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Ni

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“You moved,” he commented once they made it to her apartment. It was smaller than her last, but nicer in every aspect. It was cleaner and in a nicer part of town. He looked around as she led him inside.

“I also quit,” she replied, causing his eyes to snap to hers. He stood quietly, waiting for her to explain, but she never turned back to look at him. He didn’t move when she walked further into the apartment, opening what he presumed to be her bedroom door. But he didn’t respond.  He merely stood there and stared at her.

“What do you mean you quit?” he asked, his eyes dead set on hers.

Her eyes flickered away from his for a moment before she made her way over to him. She took his hand, but he shook it away and pressed the question again. She sighed dramatically, trying to take his hand again as she avoided the question. “What do you mean you quit?” he asked harsher.

“Don’t worry about it, okay?”

“Why did you quit CJE?” he pushed, grabbing her wrist as she turned away from him. She turned around to look at him, having no intention of answering his question. She could see the subtle sleepless bags under his eyes as he stared at her in question.

“Because I don’t know how much longer I can take it,” she replied. She had though he was going to let go of her wrist, having given him an answer, but it was quite the opposite. As she turned away, having every intention of pulling her wrist from his grip, his grip only tightened, keeping her stationary as he waited for and explanation. He never got one. He stood silently as the seconds ticked by agonizingly slowly, waiting, wondering what she meant by it.

She tried again, pulling her arm, but it wouldn’t budge. His grip was tight but loose, solid but soft. She wasn’t going anywhere until he tugged on her wrist, spinning her around. She slammed against his chest, her hands up against it as she looked up at him. His hands rested on her hips, holding her there as his glorious eyes delved into hers, looking for the answer she meant.

Simon’s strong chest moved her hands as he breathed, she could fell the tense muscle under his shirt and skin, and she could hear his heart beating hard against his chest. She listened to him breath, they were deep and timed. But even as her eyes looked away from him, his stared at her face, even as his arms slid around her waist, holding her body tightly against his.  “No,” he whispered, “you’re not going anywhere. You’re not leaving me.”

Dammit, he knew. He knew this day was coming, but he definitely hadn’t prepared himself for it to be this soon. He knew at some point she’d have to leave, but now… now was the worst time she could possibly do it. “You’re not leaving… you can’t… I can’t let you. I won’t let you go,” he whispered, letting his face sink into her neck, his taller form slouching over.

“Simon…” she whispered back.

“No!” he cried. “You can’t! You’re the only one, Jin! You’re the only one who gets me, the only one who makes me feel safe, makes me feel like I belong! You can’t go, please!” His grip was tight on her, she couldn’t move even if she tried.

“Simon, it’s okay! You have Inati, and Daniel, and Ji Su, and Young Won! Jun Ho, sweetheart, it’s alright,” she whispered, trying to calm him. “The boys will take care of you, it’s okay.” One of her hands had escaped being trapped against his chest. It trailed up and down his back comfortingly, her fingers trailing the dip of his spine.

“It’s not the same,” he whispered into her skin. “They don’t hold me like you do, they don’t talk to me like you do, they don’t make me feel like you do.”

“That’s only because I’m a girl,” she said.

“What are you trying to say?” he asked.

“All I’m saying is that our relationship is different because I treat you like a man instead of like a brother. I take care of you more than I play around with you. It’s different, Simon. I don’t have the same mentality that they do,” she reasoned. “Because I care about you more than they do, that’s why our relationship is different,” she whispered.

He pulled back to look at her, his eyes switching between hers. “Then why did you quit? Why are you trying to get away from me?”

“It’s not like that,” she replied, her fingers spreading on his chest.

“Then what is it like?” he asked, his mouth becoming dry, dreading the answer. Any answer was one he dreaded because he knew she was going.

What happened to the playful mood they had going earlier? It disappeared off the face of the earth. This, now, was one of the most serious discussions they’d ever had with each other, and really, it wasn’t very much of a discussion. It consisted mostly of Simon digging through her eyes to find out what she meant while she hid all that she could from him.   “Then what is it like, huh?” he asked again, getting frustrated with her lack of responses.

“We’ll talk when you wake up,” she said, dragging his body behind her as he bounced gracefully on the balls of his feet to her room. 

He stood facing the bed, looking down at it but made no attempt to move. She stood there with him, watching him from behind, her eyes traveling his back before looking at the back of his head, waiting for him to move. He sighed audibly, giving her the cue to move in. He turned around to face her, feeling her presence behind him.   Her slim fingers found the buckle of his black leather belt, slowly peeling it open. He looked down at her as she undid it for him, her eyes watching her hands until it was open.

Her palms pressed flat on his hips and moved up, pushing under his shirt, causing it to crinkle and collect on her arms as she pushed up, her hands running all over the expanse of his warm chest before peeling the cotton away from his fit body. Simon continued to look at her with a frown as her fingers went back to his pants.

The erted side of his mind couldn’t help but want to feel her hand on him, the other side, the more reasonable side, wished she wouldn’t do this. He was capable of undressing himself. Once he felt his pants pool on the floor around his ankles, his eyes searched for hers. They were already looking directly at him, looking for a response, a reaction, anything. She didn’t show it, but her body was substantially reacting to this y man in front of her. “Lee Jin,” he whispered, reaching up to flick her hair back over her shoulder and tuck it behind her ear. She leaned forward, her hands gripping his strong forearms until she placed a soft kiss over his heart.

They were the type of couple completely and madly in love with the other, but neither of them would admit it. Though, they had gotten close to sleeping with each other once. That was to be blamed on Lee Jin who called Simon to pick her up from the bar after a heavy night of drinking. She seduced him, which wasn’t a surprise. She kissed him, stripped him and caressed his body, but as much as Simon wanted her ually, he wanted her as a lover even more, not just a one night stand that she wouldn’t remember. 

That night was more or less one of the most interesting nights of his life. The fireworks went off in his stomach when they kissed and even he got a little too carried away, but he didn’t sleep with her, albeit he did sleep in the same bed as her that night and was there for her to nurse her raging hangover.

But now was different. Simon admitted to her that night, knowing she wouldn’t remember his feelings for her. The way he’d watched her as practice, the way he yearned and pleaded for her without showing any signs of weakness around her.

Now was not another one of those times. His feelings for her welled in his stomach as he looked over her gorgeous face, wanting to kiss her more than anything, wanting to let her know how much he cared about her and why it was simply impossible for her to leave. But he couldn’t. He stood there and watched her watch him, shivering at the feel of her lips on his skin but nothing more, no interest, no desire for anything more whatsoever.

“Sleep well,” she whispered; her fingers trailed down his arm before she disappeared through the door, closing it behind her. He fell into her sheets, digging his face into the white comforter to be intoxicated by her scent. What he wouldn’t give just to hold her right now.

“You can’t go,” he whispered to himself, “I love you.”