Kikwang came into the dormitory he shared with his band mates, exhausted from a tiring day full of schedules. It seems like I haven’t had a spare moment all week, he thought, as he kicked off his shoes. He dropped his bag on the floor as he entered the door, calling out for the others.

         “Guys?” Kikwang called, trudging into the dorm, stretching his arms lightly over his head. “Guys, I’m home.”

         There was no answer, the dorm was silent, just the quiet noise from the busy street far below drifting up to the apartment. Everyone must be out, Kikwang thought. He felt like he hadn’t been able to see the members in a while, with the past week being so busy. Filming for the drama he appeared in, as well as being an MC for a talk show and various other appearances was extremely demanding. Kikwang had missed the members the entire week, their schedules not overlapping once. Kikwang had all individual schedules during the week, and often left early and came home extremely late, while the others were still sleeping. He missed them, especially Yoseob, who had a special hold over his heart, even if the other boy didn’t know it, and probably never would.

        Kikwang felt a smile that he couldn’t help tug at his lips as he thought of Yoseob. But as quickly as the smile appeared, it faded from his face. He felt the crack on his heart get wider.

Flashback~ One Week Ago…

[Beast’s Dressing Room before a music show live performance]

         Kikwang was stretching lightly while listening to music, the gentle pull in his muscles easing their stiffness from sitting for so long earlier. Doojoon was sitting backwards in a chair next to him, with his arms draped over the back, watching the other members who were on the far side of the room, still being prepped.

         “Hey Kikwang,” Doojoon said suddenly, reaching over to tug lightly on Kikwang’s sleeve to get his attention.

         Kikwang looked over at Doojoon, pulling his ear buds out of his ears. “Yeah Doojoonie?”

         Doojoon nodded towards Yoseob’s direction. “Do you think that Yoseob has been acting different recently?”

         Kikwang’s eyes widened slightly, and he cast a glance over toward Yoseob. “Acting differently? How so hyung?”

         Doojoon gave a slight shrug. “Maybe I’m just imagining things. He was in a really good mood a couple of days ago, even for Yoseob, but now it seems like he’s been frustrated or bothered about something.”

         Kikwang continued to watch Yoseob, who was sleeping while getting finishing touches done on his brilliantly blonde hair. Yoseob is bothered about something? Kikwang thought, worried.But if that’s true, he would never tell us…he always keeps things to himself, so he doesn’t burden us.

         “Have you talked about it to him, hyung?” Kikwang asked, concerned.

         Doojoon shook his head, “No, you know how Yoseob can be when something is bothering him.” Doojoon flashed Kikwang a quick grin, “Maybe he’s love.”

         Kikwang stopped breathing for a moment, and had to remind his body to breathe normally. Kikwang laughed nervously, not meeting Doojoon’s eyes. “Love, hyung? What makes you think so?”

         Doojoon turned to watch Yoseob. “Well he’s been acting moody and strange right? And this all started when he filmed with IU for ‘Marshmallow’ for KBS K-Chart a couple of days ago.” Doojoon flashed Kikwang another grin. “You never know.”

         Kikwang couldn’t stop the sharp pain in his chest. It was pure foolishness he knew. If Yoseob was happy, then he would be happy. I promised I would watch over him didn’t I, be by his side, just content with that…Kikwang thought to himself. Didn’t I?

         After they successfully completed their performance, they all headed back to their dorm, tired but happy. Kikwang followed Yoseob into the room they shared after exchanging their goodnights with the other members.

        “I’m gonna change and get ready for bed, kay?” Yoseob told Kikwang, digging in a dresser drawer for pajamas.

         “Sure,” Kikwang replied.

          After Yoseob left the room, Kikwang quickly changed and flopped down on his bed, what Doojoon said earlier still circling in his mind. Yoseob might be in love. Kikwang rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face into his pillow, hugging it to his chest. He heard the door open, and Yoseob slip back into the room.

         “Kiki,” Yoseob questioned softly. “Are you asleep? Should I turn off the light?”

         “No,” Kikwang answered back, equally as soft. “I’m awake, you can leave it on if you need it.”

          “No its fine. You should sleep, you’ll be busy next week with your schedules. “ Kikwang listened as Yoseob clicked off the light and the room was plunged into darkness and he heard the quiet sounds of sheets rustling as Yoseob slipped into bed,

        “Seobbie?”

         “What is it, Kiki?”

         Kikwang was silent for a moment, wondering if he dared to voice the question that was stuck in his throat out loud.

         “Kiki?”

         Kikwang gave a slight cough. “Are you okay? Doojoon mentioned that you’ve been acting strange recently?”

         Yoseob was quiet for a moment and then Kikwang heard the rustle of sheets that told him Yoseob had his side to face Kikwang in the dark.

        “Did he say strange how?”

         Kikwang his side so that he now also faced Yoseob. His heart was beating loudly, betraying him, and he feared that Yoseob could hear it in the dark quiet of the room. Kikwang swallowed slightly before he jumped.

         “He said, it-it seemed like…like you were in love.”

          Silence.

         Silence so long that Kikwang knew for sure Yoseob could hear his heart beat fluttering madly, see him clearly, despite the dark. And then the answer.

          “I am.”

          Kikwang felt those two simple words, two syllables, clip the wings of the fluttering bird in his chest.  That bird that beat for Yoseob only, the bird that, just a second before those words, threatened to fly right out of his chest, died a little at those words. But he was still Yoseob’s friend, and he had promised to be by his side. I promised, no matter what, didn’t I?

        “Oh,” Kikwang gave a fake laugh to disguise his tears. “Is it someone I know?’

         Yoseob was quiet again for a moment and Kikwang thought he might die in that room, in that dark.

          “Yeah it is.”

          I knew it could never be me. “You’ll have to introduce me to her.” No, I couldn’t bear meeting someone you love more than me. “I’m happy for you, Yoseob.” As long as you’re happy. As long as you smile.

          Kikwang felt the tears that he had carefully dammed begin to leak. “Yoseob, I need to use the bathroom. You better sleep.” Kikwang got up from the bed and practically ran to the bathroom. He the faucet to hide the sound of his tears, which he couldn’t seem to stop.  

        You’ll never know my heart.

End of Flashback~