Something Accidental

         Jonghyun was on his way to pick up his girlfriend after being back from the hospital where he had his leg checked. The doctor said he was recovering fine and in a few days time, he’d be able to attend his schedules and that made him smile, despite his irritancy on where he was going next. One should be happy and glad seeing a loved one after a hard day because for sure, he or she would cheer him up, but no, Jonghyun was not one of them. Jonghyun knows that the title ‘girlfriend’ doesn’t really exist on his current status now.                                                                     

He had once though; her name was Jessica, who had blonde, curly hair and a smile that could melt a thousand hearts of men. But, the whole ‘Sekyung’ incident happened and now… well now, that was that. He didn’t like thinking about Jessica or anything that was related to her. It brought pain to his little heart.

The boy pulled over on the lot her apartment was located at, turned off the engine and sighed. Does he really want to do this? To see that woman who was the cause of all of his misery? Okay, so maybe it wasn’t her fault and was the company’s but still, she was part of this conspiracy and, and… dangit! She’s on his thoughts again. “ this.” He muttered, grabbed his stuff and banged the door shut. He gave another sigh and dialed his girlfriend’s number.

“Hello?” A soft whisper rang in his ears. It seemed she just woke up or was tired. Not that Jonghyun cared because he didn’t. She could have black bags under her eyes or had the prettiest smile and he wouldn’t give a damn.

“Come down. I’m outside. Be quick.” Without hearing her respond, he shut his phone tight and leaned on his car. A few minutes later, a flushed and confused woman stood before him, hands tucked on the side of her sweater, looking oddly unperturbed despite her erratic breathing. She must have rushed coming down to meet him but she didn’t look like it and made no complains.

When she remained quiet, Jonghyun cleared his throat and grabbed a bag perched on his car. It was a pink paper bag that had a red ribbon on its handle. He shoved it on her hands, a blush silently crawling on his neck. His ears felt strangely warm and he was sure it was as red as the ribbon on the bag. “Take it. It’s yours.”

“Oh?” Sekyung’s brown eyes blinked puzzlingly (and prettily, his mind supplied and Jonghyun berated himself for thinking that because she was the enemy darn it!) to him. “What’s this for?”

“A gift. For your birthday.” That was two days ago. He didn’t really know about her birthday until his manager had offhandedly spoken about it yesterday and did you greet and take her out? And when he said no, he didn’t, his manager gave him an earful about treating young women properly and go buy her something you idiot; you don’t want to upset her now, do you? Jonghyun wanted to tell him that maybe he should buy her something special since he is so concerned but he knew his manager was only trying to be kind to her and he was a real sap when it comes to “scrubs being in love.” So he went his way to buy something for her even though she wasn’t anyone special.

“Thank you. I,” she said and bit her lip in attempt to suppress her smile. “Didn’t really expect anything from you.”

Jonghyun chose not to answer and opted to stare at the sight of Han River before them. The one and only thing he liked about seeing her was the Han River located behind her apartment building. It looked beautiful at night when the moon’s light was reflected on its surface and the air was cool to the touch.

“Do you want to go inside? It’s cold out here.” Sekyung offered but without much hesitation he declined. He liked being cold and if she didn’t then maybe she could go inside so he, in turn, could leave. When she didn’t leave, the brown-haired man glanced at her to see what she was up to, only to find her eyes downcast. She seemed deep in thought and Jonghyun wondered what was going on inside that head of hers. After a while, she spoke again and he was sure she meant to say farewell but the words that came out of her stilled him.

“Do you really hate me that much?” And when she asked this, she looked up to him, eyes sincere and full of anxiety. He could have stumbled at the sight of innocence before him.

It was true the woman in front of him was his ideal girl but with the circumstances now, it seemed all his special affections for her were gone. She was the cause of his grief, yes that much is true; however, he didn’t hate her. Hate was a strong feeling for someone who looked way too innocent and docile and especially for someone, who in truth and retrospect, didn’t do anything wrong.

Jonghyun did not hate Sekyung nor did like her in a romantic way. She was not his friend, not his enemy and most definitely not his lover.

So, what was she?

She gazed at him, gauging out an answer from him in a desperate manner. She knew. She damn well knew he owed her an explanation over his behavior and he knew too. For three months she had suffered and endured wordlessly under his abuse. He did not mistreat her physically but the way he acted around her---the fake smiles, sardonic replies, and the hard glares---it was all enough to give her pain like being whipped.

He owed her this and he would give her an answer if she wants. He didn’t like being in debt after all. “I don’t exactly…hate you, I guess.” Coming up with a reason was hard. The truth, no matter how easy it sounds inside your head, never is in words. “I blame you for this. For whatever relationship we have,” and he snorted. They weren’t in any relationship. It was all fake. “And I blame the management because they’re all s.” He chuckled at this and she too joined. “But mostly, I blame myself. For not being brave enough to stand up for what I want and for letting her go.”

“You couldn’t do anything about it anyway,” Sekyung whispered sadly and Jonghyun agreed with her.

“I know. But it’s the thought that counts right? Maybe it would have made a difference if I did something. I could have been happy; you could have been free from this predicament we’re in. But we’re in this because I was too ing scared to say something. And I regret that.”

Jonghyun had no idea why he suddenly felt like bearing his heart and soul out to--- to this woman, who, only minutes ago, he was infuriated with. But something changed when she asked him that question and he now only realized that he wasn’t the only one upset. Sekyung was human too; she ate and slept and smiled and cried and maybe loved someone too. The thing was she had feelings and Jonghyun didn’t ever think of that. When he first found out about them, he only thought of his stolen happiness with Jessica and how he was going to shoulder a burden he didn’t want. Not once did his mind conjure about how would Sekyung feel or did she want this too? And now, he felt like an for doing those awful things to her and making her feel like she wasn’t a person. He wondered how she was the past months under his hands. How could she have bore all those times he had intentionally ignored her? If he experienced such terrible treatment, being near such dire person would be a feat. How could she just stand and look at him with honest eyes and not disgust? She should be repulsed by his very presence!

Jonghyun was too mad of himself that he had failed to notice Sekyung approaching him, worry washing her angelic face. A hand was over his, gently caressing his balled fist.

“Are you okay?” She asked and Jonghyun got angrier. What the hell did she think she was doing? Why was she close to him and being nice after all he had done? He was a jerk and he hurt her; but here she was concerning herself over someone pathetic as him. If he were her, he would be appalled by his mere presence, disgust filling him and fury, so much fury would build upon him that he would burst and hurt her more. She should not repay him with kindness because he did not deserve it. He did not deserve her.

“What are you doing?” Jonghyun hissed, snatching his hand away as if her touch burned him. moved to speak but he cut her. “Why are you here with me? You should be mad at me!”

“Why should I be mad at you?” Sekyung raised her voice, but not completely angry. “You had no control over this.”

He was momentarily surprised by the sudden change of her tone. So she had this side too? He would have chuckled but remembered that this was not the time for jokes.

“I was a jerk to you! Realize that!”

“I… know. I know that.” Sekyung had a bitter smile on her face when she replied. Jonghyun thought she looked beautiful with a broken smile as she glanced at him. “But we’re in this together. When I agreed to this, I knew the risks of getting hurt and hated and mocked. Either way, we were both going to get hurt.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed you away.” Jonghyun told her in remorse. She said nothing in reply. He sniffed wiping his nose away. Quietly, he apologized. It was a long overdue apology. “I’m sorry.”

After a while, when they stood silent and looked at the night sky, Sekyung spoke. Her voice was small, almost afraid that she would something stupid that would enrage him. However, she had built her courage so she was going to do something about it. “Do you think it’s a waste being with me than being with her?”

Jonghyun smiled, nodded and took a long glance at Sekyung before answering. His eyes softened at her hopeful face. “No. Not at all.”

Note: This is not a sequel of A Secret They Only Know so don't get confused.

I've had this one-shot for so long now. It's one of my favorite because I eagerly wrote this and as you can see, very detailed. I wish I could write this way again. It was my prime. Anyway, I think it's time I post this. 

Not sure if I want to close this thing especially if I'll be posting more. So keep an eye out.

Comment, comment, comment!