“Luhan, I know you don't like Ye Rin but can you just let it go already? She's really nice and I think you're just misunderstanding her or maybe you're just jealous. Sorry for yesterday but I seriously don't think that you deserve our respect. We treat you so well but... I love you but not as much as I love Ye Rin.” He held my hand and smiled at me assuringly. That last sentence pierced through my heart like a knife, nothing could ever stop the bleeding.

I retracted my hand and just sighed. Turns out he didn't know my true feelings after all and treat me well? Yeah right, says the guy who pushed me to the ground and tried to punch me. I postured myself, smirking at him. I really didn't care anymore, I knew who truly cared for me and who didn't. No doubt, I still had that little bit of love for Sehun that hides at the corner of my heart, refusing to come out but I knew that the part of me that used to belong to Sehun got abandoned long ago.

“Say whatever you want. You can agree or disagree. Your words don't mean a thing to me anymore. I used to once think that my world revolved around you and you only, but not anymore. I used to warn you about Ye Rin but you refused my advice. I guess I'm nothing but a speck of dust in the wind to you. If I ever do anything that makes you think that I'm still interested, you should remember that now, you're just a groupmate to me, nothing more or less. Good luck with Ye Rin” I heaved a sigh of relief that I could finally express my feelings but at the same time, my heart shattered into a million pieces as I knew, deep inside, he was more than a groupmate to me. Sehun was speechless at my shocking statement and retracted his arm. A slight, twisted grin appeared on my face as I pushed him away. Secretly, I was wishing that he would just take me back, knowing what he did wrong but he didn't...

We didn't speak to each other the whole bus ride to the KBS Studio and Min Seok seemed a little contented with that. He thought I had finally learnt to let go but in fact, it was far from that. Every inch of my heart was aching and dying to see Sehun but I knew what I did was beyond redemption. I couldn't possibly go on all fours and beg him to accept me again, after what happened just now.

“You're on in 5 minutes” The staff told us. Joonmyun nodded and started giving us a pep talk. However, I couldn't focus on him, I was too distracted by Sehun typing away on his phone. He seemed really happy until one point, where he put down his phone and teared up a little. I thought it was just because of the strong winds from the air-conditioner but it was worse than that...

“Got that?!” Joonmyun's voice rang through the air like a bell. He directed his gaze at Sehun, knowing he wasn't paying attention. Sehun immediately snapped out of his trance and wiped away his tears, giving excuses that he was just yawning. It was more than that... After a group cheer, EXO K was up first. Through the TV, I could see Sehun dancing differently than he usually did, he really put lots of emotions out there. What exactly happened? Why is he so angry? Is it because of what happened just now? I should stop my mindless guessing, after all, he still has Ye Rin to cheer him up at the end of the day, who am I to interfere?

Soon, EXO M and K was performing together. I couldn't concentrate, thinking of what happened in the waiting room. Apparently, Sehun was as distracted as I was. I really hoped that he would've at least told me what happened. Yes, I admit I still love him, that I still care for him and admire him everytime I get, that I still wish he would fall into my embrace every now and then but I knew that it would never ever happen again.

“That was such a wonderful performance from EXO-” Uee announced. ... I should get offstage now. However, Sehun was still onstage, clearly oblivious of his surroundings. I grabbed his forearm and dragged him down, backstage where Manager-ge was clearly fuming. He told us, EXO M, to go back to the dorm and pack up for tomorrow's flight and that EXO K would follow us. When everyone left, he made Sehun stay and started reprimanding him about his lacking performance today. I felt that I was partially at fault, that I was the reason why this ever happened but I just couldn't bring myself to face him.

Back at the dorm...

It's already 10.30pm... Better get ready for bed. I glanced over to a yawning Min Seok, who was still busy packing away. I simply smiled at him, I finally realised why I called him the adorable Baozi.

“This is yours I believe” He handed me a deer keychain. T-This is... Tears started gushing out of my eyes. I wish it would stop but it didn't. Why does even the stupid little things remind me of him? It seems like I just can't forget...

“Are you alright?” He asked. After a few seconds, I tried to regulate my breathing and calm down.

“Yeah, just that... Sehun bought this for me in London. I don't think I can face it anymore...” I then proceeded to tuck it into my bag, under my clothes and closed it, refusing to look at it for another second.

“You must be tired after a day's schedule” I told Min Seok, changing the topic. A huge grin appeared on my face, signaling for him to go to sleep. He simply waved away all the signals and continued typing away on his laptop, browsing Facebook. Unlike Min Seok, I'm not the kind that could stand using the computer till midnight and then waking up 4 hours later so I decided to drift to sleep. Finally, some alone time... I wonder what Sehun is doing right n- I paused, knowing I should never have reminded myself of him. A tear streamed down my face. It has been a daily routine and I have gotten used to it. I can even cry myself to sleep without anyone noticing. Shortly after, I dozed off, thinking about all that has happened to me.

YAY!! It's finally up XD Sorry for delays :)