Chaerin's POV

I feel it, the day draws near, and I won't be able to hold out much longer. In those rare moments my mind is clear, I keep thinking about all the things I still want to do. I don't mind dreaming. I imagine myself in a future with Sehun, who has debuted with his group and became a successful idol. Of course he needs to keep our relationship a secret, because it would be a huge scandal. But after years of success in his group, he ends his showbiz based life to be there for me. We might be a bit old, but we still share the wish to have children of our own. It will be a baby boy and a baby girl. A tear rolls down my cheek as I imagine myself holding the small body of my baby in my arms, while Sehun watches us with a tender look full of love.

I imagine myself in a flower shop filled with tulips and other plants. I work behind the counter and care for the plants, prepare gifts for others, sell bunches and single flowers. The scent of the tulips follows me throughout the day.

I open my eyes and notice that it's because of the flowers right next to my bed. I spend my day staring at them. Wishing to live to see my real future. To stay by my mom's side. To make my dad proud. To get rid of the lies.

But in those moments of a clear mind, I also came to accept my fate. Death shouldn't be scaring me, I should regard it as salvation. Because the painkillers don't seem to work on me anymore as I cringe in pain, my heart beating way too fast.

That's when I made a decision. I fight to get myself into a straight sitting position, climb out of the bed which takes all of my concentrated power, and stumble towards the table. I manage to get a hold of paper and a pen and start to write.

To: Oh Sehun                                  

Sehun's POV

I can't visit her, nor see her. I've tried every day since I went with Luhan hyung, and all the time they'd tell me to leave. I want to shout at them: Why won't you let me see Mirae? I get that she has to be there for her sister, but not 24 hours a day. So why?

I'm sitting on the bench we sat on before so often. From here, I can see the tree where I met her for the second time, with Shin. Because I somehow hold onto the stupid hope of seeing her if I just wait long enough. I know I'm being a fool, but hey - I'm in love. And I don't deny it anymore. If I see her again, I want to tell her about my feelings. Does she feel the same way? The thought of it makes my heart flutter. I direct my glance towards the everlasting sky as a smile lights up my face.

"Oh.. Se...hun.." A voice calls out to me, an unknown voice. I let my gaze wander around until it notices a person approaching me, running, totally out of breath. A middle aged woman stands before me, and with an urgency in her tone that I never heard before, she begs:

"Please, see my daughter again." I'm too astonished to answer right away, and when I'm about to ask who she is and, more importantly, who her daughter is, a nurse approaches me with my brother.

"Shin's doing well." She tells me, and I give her a smile before looking down at my brother. He seems very tired and needs his sleep now. I direct my attention at the heavily breathing woman again, as I excuse myself.

"I'm sorry, but my brother needs his sleep now. It's necessary for his well being." I bow and take my brothers hand, guiding him away.

"Wait!" The woman shouts after me, but I ignore it. My brother is more important than some random girl after all.

***

After stopping by my parent's house, to drop off Shin, I return to the dorm. The sun has already set, but the evening is still young.  I didn't get to see her, again. Depressed, I'm about to go into my room, to grieve alone. Soon after, Luhan hyung enters, and starts to question me. Since I know he only wants to make me feel better, I open up to him, retelling the events of before.

Chaerin's POV

The room is tainted black with only a small lamp lightening the inside. Enough for mom to stay awake and watch me.  She watches over me about two hours now, never leaving my side, because the both of us can feel - no, we know too well what is bound to happen this night. It will be my last one. The doctors told us, my body told me, and my mom could tell seeing me all weak and pale. They raised the medicament dosage to minimize the pain, it doesn't matter anyway. Even though they weaken my heart, it's the end anyway. Unavoidable.  I exhale, and immediately, mom is wide awake again.

"How are you feeling?" She asks, and I know she tries hard to hold back the tears as her hand tightens around mine.

"I'm good." I give her a weak smile, but I'm being honest. It isn't as scary as I expected it to be. "There's no pain." Mom gives me a smile filled with loves while her eyes start to tear up, and I reach out to her cheek. As if it was me whose job it was to calm her, not the other way around.

"One thing though..." I say, trying to lift myself up, but my body doesn't listen to me anymore. I give up.

"In the first drawer- there are two letters. One is for you, one is for Sehun." Explaining it to her, I feel the tears rushing into my eyes as well. My voice is shivering.

"Make sure he gets it. Make sure you read yours, too." Mom's eyes widen.

"How...?" I smile triumphantly.

"Don't underestimate me." At that point, mom loses her calmness. She hugs me tightly, burying her face in my hair, and I respond to the warm embrace.

"Oh my baby..." She whines, and I lightly pat her back, comforting her.

"It's okay, mom. I'll be with daddy soon." She cries and cries, until my shoulder is all wet, and I cry as well. We cry for what feels an eternity until mom lets go of me, watching me with her teary eyes.

"I love you." She says, still holding onto me.

"I love you too, mom." For the last time, a smile lights up my face, and I feel my hand slip away from hers. I'm not afraid, nor do I have any regrets. With my letters being delivered, everything will be all right. I close my eyes and await death. It takes me away gently.

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The next morning.

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Sehun's POV

I awake from the ringing doorbell, and as soon as my eyes flash open, it creeps over me. Terrible realization with something tightening inside of me.  The happenings from last evening. Me, not being able to see Mirae - it all makes sense now, and I jump out of the bed. The woman, begging me to see her daughter. Her daughter. Her daughter. Mirae. It can't possibly - I hurry outside, grabbing a jacket, not caring that I only wear my pyjamas. I need to go there as fast as possible, I need to, my instinct tells me that something bad happened. As if something had been taken away from me. I'm about to leave when someone holds me back, and I shake him off, angered. In fact, I'm angry at myself for being so dumb.

"Let me go!" I spit, and Luhan hyung watches  me with a hurt look on his face.  I know, they don't know me like this, but I don't care. The only thing that matters is -

"Calm down." Luhan's soft voice actually manages to prevent me from running away. Only then I notice the woman beside him, standing in the doorframe. My eyes widen.

"You-" I charge, but the woman interrupts me, shaking her head.

"No. Don't speak now." Her voice sounds weak, as if she had cried a lot. As if she had cried the whole night long. She simply hands me a letter, leaving without a word. I don't understand what's happening anymore.

"She told me that you must read that letter at all costs. Also, she left her contact information. But she doesn't want to speak with you now." Luhan calmly explains, and I wonder how he can stay so calm. I want to read that letter, because I know who wrote it. At the same time I fear that piece of paper.

Meanwhile, my other hyungs have woken up due to the ruckus early in the morning. They all give me questioning glances, but Luhan hyung tells them to let it be. I don't hear their voices anymore, all I can do is stare at the letter in my hands. I'll read it, alone. No one complains as I lock myself up in the room I share with Suho hyung, and I slowly sink onto my bed, leaning against the wall. My shivering, nervous fingers need a few tries to open the envelope. But when I finally manage, a single flower petal falls out of it. It is white and withered, but I instantly know it is the petal of a white tulip. Of a white tulip I bought. I take a deep breath and start reading.

To: Oh Sehun

Hello - this sounds so weird. I honestly don't know how to start this letter, so I'll just leave it at that. It's Mirae writing, or should I say Chaerin? Because that's actually the name I was called. Yes, I lied to you this whole time, and thinking about it I feel really bad. I don't ask you to not be mad at me, just be mad. Be angry. Hate me, if you need to. Like this, you won't miss me.

Right now, I'm sitting in my room, and it cost me a lot of energy to get here. That's how weak I've gotten already. Pitiful, huh? But I've thought a lot this past weeks I couldn't see you. And before I say anything else, let me reassure you: I wanted to see you, so badly. So badly, you probably can't even imagine... Seems like it shouldn't be. I sincerely hope we'll meet again before I have to go. If not, it's alright. You know, in case we don't see each other anymore, I'm writing this letter right now. I need to use this short period of time when my mind is clear. Usually everything will be blurry, and I can't even leave the bed.

 I sleep a lot lately. My body still fights the tumor. Right, I haven't told you about that either, huh? It's actually kinda funny... I'm laughing right now, sitting in front of this paper, ringing for words. This is hard for me to write, so bear with it. Even though some passages might sound stupid.

Where was I? Ah, the tumor. I need to stay in hospital because of this. They need to observe it's development, and they try to prevent it from growing. Though at the point I'm at right now, it's pretty much obvious that there's no way. I already knew it before. Whenever my head started to ache more frequently, it would grow. And I'm too scared to let them do the operation. Because it's risky, and I don't want to die like that, with strangers around me. I want mom to be there.

Maybe you're wondering why I never told you about my true identity. But, hey, didn't you find it weird sometimes? You never saw my 'sister'. Because she didn't exist to begin with. The reason for me to lie to you is selfish - I didn't want you to treat me special just because my time is limited.

When I first saw you, I couldn't tell you, because I wanted to be a normal girl, meeting a normal guy. Wait, maybe not that normal. I never told you, but I knew all the time that you're part of a soon debuting idol group. EXO, it is? Your teaser was awesome. And, talking about dancing, that one time you danced for me, it took my breath away. My wish was to take that stupid shyness away from you. You don't even know how flawless you are. Making a big deal out of a lisp! Don't feel bad now because my problems seem so much bigger. I enjoyed being of help. If I was, at all? I really want to ask you this. Did my words encourage you that day? Somehow, I want to at least see you debut. And then I'd tell everyone: "Hey, I know that guy." Just kidding. It is my little secret.

I am looking at the flowers before me. You were the one who sent them. White tulips, the ones I love the most, and they kept me company all this time without you. And they will stay here until the end. One petal is for you. Look at it and think, but I beg you, be honest. Just like the tulips you gave me, I whiter away. Do you believe I'm still as pretty as them?

To end this letter, I have some favors to ask of you, because I've run out of words.

Firstly, keep caring for Shin. He is such a lovely kid and deserves it. I met him only once, and he's already here. In my heart.

Secondly, if you can, be there for mom. I know, you don't know her. But she has nobody left now.

Thirdly, take care of yourself well. And keep practicing hard! I don't think I can watch you debut, but I will watch it from up there. Watch you from up there. So don't you dare give up, or I'll punish you! Just wait! You are one of the sweetest persons I ever met, and I want you to stay that way. I'm sure your hyungs share my opinion.

Then, I have a confession to make. I couldn't tell you, as much as I wanted, and I don't think I could've anyway. To write it down is very strange- But I want you to know so I can be at ease. Just imagine me saying those words straight to your face, okay?

"I fell for you. I love you."

See, I said it. You don't have to return my feelings. Wait, why am I even saying this? There's no way we can be together anyways. Uh, I'm starting to cry now, I can't let the letter get wet, so I'll stop here, with everything being said.

One last thing, though. I couldn't bare it if you grieved for me.

So,

don't you cry, love! ♥

Reading the letter rips my heart apart. She loved me. She loves me. I love her. She's dead. I can't believe she left me, I can't believe I was too stupid to see. Stupid girl, how could I ever forget her? No, hate her?

I love her. I love her and she'll never know.

My tears keep rolling down my cheek, and I keep rereading that last, one sentence that makes me smile sadly. Don't you cry, love!  I'm sorry, Chaerin-ah, I can't fulfill that wish.

A tear moistens the paper in my hands.

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Soooo only the Epilogue to go :) Let's see when I'll upload it ~