened... and now... I’m standing here, carrying all black... telling you a story about a lonely puppy who didn’t want anything else than love.

I’m standing here in front of you, who thought you knew him, who knew that he was in pain... that he was lost... but did nothing... I’m standing here telling you this, because you never took your time asking him how he was. Never took your time to see who he really was!

He was the most caring and loving boy I have ever met, and I don’t think I will ever be able to meet someone like him again! Ever! But you ruined him! You killed him! You knew he was doing drugs – far too many even – but you just watched... never even tried to stop him... you knew he drank... waaaayyy too much... you knew he would fight if someone stood in his way! And you... you were there... you were there when he got into that fight. But you did nothing. You are weak fools that don’t deserve to live! You are the ones who should lie there... in front of me, in that wooden prison he isn’t supposed to lie in.

I am ashamed.

I am... forever... heartbroken...

Because...

I... I lost... my puppy...” I cried. Tears roamed down my cheeks and neck. I felt so angry, I felt so so angry, but I also felt lost... I was in despair.

I had just lost my only love, my only friend; I just lost the person who had the most right to live than anyone else.

“The world just lost an unpolished diamond... may you all rot in hell.” I said as I left.

I left my life, which I had passed to him who rests in that wooden case trapped forever. Now he was to become the blue sky, forever watching me, protecting me... my dear puppy, my dear fragile puppy... I should never have let you go.