It’s been a month since I found out my pregnancy. I haven’t told Kyu yet. He has been so busy at work and I just couldn’t bear to tell him, to add to his burden.

He already screwed up one project; I couldn’t afford to let him screw up another one. Plus, if he knows about the pregnancy, he’ll be torn between me and work. And I don’t want that to happen.

I’m going for my first check-up today! So excited! Kyu is away for a business trip.  He’ll be back the day after tomorrow. Sigh, I missed him so much.

Like he heard me from where he was, my phone started ringing and “Handsome Husband” was appearing on the caller id.

“Hello?” I answered, trying to hide my happiness.

“Hey dear, how’re you?” Kyu said on the other side.

“Hello Kyu. I’m fine. About to go out though.” I said.

“And where is my beloved going?” He chirped.

I paused.

“Shopping? Heheheh.” I lied.

Well, it’s kind of true. Shopping after the check up, that is.

“Alright, have fun then. I’ll see you soon! I love you.” He breathed at the end.

I felt like my heart was fluttering.

“I love you too, Kyu. Come back soon.” And then I hung up.

How did I ever fall in love with Kyu was something I’ll never know. It came so suddenly and timely as well. I was daydreaming as I stared across the road.

The frightened look on the little girl’s face shocked me.

She held on to her little teddy bear tightly as I turned to see the headlight of a car flashing at her. The sound of the horn was alarming too.

I saw the fear in her eyes. I couldn’t just stand by the road and not to do anything. I had to do something.

I ran forward, completely forgetting that I was pregnant and pushed the little girl away as she screamed and cried at the same time.

While the car hit me.

The next thing I knew, I was rolling across the side of the road, hitting against the curb. And that was when I felt the wetness trickling down. Down from my forehead, onto my hand, and in between my thighs.

My hand went straight to my tummy as it started to contract in pain.

This can’t be happening. No. No. NO.

I don’t know how and when I got to the hospital but in the blur, I could see the doctor shaking his head, the nurses sighing. What was going on? Did something happen to my baby? I wanted to say something but the drowsiness was coming to me as I closed my eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“She’s coming around!” I heard a female said. That voice was familiar. Kim Mi, my best friend! Who else would have such a pitchy and whiny voice and not sound annoying.

“Rae? Park Shin Rae? Can you hear me? Can you see me?” I looked up to Kim Mi’s anxious face as she was waving her palm in my face.

I nodded slightly.

That’s when I thought about the pain and the wetness trickling down my thighs.

My hand went straight to my tummy. My baby was still there right?

I saw Kim Mi bit her bottom lips like she was hiding something from me after seeing me touched my tummy.

 “Kim Mi? Nothing happened to the baby, right?” I choked softly.

“Rae, there’s something I need to tell you. You must promised me you’ll listen, alright?”

I nodded anxiously. And she started.

“You’re still young, Kyu’s still young-..”

“Wait, what? Are you saying the baby is gone?” I interrupted her, my pitch going higher.

“Rae, relax! You guys can have another child! Everything’s going to be-..”

“My child is gone, my child is GONE. No, no! Nothing’s going to be fine.” I said as tears starting rolling down my cheek.

I haven’t even told Kyu about our child and it’s gone already? What is this sorcery?  No, this can’t be happening. Please tell me this is a dream and I will wake up from this dream.

“Rae! You suffered a miscarriage!”

I stared at Kim Mi as she grabbed my shoulders and told me the truth.

“Nooooo, I want my child! I want my child!” I started whining.

Kim Mi’s POV

This is the first time I saw Rae cried like that. I know saying those words would hurt her but as her best friend, I must tell her the truth. I was in pain too,  I mean I was practically jumping up and down when she told me about her pregnancy through the phone! And now, she has landed herself into this situation just because she helped a little girl avoid a car crash while she was hit and now she even lost her baby.

I feel like crap.

I grabbed Rae and hugged her tightly no matter how hard she fought. Which reminds me, am I supposed to tell Kyuhyun about this? About how his wife saved a little girl and accidentally killed their child?

The nurse came in as Rae was practically going crazy, kicking and screaming. They injected something into her drip and her grips got looser and she closed her eyes.

I thank the nurses as I sat down, brushing her fringe.

What are we going to do with you, Rae?

Park Shin Rae’s POV

“NO. I forbid you tell Kyu. You can’t tell him anything about the baby! I don’t want him to know!” I shouted at Kim Mi.

“He’ll find out eventually!” She replied.

Kim Mi was right but I don’t dare to tell Kyu about it. Kim Mi must have been so shagged from fighting with me since yesterday.

“I already called him and told him about your accident but I didn’t say a word about your pregnancy. I rather you tell him yourself. He’s flying back tonight.” She said softly.

“Kim Mi, thanks. I-I just don’t want him to know that I lost our child. How irresponsible of me to do that. I feel ashamed, like I’m not fit to become a mother.” I confessed.

“Rae, you saved a child’s life! Maybe this child had something wrong and God wants to give you a better one?” Kim Mi said.

“But God would want us to love everyone, wouldn’t He?” I replied, leaving her speechless.

“Just don’t breathe a word about my miscarriage to anyone.” I said again.

“Don’t worry, I won’t. But don’t bottle up your feelings kay, I heard about those natal depressions, tell me everything and anything when you’re feeling down.” Kim Mi said as she took my hand and squeezed it tightly.

I smiled back.

Cho Kyuhyun’s POV

I was just talking to Rae in the morning and the next day, I get a call from Kim Mi, telling me that Rae’s in the hospital?

I couldn’t concentrate at the meeting that I rushed off. I have to take the earliest flight back. Kim Mi said something about Rae saving a child from a car and let the car hit her instead. That silly girl. How could she just do that?

How could she not think about me? What if something more worst happened to her? I don’t think I could take it if she leaves me. I’ve been neglecting her for quite a while this few days. Even though, I call her every day, it’s just that few minutes. She must have felt so lonely.

Gosh, I feel I have failed as her husband, the moment I go away, she’s get into an accident. Thank God Kim Mi called me or else I don’t even think Rae would tell me she got into an accident.

Every night since we came back from our honeymoon, she would quietly go to the kitchen and make me a cup of mint tea and placing it at the far end of the study table. I guess she didn’t want me to knock into it.

And she would give me a goodnight kiss before retreating back into the master bedroom.  I kind of dread the feeling when she walks away. I rather grabbed her onto my lap and kiss her till morning comes. But seriously, work at the office is driving me nuts. Having to see through all the projects is really tiring; I wondered how Dad did this. No wonder people said, if you can work in The Cho Corporations, you can basically work anywhere else. The stress hectic lifestyle is crazy.

But right now I’m just anxious to see my love.

The moment I arrived, I went straight to the hospital. I met up with Kim Mi as she was kind of happy but shocked to see me.

“Oh! Kyuhyun, you’re here. Rae’s asleep. She just fell asleep not long ago. She’s alright now, nothing much, just scraps on her hand and that mis- erm bruise on her left leg. Yeah, that bruise on her leg was quite bad yesterday but it has faded.” Rae stuttered as she spoke.

I nodded and quietly opened the door and went in.

Rae’s sleeping in the hospital bed made me felt so sick, so sick of me that I couldn’t even take care of her properly.

I sat by her side as I brushed her fringe and kissed her forehead. Now that I looked at her up close, she lost a lot of weight since the honeymoon. The shadows under her eyes were so dark, her cheeks had shrunken in, and her collar bone was more visible because she had grown skinnier. I grabbed her palm and kissed the inside.

“Oh, Rae.” I whispered.

She must have heard me as she started to stirred.

“K-Kyu?” She whispered back.

“Yeah, it’s me. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up like that.” I said giving her a smile.

“N-no, I’m so happy that you’re back.” She said as she tried to get up.

I helped her up and let her lean against her pillow. But she refused. Instead, she pulled me into a hug. As she laid her head on my shoulder, somehow, she began to cry.

“Rae? What’s wrong? Does it hurt? I heard from Kim Mi that you are bruised on her leg and had some scraps on your hands. Are you feeling much better? Why are you crying?” I said as I hugged her tightly in my arms.

“No, I’m fine. I’m just happy that you’re back.” She choked.

I rubbed her back, “There, there. Everything’s going to be fine. I’m here.” I said.

“Can I go back home? I don’t want to stay here.” Rae said as she pulled away to look at me.

I wiped her tears with my thumb, “I’ll check with the doctor alright? Because you’re still not in good condition, I don’t want anything to happen to you. To hurt you and put you in pain. Don’t worry, I’ll be here.” I assured her before kissing her cheek.

For the first time, she looked so vulnerable, that made me want to protect her so badly, to take away all the pain she’s going through.

The doctor said Rae needed to stay for one more night for observations so I called the main house and asked my butler to bring some clothes for me and some tonic for Rae. Since this was our family hospital, they prepared a small bed for me to sleep next to Rae.

I patted her to sleep, staring at her face with concern before going to my own bed.

Park Shin Rae’s POV

I want to tell Kyu so badly about what really happened but something just stopped in me. I don’t know what to expect from him. Will he be angry? Does he even like children in the first place? I remembered he didn’t actually like kids, he said he rather talked to people who could talk. What if he leaves me because I lost our child?

Saying “our” child makes it so much more real that I have been so irresponsible. What would Kyu think?

Kim Mi came back to visit me the next day while Kyu took the day off to keep me company and bringing me back home safely. I was so glad he was back. I needed him. I missed him so much for the past few days even though he called every day to check on me and asked me how I was. I missed him physically being by my side when I wake up, when he leans in and pecks me on my cheek whenever he sees an opportunity to do so. When he hugs me from the back when I least expected him to do it and he stays in that embrace for a long time.

But now that he is back. I’ve curled up into a ball. I’ve no idea how to face him after everything that had just happened. I don’t even think I’ve the right to face him.

Kim Mi is right, we’re both young, we can have another child. But that was our first child. We lost our first child. That emptiness in my tummy is so distinct.

What joy I felt just a month ago no longer lingered. I was depressed but I didn’t show it. My hand would always rest on my tummy and I would sigh.

I just killed an innocent life, just like that. How careless and cruel I am.

I was having withdrawal symptoms. I wasn’t as talkative as I was like last time. Kyu noticed the change; he asked if anything bothered me but I just shrugged it off saying the accident was quite a traumatic experience. It was but he didn’t know how traumatic it actually was to me.

Two weeks have gone by as I was around the neighbourhood, just on my way home as I walked by this new clinic that has opened in one of the shop houses. They were giving free check-ups as their opening promotion.

I was curious, so I stood in front of the shop, scanning it. A full body check-up won’t harm anyone right? Besides, after the miscarriage, I wanted to know if I was well enough.

So I went in.

And disaster broke loose.

“It is going to be difficult for you to conceive again after your miscarriage.”

W-what?

No. No. NO. This wasn’t what I expected. I want children. I want my own flesh and blood. And now I’m going to have difficulty conceiving one. I don’t believe this. I don’t believe this!

I ran from the clinic all the way to Kim Mi’s house which was just nearby.

“WHAT? Are you sure, Rae? Let me see that medical report.” Kim Mi said as she took it and scanned it from left to right.

“I can’t have children anymore!!!!!!” I blared at her as tears rolled down profusely.

“There will be a way out. I just know it. Don’t worry.” She comforted me.

What was I getting myself into? First the accident, followed by this.

I can’t bear to tell Kyu.

“Are you going to tell-..”

“No!” I shouted as Kim Mi hugged me tighter.

“Kim Mi, how am I ever going to face Kyu now? I can’t. I really can’t.” I choked out.

“He’ll understand. Maybe he doesn’t want children, who knows?” Kim Mi said.

Kyu was already home, waiting for me when I got home.

“Rae, where were you? I called you so many times that I was getting worried.” He said the moment I came in through the door.

“I was at Kim Mi’s house and we were talking and we got carried away. Sorry, Kyu.” I said quietly, head down.

“It’s alright; I just wanted to make sure you’re fine. I finally finished all my projects on hand so now I’ve got time for you. Look at this picture of my secretary’s little girl! She’s so adorable. I can’t wait to have children of our own even though I’ve never really talked about this. I think I might just end up like you, loving children dearly.

My heart shattered as I heard what Kyu just said.

“……..I can’t wait to have children of our own……….I think I might just end up like you, loving children dearly.”

Kim Mi was wrong. Wrong about Kyu. He actually liked children. What am I going to do?

There is only one way out now.

And I don’t even know if I have the courage to take that step. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey readers *waves*

Thanks for being so patient with me as I'm ending my Internship todayyyyyyyyyyyyy! Oh yeah! It took me three days to think which storyplot to use as I was stuck between A & B. Finally yesterday I decided on one and I typed out the entire chapter eight. It's a bit sad but we can't have fluffy moments all the time right? Can't wait to type out what happens next! 

Comment what you think! 

Xoxo.