This chapter was such a to write >  <

It was raining. Again. 

It always seemed to rain nowadays...

Most people are blaming it on April showers. I'm blaming it on Eunhyuk.

Do you think that's cruel? Have I become a cruel bastard now that he's gone? I wouldn't like to think so, but how can someone be truly happy knowing that some vile, disgusting creatures took away his loved one? Simple. He can't.

I could go on for years and years and years about how I feel but you still wouldn't know a tenth of it. Time will heal the pain. Pfft, what bull. Oh excuse me, do pardon my French. Not. 

Everyday it gets worse.

I see him everywhere I go. Anywhere I go. He's there constantly... it's frustrating and painful and the more I see, the more I want to curl up into a ball and die. 

I count the days since he died.

Died? Is that right? Or should it be murdered? But the police don't see it as such. It didn't matter that he was on repeat, or that he had malicious bodily harm with the intent to kill done to him, or even that some drunk prick accidentally ran him down and didn't get hurt himself. A tragic event that will now serve to be a warning to everyone. 

Bastards. They're using his death as a way to promote a warning? Oh this should be good. What lies are they going to give to the media about this? What scripts are they going to give to everyone that they interview? People like them... they're the worst. They make me sick.

Anyway, that should be the least of your concerns. What was I saying? Oh yeah, I count the days. So far it's been two weeks. Two whole weeks. Fourteen days and two weekends. Wow. It's been so long already. 

I haven't done much since he went. It's too difficult, takes too much effort; I make up excuses all the time, like, 'What's the point in anything anymore? He's not there to see it.' or 'Leave me alone, I'm still getting used to life without him'. I don't want to have life without him. I... I... I miss him so much! I want him here with me! I want to hug him like I always do, I want to sing to him as he dances gracefully and precisely, I want to kiss his cute cheeks, I want to see his infamous gummy smile that captured my heart from the first moment! I want too see his face every morning when I wake up... 

I want him back.

I looked in the mirror in our... my, bedroom and saw tears running down my face. My eyes were bloodshot from the sleep I'd been missing and the liquid that had been flowing. The bags I normally never saw were now deeply engraved in my skin and I wondered vaguely whether they'd ever disappear. My thin lips were cracked, dry and sore and hurt whenever I moved them. My usually youthful skin was pasty and ugly, pores could clearly be seen and the amount of dirt uder my nails were vomit-worthy.

I don't think I've had a bath since I was told the news. Ew, I know. 

The stubble on my chin was growing back quickly and I swear I looked like I was in my late-fourty's, early-fifty's. If not older. Nearly thrice my age. Sigh... the things love could do to you.

I don't think I believe in love anymore. What's the point in it? It hurts, makes you weak, breaks your heart, can cage your freedom... Someone always has to intefere with your relationship, so why bother trying to go out with someone you like? You get cheated on just because you won't put out as easily as other people. They almost never like you for who you are. Your looks and wealth are the only things important these days. 

For girls: all you have to do is paint your face with a roller and look like an oompa loompa, have the messiest hair stye that looks as though you've been dragged through a bush backwards twice (a really thorny bush), clothes that are obviously too tight and not your size, and then the y 'I'm-better-than-you-,-you're-just-dirt' attitude and you are guaranteed a good .

For guys: play sports, act like a , be preferably skinny/muscley, have some dodgy spiked up hair, and be a chav. Again, guaranteed a and every er loves you. 

Why? How is that love? That's just lust. But no one ever sees that. 

I guess it's because I'm depressed. I've finally been put into the situation I always told myself I wouldn't be. The one NO ONE wants to be in, but still gets in. But honestly, where are the perks of being in love apart from having your heart pound so fast it seems as though it's going to be in cardiac arrest? Then again... how's that a wonderful feeling?

I sighed and walked to my drawers, picking out a small royal blue box made of velvet. I grabbed the candle I was going to light and went down the stairs and out the house. I wandered throught the dark for a while until I got to a fork in the road and turned left. I made my through the long grass before I finally reached my destination.

A field covered in carnations and daffodils, and lavender and a few home grown strawberry bushes. This was Eunhyuk's paradise. His get-away. And also where I first met him.

I smiled sadly and walked into the middle, standing the candle up gently. I got the match out of my pocket and lit the wax stick. I then opened the box to reveal a stunning silver ring with a sapphire blue gem in the middle and little diamonties adorning the sides. On the inside of the band, engraved in little cursive letters, it read:

From now until forever, you'll always be in my heart. I love you.

Cliche? Maybe.

From the bottom of my heart? Always. 

That's right. I was going to propose to him that night. I was going to apologise for every thing I'd said and done to him, sweep him into my arms and ask him there and then. It was going to be impulsive, not planned. The dinner would be cooked by me and there'd be candle lights everywhere. We'd talk and laugh... 

The tears that had finally settled re-emerged.

I took the ring out of its cushiony seat and laid it down in front of the candle. A flash went across the night sky in a nanosecond and my hands were clasped tightly as  I began to pray. It was the only thing I could do right now. Hopefully my prayer would come true.

"Oh, God, please help me in my time of need.

I just don't know what to do anymore...

He was so innocent - he never did anything wrong! -  yet you still brought him out of this world.

Was it something I did? Did I hurt him unintentionally? Did I bring him grief, sadness, despair? Anger? Sorrow? Heartbreak?"

What a stupid question...

"Did he ask for you to take himself away from me? 

I loved him. I still do. I'm truly, madly, deeply in love with him. And now he's gone.

I always praised myself in being a good boy. A hard-working, rich fellow, who wanted nothing more than to bring that beautiful smile to my beloved Eunhyuk's face... but...

Did I not do that? 

Please... I've asked you for many things, I know. And this, by far, is probably something that will never happen but...

I believe in miracles. I pray to you everyday, Lord.

So...

...is it too much to ask... 

For you to bring him back to me?"

I sat there crying my heart out. Pouring all the emotions that were held in when I was told, to the sight I had to see when they rushed me down to where he was, to the funeral, to right here, right now. I screamed into the sky as it poured it down and cursed everyone's name. Why? Why did he have to leave me? The only person I felt absolute serenity with. Peace. Love. Happiness. Joy. Paradise...

I love him so much I can't stand it. 

He's like my life support. 

I love him so much that without him I'm dead. I'm nothing.

My oxygen tank.

I love him so much I can't breathe without him.

My crutches.

There for me to lean on, he's there to support me in my time of need.

He's my heart. He's my soul. My everything. I can't stress enough on how he's my everything, so let me tell you again, and again, and again.
He's everything to me.

He's my heart.

My heart? The one that's been shattered into a million shards because he's no longer there to keep it strong and beating?

He's my soul.

My soul? The one that's withered away into dust because he's no longer here to keep it alive?

He's my everything.

My everything? The thing that's been crushed, and destroyed, ripped up and mutilated because he's not here with me, just in my company?

Yes... he's every one of those and counting.

Because I love him. 

I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

And I will never stop. 

*~...I Wished upon a Shooting Star...~*

So, the second chapter's here! My writing style changed in it, I think. For the worse probably. This is more on how Donghae feels, I guess. Oh, and his prayer has come into the story! But what will happen after? Feel free to leave suggestions!! 

Love TiiTii <3

((P.S: Who wants a really sad, tragic-y ending? Or a sad but happy ending like I originally had planned? Knowing me though, I'm more than likely not going to do sad and tragic-y because, well... I started tearing at the end of this. I'm a wimp! XD Haha? I'm not doing a poll because I don't know how to make one, so I'll go by your lovely comments?))

Please comment and subscribe! <3 

((P.P.S: the next chapter is probably going to be the 3 months later part where he's about to kill himself. That should be pretty angsty, hopefully. I actually only updated this because I have a fever, and I went downstairs to cool myself down and then I saw this laptop... with the internet open... and well, it's took me all night (LITERALLY) to write this! Thank god for autosave because it shut down on me... And then Hae will meet Hyukjae! Does any one think they know what he is?))