Tick tock.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

I’ve been looking around my surroundings for half an hour now, trying to make myself distracted. Distracted from him. My breathing was getting heavier and heavier every second. I tried myself to keep looking everywhere, anywhere but his eyes.  Even if Onew hyung was right there beside me, I was still having a hard time trying to ignore him. Ignore his presence. Just act like he’s not here. But he was in front of me. Right there, in front of me. So dangerously close, yet so far away.  So very far away. As if he’s in his own little world despite the chatters and the laughter’s that filled the place.

Few beads of sweat trickled down my face as I watched him and Onew talking. And I was just left there, sitting awkwardly, never been so out of place. They’ve been talking about stuff like ‘how’s your life been?’, work and stuff, love…ex’s. I sat there, pretending not to hear what that guy’s saying. But I hear every word. Every single one of them. And there I was, trying my hardest not to be affected. To feel nothing.

Nervous. Uneasy. And sweating like hell.

He was talking about how he just ed up a previous relationship. Two previous relationships, actually. The first one, he said he was a coward and just left him hanging and all those . Yes, him. I already realized he was talking about me. But he wasn’t a coward. He was an . A cold-hearted, . The second relationship he had, was the reason why he left the guy. But the guy was also the reason why he left the second. Funny, isn’t it? He said the boy affected his life drastically.

‘He’s still in the process of moving on,’ he says. But I’m not really the kind of person who easily falls in such fallacies.

He’s looking at me. I can feel that he’s looking at me. I glanced at him. I saw those eyes again.

Big mistake.

I closed my eyes for a second, hoping to forget what I had just seen. No, you can’t fall for this the second time, Lee Taemin. You’ve already moved on from this bastard. He’s luring you once again into his deadly trap. You’ve already learned your lesson. Don’t be that fool. You finally have someone who can make you feel whole and happy again. You finally have Onew

But he called out my name.

“Taemin,” He smiled.

And I can’t take it anymore.

I rose up from my seat, a little bit tensed, which kinda startled both him and Onew hyung.

“Taemin-ah, what’s wrong?” Onew asked, as he worriedly grabbed my hand. I just gave out an uneasy smile, hoping they’d just overpass what I just did.

“Ah, hyung. I just really really need to pee. Mianhe.”

“Aigoo. Arasso.“ He chuckled.

”Hurry back. I want you and Minho to get along as well.” He said, smiling. I just hesitantly smiled back at the both of them before shuffling out of the table and marching down to the comfort room.

“Not a ing chance.” I hissed under my breath before going in.

~

Lee Taemin. Lee Taemin is ing right in front of me. Oh how his eyes look so fascinating, roaming about the room, probably distracting himself from looking at the vile being that I am. I know I am a poison to his eyes, when he’s a remedy to mine. Remedy to my sad, sad loneliness. I remember when we could just gaze into other’s eyes, our bodies locked together, like puzzle pieces, perfectly made to fit each other. Just laughing and smiling and whispering sweet nothings to each other. We could stay like that for hours back then. We didn’t mind whatever that was around us. We had our own little world.

Now, he won’t even look at me in the eyes even for just a second. Our love was like a very sad song.

And it ended too soon.

It hurt me, it truly did.

“So, Minho. Is there someone making you happy right now?” Onew hyung grinned. Probably trying to make me smile.

Why yes, he’s right in front of me. The one beside you. But even though he makes me happy, he’s also the cause of this pain I’m feeling. It’s not his fault though. I’m a mess. Everything I did to him ruined him.

Now, I’m the one who needs to suffer. I have to bear seeing the one I love be with someone else. And what even hurt more, is that it's my hyung. I have to see them everyday like this. Onew hyung's arm, wrapped around my Taemin. And all I could do was pretend it didn't affect me at all. When it's the other way around. It did. And it hurts so much. So so much.

“Actually, yes.” I muttered, looking down at the ground.

“Really? Who?” Onew asked as his eyes lit up. I smiled.

“Oh, hyung. You don’t wanna know.”

“Whyyyy?” Onew hyung whined.

“I’d rather not mention his name.”

“Oh my god. His?” Onew gasped. I noticed Taemin tensed up a bit. Probably afraid I might tell Onew hyung what we had in the past. But I don’t wanna be that guy. All I want is is forgiveness. I know it’s already too much for me to ask, but I couldn’t endure the pain knowing the one I love the most couldn’t even bear to look at me, because I hurt him. I hurt him with my cowardliness. I know I’m a bit too greedy. I know I don’t deserve it. But it’s all I’m asking for.

I know Taemin was trying his best not to listen. Trying his best not to hear my voice. But I know he can hear my words nonetheless. I know this is my chance to try to somehow make him understand.

“Yes. But I ruined us. I was too immature. A coward. He was too perfect for me. And I let him go. ”

“Why did you though?” Onew hyung asked.

“Honestly, I don’t really know. I wasn’t right in the mind that time. I was too afraid of being judged by other people. But how come doing what might be displeasing to other’s people’s eyes felt so right? I didn’t realize I just didn’t have to care about what they’re going to say to me. To us. When I did, it was already far too late. He was my sunshine. He was my happiness. Now, I’m a mess. I’m lost without him. Without my sunshine to guide me in every step I take, I always find myself stumbling and falling. It’s all too dark.” I said, almost impossibly. I can already feel a lump forming at the back of my throat. But I have to keep going.

“I let him go, hyung. I went on to find myself a girl to play around with. I don’t even know why I did that. Maybe to have some kind of confirmation that I’m really different. I ended up breaking up with this girl as well. Why? Because I was too in love with him. I realized that I really loved him, not her.” I said, my gaze fixed at Taemin. I know he knows that I’m staring at him. I know he knows he’s the one I’m talking about. I know he knows that he’s the one I love. Then he glanced at me. Our eyes met. And it’s like we were in our own little world again. Oh, his eyes are even more captivating when they’re staring right back at me. If only I could stay in this little world forever. Then everything would be alright. I would be alright.

Onew took hold of my shoulder, forcing me out of my trance. He gave me a worried look, probably feeling all guilty that he made me talk about my past relationships.

“Sorry, Minho.” He said.

“Ah, gwenchana, hyung. I’m currently in the process of moving on. I hope. ” I said as I smiled at him genuinely.

I turned to Taemin, who haven’t spoken a word since we got here. I tried calling out his name, hoping to somehow at least be able to speak to him, even just a little. But then he suddenly stood up from his seat which startled me a little. I can feel that he’s so tense because of me.

 I’m sorry, Tae. I’m sorry you have to feel this way.

He smiled as he excused himself, before making his way to the bathroom. I just turned to Onew hyung as we continued our conversation.

~

I washed off my face before looking up at the mirror, the water still running. I look like a mess.

I hate you Choi Minho for having an effect on me still, even after all these years. Please stop doing this to me. I might go crazy.

“Aish. Lee Taemin, you have to stop acting like this! Minho is so stupid! Stop being distracted by his ugly face!” I yelled at the mirror before splashing water onto my face again. Water and tears, dripping down my chin, soaking my shirt.

"Look what he has done to you."

I wiped my face with my shirt,  when suddenly,

The door swung open.

"Taemin-ah, let's talk."

_______________________________________________________________________________

Sorry for the cliffhanger I guess. ;A;

Aish. Rushed chapter is rushed. I was finishing this up, minutes before going to school. Haha. 

But I couldn't wait to post this.

Dunno why. 

Just felt like it.

Anyway, please do comment! ^^ They make me squeel like a fangirl.

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Plus don't mind the intro of the chapter. I've just recently seen Catching Fire. Haha.