If only I could say ‘I’m sorry’… - Yu-Jin

I laid on the bed, watching the sunlight streamed in and lit up the white walls of my room. The gentle spring breeze teased the white curtains, the brown sparrows were chirping outside and the trees played music with their rustling leaves.

It was supposed to be a lovely morning for most. Yet, none of these brought me any joy. It was just like any other day for me; a day lying in this room…this hospital room. I stared blankly at the white ceiling before me. The only thing my ears were focused on was the ticking sound of the clock at the bedside – ticking and ticking the seconds away.

I was waiting for nothing, for no one, just simply listening to that ticking, the sound of my life ebbing away from me…

A sudden shadow hung over me. I turned my head towards the window.

A figure stood outside. The morning sun outlined his figure with an aura so shiny that I had to cringe my eyes monetarily to look at him.

“Hey morning!” his voice was bright and clear. “A lovely day isn’t it?”

I stared at him, dumb-founded.

“This is the second floor…?” My mind was adjusting to the shock.

“Oh!” He gushed and took a step inside. “I’m Taemin, the part-time window cleaner for the hospital. It’s perfectly safe…see the belt?” He raised the safety belt to show me.

I looked at the person before me; he looked like a teenager; around seventeen years of age. A smooth mob of hazel brown hair, a bright pair of smiling eyes and a slightly tanned skin – he has an image of perhaps, every girl’s cute neighborhood guy.

But what captured my gaze on him was that smile of his…I had not seen such a smile ever since I was admitted here. The only smiles I saw were the forced smiles of my parents as they visited me every now and then, a smile they tried to conjure up to make me think that everything was alright.

But I’m not that ignorant….

“Hey are you alright? Did I startle you?” Taemin spoke out with a tone of concern. I realized I was staring at him and hastily turned my head to the other side, fixating my eyes onto the ticking hand of the clock.
“I’m…fine.” My voice came out feebly. I cursed myself at being nervous for talking to him. It has been a long while since I had talked to other people other than my parents or the doctors and nurses in here.

“Oh that’s good.” He said as I turned back and glanced at him nervously. “What’s your name?”
“I’m…Yu-Jin.”
He grinned. “Hi there, Yu-Jin.”

How time suddenly seemed to run in a fast-forward manner!

I found myself chatting heartily to Taemin, a trait I never knew I had. He was easy to talk with and his cheerful personality got rid of my nervousness for him. We talked about his work, the hospital’s park, the horrible “healthy” meals in here and even the grouchy Nurse Choi who always seemed to nag at everyone.

And all these things, happened on the first day I met him.

*****

It became like a routine; every weekend, I left the windows open, awaiting for his arrival. He would come soon enough, and told me about his life’s events during the weekdays – how he was late for school, his practice in the dance club, the never-ending homework assigned by his Math teacher.

I would just sit patiently on the bed, listening and watching his expression as he said his stories – the wrinkles of his eyebrows as he frowned, the curves of his eyes as he smiled, the pursing of his lips as he sulked……I found myself liking all these expressions and the voice that came along with these stories.

During this period of time, the spring breeze smelled like flowers to me.

“Hey Yu-Jin…what are you admitted here for?” He asked me after a few weeks. “Is your condition severe?” I gazed at the wrinkles his eyebrows were making, wondering how long has he been worried over this question, wondering what was I suppose to say, wondering what would happen if I said the things in my heart.

“It’s nothing…” I answered him softly. “I just had a weak constitution so I had to stay here for a few weeks to recuperate. Don’t worry…it’s just a one-time thing. I’ve just had a body check up with Doctor Lee and he said I can discharge from the hospital soon.”
His face lit up from the news and he pulled me into his arms. “That’s great!”
My body froze at his actions; I didn’t know what to do.

“Hey…” his gentle voice whispered into my ears. “I like you.”
At that instant, his confession seemed to have make time freeze. I wished that it would remain this way.

But it will never be…

“I don’t want to listen to your reply now. Let’s go for a date this coming Friday and then…I will hear your answer.” I simply nodded my head at his hasty words. He pulled away from me and hurriedly walked out of my room. Yet I couldn’t help but caught on to his blushed cheeks as he exited.

I sat on my bed and stared at the outside view. The flowers on the trees were withering – spring was ending.

*****

I met up with Taemin. He looked different in casual clothes, but his smooth mob of hair and bright expression never changes.

That was what I liked. I thought as he held my hands and walked with me on the streets.

His hands were warm and slightly sticky. My eyes flickered over to his blushing cheeks as he coughed and tried to pretend that it was a natural act. A slight smile traced across my face at his shy, innocent nature. He brought me to a desert café where we shared a chocolate cake, then to a comedy movie which I laughed with him and finally to the park where we had a quiet stroll.

The sun was setting for the day and the tower clock in the park chimed six. We sat on the bench, side by side – we were no longer holding hands.

“So…” Taemin took in a deep breath and his eyes stared at the horizon ahead, as if he was afraid to face my reply directly.  “What’s the answer?”
 

I stared at his side view, admiring his face as the reddish orange sunlight glows upon it.

I like him so much…I like him so much.

“Sorry Taemin.” My lips ignored the screams of my heart as I said out the words. “I can’t…”

I took out a ring from my pocket and put it on my ring finger.

“I had someone else already.”

This was the end.

*****

I pulled the ring off my finger and discarded it into the nearest bin. It held no meaning for me other than being a cheap five dollar item I brought off a random street stall.
I called the cab and returned back to the hospital. The last thing I remembered was that I fainted from heart pain at the hopsital's entrance.

Was the pain from my dying heart or the heartache I had for Taemin?

I opened my eyes and found myself staring blankly at the white ceiling again.

Doctor Lee’s concerned voice spoke to me. “You should have taken more care of yourself, Yu-Jin.”
I turned my eyes to the clock at the bedside. It was no longer ticking.
“Doctor Lee?”
“Yes?”
“Can I move back home?”
He remained silent.

“I want to spend my last few days at home.”
My tears poured out as I hear my own words. They kept falling and falling.

My heart hurt so much…so…so much.
The spring was over, the clock has stopped and so has my life.

Whose unrequited love has it been? Mine or his?

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#Author's note - This  was actually written quite a long time ago, for an online writing contest in a forum and the topic was about unrequited love.

It aroused my interest so I decided to participate. (even though my vocabulary and grammar and the fact I have no editor) I tried not to be long winded about this story but it still ended up with 1000+ words. And when I submitted, I sent it to the wrong person.

By the time I realized it, the deadline was already over.

H.A.H.A (-_-)

So in the end, I didn't get to participate at all =x

The story is inspired by music video I saw (can'nt really remember it now) The rough plot of this one-shot is about a girl and a guy who loves each other. Yet the girl could not reciprocate the guy's feeling in the end because she was going to die soon. So in the end, whose unrequited love was it?

Due to word limit, parts of it seemed really short and brief. I wanted to add some details to them, but I decided against it since the feel of the story was supposed to be a short yet tragic tale of Yu-Jin's first love.

Hopefully, you will enjoy it~

Many thanks :)