Tao

            Frolicking home from our coffee date, I nearly lost my footing numerous time, nearly tumbling into giggling schoolgirls and chattering old women. The sun was shining bright in the sky, lighting the streets through the browning leaves of the trees. The metallic cars zipping in and out of ear shot purred, and the cooking grills sizzled on the sidewalk’s edge. Each person seemed to wear a smile, but my own smile was bigger than them all.

            To put it simply, I was experiencing love once again, and Baekhyun had ignited that feeling of romance from within, leaving me weak in the knees and experiencing a revival of heart. To me, it felt like spring, with flowers blooming in every color possible, fragrant and fresh. Love was in the air.

            My lips still stung a bit, in response to the light kiss that Baekhyun had laid upon my stunned expression just after he’d explained to me that he thought of me as his boyfriend. They tingled as I bit down where his teeth had grazed my lower lip. My eyelashes had fluttered, heart beat in time with the inconsistent rhythm, and my fingers had trembled to find a place to rest before laying themselves gently in the dip of his back.

            Just thinking about that had my spine quivering with chills: chills that left me anxious for his next text message, his next phone call, and our next kiss.

            The boy hadn’t said anything hinting to a second date with the terse uttering of, “goodbye” after our kiss before turning away with a few rather shy glances over his shoulder back in my direction. He’d said something about applying for jobs during the conversation at the coffee shop, something about acting in a local theatre production that could offer him a stable occupation until I graduated later in the year, and I was afraid that he might, perhaps, disappear in searching for that acting job.

            My suspicions took to the back of my mind, though, when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. The screen indicated that there was a message from my boyfriend—oh, how it felt good to call him that—and the message was simple and cute;

            I had fun today, Tao. I hope you feel the same about me as I do about you. ;)

            I liked the cute and shy Baekhyun almost as much as I loved the seductive and flirty Baekhyun that had tormented me for the last four years of theatre. The former was romantic and suited to my girly fantasies in which we would dance under the moonlight, while the latter satisfied the ual reveries that had my groin burning to be touched whenever I considered the boy’s milky skin, long, quaking fingers and his beautiful singing voice hoarse from crying out in pleasure.

            I was not the innocent type; basically, once I returned to my apartment, my afternoon consisted of sessions in the backroom, clutching the surface of the wall, back arched and extended, grasping my aching member with fingers that were not nearly as spidery as those belonging to Baekhyun.

            The next few months became rather lonely because, for the most part, I did not see Baekhyun. Winter came and went with the onslaught of difficult weather; frozen icicles decorated the sill just outside my window, and snow flaked through the sky and concealed every inch of ground unused by automobiles. The sidewalks displayed the left over footprints of the people who’d previously walked in that path and it made me think that it was interesting how hundreds of people would walk the same path each day.

            I became more thoughtful in the absence of Baekhyun and selfless in the coming closure of my college career. It was becoming a challenge not to feel melancholy as I walked in and out of the theatre each day; in a few months, I wouldn’t be needed there any longer, and Baekhyun and I would be together.

            Unfortunately, Baekhyun had not been able to get an acting job near my University, confirming my suspicions, and he’d set off towards Busan for a once in a lifetime opportunity—or so I had reiterated to make sure that Baekhyun had taken the chance—as the star of a small theatric production of a widely popular Shakespeare play, Hamlet.

            Before Baekhyun had uttered his last goodbyes, I had whispered in his ear, “If you’ll be my Hamlet, I’ll be your Ophelia.” Afterwards, I decided to actually read the play and found out that Ophelia essentially goes mad, drowns and dies, making my words a much less romantic gesture than I had intended. So, there was that.

            Then, upon realizing that my boyfriend would be leaving me, I also had to accept that he would be leaving his boyfriend alone—because the two of us had not found time to seal the deal, so to speak. I was cruelly left, to touch myself in the solitude of my bathroom, for months and months, crying out into the echoing walls of my shower and gasping for air in repeated breaths of “Baekhyun…”

            Sometimes, I would whine to him over the phone that it wasn’t fair, and he would define his situation in detail. It was not fair for either of us. “Tao, I don’t like it either. I don’t like that I have to touch myself with only a picture of you in my mind. I want you here with me. This place is unfamiliar and my bed is so uncomfortable right now; the only ease is hearing your voice over the phone every day. You’ll be here soon enough, or the production will end at the end of the season, and we’ll eventually be able to do those things together. I promise you this: I will screw you so ing hard as soon as I see you that you’ll be bedridden for days upon days.” His voice became husky and rough, “The only thing that will satisfy me is to bury myself within you, Tao. So, just wait.” All in all, the situation made me overwhelmingly ually frustrated.

            Eventually, it came to be my last show with the theatre department. And, deep inside I knew that I would miss that world in which I was the greatest gift to the tech department that there ever was—I’m being humble, honestly. In jumping into the real world, applying for technical jobs here and there, it was clear I was not the only person with my skill set, as had been the case at the collegiate level. While I felt confident at the beginning of my search, I became discouraged after each rejection and, as I began studying for my last round of final exams ever, my mood took a turn for the worse that even Baekhyun couldn’t cure.

            “I never thought that this would happen. I didn’t prepare for this.” I spoke once during a Skype call, as I yawned out of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion, “I just don’t know where to go from here.”

            And, he sympathized with me. “I felt the same way when I came out of college. I had nowhere to go because I was so accustomed to being a star, that I forgot what it was like to be just another part of the crowd. I kept coming back to the theatre because that’s where I felt special—you, Tao, made me feel like a star all over again, but I realized, around when I grasped that I really like you, that I couldn’t live like that, always wanting to be on top—the lead of a musical, the star of a show.” He looked down, contemplating his thoughts, “I reassessed my reasons for becoming a performer; for me, being on the stage is like breathing. The theatre is my home, and it’s yours too.”

            “So I just have to keep trying?”

            “Someone will accept you for the awesome lighting technician that you are. In the meantime, once you graduate you can stay here and be my cute little housewife.” He winked and slipped in, with a devious low tone, “Imagining you in an apron—and nothing else—has me all frustrated, Tao.”

            Our Skype calls normally digressed into utter ual nonsense as such. All I could do was let out an outburst of laughter that had been struggling to escape. “Thank you, Baekhyun.”

            Eventually, it came time to say goodbye to the theatre and the tech crew as well. It was a hard last day, and many people in the group shed tears—probably because they couldn’t imagine how the tech department would go on without the flawless leader that was me lighting up the stage. One of the theatre department directors took me in her arms in an embrace, and, instead of whispering words of woe at the idea of my leaving, she offered me a job. “We do need a tech director here, you know. There’s a space for you if you’ll take it.”

            I told her I’d think about it, and I left in a daze, bowing to the students who would soon take over my theatre department with their untrained skills and unfocused minds.

            Originally, it would have pleased me to no end to have a job lined up at the school where I had reigned as number one in the tech department for so long. However, after finding Baekhyun, who was currently stuck in Busan, it was an empty feeling with which I was met as I thought long and hard about the job offer.

            I considered the offer sincerely, yet with Baekhyun completely on my mind and in my heart. “I’m afraid I have to tell you that I cannot accept your proposal, Dr. Lee. I’m sorry.” I had whispered into my phone, afraid of her response, of her disappointment. The woman had been kind to me in all of my four years, and I felt guilty for refusing her. But, she had been sweet about it, telling me that the position would always be mine if I wanted—I guess I really was that good at tech crew.

            She’d seen me at commencement. She’s smiled in my direction from her position in the crowd, congratulating one of the main actresses from the musical she’d directed in the fall. The girl was bawling, devastated that the life she’d known as the star of a production had been so short lived, and that now she was being shoved into the real world.

            That had been me about two weeks prior, searching and searching for any type of employment I could get my hands on. Then, I realized something without Baekhyun’s help. Sure, I wanted to do what I loved: lighting technology. But, I there were jobs in every city. What I wanted was to be by Baekhyun’s side, and, as I spotted the shorter boy in the crowd, I knew that with him was where I belonged.

            I grinned because he didn’t recognize me, ogling him. He turned and turned, obviously lost in his pursuit. As the students and families cleared away, all that was left was the two of us, in a sort of sappy romantic movie manner. He beamed in a way so brilliant that it made up for our lost time, the long months alone. I smiled too, because I missed him and wanted to hold him.

            And hold him, I did. A sniffling mess, I leapt into his arms and enveloped the boy with my dangly arms. “I missed you.” I mumbled into the slope of his neck. He said it too; he whispered it into the fabric of my graduation robe, and I sobbed some more, thankful that he was in my arms.

            For a moment, we just held each other. I was surprised: not surprised that he had come—I had invited him, after all—but surprised that he was there and I was there, and it was reality.

            And we kissed like it was all on which our lives depended.

~I wrote for an Epilogue to this but I'm kinda terrified to finish it because I'm not confident in that type of writing... so it might happen or it might not. Irregardless, thank you so much for reading this short Baektao fanfiction! This pairing deserves love and I'm glad that you all are some of the wonderful people who do ship this couple! <3 Remello