Bodies dancing, strobe lights flashing and a light layer of smoke winding it's way throughout the building. It was all getting old a little too fast. The first night I came here I danced. The second night, I drank. Third, shared a joint with some "friends". They aren't my friends though. They don't know me. I'm just the cute one who's going through a phase. That's what they tell me. I laugh at that. If it were a phase I'd have gotten over it before now.

It's been a year already and I'm deeper in this than I was when the accident first happened. And only finding my way further and further into it; as long as it works and I don't have to think about her for a few hours then I don't care. Obviously right now it wasn't working. I grabbed the beer bottle on the table in front of me and poured more of it's contents into my mouth.

"Taemin you shouldn't drink so much," One of the guys slurred and smirked at me, "Your umma will beat the living out of you!" They all broke into drunken laughter as I tightened my grip on the bottle and looked at him.

"Key? He's my hyung. Not my umma. And he won't beat the out of me. He doesn't know about this."

"The way you're drinkin and smokin he'll catch on fast though." One of the more sober guys said. I looked out at the scantily dressed girls dancing around the club then back at him, "No. He really won't."

Truth was, Key was too busy with his own schedule to worry about what I was doing with my free time. Or the fact that I was continuously canceling schedules to party and get my hands on whatever I could. My favorite had to be the crack though. The stuff that does to you....It's exactly what I spent months looking for. Months looking for it, almost a year of pure undiluted pain without it. Sure, the pain returns after every high but that's just when you gotta get another high. Anything not to think of her. Her smile or her blush or her-- 

I shook my head, irritated that the alcohol wasn't taking any effect at all yet...if anything it only forced my thoughts of Her to come forward. I looked over at some of the other guys before reaching over and grabbing the whiskey that one of them was about to drop and pouring the contents into my own mouth. I wanted to be as wasted as he was and if that meant drinking the heavier then so be it.

"Yah! Taemin-ah you shouldn't be drinking that."

"Don't ruin the kids fun!"

"He won't think it's fun later."

I smirked and downed the rest of the whiskey, slamming the bottle on the table before looking at the one that was trying to be 'helpful' and stop me from making the 'mistake' of getting completely wasted and having a hell of a hangover later. Which is also preferrable to thinking about........whatever it was I've been trying not to think about.......

"Ajjushi.....worry about yourself. I know what I'm doing....and this will Always be fun!" I grinned, standing and heading off to the dance floor. 

After awhile a girl a few inches shorter than me walked over and began dancing suggestively. I smiled despite her looking just the same as any of the other girls around me and danced along, not caring what she thought would happen...no girl would ever get that far again with me. Again? When did the first time happen? Aish.....side effect to a random booze fest......I only remember certain things.....like the fact that I'll most likely allow this girl to make out with me but the minute her hand reaches for my pants, I'll be gone. Leading her on may not be Nice, but I couldn't really care less. It'd keep my mind off trying to remember what I've forgotten and possibly hold me over till I sober up enough to head back to the dorm.

She smirked, trying to lead me over to the edge of the dance floor but I shook my head, pulling her towards the exit instead. She easily complied, tailing behind me like an eager child. Once outside, she tugged my hand so I would stop before she walked around me to stand in front of me.

"What's your name?" She asked, planting a kiss on my lips as she pushed me back against the wall.

"Not important..." I slurred, sliding my hand around her and sliding it down her spine, causing chills to run through her body. I let her kiss me as much as she wanted, making no move myself to reciprocate the action. I've done this enough to know she'll take it as over intoxication, but honestly it just amounts to absolutely no attraction whatsoever.

She slid her hand down my chest, pausing only a little when she heard a voice. I, however, froze instantly and pulled her hand from my body.

"Taemin-ah!? What are you doing here?!"

I looked over to see Jinki staring at me in shock and disbelief, Joon getting out of his car next to him. I glanced between the two, my alcohol leaden brain trying to process what was going on....Wasn't I just with Joon? So...how could he have just driven up with Jinki hyung? Unless...more time passed than I was aware of......

I blinked, still processing....the only thing that would truly click in my mind right now that had any inkling of a meaning at all was .

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woo~! :D
First chapter up!!
I think these might end up being kind of short chapters unless my mind decides to throw more in...which happens kinda often when I'm writing.....XD
Also this fic probably won't updated very fast because I can't focus on this sort of mood too long without feeling somewhat depressed myself. (also having short chapters might help with quicker updating^^)
I'll update as often as possible~! :D
Promise~!♥