Leena watched as the numbers on the elevator lit up in order from highest to lowest. This was her chance. If she wanted to escape the madness that was her relationship with Seung Hyun she’d have to do so right now. Just walk out the automatic sliding doors of the hospital and never look back. She could find Mr. Jang, hop on one of his many yachts, and disappear into the sunset. The two of them could settle in some country where no one knew where she was, or at least cared, have an army of babies and live happily ever after.

DING!

The elevator doors opened. She looked at the automatic doors leading to the outside world, sighed, and walked into the lift. Her hands felt weak as she pressed the button for the private floor. She jumped when the doors closed. The elevator car lurched before it started it’s assent. Leena watched as the numbers in the elevator lit up in order from lowest to highest.

Leena took a breath. She took a very deep breath. She was running around in circles. Her husband wasn’t dead. Her marriage wasn’t perfect. It was time for her to get over it. She had her chance to try and get out, and instead she stayed with Seung Hyun just to spite him. In turn she  hurt herself. Right now, right here, she’d make a vow to just deal with it. Get her husband back on track. Keep her boutique and styling firm successful. Once both of those agendas were dealt with she could figure out exactly what she wanted and go after it. Until then, she needed to focus on the task at hand.

DING!

Leena walked out of the elevator with a new resolve. She took sure strides toward Seung Hyun’s room. She wasn’t all that surprised when she heard her in-laws’ or her husbands friends voices from the hallway. It did make her grimace though. She was hoping she arrived before they did. She wanted a few quiet moments with her husband before she had to put on an act or a show. As she took her last few steps to the door, Leena silently wondered if she was expected to make a spectacle of herself. It was a little too late to work up fat tears, so she didn’t even fix her face to do so. To his friends, especially Jiyoung, she’d look foolish if she carried on like that. She assumed they knew what was going on in her marriage. She assumed they knew more than she did, actually.

Leena plucked one of her curls and sighed. The guard looked at her with sympathetic eyes. Leena nodded to him and he opened the door. All eyes turned to look at her as she walked through the door with her head held high and the appropriate amount of worry wrinkling her brow. After the occupants let out a collective breath, Seung Hyun’s mother reached for her and enveloped her in a bear hug. His sister stood as well and reached for Leena’s shoulder.

“You are here! Everything is going to be ok now because you are here.” Seung Hyun’s mother said in between sobs. She soaked through Leena’s white blouse, and when she pulled away a string of snot came with her. Leena didn’t say anything, just took a tissue from the bedside table and wiped her mother-in-law’s eyes. It became clear to Leena that she was suppose to be the strong one. This woman almost lost her child. She was the only one in the room allowed to be hysterical.

Leena made eye contact with Seung Hyun’s sister, “ Can you take her outside to get some fresh air.”  With that, she safely navigated the in-law situation.

The members of Big Bang all stared at Leena. Her face softened as she looked over each of them.

“How did you get here before me?” Leena said in a hushed tone. The guys all opened their mouths, then closed it. The three looked to the leader.

“We were already here. Daily visit.” Jiyoung replied.

“You all visit him together at five in the morning?” Leena asked skeptically.

“We were out drinking and feeling sorry for ourselves….” Daesung said.

“Who drove?” Leena questioned again. When no one answered she steeled her face. “ You mean to tell me you drove yourselves here drunk?”

“More like tipsy.” Seungri corrected.

“Tipsy driving is drunk driving.” Leena said overriding his last statement.

“We were feeling sorry for ourselves. For our friend. You understand that don’t you Leena?” Leave it to Young Bae to appeal to her sympathies with an honest dose of the truth.  

“For all we know about what happened, tipsy driving is the reason my husband is laying in this hospital bed.”

The room filled with nothing but shallow breaths and beeping machines. Leena looked down at her husband, and she had the urge to run from the room. Instead she sat on the edge of the bed. He looked fragile. He looked peaceful. He looked like a shell of himself. He looked almost the same way he had on his last visit. The only difference was the lack of oxygen tube and the extra tinge of pink in his cheeks. She reached out and touched his cheeks.

“How long was he awake?” Leena asked.

Jiyong moved to sit next to her. He put his head on her shoulder. “Long enough for them to take the tubing out. He fought to stay up for you, but they gave him a sedative. He was a bit hysterical when he didn’t see you.”

Leena took notice of Jiyoung’s proximity to her. She knew after  Big Bang was torn apart by Jiyong made it a point to never be this close to any member’s girlfriends. They all pretty much stayed clear from her as far as physically intimate gestures were concerned. So the fact that she could feel Jiyong’s breath on the back of her neck made her nervous.

He was about to deliver news that Leena was sure she didn’t want to hear.

“You should know Leena, Hyung was asking some pretty...well… weird questions.” It was unusual for Jiyong to stamer. Leena turned her head slightly to look at the other men in the room. They squirmed a bit under her gaze. This wasn’t going to be pretty.

“What do you mean he asked unusual questions?”

“Well, it was like he didn’t know when it was. He understood where, just not when.”

Leena rolled her shoulders. Jiyong assisted by digging his thumbs into her shoulder blades and working a gentle message.

“I’m not sure what you mean. You mean he couldn’t remember anything?” Leena said through clenched teeth. She knew it was a possibility. Now that she was faced with the possibility she wasn’t sure she could handle it.

“I remember you clearly.” The voice was small and low pitched. Everyone looked down at the bed. Seung Hyun looked only to Leena. “What took you so long?” Seung Hyun said as cheekily as he could.

Jiyong took his hands off Leena and sat back down with the other members to watch everything unfold.

Leena poured some water in a cup and helped Seung Hyun take a sip. “You’ve been asleep for awhile. Didn’t think a the 20 minute drive it takes to get here was going to upset you that much.”

“I was looking for you.” Seung Hyun whispered, his vocal cords still not ready to muster full voice. “Did you miss me?”

“Like a cat misses a mouse.” She said with a genuine smile.

Seung hyun tried to reach his hand up to Leena’s cheek, but he couldn’t make it. Leena quickly looked at the audience watching them and decided she’d meet Seung Hyun half way for their sake. Leena flinched at bit at the warmth of his touch. The nightmare her miscarriage produced made it hard for her to accept his touch without flinching.

“You're still glowing. Does that mean I didn’t miss it.” Seung Hyun gave a small smile.

“Miss what ?” Leena gripped his hand a little tighter and leaned into their embrace.

The members of Big Bang took a collective inhale. “Maybe we should give the two of them privacy.” Jiyong said leading the charge.

“No stay. Please.” Leena pleaded with her eyes as well as her lips.

“I think this is something that the two of you need to talk about alone.”

The door closed leaving Leena, Seung Hyun, and an awkward silence.

“Seung Hyun,” Leena said as she moved his hand to her lap, “ What is it you think you may have missed.”

Seung Hyun refocused his attention to his wife, then moved his hands to her belly. His eyes grew wide when he didn’t feel what he was suppose to feel. Once the realization his, he frowned.

“I did miss it.”

Leena looked down at his hand horrified. She was pretty sure she knew what he was getting at, but she needed him to say it out loud.

“Miss what Seung?”

“What did I do that got me in this bed?  I missed the single most important --”

“Miss what, Seung?” Leena repeated.

“I was suppose to be by your side. How long have you had to do this all on your own.”

“Miss what Seung?” Leena was a bit more forceful in her delivery. Seung Hyun recoiled his hand.

“The birth, Leena. I missed the birth of our baby.”

Leena stood up. It was almost like a rod was shove up her . He thought she gave birth. She miscarried years ago. Years ago! All the damage he caused her, all the arguments they had, all the mistresses she suspected might as well never existed or taken place. All the hate she had for him were now unfounded. She followed her urge this time; she made her way to the door.

“Leena don’t go.” Seung Hyun said. “I need you, don’t go. Why would you want to go?”

His voice was small. His voice wasn’t just small, it was sad. She felt like an idiot. She didn’t turn to face him. Didn’t take any steps back. She took a deep breath and found her courage.

“There is no baby.” Leena said.

“What do you mean? I saw you pregnant. I was there when you took the test. At least I think I was. The doctor said my memory was --”

“I can guess what the doctor said.” Leena finally turned around and made her way back to the bed. “You remember correct. Except, I never had the baby.”

“You aborted it?” It was an innocent question, and perhaps a viable option for some women. However, the fact that Seung Hyun asked Leena if she had an abortion means he hadn’t changed but so much.

“Of course I didn’t abort the child. Why would you say that?”

“I was gone for God knows how long. You were unprovided for…”

“I can’t provide for myself?”

“Leena, that’s not what I meant. I simply meant i’d understand if you took that as an option due to--”

“What am I and invalid? You think I can’t take care of myself without you? I’ve done so for--”

“Leena!” Seung Hyun attempted a shout, but it didn’t come out right. He reached for water, and Leena assisted him.  “I just woke up. I’m in a hospital bed. My legs barely move on my command. The last thing I want to do is argue with my wife.”

Leena took a swallow of water for herself. He was right. No matter how insufferable he is, she vowed to herself that she’d help him get through. That meant she’d have to pick and choose her battles.

“So what happened to our baby, Leena.” Seung Hyun’s voice was soft. He was never this kind to her. Except before the miscarriage; Leena had to remind herself that he was capable of kindness to her at one point.

“I never had the baby because I miscarried.”

“What?”

“I miscarried. I woke up one night with your arms around me in a puddle of blood.”

Seung Hyun did something else that Leena forgot he was capable of doing. She was shocked actually when he did it. Seung Hyun cried infront of his wife. After a moment, he reached out to her. She went to him without hesitation. She nestled him in her arms and placed her chin on his head.

“It’s gonna be ok.” Leena found herself whispering, not sure it was the truth.