Need
Backbone
It's needless to say that Donghae can't help but feel a certain unwelcome-ness, even in his own home.
Though it's not that Yeojin is to blame. It was him who'd lead it this way.
It was his fault this was becoming of them. He knew that much.
Donghae couldn't help but feel a certain alienation as his beautiful wife tucked their wonderful son into bed.
He stood awkwardly by the door, watching Yeojin pull the blankets up to the little boy's chin and press a sound kiss to his forehead.
The little boy smiled brightly, one that mirrored his own. He was lucky, he knew. To be blessed with such a son, as Jinhae. And, a wife like Yeojin.
"Goo-niigh Ma~." the little boy babbled happily, as she passed him the massive fish plush toy he loved so dearly. It'd been a present from his parents... in happier times.
"Goodnight, agi." the woman replied, ruffling his hair. Her eyes made their way across the room to Donghae expectantly.
But, he felt frozen. What should he do?
"Pa!!" Jinhae squealed, "Goo-niigh Pa!"
His feet move on their own accord, across the carpet to his child's bedside, and he bends down to kiss the top of Jinhae's head, "Goodnight, agi."
The little boy felt satisfied with this, and snuggled up into his plushie as his parents left the room.
Donghae is aware of the pregnant silence between him and his wife.
He isn't sure how to fix it. Wondering just what he could possibly do or say to save this failing marriage.
They're both quiet as they too prepare for bed.
Changing into their night clothes, washing their faces and brushing their teeth.
Donghae finds her already laying under the covers, once he finally makes his way to bed.
Yeojin is laying on her back, both hands placed on her middle, and her stare trained on the ceiling.
He can't help but feel guilty as he watches her. He doesn't fail to notice that look of hurt and despair that plays on her face, as he climbs into bed beside her.
The silence is numbing and Donghae wonders if the end is truly nearing as quickly as it feels it is.
He feels helpless. Because he knows it won't end well. He knows there will be no happy ending where the four of them stay together.
But, he can dream.
"Yah... Yeojin-ah?" he called into the darkness, once the lights are off and they're both just lying there.
"Is everything alright, yeobo?" he asks, and wraps his arm around her in the dark.
Donghae knows that everything is broken. He wants to fix it.
He hopes that maybe he can take this moment to repent.
After all, even if he doesn't love her the way he loves Hyukjae, he still loves her.
He can feel the way her heartbeat quickens as she utters, "A-ani." and relaxes into his embrace.
Why couldn't things be like this always? He knew the answer, but didn't want to acknowledge his failure in that moment.
Rolling over on top of her, Donghae kisses her.
Not because he feels that this is the way to make her forget, or to make her forgive him.
Because he longs to feel wanted, as he peels away her satin night dress, along with his shorts.
He longs to belong in that house, in that bed, in that family, in which he feels he's become a total stranger.
Donghae doesn't make love to her out of lust, or pity.
He does it out of the pure, raw need to feel loved.
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