Chapter 3. What he has done

It took me far too long to get home after I left the café. As I enter the apartment it´s quiet and I can´t see any of the others. Neither in the living room or in the kitchen is one.  It´s better this way. I want my peace and above all I would like to take off these clothes. Quietly, I disappear into my room and take off my shoes. After the shoes I take off my blouse and skirt and pull me back in my baggy pants. My top is on my chair from which I lift up and dressed. I don´t like to walk around without a shirt.

As I walk through my room I look in the mirror and stand still. I remove the extensions from my hair. I don´t care how I look right now. All I want is to wash the makeup off my face.  I don´t want to run around like that much longer. It´s enough.
So far I have managed my thoughts well displace. The action of Hyunchul and me has backfired. We have not achieved at all the requests we had. Hyunmin has understood nothing. I can´t imagine that he has learned a lesson from this, on the other hand... this look in his eyes. It´s unjust that I followed his gaze the entire time. I can´t easily displace him from my thoughts. When I close my eyes I see him right in front of me, as he looks at me with an expression which I have only seen a few times in his eyes. It´s not his nature to be like that to a stranger. I had insulted him. Actually, he should look at me differently because I have hurt his pride. But he looked at me like I was tearing out his heart. It's absurd. He did not even know who I am. His behavior was exaggerated. How can he behave like this towards a stranger? He hasn´t guessed at all that it´s me, what's kind of funny. We are friends with each other for years but he isn´t able to recognize me. On the other hand, I shouldn´t forget that I could hardly recognize myself with all the makeup on my face and the clothes I had on. Now I want to wash the make-up away. The extension I put in a box that I put on my shelf. Then I leave my room very quietly to sneak into the bathroom. I don´t want to meet one of the others.
I'm concerned from too many thoughts and if got discovered by Hyunchul he will immediately ask me what happened. I can understand him, he´s curious. Normally everything would have went well but I totally screwed up everything. I have only thought of myself and not to the why I really wanted to give Hyunmin a lesson. I wanted to avenge Jae Hwa but in the end I wanted to pay him back that he called me a hippo.  I feel like an idiot. At the moment in which he thought that I was a girl my weight was perfect. When I´m not dress up like a girl he tells me that I have gotten fat.
I don´t understand him and it makes me crazy. Ironically, he has to tell me again and again. Right now he should know how it is for me.
Coarse I wash my face to remove the make-up. My eyes are red when I look in the mirror. My looks back at me tired. My swollen eyes hurt and my lips are still slightly red because of the lipstick. I particularly don´t see perfection at the moment.
There is no perfection! At least I haven´t any form of perfection.
Furious, I throw the soap against the wall and solve my eyes off my reflection which I can´t watch any longer
"Are you alright? I haven´t noticed that you're home again. " Hyunchul comes into the room looking at me anxiously. When he comes to me, he picks up the soap and put it onto the sink.
"Suhoon-hyung?"He says my name and I am not able to look at him. I'm not mad at him that I made this stupid action at all. I'm mad at myself because I was too stupid to get it right. Hyunmin's words have flattered me. It was nice to hear these words about my appearance but eventually it became too much for me and I'm finally woke up to do the plan of Hyunchul and me . I left him and treated him like an idiot. Does he really deserve to be treated like this? He has already forgotten Jae Hwa and has been flirting with me. I would like to have seen his face when he learned how it feels to be rejected. I wonder what he would have said if I told him that it was me. I think he would wring my neck. Perhaps it would have been better to tell him who I am instead of just storming out of the café like a madman.
"Hyung?" Hyunchul repeated his words to attract my attention. He succeeds because I look at him.
"Sorry, everything is fine. " I answer him and just sit on the edge of the bathtub. I don´t want to talk about it. Hyunchul wouldn´t give me some peace. He wouldn't allow it when I tried to dead silent about everything that happened between Hyunmin and me. Especially when he stands in front of me and looks down at me. I know he expects me that I tell him about the meeting.
 "How was it?" He asks me and I suppress my sighs.
"Shortly after I wrote to you he sat down next to me. He immediately began to flirt with me. He gave me compliments all the time how great I look. At some point I jumped up and shouted against him that he isn´t my type. After that I stormed out of the cafe. You should have seen his eyes. " I tell him about the meeting with Hyunmin that hasn’t gone quite as I would like. After this meeting, he will not worry about that it is wrong to evaluate people solely on their appearance. He´s still just like the pretty girls that hardly get anything on the scale. Other girls have no chance with him and that's what I wanted to change. I wanted him to understand that it hurts to be rejected because of the appearance. That's why I rejected it.
"I wish I had seen it. He must have looked like a squirrel when it flashes. " Giggles Hyunchul and goes down before me on his knee. I watch him in silence, my hand through his soft hair.
"Why did you run away? You could have waited what he would have done to convince you he´s the right for you. " said Hyunchul to me now looking at me with powerful eyes.
"No, I didn´t want to stay longer. I've made it clear enough that I have no interest in him.  He has also tried to stop me. He has asked me about my name. " I answer him and reciprocate his view, although not as strongly.
"What did you say to him?"
"I asked him why he wants to know my name if it doesn´t change anything  because he isn´t my type." I said to the other.  I regret the whole thing. If I'm honest I don´t see any sense behind it, for it has brought us nothing. Nothing but the embarrassment that I am running around in women's clothes and I was basking in Hyunmin's compliments.
"Good, very good. Well, now we have to wait until he comes home. Then we see whether what he has learned from it. " said Hyunchul and stood up as the bathroom door opens  and Jihwan enters. He looks at me and Hyunchul and puts his head to one side.
"What are you doing here?" He asks us for, and I let Hyunchul first to answer Jihwan. I fulfilled my need for conversation for today.
"We have made us ready for bed." Answered  Hyunchul Jihwan and give him his toothbrush and takes his own. I remain sitting on the bathtub and watch them just like before this afternoon. Jihwan brushes his teeth and he nudges Hyunchul against his arm. After brush their teeth Jihwan is the first that comes to me and hugs me.
"Sleep well Hyung ..." he whispers softly and breathed me a kiss on my cheek.
"You too, kid." I reply to his words and watch him as he goes to the bathroom door where he waits for Hyunchul to come with him.
Hyunchul looks at me as if he wouldn´t know if he could leave me here alone. I try my best to convince him with a forced smile that it´s okay if he goes to bed with Jihwan.
 "Sleep well." I wish them good night and stand up to brush my teeth now too. Not for a long time I´m alone in the bathroom because I got some company once again.
"Hand me my toothbrush and toothpaste over." A deep voice booming against me that I recognize immediately. How couldn´t I recognize this voice?
Sighing, I throw the toothbrush and toothpaste at Hyunmin. He captures both and stands next to me at the sink.
"You wouldn’t  believe what was happening before.", He begins to talk with full mouth, and I show my disgust with my facial expression. First I understand nothing and second, it looks disgusting when someone speaks out with toothpaste in his mouth.

"You are ert." I said cold and simply ignored his words. He should brush his teeth only once before he talks to me. I´m already done with brush my teeth.
"Don´t be like this." He grins and spits out the foam in the sink.
"I broke up with Jae Hwa." He told me nothing new. I know that he has broke up with her and yet I listen to him.
"I know. Jae Hwa has called me and told me. " I answer him, and interlace my arms and watch him as he stares in the mirror.
"Really? I didn´t expected she would call you… Well, what did she say to you? " He turns to me and I pull up my eyebrows.
"That you broke up with because she gained weight. Hyunmin I don´t know what´s wrong with you at the moment, but your behavior is abnormal. The girl really loved you and you reject her just because she´s no longer slim enough? " I don´t hide the anger that lies in my voice. My voice is drawn not only from my anger but also from a cold that I have previously brought him only once opposed. Although he realizes he ignores this fact and goes on as if he had not noticed.
"I did not broke up with her because she gained weight but because I didn´t love her anymore.
 Should I lie to her? Honestly that would be worse in my eyes. ", he looks at me and I shake my head. I don´t believe him. They would be still dating if Jae Hwa would be thin.
"Of course you shouldn´t  lie to her. I just want you to understand that it depends on more than just good looks. It´s simply wrong to depend on the looks of someone. " I try again to bring him to betterment. It will be in vain because he is stuck on his narrow-minded opinion.
Amazingly, it remains relatively quiet between us and I am enjoying the silence. It is more pleasant than to talk to him.
"It's strange ... I've never thought about it…" He breaks the silence that has settled between us.
"I didn´t see a meaning behind it at least I always wanted to have a pretty girlfriend.
When Jae Hwa left the café I still remain there. After a while I found a pretty cute girl. She was really cute. I sat down to her and talked to her. She was very reserved what I found attractive. Normally, women do all the cute acting but she was different. Nevertheless, she was y. She started to when I told her that their hands remind me of a friend. Your hands have almost looked like her. " He starts laughing and I roll my eyes. He is an idiot. Just when you think positively about him once he comes with such nonsense.  The strange thing is to hear the story now from him. I know what has happened in the café but he doesn´t know.
"In any case, we continued talking and I've tried to get her a little closer. When I then did a compliment because her weight she totally freaked out. I haven´t understood that. She had a really good figure. Not an ounce too much and her face. Her eyes were incredible. " He tells me more about the supposed girl from the cafe. How he would react if I told him I was the girl? There´s no choice for me to say anything since he looks at me with the same smile that he gave me in the café. It's the same smile with which he smiled at the ‘girl’. Warm and full of affection. And this time I realize that it has an effect on me. I avoid any eye contact with him and ignore the tingling feeling in my stomach.
"She yelled that I’m not her type and I'm not man enough for her. She only likes real men.
You know ... I really wouldn´t care but I wanted to know her name. She was so different than the girls I've met before. It´s a shame but I've seen after the first time what people mean when they say that one should go not only after the appearance. ",  He ends his story again and he looks like a puppy at me. It has taken him that this girl has hurt his pride as a man.
Without wasting a word I'm going to the door.
"So it feels when one is evaluated only after the appearance. I hope you will treat girls better now. " I put my hand on the doorknob and stop for second.
"Suhoon sleep well."
"You too Hyunmin."  I leave the bathroom and get out in my bedroom.
In my room I'm not bothered to turn on the light. I find my bed without a light. Arrived at these, I remove my clothes and bury myself in my bed.
I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. While I try to go to sleep Hyunmin's words goes through my head, telling me that he will make his thoughts. Unlike last night, today I find my sleep quite quickly.

Annoyed, I pull my notebook out of the hands of Jisang. Barely two hours after I woke up, it has already been ringing our doorbell and Jisang has come to us. All the while, he is now trying to read my notebook in which I usually write my lyrics into it. I don´t like it when people see my work in progress lyrics. Even when it´s Jisang it bothers me.
"There´s a mistake dear." Jisang points to a passage as he gave me the notebook that he has took away from me and flips through it.
"Shut up. There is no mistake. "I take my notebook back and read the page where the spelling mistake should be.  Jisang is right. I have made a mistake and that at a very easy word. So it is when you try write something really quickly and yesterday I couldn’t barely concentrate when I wrote my lyrics.
"You see, there is the problem. Where have you been with your thoughts? ", He asks and I look at him with a glance that means more than a thousand words.  Everybody makes a spelling mistake from time to time.
"Oh, don´t make such a face Suhoonie .", He turns my face to him and gave me a kiss on my nose before he turns away from me and join Injoon and Hyunmin on the couch. Hyunchul and Jihwan aren´t at home right now. Hyunchul is working and Jihwan has a lecture therefore they are not here. I am glad that I have this day off. Tomorrow I must return to work. I work in a clothes shop and write lyrics for a company. I'm not even working there as a musician. Everything I do is to compose and write lyrics. Hyunmin works in his father's company. It is a well known company that is going well. Injoon took over the cafe of his mother, which also runs pretty well.
"What are you discussing the whole time?" Mixes Jisang into the conversation of Injoon and Hyunmin.  Just after that I start to give them my attention.
I get up from my chair and go into the adjoining kitchen where I take a bottle of water from the refrigerator and look the food.  The urge to eat something is strong so I look out for a yogurt. With the yogurt and a spoon and my bottle I go to the other to our living room.
"This guy makes fun about me just because I got rejected…." Hyunmin consecrates Jisang into the whole thing, and I will refrain from a smug grin because of the loud laughter of Injoon. After a few seconds Jisang starts to laugh as well.
"Honestly, I can understand him. The girl will have a reason for rejecting you. " slaps Jisang Hyunmin rough on his back and leans back then.
"She had no reason. The cutie just wants to be conquered.  And you know what? I'm going to find her again and then she won´t be able to resist me. " He is convinced of it and I stuff my mouth with a large spoon yogurt. It´s better to be quiet about this. Hyunmin better forget about the girl very quick. "Really? You don´t even know her name. Besides, what will you do if she simply don´t like you? " said the grinning Injoon who looks at me. Injoon know as well as I who the girl is they are talking about. The only positive thing about the matter is that Injoon would never say a thing about the girl
"It doesn´t matter if I know her name or not.  I will find her and she will like me."Hyunmin not lose his confidence. I can´t understand how he could have such big ego. Actually, his pride would be hurt but no, Hyunmin is best things about himself and confident as ever.
"You're a dreamer, wake up Hyunmin. Usually, you wouldn’t care about such a girl." Jisang puts his arm around Hyunmin´s shoulder. Injoon has sat down next to me on the chair and steals my yogurt.
"If you saw them you would understand me. She´s just perfect. You should have seen her body and her long legs. She was really hot. " Hyunmin raves about this supposed girl.
"Uhu you ´ve fallen for her ~", Jisang sings and hits Hyunmin.
"Who would have thought you would be  truly fall for a woman."
"I'm not in love with her. I don´t know her but I want to go out with her. " continues Hyunmin who pushes Jisang  away.
"That's all. She is really y and I want to get her into my bed ", He said and I look at him in shock.
He begins to grin and returns my look.
"What? I can´t give up  my needs just like you just because you have gotten fat.” He is mocking of it and I take off my yogurt from Injoon and throw it on Hyunmin. I promptly get up and stomp over to my own room and notice that there´s more yogurt on Jisang than on Hyunmin. I don´t care. I´m sick of this. while
With a loud bang, I shut my bedroom door behind me and take off my top that I throw on the floor.  Automatically I´m attracted by the mirror and watch myself in them. I turn to the side and my belly. I hold in my breath.  After a while I breathe normally again and tug at my belly which leaves red stripes.
From my belly my hands move to my hips which are standing out slightly. They are distinguished from not enough. I desperately need something to lose weight, otherwise I'm going crazy.
There is a knock and shortly after someone comes into my room. Through the mirror I see Jisang taking off his shirt.  I have made his entire top dirty with the yogurt.
"A nice way to eat yogurt." He mustered his shirt and puts it on my desk.
"I'm sorry... I'll give you something to wear." I turn around and look at him apologetically. I didn´t want to hit him with the yogurt. I just wanted to hit Hyunmin.
"It´s all right. You better tell me what´s wrong with you. Usually you don´t lose your temper so easily . ", He goes to me and puts his arms around me and I turn around in his arms.
"Jisang-ah ..." I start but keep hold and fall into silence. It's hard for me to get started.
"You know that you can´t lie to me Suhoon.”  He looks at my eyes through the mirror and I lower my gaze. I know that I can´t lie to him. It is hard for me to lie to others. I am an honest person and I hate lies. I would much rather deal with the hard truth than live with a lie. Nothing in this world is more painful than waking up from a lie.
"I know ..." I whisper softly.
"Do you feel too fat again?", His hands move to my stomach over what he . His moves are so gently that I get goosebumps on my stomach because of his cold fingertips.
"I ..." I try to deny it when I shake my head vigorously. He will not believe me. If I were him I wouldn´t do it either.
"Why?", His voice is cold and I notice the disappointed tone in his voice.
This is exactly why I didn´t want to talk to him. He shouldn´t have been noticed. Actually I don´t want anyone to notice that I start to suffer because of my weight again. I stopped making sports and the yogurt isn´t the healthiest one.
 "I don´t  work out anymore and I just feel uncomfortable. I've gained weight. At first I ignored this but he is right. I look really like a hippo." I solve his hands on my stomach and pull the fat with some effort from my stomach.
"Let me guess, the one who called you fat was Hyunmin. " He looks at me through the mirror and makes a face and hits my hand away.

"Stop this Suhoon. This is no fat but skin. " He growls to me and caresses the red stripes on my belly.
"It was Hyunmin ..." I feel a guilty conscience when I say the name of the other.
Jisang groans annoyed.
"I knew it …ah well…
Take a look Suhoon, there's no fat here and here there´s also no fat. I can see your ribs and your hip bones stick out. And your collarbone is also so skinny.  You aren´t fat. Hyunmin just teases you like that because he is too stupid to understand that you don´t understand it as a joke. ", his fingers finds their way to my hip bone. I turn around and solve his hands off my body. I force myself to smile.
"You're cute Hyung, but it's not as bad as you think. I'll just start to work out again and then everything is fine. "I soothe him and his concerns. His worries are unwarranted.
"If you want we can go to the gym together.", He makes me a proposal and answered my smile and leads me to the door. His arms still wrapped around me and my body stiffens as we stand at the door. I will not go out without a top.
"Wait a minute ...",  I separate myself from him and grab my top. Immediately I feel better. He dragged me into his arms as I return to him, together we leave my room.
His own shirt is still lying on the desk in my room so he´s running around shirtless.
"There you are again.", Injoon welcome us who sits next to Hyunmin on the couch.
"Yo, but I will leave now. Gwangchul wants me to go with him to his aunt. "Jisang remains standing in front of the couch and leans his head on my shoulder and returned the gaze of Injoon. Hyunmin also turns and looks at me accusingly. He has also taken off his shirt. So I've also hit him at least a little. Very good, he deserved it the stupid bastard.
"Okay tell him a nice hello and that he better call me tomorrow Hyung.”  Said Injoon who puts his arms around me because Jisang is closer to the couch and hugged Injoon with me.  It does make a weird picture but anyway, it makes me laugh.
"See you later and you are showing me your lady if you ever meet her again.” Turns Jisang to Hyunmin and raises his hand.
"Got it. Until then ", said Hyunmin but Jisang didn´t let go of me. He drags me to the door.
"Do you want to go shirtless?" I asked skeptically at him after he starts laughing.
"No, I just pull on my jacket and then it´s fine.", he solves his arms and takes his jacket from the coat. I fold my arms and look at him with a small smile on his lips.
"I´ll call you.", He puts his hands on my cheeks and give me a quick kiss.
"Yes ..." I whisper against him and shut the apartment door behind him.
The relationship between me and Jisang is not easy to explain. We are different from most friends to each other. For me he is one of my closest friends. I call Jihae my best friend but Jisang is more to me. He was my first love, we were dating for a few months until we noticed that It doesn´t work.  We broke up to save our friendship. Since then, the relationship remained between us like that. There is no love between us, it's all based on a friendship. Almost as if we were brothers or something similar.
I don´t go back to the others but go to the bathroom where I take a long bath. Only after two hours, I leave the bathroom again and look around for others.
The only one that I find is Injoon who sits in front of his laptop and chats with some people while he watched some videos.
"Where are the others?" I put myself down beside him and rub my wet hair behind my ear. I have not blow dried my hair, so I can feel the wet locks on my shoulders.
"Hyunmin has met with some friends and Hyunchul and Jihwan come later because they still wanted to go dancing." He tells me and I nod slightly.
"Then we're alone?"

„Hyunmin is not there and Hyunchul and Jihwan are also not here so only you and me are left Hyung. What does that mean? We´re alone~”  He writes something on his laptop and then close it.
"Do you want to eat something?", He asks me and gets up  to waddle into the kitchen. In the kitchen, he opens the fridge and gets out a bowl of kimchi which he tried.
"Tastes good…", he just smacks and holds out his bowl.
"No thank you. I'm not hungry. The breakfast is heavy on my stomach. " I lift up my hands and he shrugs his shoulders and grabs a couple of chopsticks.
He follows me to the small balcony where I lean against the railing and look down. The cold air feels good on my skin even though goose bumps forming on my body. It´s just normal at least I've only just had a bath.
"You  gonna miss something. The kimchi is really good. " He continues to eat undisturbed and happy smiles to himself. One feature that I truly love about him. He´s open and very kind, he is so lighthearted and I think it´s beautiful.
"I'll try it tomorrow if you save me a bite" I assure him that I will try the kimchi. Hyunchul made it himself and he put a lot of effort to insert Chinese cabbage.
"I try my best. This stuff is really delicious. ", He pauses and leans against the railing next to me. Unlike me, he leans with his back against it.
"You're freezing." He says when he discovered the goose bumps on my arms.
"Shall we go inside?", He rubs on my upper arm in order to produce heat which makes me look at him, grinning.
"The air is pleasant. Let us stay a bit outside. ", I suggest from his proposal. I'm happy on the balcony because I love to watch the moon. To watch the hectic pace which even at night still reigns in Seoul. It is a beautiful picture and it calms me down.
"Suhoon-sshi …do you know what I'm currently thinking often?", He throws into the silence between us.
"About Hyunchul and Jihwan. They behave so strangely. Especially Jihwan is so thoughtful in the past few days, " he continues.
"I've also noticed, maybe you should talk with them about it, they are still your bff's."  I reply to his words and solve my eyes from the beautiful view of Seoul.
"I would but it´s not that easy. Hyunchul won´t talk with me about it.”  He calls a very good argument. Hyunchul will hardly begin to talk to him about it. If there is someone with whom Hyunchul shares his concerns, then it's me or Hyunmin. In this case, I doubt it, but that he has ever been concerned about it. He is a cute guy but sometimes he doesn´t see the forest for the trees.
"Well, then let's do it like that. You talk to Jihwan and I talk to Hyunchul."  I do Injoon a proposal on which he is agreeing without thinking about it. We both want to know what's going on with Jihwan and Hyunchul.
"Do you think that the two-"
"Maybe, but we need to talk with them first before setting any presumptions." 
"Okay, okay ~ should we go to sleep now?", He raises his hands and then takes his bowl and chopsticks with which he goes back inside. The put the Kimchi back into the and he throws the chopsticks in the dishwasher.
Together we then brush our teeth in the bathroom and just as I would like to go to my room, he holds me my wrist.
"Sleep with me Hyung.", He said and I nod slightly.
In his room, I'm doing the same as him and take my clothes off. Unlike him who only wears his boxer shorts I also wear my top. When I would sleep in my own room, I would have slept topless but not if he sleeps with me.
"Your stuffed animals are just not y.", I interpret the few stuffed animals that lies on his bed.
"No way! They are really y”, he grabs the stuffed bunny that reminds me of him.
"If I would become intimate with you, then I would feel immediately observed." I steal his doppelganger in the form of the stuffed bunny, and lay down on his bed.
"If you would become intimate with me, to say it in your words, you wouldn´t care about the stuffed animals. “ He gives ambiguous grin because he realizes what he just has said.
"Big words for a guy who looks like a rabbit." I knock on the mattress next to me to show him that he should finally lie down next to me. As he lies in his bed, he puts his arms around me and puts aside the stuffed bunny he has taken from me.
His body trembled as he began to laugh because of my words.
It doesn´t take long until he calmed down and looks at me with a warm smile.
As the smile disappears I'm almost bewildered, but close my eyes.
"Hey Hyung ...", it comes out of nowhere from him and I let my eyes still closed and only give a hum from me . He should continue…
"When do you want to tell Hyunmin-ah the truth?"
I expected everything, but not that ing topic. Pretending that I haven´t heard him or that I´m asleep is futile. He knows I'm awake because my whole body is tense.
"It's funny to piss off Hyunmin but it´s enough…What do you want to do when he falls in love with this girl? I'm worried. ", he ends and it´s once again very quiet between us. It lies heavy on my stomach that I am not able to be honest with Hyunmin. What Injoon says is true, I risk a lot for absolutely nothing. I hurt him just because I want to lecture him.  This is normally not my type and I can´t agree with me.  I don´t want to imagine his reaction to this.
And so a response from me, disappearing into the distance.
The only thing that comes from me is the growl of my stomach which is distracting Injoon of our actual topic.
"Are you hungry?" He asks, grinning at me after.
"No, not really. I have previously only eaten too much. " I whisper very quiet and he seems to think about it, but then relaxed again, and finally falls asleep some time later.
His buried his face in my neck where he caresses me with his breath.
Not only that I have given him no answer, I lied to him lie and I get punished by my stomach which is rebelling against me until I finally fall asleep. 

tbc...

Thank you very much for reading this <3