Last night I had a crazy dream about Ruki. I was watching him perform and he kept looking at me throughout the performance. Then slowly everyone else started to disappear. Finally it was just me and him and he was singing to me only. I started to cry and he started to smile. He walked up to me and put his hands on my hips. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and breathed him in deeply. I turned my face to his and looked him in the eye. Then he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer holding me tightly against him. We stood there staring and I wanted to speak but I couldn’t. I wanted to ask him “why?” And then as if he could read my mind he answered me with the same line from before.
    “You’re beautiful when you cry” He said. Then I woke up. Im seriously loosing it. Really? I mean, he’s even in my dreams now? The tour only has about a month left. Then we’re through. I will probably tell the guys and PSC that I would rather not work with them anymore. I mean the rest of the guys are great but this whole mess with Ruki is really, I mean REALLY getting to me now. Show tonight. Then tomorrow is a free day. I plan to spend it WAY away from where Ruki will be. I need a break from him.

Dear Diary: The Gift

    Ok so earlier today the band was sight seeing. We had a slow day because the show isn’t till tomorrow. Apparently they all woke up early to shop and hang out. A bunch of us crew people got together and spent some time shopping and socializing too. I bought loads of cool stuff, Some of which I’ll be sending home to friends and family as gifts. But most of it was for me!
    Anyway, Where do I begin when It comes to Ruki? I really don’t know anymore. One thing I do know he’s become the main focus of more than half of my daily thoughts. Today just adds to that. Earlier when we were out shopping I happened across this really neat looking shop. It sold hand made clocks and music boxes and all sorts of other really beautiful things. When I walked inside it smelled like incense and sawdust. All throughout the shop sounds of chimes and twinkling bells filled the air. I was walking about admiring the trinkets inside when I heard the shop owner greet another customer coming in. I didn’t bother to look up instead my eyes were fixated on a gorgeous black wooden music box. It was decorated with an intricate carving of a cherry blossom tree. Its branches, all painted in gold, looked so elegant on the black box. The petals all a soft delicate pink. I opened the lid and inside were two Japanese white eye birds twirling about as the song somewhere played. I LOVE that song. I’ve seen West Side Story like a million times and I also love the jazz version by Dave Brubeck. I closed the lid gently and held the box to my chest. By now the shop owner had taken notice of me coveting the box and just as I was about to ask him how much he said with a quickness
    “Not for sale, display only” I was heart broken. He tried to cheer me up as he saw the disappointed look on my face. But it was no good. I had fallen in love with that box. Finally after some pleading with me to find interest in another item I thanked the shop owner and headed out.
    After I got back to my hotel I went straight to my room. My feet were killing me from all the walking. I had just taken my shoes off and settled on my bed when the phone rang. It was the front desk.
    “Excuse me miss” The hotel clerk said cheerfully. “There’s a package for you at the desk” I was so intrigued that I forgot all about my tired feet and flew to the lobby. The man handed me the package at the desk and it wasn’t at all what I expected. I was thinking he would hand me a small box wrapped in brown paper. Instead I got a box wrapped in the most beautiful and soft pink silk and tied up with a black ribbon. I took a look at the desk clerk making certain this was the package I was meant to have. He nodded then pointed behind me to the lounge area in the front lobby. It was Ruki. Sitting there casually. At first I just stood there for what seemed like an hour staring, then he signaled me to open the item I was holding in my hands. I cradled the package in one arm and with my free hand I untied the black ribbon. The silk gracefully slid to one side revealing the music box from earlier. My eyes instantly went blurry with tears and I smiled so wide my cheeks began to hurt. I immediately looked up and just as I was about to run to Ruki and smother him in thank you’s I saw him stepping into the elevator. I looked back at my music box and opened the lid to hear the music play when a small slip of paper fluttered out onto the floor. I picked it up and it read “Meet me here. 11:00pm”. It’s only 7:00 now. I’m anxious and nervous. I’ve tried on about 9 different outfits and every time I look at the clock my stomach twists into knots. Four more hours and then…..What? I don’t know. That’s what freaks me out the most. I don’t know. And yet I want more than anything to find out.