Holding on

Come Back To Me

The pain....

Donghae groaned. Why did it always come back? It was getting more and more worse everytime. What went wrong?

He tried to get up. Where am I?

He recognize the room. Hyukjae's living room. He just realized that he fell asleep at the couch. He didn't know what time it was. But he knew it was late since it was almost 10pm when Siwon took him home. He didn't know how long he fell asleep. He was still clutching on his backpack. He hadn't took off his shoes yet. He remembered feeling all dizzy that he needed to laid down quickly.

Donghae groaned again when suddenly his head pounding. The pain on his legs were also unbearable. He opened his backpack roughly, looking for something. That drugs, that pain killer. That miracle. Where is it?

Donghae almost smile when he found it. He took a few pills and then just swallowed them. He closed his eyes as he could feel those pills moving down his troath. He laid still for a moment, before getting up and sweaped the whole room with his blurry eyes. Then he saw him.

Hyukjae was sitting in the kitchen, staring at him. He didn't say anything, he just stared.

"Hi, Hyuk." Donghae said as he looked away. He mentally scolded himself for not realizing that Hyukjae was there, when he was in such a mess. "I didn't know you're home already."

"Yeah." Hyukjae nodded. Slowly he moved toward the living room and sat himself acrossed Donghae. "How's everything with you?"

Donghae rubbed his temple and nodded. "I'm ok, I'm doing ok."

Hyukjae stared at him closely. Suddenly he felt sorry. He felt like crying. I made him like this, he thought. Forgive me, Hae...

" I'm gonna go to my room now. " Donghae said. He tried to get up, enduring the pain on his legs. But Hyukjae was suddenly flew by his side, clutching on his hand.

"Sit with me for a moment. please.." Hyukjae's voice so soft and pleading. It made Donghae frozed. "Can we talk?"

Hyukjae looked at Donghae closely. He just nodded and sit back on the couch. Waiting.

"Listen, Hae." Hyukjae started. "Um.. I wanna talk to you about something."

"I'm all ears." Donghae answered. "What is it?"

Hyukjae took a deep breath and let it go slowly.

"I know you've been work hard lately with all the therapy and rehearsing. " Hyukjae managed to speak." I just wanna know how you've been doing."

"I'm doing fine." He answered coldly. He looked into Hyukjae's eyes, but then back away.

"Are you?" Hyukjae nodded. "That's great. and how about your legs? are they still hurt?"

"Not really. Hurts sometimes. But I can bear it."

"Because of the drugs you've been taking?"

Donghae frowned at that. Hyukjae looked away, didn't want to see donghae's eyes. Those eyes were burning with anger. He could feel it.

"What's going on? Why are you suddenly interested on my medication? You never fussing about it before."

Hyukjae nodded and he finally gained back the courage to looked at donghae.

"I know you've been taking those pills. I know how the drugs works, and I don't think you're taking it right." Hyukjae said carefully, not trying to make donghae more upset than he already has.

"How would you know?" Donghae asked. "Have you been spying on me?"

"Not like that, Hae. " Hyukjae felt uneassy now since donghae rising his voice. He knew he was angry. "I'm just worry that's all. Everyone's worry.."

"Everyone?" Donghae chuckled. "So everyone knew?"

"Hae, taking that drugs were fine. We all understand you were in pain and the doctor would never prescribed that for you unless it was necessary. I get it. But.."

Hyukjae stopped since he saw donghae's face became red for suppressing his anger.

"But what?"

"But I don't think you're taking it right."

"How do you know?" Donghae cynically  asked.

"You are showing all the symptoms.."

"Symptoms? Of what hyuk?"

"You were addicted to it, weren't you? You were taking more than it should."

"SCREW YOU!!!" Donghae shouted suddenly. His breathing became heavy. "Are you saying that I'm a jungky now?"

"I don't know." Hyukjae shook his head. "Are you?"

Donghae glared at hyukjae. His eyes full of anger. More than before.

"How many times did you take? Every hour? How about the dose? It's more, every time, am I right?"

"The pain got worsen!"

"The pain got worsen because you've been pushing it.." Hyukjae's voice still calm. "You didn't stop when you should stop. You just kept on going and going!"

"I have too, hyuk! You know I have no choice!" Donghae's voice shaking. He felt like cracking up now. His eyes blurred because of the tears starting to built there. "I can't loose this. I can't loose SJ, I can't loose my dream. I can't loose my dad's dream.."

Donghae's tears betrayed him. They were falling like rain. Glistening on his rosy cheeks. "I don't wanna loose you guys.."

Hyukjae rushed forward and cupped his face with his trembling hand. "You are not losing anything. How can you even think such a thing?"

Donghae shoved Hyukjae's hand soflt. "I'm not addicted. I can stop anytime. But right now I need it."

"I'm not gonna watch you destroying yourself."

"I will be destroyed if I don't do this. Can't you see?"

Hyukjae took him in. Holding him in his arms. "No! I won't let you.."

"Let go of me!" Donghae struggled, trying to break free. "LET ME GO!"

"Never!"

Donghae pushed him away. They both fell down on the floor. But Hyukjae still holding him tightly, clutching onto his body. But he let go when he felt something burning on his stomach. Donghae just hit him. He cringed on the pain.

"Stop telling me what I should and shouldn't do!"

Hyukjae groaned in pain. He clutched on his shirt, trying to make the pain go away. He trew his head back and trying to breathe.

"Can't you see?" Hyukjae finally manage to speak. "This is not you.. you've changed. I don't know you.."

Donghae was panting, trying to catched his breath. He stared at the man that laid next to his feet.

"Go ahead! Give me your best shot!" Hyukjae's tears fell. "I deserve your anger! I deserve your hatred! I cause you this pain. I put you through this! Hit me again! Kill me for God sake! I don't care!"

"Shut up!" Donghae shouted. "I hate it when you're blamming yourself!"

".. and I hate to see you like this." Hyukjae said, he tried so hard to hold back his emotion. "I hate to see you destroying yourself."

Donghae slumped on the couch.

What have i done?

"So go ahead. Be angry with me! Hate me! Hit me! But I swear to God I'm not gonna sit back and watch you fall apart." Hyukjae said. "Can you see? It only remind me of how awfull I've been."

Donghae looked at hyukjae. Those eyes. Those loving eyes were pleading.

"So please, Hae. Give me those pills. You don't need them.."

"I do.."

"No you don't!" Hyukjae got up slowly. He knelt in front of Donghae. His heart hurt seeing that donghae was all lost like this.

Donghae held that bottle in his hand. Staring at it. He looked all confused.

"I ... I need them.."

"You don't." Hyukjae said calmly. Pleading. "Please, Hae.."

Donghae's hand shivered. He didn't want to give them away. These were his hope. His miracle. But then he looked at Hyukjae. Those loving eyes.

What have I done? What happened to me?

So he gave it away. He handed them to Hyukjae slowly, unwillingly. It was the hardest thing. It was like giving his dream up. His whole life. He wanted to run. He wanted to leave. He wanted to be away from all this.

So he got up. But everything became more heavy. Everything became more and more dark.

His eyes closed slowly...

and the darkness took him in...

-----------------

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Hunnyann #1
Chapter 34: One of good reads.. Such a roller coaster emotion🫠 thumbs up authornim. Thank you
kiwicolada
1574 streak #2
Chapter 34: Now this journey is over. Thank you for taking us here. It was very emotional to read. The right mix of drama and fluff. And the ending was very sweet. You could feel their strong bond between every line, so it was a joy to read it.

Thank you for writing and sharing and keeping this emotional work for such a long time. I'm very happy I could read it after all this years ^^
kiwicolada
1574 streak #3
Chapter 31: Oh my heart. It almost breaks while reading. But I reallyike the progress in this story. Finally Hyu gets back a piece of his memory, but I feel like Donghae... why this out of all?? Yeah ok, because seeing Donghae's with the fake blood triggered something in Hyuk. But I can't wait until he remembers their love T^T

Thank you for this chapters. I noticed that you even made the chapters bigger than in the beginning of the story. A wonderful thing, because so we could read more about their inner conflicts and how they feel. I love big emotions ^^
kiwicolada
1574 streak #4
Chapter 28: Oh no, what a roller-coaster ride. Now Hae is ok and out of danger, Hyuk comes around with another heartbreaking surprise. It's so sad. But they sit on turning tables. Now it's on Donghae to fight for Hyuk and their relationship.

Very emotional and touching, so far. Hope they will overcome this hard time and kiss each other's tears away ^^
kiwicolada
1574 streak #5
Chapter 17: I just stumbled over this by accident, but I don't regret it ^^ What I read so far is, beautiful, touching and so heartbreaking. I will go on here with time.

Thank you for writing and keeping this emotional Eunhae story, here. I'm glad I found it, and curious how things will go on and turn out in the next chapters. A really good read.
gnp0109
#6
Chapter 2: I’m crying!! This is so good!!
Sjhyukkie #7
Chapter 34: I’ve read your taken, and now this... just 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
ddohaedalnim
#8
Chapter 34: all of my tears were worth it when i read the ending, it was the cutest story i've ever read, love u authornim <3
PURPLEDREAM_girl #9
Chapter 34: Thank you for the story...
PURPLEDREAM_girl #10
Chapter 14: I'm still halfway through the story but it's so sad.... I'm crying... Poor Eunhae T. T