It was early in the afternoon, the sun is basking everything under its warm embrace. She was seated on the waiting area; excruciatingly anticipating for the nurse to page her name. She has been suffering tremendous headaches and ringing on her ears lately. Being an idol that she is, she only got now the time to have herself checked up. She could’ve gone with all the extra treatment and perks of being famous but decided against it thinking this is her rest day and she wanted all this day to herself alone. She will not let them know she used this day for her check-up. No, they even don’t know she’s suffering from headache and ringing ears.

                Suddenly, without any warning, a strange buzzing occurred in both of her ears. Tormenting as it is, she placed both of her hands on hear ears, wishing to shut the buzzing stop. This could not go on; if she lifts up her head and her hood she might reveal herself to others who were there at the moment. She stayed like that for awhile: crouched while seated and her head between her legs. She felt her phone vibrate inside her bag. Her left hand still on her left ear, her free hand reached for the phone that is still vibrating.

                “It’s Ji.” She managed to read the caller’s id on her phone’s screen. Her ears were still ringing only softer than earlier.

                “Ya, stupid! I’ve been calling you for three times now. And what? You only answer now? Where are you?” She couldn’t hear his words clearly, but she was sure he was shouting.

                “I’m sorry. Hey, can you call some other time? I still need to attend to something. Bye.” She made sure he won’t be able to cut her up. After that, she turned off her phone. The ringing finally disappeared and then she glanced at her wrist-watch. Over half an hour has almost passed and she remembered she’ll be called any minute now. She stood up and walked towards the desk.

                “Yes? May I help you?” The attending nurse asked her.

                “Ahm, Is it my turn now? Forty-five minutes have passed now so I think it should be,” she stated, gesturing for her wrist-watch.

                “Name please,” the nurse plainly answered.

                “Dara. Park, Sandara.”

                The nurse configured it on their computerized checklist. “Ah, yes Ms. Park. Actually, we’ve been paging you. Please come with Ms. Oh.”

                A young woman, probably in her early twenties, stood before her. “Right this way Ms. Park.” She was accompanied to an ENT specialist, more formally known as an Otolaryngologist. Several physical and technical tests were run. After then, she sat down on one-on-one with the Otolaryngologist.

                “Ms. Park, I hope you don’t mind, not that I’m meddling or something, but you are a celebrity right?” The thirty-something year old man in white asked her. “Don’t worry about confidentiality if that’s what you’re hesitating about.”

                “Y-yes. Yes I am.” The doctor nodded in response.

                “This is really hard for me, as far as your career is concerned,” he said, on the brink of losing his professionalism because of the pity he is feeling towards his patient. He cleared his throat first before going on again. “The tests that we’ve run show the results that the ringing and the tremendous pain you’ve been experiencing are symptoms denoting hearing loss; permanent hearing loss or sensorineural hearing loss to be exact.”

                In the course of her life, she has never been this shocked. Trying to fight back her tears with all might, she asked calmly the causes.

                “There are several causes, but I think what caused you is because of the nature of your career. If our ears are continuously exposed to such noises and sounds beyond 85 decibels, which is the advised maximum level, it can lead to progressive and eventually severe sensorineural hearing loss,” the doctor explained as a matter of fact.

                “What about cure, and if can’t be cured at least any prevention to severing?” Dara was praying hard at that time for any miraculous things to happen.

                “Well about that, I don’t want to give you hopes so I’m telling you that there are no cures for you. Unlike the other three kinds of hearing loss, sensorineural hearing loss is because there are damaged sensory hair cells or nerves of the inner ear. Despite medical advancement, it cannot be cured by a surgical or medical treatment. Let alone a hearing aid. I advise you to stay away from much noise as much as possible, avoid using earphones or headphones. But in due time…”

                Dara no longer focused on what the doctor was saying. And she could no longer hold back the tears that she was fighting with earlier. She was covered with adept fear; how on earth will she carry on in this life without being able to hear? Furthermore, she would miss hearing his shrill voice, telling how dumb she is.

                She didn’t want to go home just yet. The sun is already setting on the horizon; she felt the cold breeze as she strolled along the Han River. She closed her eyes, taking in everything she can hear. She decided to never let them know about what she’s going through. Let alone make them worry about her. She’ll carry on until they finally give up.

                “Ya, where were you? Don’t you know how worried-sick we were? You could’ve at least called or texted us,” Bom, her bandmate and worried-sick friend, bombarded her with questions as soon as she opened the door of their dorm. She hugged her tight so she’ll stop form querying.

                “I bought ice creams for everyone,” she announced as soon as she released Bom from her tight hug. And she walked happily towards the kitchen.

                “What was that?” Bom asked their youngest, Minzy, who just shrugged. “Ya, I was talking to you! Have you called Jiyong? I bet he’s even worried-sick than us.”

                Right, Jiyong. She completely forgot about that man. She quickly rummaged her bag for her phone. “Minzy, take care of the ice creams for a sec.” As soon as her phone , its screen fronted the many missed calls. And then it rang.

                “Yes, Ji,” she answered as coolly as possible.

                “Don’t yes me stupid! Where were you? Don’t you know that there are people who are worrying about you? What are you, ten? You don’t even know to return any of my calls?” He sure sounded very angry. Dara was sure he’s now pacing back and forth, really unsettled by the idea that she shut him down.

                “I’m sorry Ji. I was out the whole day and unfortunately my phone’s battery got drained.  I’m here now at the dormitory so don’t worry,” she tried with her all might not to cry at the sound of his voice.

               “You’re there? I’m coming–” She cut him off. “No don’t. I know you’re very busy because your concert’s tomorrow. I’m really sorry I have you worried. Don’t worry I’ll watch you tomorrow. Just focus on your thing now. Everything’s alright Ji.” Yes, she totally lied to the man she loves. But what she can do? She is still an older sister to him despite how caring and loving this man can be.

                “Don’t ever do things like this again, don’t you dare make me worry again. I know you’re stupid, but please try to use your few brain cells and think. I can’t and won’t let you make me feel this way again,” and with that he ended the call.