Back to December [EunHae]
Super Junior One-shots/Two-shotsTitle: Back to December
Pairing: EunhyukxDonghae (EunHae)
Inspired by: Taylor Swift's Back to December
- Donghae -
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why.
The cold December wind closed me in, wrapping the blanket around me. I sighed as how I have immediately catch the cold after the cold wind begins to settle inside the house.
December has been the warmest month of the year for me. I remember the times he would comfort me in his arms, and that he would tell me we will be okay.
But I guess he didn't know that this perfect relationship will end fast.
I didn't know it would bitterly end. That I would easily give up in this love game. But I guess I can't stand myself loving the wrong person.
Just then, the doorbell rang, making me snap out of my fantasy. I stood up immediately, the blanket still draped around me.
As I reach the door, goosebumps starts to set in my arms. I don't know what's happening, but I guess this is something I will never like.
I opened the door immediately, not looking up. "Hey," a familiar voice beamed as I open it. I dared not to look up, but the voice was too familiar for me to handle.
"E-E-Eunhyuk?" I stuterred, making him chuckle a little. He bowed down, and flashed his famous gummy smile that makes me swoon.
"W-what are you doing here?" I asked as I secrued my blanket around me. He just chuckled and placed his hands inside his pockets.
I gestured him to enter my humble home. Before, this was our house, but he moved out immediately and lived with his parents at the outskirts of Seoul.
"It has been a while since I once stepped here," he started as I closed the door. My heart starts to shatter once more as I met him again inside this house. It did not only shatter my heart, but break into two.
I walked towards the living room, and tried to plaster a smile on my face. "Do you need anything?" I asked as I hurriedly left him at the living room. He shook his head and sat down, "Ani. I just want to visit you."
I shakingly prepared two mugs and poured a generous amount of hot chocolate from the metal dispenser. "How's the trip by the way?" I asked. My hands started to shake again as I remember the past, and how childish and immature I am that time.
It was like the last time we met. But back them, I was shattered and I felt like a total wretch. I wiped my eyes after I felt my tears forming, slowloy making me realize it was going to fall.
I gently placed the mugs on a tray, and tried myself not to trip as I walk back to the living room. I looked at Eunhyuk again, now all perfectly okay and normal. It seems that he gotten over the past, unlike I am who is still being haunted.
"It was fine. I didn't remember seeing new houses and buildings in this part," he commented as he saaw me place down the tray.
"You didn't have to, Donghae," he exclaimed as he picked up a mug in his hands. I secured myself more in my thick blanket, holding the mug and brought it up to my lips.
An awkward silence was placed between me and him as we both savored the hot chocolate. He looked around again, trying to notice every single of the house.
I kept my eyes on the mug I'm holding. I never dared to look up and ask him, since I lost my authority to take over his life back then.
When I was hopeless and realized he was not mine.
But everything was still there. That I should be the one for him and I will again try my best to love him.
Everyone deserves a second chance, right?
But the past, it keeps on haunting me. I remember I almost killed myself because of that.
I guess I was too aggressive, and decided to leave him alone. I never really wanted that, and realized after a month or so that he was mine. All mine.
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.
I was about to take another sip when he asked me, "How are you?"
I closed my eyes, starting to calm my myself down and try not to startle him. "I'm fine actually. I've been good," I answered as I place the mug down.
I looked at him, and his features didn't change. His chinky, chocolate-colored eyes, his perfect jawline, his pointed nose, his brownish hair. Back then, his hair was blonde, and he was amazingly gorgeous with that color.
"What about you?" I asked. He smiled a little, "I'm good. Been busy lately." I could still read his eyes, that he's not okay and he wanted space.
He gave me too much love, which make me a little annoyed back then. In return of that love, I just wasted it all and just took it for granted. I didn't know that would immediately give up.
I guess I made him suffer too much of my liking.
I looked down, still trying to hide the pain of losing my precious jewel. He made me realize that he was all worth it, and he will never give up on me. But I guess I was wrong and I didn't love him that much.
"I miss you."
The words escaped immediately from my lips without further thinking. I covered my mouth trying to stop the other words that will escape. I shakingly drink my mug, still unbelieved that I said those words.
He turned to me and bitterly smiled, "I know. And now you're not okay without me."
How did he know that? I've been suffering for months now, and this is he would tell me after for so long. I didn't even know that I would crave too much love from him.
He made me realize that love is supposed to be felt this way, and that his feelings are irreplacible. The bitter realization took over me as he uttered those words.
I wiped my eyes as I tried not to cry again. "I'm sorry," I muttered under my breath, securing the blanket that was draped around me more. He was right, he was right all along.
"I'm sorry for being that way. I knew you never liked it, and you thought I was the one for you," I continued, trying not to look up at him.
I felt the tense that started to take over me and him in my house. I miss him. I missed everything about our relationship.
He was right.
Flashbacks of our relationship started to return in my mind. The cuddling moments, the laughing, the skinships, the kisses. I missed it all. He was all mine back then, but I didn't use it very well.
The seasons where the only ones who could understand my pain. When spring came, he took me to a place where I could say the most beautiful garden in this world. When summer took over, he made me occupied with all of the cold sweets and brought me to the beach.
Come fall, and we both had fun raking and jumping on the leaves. That's where I realized that I loved him.
As winter crept by, I didn't know that this would end. I loved him. It was all in the past. And in that very season, I let him go.
I was too naive. I was too childish. I just took him for granted. I was useless.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
And I'd go back to December all the time.
I looked up to him, staring down across the fireplace where we supposed to stay during the winter. He was unable to speak after I utter those words, and both of us were frozen in that moment.
He then wiped his tears that were slowly falling down. He smiled again, bitterly. "I love you Donghae, and that is that," he mumbled, not looking at me.
My hands started to shake in that process, realizing he was not going to be mine again. If there was a time machine, then I would tell myself to love him, to not let him go.
But I guess everything is too late now.
"If we could still do it again..." I trailed off, daring not to continue. He looked at me, his stare was too soft for me to handle. I broke down immediately, tears streaming down my face.
I felt him stand up and sit in front of me. "Don't cry, arasso? I also wanted to go back in time, and tell you everything that you mean to me. But I guess that's all in the past now. I love you. But I think we couldn't relive the past now," he softly said, cupping my face in his hands.
I still cried, knowing that he will never be mine. The flashbacks of us breaking up is the most painful thing to watch, and I still don't know why I'm still living in that moment.
"I love you too."
Those words escaping my lips again. I felt too numb. I don't know what to do now.
He slowly removed his hands in my face, and walked away from me. I felt him opening the door and left. It was all clear to me now.
He may have walked away, but he was mine. For a second, I became a part of his life.
I'm sorry. I miss you. I love you.
The effects of being a hopeless romantic. WOW.
I've been too angsty now. The effects of reading a fluff fanfiction. XD
Double update!
- Jeanne ♥ [130517]
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