Hyukjae woke up the next morning after the concert. But he had no intention at all to get up. In fact, he tried so hard to closed his eyes again and tried to sleep. It was 7 am in the morning anyway, there won't be anything to do today and getting up this early was somehow . But he couldn't get back to sleep. So he just toss and turn on his bed.  He wrapped himself in his blanket, buried his face in his pillow. He waited for that moment where sleep would slowly take over, carrying him into his dreams or anything that doesn't require himself to think Donghae or the surgery.

Donghae.... when he closed his eyes, all he could see was Donghae...

He looked so perfect last night on the stage, under those lights. He was superb! He owned the stage, as well as the crowed.  He looked so happy, he looked so alive. Last night was the first time he could see that he wasn't forcing a smile. He kept running around the stage, waving, laughing., dancing. When was the last time Hyukjae saw him dancing so powerful yet beautiful? it's been too long. Hyukjae couldn 't even remember. But last night, he could tell that Donghae really had a great time. Everyone loved him. He loved him..

Love ...

Hyukjae grunted. He didn't want to think about love right now. In fact, he didn't want to think about anything. He just wanted to sleep and forget about all things. But he failed.

With a big sigh he got up and went to the kitchen to get something to drink. He passed the living room and he saw Donghae sleeping on the couch. The TV was still on. Hyukjae turned it off, and turned to see Donghae.

He looked tired. He slept like a baby. His pink lips was lightly parted. Hyukjae knew nothing could wake him at at this point, not even a bomb. Hae was always a deep sleeper. He was about to walk when his eyes caught something on the table. Hae's medicine. He took it and pour everything on his left hand.

"You're taking it right." Hyukjae said to himself. "Impressive.."

He smiled. Feeling a bit ashamed because he actually pour that things to his hands to count  them out. Hyukjae still remember perfectly how many pills were the in the bottle when he left it beside donghae's desk back in mokpo. He was taking it right. He pour back the pills into its bottle and walk to the kitchen.

He sat there for awhile, sipping his strawberry milk. He got no schedule today. Both Donghae and him. Seeing Donghae slept like that he won't get bored, unlike him. So he was thinking something to amuse himself. That was when he saw his pool glistening with sunlight. So he decided to swim. It was a sunny day after all. Maybe swimming will take everything off from his mind.

The sun greet him warmly as he stood outside. He jumped in right away after tossing his bathrope on the deck-chair. The water felt so refreshing. It felt so good. So he did few laps... he lost count. But no matter how he concentrated to swim, the thoughts of Donghae, his feeling, the surgery still occupied his mind.

He stopped at the end of the pool and panting hard. This surgery is a must if he wanted to survive. Yong Ko said it was growing and it will effect him if he grew bigger than it is. So the surgery is a must. But He didn't want to wake up and having memory lost. He was scared. really really scared. Everything so blured. Hyukjae hold his breath and let himself floating. His face were under the water. The cold water on his face felt so nice. He let his body floating. It felt good and peaceful. So he stay like that for a minute or less. Holding his breath, just floating and enjoy the water shoving his body around.

He was about to rolled around when suddenly he heard a loud splashed on the water and suddenly his body was pulled up full forced until he shollowed some of the waters. He was at the deepest part of the pool that he couldn't get his leg to touched the floor to support his body. He coughed franticly and tried to break free. Why was this person so strong? just grabbing him and pulled him to the end of the pool like this.

"Hyukjae!!! Are you ok???!!"

Hyukjae still coughing badly, his nose hurt like hell as he accidently inhaled the water. That voice, Donghae's voice!

"Hyuk, are you ok?" He said impatiently. "Say something!"

Hyukjae looked at him as he tried to surpress his cough. "Wh.. what .. the hell are you .. doing!!"

Donghae held him and tapped his back. " You're ok! Thank God!"

"what???" Hyukjae break free from donghae. "What are you talking about?"

"I saw you drowning and I just.. I.. I .."

"What??? I'm not drowning! Yaaah!!! " Hyukjae shouted in disbelieved.

"But.. I saw you floating..."

Hyukjae was so mad he almost hit Donghae on the head. But he stopped as he saw Donghae was all wet and panting.

"That's exactly! I was just floating!"

"It....  it look like you were unconcious or something...." Donghae tried to defenced himself. "I shouted! I called your name but you didn't respond! How should I supposed to think? Normal people floats with their back on the water, you know! not the other way around!"

Hyukjae laughed between his cough.

"Don't laugh! you idiot!!"

Hyukjae stopped laughing when he saw Donghae was glaring at him angrily. His face was all tensed up and worried. Hyukjae could see that.

"Just.. don't do that again! you scared me." Donghae said as he turned around, trying to walk accrossed the pool.

"Hae!" Hyukjae shouted. " I'm sorry.."

"Shut up!" Donghae didn't stop. " I was afraid of losing you and what? you're going to hit me? fine hit me!"

"Hae.." Hyukjae walked behind Donghae."I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to. Hae stop!"

Hyukjae pulled Donghae's wet T-shirt to stop him. He made Donghae turned to see him. He felt more guilty when he saw Donghae was crying.

"I'm sorry. Stop crying."

"Who's crying?" Donghae said as he pour some water onto his face. "This is water!"

Hyukjae smiled. Aish.. this kid..

"So you thought I was drown? You just jumped to save me?"

Donghae pouted. But he nodded cutely.

"It was like the time stop moving.." He silently said.

"Excuse me?"

Donghae looked into Hyukjae's eyes. Hyukjae looked back at those sad eyes and shivered.

"It was like the time stop moving...The thought of you being hurt... it hurt me.."

Hyukjae took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'm fine. I'm sorry.."

"I really don't want to lose you." Donghae said silently. "I only got you. Sure I have lots of friend, but I only trust you. Seeing you there few minutes ago felt like half of my soul was gone. It hurt.."

Hyukjae didn't say anything. He knew exactly what he was talking about. Those were  the exact same feeling when he almost lost Donghae few months back on that terrible accident. Slowly he moved forward and reached out to him. Donghae instantly leap and hug him.

"I'm sorry." Hyukjae said. "I know how you feel. I'm really sorry."

Donghae nodded.

"Thank you by the way... " Hyukjae moved away from Donghae. "For trying to save my life.. I guess I owe you now?"

Donghae burst out laughing. "I feel like idiot now.. I really really thought you were ...and I just jump in... Yaaa! you should float on your back next time or people will get the wrong idea and do stupid things... like I did.."

They both ended up laughing.

"Don't you dare tell this to other members." Donghae said as he pulled himself up, out from the pool followed by Hyukjae.

"On what? on how you tried to save Hyukjae's life by jumping heroicly to the pool? I won't tell the members." Hyukjae said playfully. But then he smirked. "But I feel like updating my twitter now."

"Yaaa! yaa!!! Don't you dare Lee Hyukjae!!!"

Hyukjae laughed at how cute Donghae pouted. He was about to grabbed his towel at the deck-chair when suddenly his head felt heavy and his vision became blur. Hyukjae bent forward and support himself by putting his hands againts his knees.

"Hyuk, what's wrong?" Donghae came over and grabbed hyukjae's shoulder. "Are you ok? What's wrong?"

Hyukjae shook his head and grunted. The pain was unbearable. Donghae started to panic and kept asking what's wrong while trying to support hyuk's body. Both of them fell to the ground.

"Call.. call.. Yong ko.. please.." Hyukjae said, fighting the pain off. "Hae.. my mobile.. call Yong Ko.. now.. palli..!!!"

"Oh my God... What's wrong, Hyuk?"

"It hurts...!!!" Hyukjae said as he grabbed his head. "Hae.. please! it hurts.. make it stop!"

Donghae held hyukjae's body tightly and tried to calm him down. But Hyukjae couldn't stay still. The pain in his head was unbearable. He even scratched donghae's arm when he was holding him. Donghae kept talking, coeing, trying to calm him down But then suddenly Hyukjae stopped moving.

"Yaaa yaaa! Hyukjae-ah!!" Donghae shook his shoulder." Oh my God.. what should I do?! Hyukjae!!!!"

Hyukjae didn't respond. His eyes shut so tight. Donghae lifted his body and put him on the deck-chair. Donghae cupped his face and tried to wake him up. But he didn't respond. Panicly Donghae ran inside and grabbed Hyukjae's mobile phone on the desk near the TV where Hyukjae always put it. He searched for Yong Ko phone number and dialed it.

"Hello?"

"Yong kossii, This is Donghae..Please .. please.. come to see Hyukjae.. he's... he's.. " 

"Donghaessi, calm down.. Tell me what's wrong?"

"Hyukjae.. He.. He just .. Collapsed.. Please come..I don't know what to do.. " Donghae said panicky. "I don't know what's wrong, he said he was in pain and ..and he just.."

"Okey donghaessi don't panic. I'm coming..alright? Where are you now?"

"Hyuk's house..please hurry!!!"

"Alright, make sure Hyukjae gets plenty of space and air. Loosen his shirt. Do you understand? I'm going now.."

Donghae just threw the phone away and knelt beside Hyukjae. He lifted his body and carried him inside. Donghae put his body on the bed and cover it with comforter. Realizing that he was all wet, he then change his clothes real quickly and get back to Hyuk's room.

"Hyukkie.. Wake up."Donghae tried to wake him up, patting his cheek softly. But nothing happened. Donghae knelt beside his bed and held his arm.

"What is wrong with you? Please be oke..." Donghae whispered as he wrapped hyukjae's body with his arm. Protecting.

-----

Hyukjae slowly opened his eyes and found himself in his own bed. He turned his head and he saw donghae crossed arms, standing not too far from his bed. Hyukjae blinked a few times to adjust his vision. He was cringed at how Donghae looked at him.

His face was all tensed up. He looked angry. His eyes were like full with anger. Burning. He didn't say anything. He just stood there and staring.

"How long have I been out?" Hyukjae asked.

"How long have you been lying?" Donghae answered with a question.

Hyukjae frowned. Surprised at how harsh his tone was.

"Wh.. What?"

"Don't give me that crap!" Donghae moved closer. His face still as tensed as before. He even looked deeply into Hyukjae's eyes.

"So when are you planning on tell me?"

"What? Tell you what?"

Donghae smirked. His eyes still locking at hyukjae's.

"Yong Ko told me everything."

Hyukjae's heart felt like popped out from his chest. Yong Ko told Donghae everything?

"Yong Ko was here?" Hyukjae asked panickly.

"He left 5 minutes ago. You collapsed, you asked me to call Yong Ko, remember?"

Hyukjae nodded. He did remember asking Donghae to call Yong Ko.

"Who Am I to you?!"

"Hae.."

"Don't Hae me!" Donghae shouted. Tears were slowly fell down to his white cheeks. "Who Am I to you? Huh?! Am I nothing to you?"

"Hae.. Please.." Hyukjae got up and sat. " Calm down, oke? Please don't think that way..."

"Why you didn't tell me, hyuk? Why?"

Hyukjae just shook his head. Confused on how he would answered that question.

"You are this sick and you bear everything alone. Why?" Donghae asked softly as he sat beside hyukjae. " You make me look like an idiot. Believing everything that you say, that everything was ok."

Hyukjae looked at him. His tears really broke his heart. But he couldn't get his voice out. So he just stared at Donghae. How he wanted so bad to hold him. But he stopped himself, even for thinking about it.

"How bad is it?"

"It's.." Hyukjae shook his head. "It's just minor. Don't worry.."

"Bull! Yong Ko said you need a surgery. Why don't you?" Donghae asked. He never turned his eyes away from Hyukjae's eyes.

"I ... " Hyukjae tried to speak. But again he couldn't get his voice out. He looked at Donghae and exhaled, as if trying to let go a big burden in his chest. He lowered his head, he didn't want Donghae to see the tears that were already forming. How was he supposed to tell him? The main reason was because of Donghae. He didn't want to forget about him. He didn't want to forget about how he feel toward him.

Hyukjae was shocked when suddenly Donghae held him tightly. He awkwardly held him back. Patted his back softly.

"I'll be fine.." Hyukjae said softly. "Really I'll be fine.."

"You'll be fine if you do the surgery." Donghae said softly."Yong ko said it's growing rapidly. Please do it before it's too late..."

"Hae, I can't.. "

"Why?"

"I don't want to lose any of these memories. They are to precious to me.."

"But I don't want to lose you!" Donghae closed his eyes and held him tightly than before. It made his body shaken up. Hyukjae could feel it and really broke his heart to see him like that.

"I'm scared.." Hyukjae said. "I might not remember any of you guys. My parents, my friends, I might not remember... I might not remember..."

"Me?" Donghae let go of Hyukjae.

Hyukjae bit his lips. His heart was pounding so fast. Donghae knew. That was exactly the word that he wanted to say. Donghae knew.

"And  It scares me.." Hyukjae continued. He was lost now. Emotion just took him over. "I really can't lose those beautiful memories. I'd rather die than losing it.. I'd rather die than.."

Hyukjae just stopped talking when suddenly donghae leaned and kissed his lips. Hyukjae was caught off guard. He felt a jolt of electricity shocked his body as Donghae's lips touched his. He didn't moved. His body stiffed. He closed his eyes when Donghae slowly kiss him up more boldly. Hyukjae was completely lost now. But when he was about to kiss him back, donghae pulled out. It made Hyukjae opened his eyes.

Donghae hands were cupping Hyuk's face. He tried to breathe normally. His forehead was againts hyuk's.

"Don't hate me.." He said softly. Pleading. Tears were rolling on his cheek. "I'm sorry, hyuk. Please don't hate me. Don't leave me. I'm so sorry... But I... I love you.. I don't wanna lose you.."

Hyukjae was shocked by this unexpected confession. His heart was pounding frantically. Was it true that he was hearing just now? Donghae loved him? this was just too good to be true..

"I don't care if this is wrong.. " He said as he tried to talk normally between the tears. "Please don't hate me for wanting you to be mine.."

Hyukjae pushed donghae's body as far as his arm length. Donghae was crying hard now. That beautiful face, those tears, that confession, everything was just overwhealming. Hyukjae couldn't say anything, although he wanted so bad to say something to make those tears go away, to make those lips smile again, to make those sad eyes come to live again.

"I'm sorry, Hyukjae.. Forgive me.. Don't hate me.. Please.." He said between his tears. He didn't dare to look at hyukjae. "I can't think anymore.. I wanted so bad to tell you but I was so scared.."

"What did you say?" Hyukjae lifted his chin with his hand. " Say it again.."

" I'm so sorry.. I really am.." Donghae said. " Forgive me.. please.."

"No. Not that one.. I don't wanna hear that.." Hyukjae cupped donghae's face and looked at his eyes lovingly. "Please say it again..."

Donghae looked at hyukjae. There weren't any anger there in Hyukjae's eyes. There was smile on his face. Does this mean? What does it mean? So he gather his strength to say those words again.

"I love you.." He said softly. "I want you to be mine.."

Hyukjae's body became light. The burden somehow lifted. He pulled donghae back into his arm and held him tightly. He smiled. How could this be?

"I love you, Hae.." He whispered. "Please don't say that you were sorry for loving me because it will only hurt me. I love you as much and I was too coward to say that to you. I'm the one that should be saying sorry. I'm sorry, Hae.. "

"You mean that?" Donghae asked. "Do you really love me the same?"

"You don't know how much I wanted to tell you, Hae. I don't wanna lose you.."

"And I don't wanna lose you either." Donghae said. "So please do the surgery."

Donghae looked at Hyukjae's eyes.

"I just got you.." Hyukjae said. "I want to remember this moment.. I can't lose this moment."

"You always got me." Donghae said. "We will always have our moments. I will always there for you. "

"What if I don't remember you? Or this feeling?"

"Then I will always be by your side. I will always love you. Doesn't matter if you won't remember me.  Because I will always remember you. I will always loving you.." Donghae said strongly. "Please do it, Hyuk. If you love me, please do the surgery. I really can't bear losing you. Please.."

Hyukjae inhaled deeply and closed his eyes.

"Hyuk, please.." Donghae pleaded.

Hyukjae exhaled, and then slowly he nodded. "Alright, Donghae-ah.. I'll do it for you.."

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