♦ Jaejoong’s P.O.V ♦

 

If looks could kill, I think Gikwang would be six-feet-under as we speak.

Yunho thundered towards us with a look of pure anger splayed across his face; a look that I don’t think I’ve ever seen him wear. Ever. Yunho isn’t the kind of person to lose his temper. Not to anyone. Even though a lot of people assume that under that handsome face there’s a cold, insensitive person; they couldn’t be further from the truth.

Really, underneath all that beautiful, tanned skin; there’s a big, soft teddy bear that sees the good in everyone. He’s the kind of person that would hug you and tell you everything would be alright, even when the world was falling down around you.

He’s the kind of person that I fell head over heels in love with.

.. But I don’t think that the man in front of me was Yunho.

Or at least, this was a version of Yunho that I’d never had the pleasure of meeting.

In one brisk step, he squared closer to me; leaving only a few inches between the two of us. I didn’t dare look up into his eyes, but I knew he was angry about something. His fists were clenched and his torso shook with heavy breaths. If he’d taken one more step, I’d be pressed into his chest.

 “Listen, Yunho--” Gikwang went to speak, only to shrivel back when Yunho gave him a glance that would stop a heartbeat. His eyes flared and the corners of his lips twitched into snarls; the knuckles of his palm clicked from being held so tight, almost as if he were desperately fighting the urge not to lash a punch straight at Gikwang.

“Yunnie--” I whispered; my voice getting caught in the back of my throat. Yunho didn’t even give me a chance to finish before he cut me off.

“--Why?” He asked, coldly.

“Huh?”

“Why him?” He demanded, harsh and unforgiving.

“I-i..” I stammered.

“So you just lied to me last night, is that it?” He snarled.

As much as I desperately wanted to give him an answer, the words wouldn’t come. I was confused. I was on the verge of tears for some reason. Yunho had never spoken so harshly to me, never in all the years I’ve known him. I didn’t understand what it was he was accusing me of, and that just made it hurt that little bit more.

“I d-didn’t.. I don’t know w-what you mean..” I hung my head low, feeling him inch closer and tower over me.

“I think you know damn well what I mean. You ing lied to my face!” He screamed, in broad daylight.

For the first time in all these years, Yunho was shouting. At me.

“First you say you don’t like him..”

“..”

“Then you say you like someone else..”

“..I--”

“--Then you disappear on me for hours..”

“..I was just jogging--” I tried to reply.

“--Jogging?!” He scoffed. “You weren’t doing much jogging from where I was stood.” He growled.

He heart felt like it was about to burst out of my throat. Like someone had taken a knife and stabbed it straight through, then twisted. I felt my eyes brim with tears at his brutal words. And where was Gikwang? Just letting this all happen because he’s too much of a coward to stand up to Yunho?

“But I got a nice view of his tongue going down your throat. And from the looks of it you were enjoying it.” He spat. “What is it now, Jae? You’re just letting any guy on the street dry-hump you? I thought you were better than that.”

“N-no..” I whispered back through arid chokes.

“D-don’t talk to him like that!” Gikwang finally managed to stutter out from his frozen trance.

Yunho turned to him, giving him a glance over and laughing, bitterly.

“And what are you gonna do about it ‘Kiki’?” He all but hissed. Gikwang simply recoiled back down, practically quivering in his boots. “Exactly.”

Yunho turned back to me.

“What did I do?” I murmured.

Yunho scoffed.

“Nothing. I’m not your boyfriend.” He replied, coldly.

I barely had a chance to respond when he’d his heel and stormed off as if I wasn’t even there.

My body trembled and the tears that had been b in my eyes were suddenly let loose, streaming down my cheeks without control. I had no idea what the just happened, and something tells me I probably won’t figure it out for a long time. But that only made it hurt even more; having Yunho be angry at me was one thing, but to be completely clueless as to why was simply one step too far. It stabbed at me, and there was no way for me to make it stop.

As the seconds ticked by, I felt Gikwang’s almost forgotten hand timidly sliding into my own; giving it a gentle squeeze.

It felt weird. Almost wrong.

Gikwang’s hand was soft, and the gesture was comforting; but his hand was big and awkward, almost like it was meant to fit with someone else’s. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight.

“I don’t understand.” I cried, soaking the fabric of Gikwang’s vest.

“Ssh. It’s ok.” He sighed, rocking me gently.

Somehow I didn’t believe him. If Yunho were the one saying those words, I probably would. But he wasn’t. It was Gikwang, and Gikwang was someone different.

“No it’s not.” I replied, feeling a flood of tears accompanying.

Gikwang sighed once again.

“Come on, Joongie. Let’s go.” He chirped, taking me by the hand and dragging me off in some unknown direction.

“W-where?” I sniffled, wiping away a tear as my body jerked behind him.

“Anywhere that’s not here.” He replied; pulling me away as the sun began to set around us.

Before we left, I took once last glance behind me; at the spot where Yunho had made me cry for the very first time in our relationship. My heart felt heavy thinking about it and my throat still formed a lump when I imagined the angry face that had screamed down at me. And still I was beyond confused.

Yunho had said, ‘I’m not your boyfriend.’

What did he mean by that?
 

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I returned home that evening; well past midnight and against the very vocal protests of Gikwang. Kiki had wanted me to stay at his dorm that night, to avoid a confrontation with Yunho. But what good would that do? Sooner or later I’ll have to come back because all my is here and Yunho is my best friend. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation to all of this and when I find it, we’ll be able to go back to how everything used to be; Yunho being my secret boyfriend.

The scene reminded me all too much of the previous night - having returned to what I’m totally certain was not a dream.

The lights were out and the place was quiet. Yunho was supposed to have had friends come over, but from the looks of the place that had never happened. Everywhere was clean and perfectly tidy; something that it never was unless I did the house work.

I shrugged at the thought, deciding that it was better to not question it.

I had the urge to peek into Yunho’s room again when I passed it on the way to my own, but the urge subsided when I imagined his not-so-pleased face if I woke him. Instead, I carried on resolutely to my own room, shutting the door quietly behind me and slumping down on my bed.

I didn’t even bother to shower or change. I just collapsed, totally exhausted and fully clothed onto the inviting warmth of my pillow.

I rolled over, staring at the blank ceiling above me and trailing my gaze to the open window across the room. The night was silent and cold, the blue light of the moon just barely illuminating the dark corners that surrounded me.

Closing my eyes firmly, I tried to force myself to sleep; knowing full well that it would never work.

And of course it didn’t.

Every time my thoughts wandered, they wandered back to Yunho. The look on his face. The twitch of his mouth. The flare of his eyes and the clenching of his knuckles. It was like a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from.  A nightmare where Yunho hated me. Just thinking about it made me want to cry yet again, but I forced the tears back, knowing full well I was probably over-reacting.

With a heavy sigh, I tossed and turned until I finally got bored of being restless.

No matter what, sleep didn’t seem to come.

And then I heard a door open and close; a nearby sound that I could easily recognise as coming from Yunho’s room.

So he was awake too?

And then I heard the shuffling and dragging of heavy footsteps across the floor and towards my room; any normal person would probably be creeped out, but of course I instinctively recognised the footsteps as belonging to Yunho.

My body tensed when the door handle gently sprung to life; the door creaking open slowly.

“Jae?” Yunho whispered, softly. The savage tone was gone, and he sounded like himself.

I sighed at the sound of his voice.

“I couldn’t sleep.” He said, his voice getting nearer.

I couldn’t bring myself to move, or even turn to look at him.

The bed sunk down beside me as I felt his weight slide effortlessly under the quilt and in next to me. My back was turned to him, but I knew he was close. His hot breath ghosted on the back of my neck, causing the tiny hairs to stand at attention; he pressed himself firmly against me, wrapping one arm around my waist and pulling me closer.

His chest was pushed firmly into my back and it caused my breath to hitch. I could feel his nose nuzzled into the back of my hair and sense the vibrations running through it as he gently breathed in and out. It was peaceful, but at the same time it felt like my body was on fire.

I can’t remember the last time Yunho and I ever slept like this, if we had ever slept like it at all. Sure, we’d shared a bed plenty of times, but he’d never held me so desperately in all those times.

His arm squeezed around my waist as if he were expecting me to float away if he let go. His head rested so firmly in my hair as if he were about to draw his last breath from there. And yet, he lay perfectly still, awake, but motionless.

“I’m sorry I got mad, Jae.” He whispered, sending chills down my spine. The night air was cold, and his warmth should have kept me safe, but for some reason I could barely feel a thing but for his broad chest pressed against my aching back.

I sighed hearing his apology.

“Are you awake?” He asked, probably hearing my frustration.

“Yeah.” I replied, staring at the blank wall in front of me.

Yunho slid his other arm under my waist, locking his hands firmly over my chest and pulling me closer.

“I’m sorry I said those things..” He apologised.

For some reason, I felt the urge to run my hands over his; cupping them gently as they rested on my stomach. They felt warm and strong; his fingers intertwined with mine effortlessly - almost the total opposite of Gikwang’s.

“And I’m sorry if I upset you.” I whispered in reply; for some reason gasping back a silent tear.

Aish! Kim Jaejoong what the is with you today?! Why are you crying so much?

“No.. I had no right to say those things..” He retorted, hushed and pained. “I made you cry.” He whispered, all but choking on a tear that I could feel sliding down the back of my neck.

I wanted to turn around.

I wanted to hold him and wipe away those tears.

I wanted to tell him softly that everything was alright; that I loved him the same and that he was forgiven.

But I couldn’t.

My own tears fell in unison with his; staining the mattress beneath us. His grip held me so firmly that it was impossible to move. Instead, I had to listen and lay there as the one person I loved most in this world cried into the back of my neck.

I was helpless; useless. There was nothing I could say or do, because he held me so tight.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

Another tear slide down my cheek.

“I’m so sorry.” He repeated, squeezing my waist.

He repeated it over, and over, and over.. And then over again.

And then I felt him stop.

And I felt something digging into my back.

Yunho pulled me harshly closer to his chest, grinding his abs along the small off my back and lacing his legs with mine. Slowly he began to circle and roll his hips, pushing them into my backside; and I all but gasped when I felt how hard he was down there.

His poked sharply into me, made all the more amazing by the rolling of his godly hips.

In that moment, I forgot completely about my own commitment to Gikwang and simply allowed Yunho to grind against me; a bead of sweat dripping down my forehead that I hadn’t even realised had formed.

Yunho grunted into my back, his continuing hip movement turning into something more of a gentle .

Yunho’s hands squeezed strongly around my own and his arms tugged me tighter; his face was pushed solidly into the back of my neck and I began to feel light and timid kisses trailing all along the back of it.

“Jae..” He moaned lowly into the back of my hair.

I was lost in Yunho.

Lost in what I could only describe as a dream come true.

I would’ve pinched myself to make sure I was awake, but Yunho’s grip wouldn’t allow the freedom.

And so I was stuck, in between a beautiful friendship and the carnal desire for the man I loved. The man that was slowly grinding his against the jeans covering my .

I felt my own begin to stab at the zipper of my jeans, just as it had done the previous night when I’d watched and listened to Yunho pleasuring himself to the thoughts of me. If there was any doubt in my mind that Yunho had been his and imagining me, they were gone now. Flown away as a result of the that throbbed against my .

Yunho was actually doing this.

Yunho was actually, desperately pushing himself - physically - onto me.

And it felt so ing good.

I’d been waiting nearly three years for something like this, and it was finally happening.

“I’m sorry.” Yunho repeated huskily into my ear.

My response was non-existent. No words could express how badly I wanted to kiss his apologetic lips. The only response I could think of was a simultaneous rolling of my own hips, buckling them back and pushing against him.

Yunho moaned and hissed, grasping my waist ruthlessly and grinding harder against me.

...

 

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A/N

Hi guys!! I hope you like this chapter. It's slightly shorter than the others, so I apologise for that, but I was happy with it nonethless. :D

Can you feel the tension? Can you?! XD

Just thought I'd add this note: You can probably expect some in the next chapter. You've been warned!

I don't really have much to say right now, since I'm very tired. I proof read this twice, so hopefully no mistakes made it through, but like I said, I'm tired so please forgive any errors if you spot one. :3

Although I will say this quickly..

I've got 3 fics on the go at the minute and it's hard to properly organise my time to update them. What would help me massively is if you guys could comment on the story, just so I know how much anticipation there is for the next chapter. Unfortunately this is my least subscribed/commented on fic and so I'm not sure if I should be dedicating as equal amount of time to it.. I'm so sorry! I'm just really not sure! :/

Anyway.. Thank you to everyone who's read/commented/subscribed! Big love and hugs to all of you. <3

Comments?? :3

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