*This chapter = biggest in the world. I think my writing style has changed a lot during this chapter and not necessarily for the good either... Also, if there is a star next anything it means I want to explain it at the end, so if you would read the A/N at the end please... thank you! 

Three months.

It's officially been three months since Eunhyuk died. Today is the 4th of June. 

Three months, huh... that's a long time. It goes by in a flash for some. It goes by in a snail pace for me.

On the third week without my precious Eunhyuk beside me, I started cutting. I thought maybe, just maybe, it'd take the pain away. Even a little - that's all I wanted. No. Apparently, it doesn't work like that. My pain just increased tenfold and every minute that passed felt like I was suffocating. I would black out occasionally from the blood loss and sometimes I thought I was dead. I never was. Kyuhyun and Leeteuk came by everyday to see how I was, to make sure I didn't do anything rash or impulsive, to be there for me.

But they couldn't be there for me like Eunhyuk. They knew that, and inside they were probably hurting a lot. To know I didn't want to depend on them anymore, the guy they'd been best friends- no, like a family with for the past 17 years, must be heart breaking. They mjust feel betrayl. I've neglected them but they won't leave me alone. I can't imagine why they'd stay with a depressed bum like me.

Leeteuk... the guy that's been like my second mother since he met me. His 'ang ang' laugh always cheered me up; it was unique and unusal. His ambition for gags never failed to make me or Eunhyuk laugh our hearts out. He's kind and considerate, never thinking about himself first. Just us and the guys... 

Kyuhyun... the youngest of our crew and the most evil too. He's so disrespectful to us hyung's! But that was his charm, I guess. Awkward Charm Kyuhyun is what we named him. His obsession with  Star Craft, I never could quite understand it. What's so fun about it anyway? But that didn't matter. He had Sungmin to play with him. They were both as equally crazy about it.

I'll miss those two the most when I'm gone. 

When I'm gone? That's right...

Today, on the 4th of June, I am going to kill myself. I, Lee Donghae, will die today by my own hands in the hopes of being able to see Eunhyuk one last time. 

Am I sad? Pathetic? Crazy? I guess... Call me what you will though- you'll never understand the pain. Ever. 

Love makes you do crazy things. Things that seem impossible. I never thought I'd come to this decision before in my life. I thought that the people who did it were fools who needed their heads checked out. Why die because the one you loved died? I knew how it felt now. It's horrible.

But first, before I leave this world forever, I want to leave them with a letter. I want them to know why I did it. Why I couldn't keep living this cruel, taunting life. They need to know. They have to know that it wasn't just because of Eunhyuk... 

So, without further ado, I grabbed a pen and a couple pieces of paper off of the desk and began to write.

Dear whoever reads this,

My name is Lee Donghae. I'm a 21 year old male who attends a university near where I live in Seoul. I fell in love at first sight at the age of 16, during my first year of high school, with a boy just a few months older than me: Lee Eunhyuk. I never thought it would work out between us- afterall, how was I to know he liked guys too? Ah... I remember it like yesterday... 

*...~...~...~...*

I was running from my third class to my fourth class, dancing, when I crashed into a boy my age. His name was Eunhyuk. I know this because I'm head over heels in love with him. He didn't even know me properly as he'd only been at school for about a week roughly but as soon as he stepped his average sized feet into my classroom, I was hooked on him. I had to know everything about him.

I stalked him everyday since he came here, with my best friends, Leeteuk and Kyuhyun. Some days, Sungmin would join us with Ryewook and Kangin, other days it might've just been Yesung and Heechul, and sometimes it was just Heechul. Kibum, my cousin, would just sit back and stay with the ones who didn't join. He never did like getting involved with much that didn't concern him. 

He apologised like mad when he bumped into me. Aigo, he's so cute! His face was flushed and he kept stuttering too. Ah, everything he does makes me fall for him even more! After he said sorry to me, he asked me where the dance studios were as dancing was his next class. Yes! It was the first time I talked to him so I was nervous but I had to look cool, right? Let's just say... I failed. Epically. I stumbled over my words a lot and somehow tripped over air. God, I must've have looked like a right loser to him then!

But he just laughed and told me, "Let's go!" and smiled to me his gummy smile. I felt my heart pound so fast I thought I would explode.

I found out later he was a really good dancer! He liked strawberry milk and was obsessed with anything to do with the red juicy fruit. He had a dog named Choco, and he lived with his mother. His dad left them some while ago, taking his older sister with him. His birthday was the 4th of April and he was an Aries. I was a Libra. Our Zodiac signs were sort of compatible... but apparently I'd leave him to find someone less demanding, and he'd find someone he adores who wasn't a Libra. Pfft, please. Like I'd ever leave someone like Eunhyuk if I had the chance to be with him. 

If.

He was straight. Ah well... I also found out that he was a talented rapper. We sang and rapped a lot of songs that day. His mother called him an anchovy because of his lean body but he reminded me more of a monkey. I even told him that, and he gave the nickname of Fishy. I get that a lot, so it's nothing new, but hearing it come from his plump lips? It was ectasy. 

From that day on, we became best friends. Nearly closer than Teuk umma and Kyu. And that's saying something seeing as they've been with me for 12 years! I was so happy. Happier than I've ever been. Heechul made fun of me a lot, telling me I was a love sick puppy and Kibum couldn't stop smirking at me but who cares? 

My crush liked me and wanted to friends with me... Sigh~ 

*...~...~...~...*

But of course, he didn't tell me that until our third, and last, year of high school. I still liked him, even after 30 months. That's 2 years and 6 months, by the way. I didn't want to scare him by telling I've been in love with him for that long, so I left it. 

*...~...~...~...*

"Hey, Donghae..." he called to me one day at lunch in our last year of high school. He looked nervous, like he was anticipating something. Ah, he's adorable!

"Yeah, Hyukkie?" that was my nickname for him. My fifth nickname for him. Monkey... Eunhyukkie... Hyuk... Anchovy (Yes, I finally saw what his mother did.)... and Hyukkie. There. Five of them! 

"Um... ah... I need to talk with you..." I looked at him oddly. Isn't he doing that now? Silly Anchovy!

I grinned at him and patted his back playfully, "Well, I'm here! What is it?" He frowned at me and bit his perfect lips, obviously frustrated with what I said. He then pouted and I've never wanted to kiss him so badly before. It must be a sin to be that beautiful. 

Everyone had tuned into the conversation as soon as Eunhyuk told me that he wanted it to be in private. Just us two. I looked to see their reactions and expected all of them. Heechul was leering at me suggestively, Kibum and Kyuhyun were smirking even though they weren't looking at me. Kyuhyun was too busy playing his PSP and Kibum was staring at that guy with the mahusive Shibrows. Sungmin, although he was the King of Aegyo and seemingly innocent, was sending me a wink as if to say, 'Get in there!' Teukie was sending me a supporting smile, being the nice and caring hyung he was, and his boyfriend, Kangin appa  (the father figure of the group) was giving me that encouraging smile he's great at! Yesung, athough being weird and feeding Ddangkoma - his turtle he managed to sneak into school - was smiling at me, and Ryeowook was giving me a thumbs up discretely. 

They all knew about my feelings since day one. I practically shouted it out.

I grabbed Eunhyuk's hand and led him to the school's roof top. No one went there apart from us guys so it was private enough. I turned to him and pouted a bit.

"What's the matter, Eunhyuk?" He looked close to tears so I hugged him. He started to sob into my white shirt and clung to the fabric on my back tighty. His sobs became wails and near-screams as I continued to rub his back soothingly. It was worrying me. What could have him so upset that he's in a state like this? I kept rubbing his back, whispering small comforting words into his ear. His cries softened and I tugged him to the ground  slowly, so not to scare him.

When we finally got down to the concrete floor, he buried his head into the crook of my neck and whispered in a cracked voice, 

"I'm gay, Donghae."

I was shocked, of course. This meant I had a chance! It was obvious he had been contemplating how to tell me this and I knew he probably thought he was just bi-curious at first. But to know he's gay, a homoual who might end up returning my feelings... ah, I'm estatic! I guess my silence lasted too long for his comfort as he started to sob quietly again, saying words I never wanted to hear.

"You hate me, don't you? You think I'm disgusting, I know! I'm so sorry! I'm so so sorry! I don't want to stop being friends with you- you're, you-you're my best friend!" there was so much heartbreak in his voice that I wanted to cry.

I sat there until the end of the day just staying with him, telling him how much I appreciate the fact he told me, that I could never hate him and that I too was gay. It was bliss. 

I fell even more in love with him.

*...~...~...~...*

I never told him until our first year in college, when we were both 19, finally. It happened by accident. We were - well, at least to my knowledge, I was - drunk and returning back to our dorm when we kissed each other. I've got to say: best. Mistake. Ever. We got together aftewards which I was thankful for... I didn't want him to regret it. I didn't want to regret it.

*...~...~...~...*

Eunhyuk and I were staggering down the empty corridoor of our dorm, both highly intoxicated by alcohol. We'd just been to the best party Heechul had ever thown and we were dancing the whole night, apart from the breaks we took every half hour for a pint of beer. It was now half 4 in the morning and we had college the next day- well, today. Our first classes were at 8am and I knew I'd have a splitting headache and one of the worst hangovers in my life by then. I wanted to get as much sleep as possible. 

The party was amazing, by the way. We had to dress up in something y according to the diva himself and we (the guys and I) were playing dares when the topic was brought up. All the uke looking guys, Eunhyuk, Sungmin, Ryeowook, Kibum, Leeteuk and Heechul were dared to dress up in the iest, most revealing costumes of all and they had to represent an animal. I swear, next time I'm saying no because I had the most painful hard-on nearly the entire night. I had to take care of it at least twice and having Eunhyuk practically clinging to me, with the costume starting to slide off, was not exactly helping my problem.

As we were halfway down the hall, just a few more steps away from our dorm room, I made the mistake of looking over at Eunhyuk. His cheeks were flushed heavily in a red that should be illegal and his beautiful, round, single-lidded eyes were half open. His breath was uneven and harsh and he clung onto me tighter, his crotch rubbing against the clothed skin near my painful problem. Damn, I should just jump him right here... No! I will not take advantage of a drunk person.

"Ngh..."

No. I will not jump him.

"Ah~"

Restraint... slowly... slipping... 

"A-ah... Donghae..." 

Oh it.

Eunhyuk was startled when I pinned him to the wall instead, kissing him heatedly.

I moved my thin lips roughly against his thick ones, nibbling his bottom lip. One of my hands had his pinned above his head as the other carressed his cute cheeks lovingly. His face was flushed even more and I took in that image, mentally photographing it for my memory. I kept nibbling his lips but he wasn't responding. I squeezed his and grinded my crotch against his which made him gasp and I took that as a hint to sweep my tongue into his sweet, wet mouth* and boy... strawberries have never tasted better. He seemed to wake up from his trance because he met my slick muscle in a fierce battle of dominance that went on for a while before I clearly won. We parted for air and I sighed in contentment before staring at him with my smouldering gaze, if I do say so myself.

He ran his now free fingers down my sides before telling me he wasn't actually drunk.

Oh...

Wow...

"And I need to tell you something important too..." I stared at him for a while. He didn't seem to be the least bit nervous or embarrassed like I thought he would be but in fact, he was smiling almost giddily.

"What...?" 

"I love you. I have for a while." I squealed in excitment and practically jumped on him there and then.

He loves me. He loves me. He really, actually loves me. This is so great, I can't even describe it. Ahh!! HE LOVES ME! KYAA, OMG!

"Well, I love you too. For 3 years, 5 months and 17 weeks." He seemed surprised by my answer, but who cares?

"Isn't that when I first transferred to Seoul's high school...?"

"Yes."

He smiled at me and I felt my heart race again. It's like time stood still. I couldn't breathe properly his smile was so beautiful and drool-worthy. 

I just kept falling and falling... 

*...~...~...~...*

Then... he left. He promised to stay with me forever yet left me. It's not his fault though, so I can't be angry. And obviously, we come to now. I'll leave the dirty details up to your imagination ;) Anyway... I'm depressed, hurt and want nothing more than to die. Today that wish will be granted. God hasn't answered my prayer, I knew he wouldn't. So why bother? If He can't help me, the one with the power to practically do anything but bend free will, then who can? So I'm sorry it's come to this, but I'm leaving this world today, the 4th of June, exactly 3 months after Eunhyuk died.

Don't be sad. Try not to miss me too bad, just think of the happy memories and it should be fine. Hah, I'm such a hypocrite. Why don't I try that? I already tried. I think of nothing else but that just makes me miss him more.

I'm going to end this now with my apologies to my friends. To my closest friends, Leeteuk and Kyuhyun, and then to my close friends, Sungmin, Kangin, Ryeowook, Yesung, Heechul and finally, my cousin, Kibum.

Kyuhyun, I'm sorry. You're going to call me stupid, I know you are. You're going to curse me and probably kill my already dead body. I'm so sorry. I've been with you and Leeteuk for 17 years and I couldn't even go to you first before doing this. But you know how much I loved him, Kyu, you know. You've supported me throughout all of it and I can't thank you enough. I hope you'll understand why I did this. It was the first time I'd ever been in love... You're not really evil, you know? Just irritable. You always play Star Craft. Why? Anyway, I've really appreciated your friendship over the years. I've loved it! I'm so glad to have met you and Hyung. Thank you... Oh, and some advice: I've seen the way you look at Sungmin hyung! Do me a favour and just get with him already~ I'm pretty sure he likes you too ;) Okay? I love you, Kyuhyun.

Leeteuk, I'm sorry. You... you're crying, aren't you? I hope not. I know you're a crybaby at heart but I'm not worth the tears! Don't be angry with my choice. YOU'VE got to understand my decision, right? You are the only one, apart from Kyuhyun, who knew my feelings about Eunhyuk*. You supported me, encouraged me, helped me so much in my life... I just don't know how to repay you, Hyung! You'll always be like the Umma I've never had, arrasso? I'm so sorry I decided this option instead of talking to you, who'll always be there for me, through thick and thin. But just know, I'll never forget you! I'm so happy to have been able to meet you and Kyu! Question: you going to talk to Kangin hyung about adopting yet? I know how much you want to! Go for it! He'll agree, I'm sure! :) I love you, Leeteuk.

Sungmin, I'm sorry. King of Aegyo, Kyuhyun's our little bunny... you were Eunhyuk's best friend. I know for a fact that you're probably- no, ARE just as affected as I am, if not worse, judging how long you've known him, and everything you done, and even the fact you were one of his ex's, but you're stronger than me. I couldn't protect him like I promised you I would. You had every right to beat me up the night you found out. I'm so, so, SO sorry! I want to make it up to you... and maybe this is the way. You might feel just that little bit better knowing the that caused your Dongsaeng's death is dead. If not this, then I don't know what. But please know that from the bottom of my heart, I did love him. You were the greatest friend he ever had. I love you, Sungmin. (Oh, and just get with Kyu. I know you think he doesn't like you but we all know that's wrong! Just GO FOR IT, HYUNG!)

Kangin, I'm sorry. You were the Appa I never had. This is all getting repetitive, right? Sorry about that. You taught me a lot about life, Hyung. I can't thank you enough for that. You're cursing me, aren't you? While comforting your crying Teukie-umma? Thought so :) You two were always so cute together. Why didn't you get together with each other in highschool, pabos! Ah! Don't kill me! Haha... You know, even though at one point in time I said I hated you, I never meant it. You're not a mean and scary Hyung at all. I was being chilidsh again. I love you Kangin! Keep Teukie smiling and don't let him think about me for even a second, alright? You can kill me when you die at the age of 80+. Although you'd be in heaven, and I'd be in Hell (with Heechul xD Don't tell him I said that!)

Ryeowook, I'm sorry. You were always so nice to me and Eunhyuk. You came over to my house and cooked for me even if it was like, 3 in the morning. You're kind and caring and so sweet. Why aren't you maknae? Why EvilKyu? *pout* You and Yesung'll be fine. Thank you for always being there for me in my times of need. You always knew what to say even when I blew up on you. Promise you'll not cry? I know how easily you get teary-eyed. But honestly, I'm not worth it. You are a great Hyung. Thanks, Wookie! :)

Yesung, sorry! I hope you're fine. I am, will be, too. Stop Ryeowook from wailing, please. I know he is. He would in a situation like this. I can't believe that after all this time, since high school, you STILL have Ddangkomma! He must be a good luck charm then, considering you bought him, and then met Wookie, right? That's how the story went, right? You always were a weird Hyung but I wouldn't swap you for the world. Your craziness gives me a break from reality. Something I need at the moment, hah. I love you Sungie. Seriously. (And Ddangkomma too :P)

Heechul... Try not to mutilate my body. You... need to sort your diva ways out -_- I'm actually expecting pain when I'm in Hell from when you destroy the remains of my physical form. Don't be too brutal, neh? Sorry it came to this. You were this way too though, with that China guy so don't even think about calling the kettle black! I enjoyed our time together even though it was crazy and I have to thank you immensely for the party you threw during college. And the idea you gave Eunhyuk. Pretending to be drunk to confess! You're a genius, Rella, a pure ing genius. Oh, I can imagine that smug smirk now. Milky skin, Kim Heechul! Saranghaeyo, Kim Heechul! Haha! I love you, Chullie. (He's closer than you think, Chul, closer than you'd ever ing believe.)

And finally, Kibum! I'm a bad cousin, sorry! You can hate me forever if you really want to. I drifted from you after high school, sorry. I wanted to get out of that school so much that I immediately took Eunhyuk and ran to the nearest college outside of Seoul*. What a time... Hey, tell the other ty relatives that they can celebrate now because I'm dead. Tell 'em to not be too excited; I want to haunt them if I get the chance. Bastards... Have you sorted things between you and Shisus Siwon yet? You should. I didn't get the chance to and look what happened. Get him before it's too late. Good luck with your acting career, by the way. I'll be rooting for you if no one else does. I love you, Bummie.

To all of you now. It wasn't just because of Eunhyuk that I decided to die. I've had a lot of problems up until now that I'm too afraid to tell anyone. But now that I'm gonna be gone, I think I can do it.

I met my real, biological parents the other day. I have a brother. His name is Donghwa, he's my Hyung. He's so nice, but my parents... they hate me. They always have. They gave me up when they had the chance. You thought they were just on a business trip. Nah, I was adopted by an orphanage after they apparently found me lying near some drain. I was adopted by someone quickly, coincidentally the last name being Lee, before I met Leeteuk and Kyuhyun. I hid it from you because I was ashamed. After I was adopted, after I met you all... I kept coming to school with bruised in primary school, right? I told you all I fell down the stairs, I was clumsy. I didn't. My foster mother and father beat me. It hurt but after a while I got used to it. I thought about giving up life then - the mere age of 7 - but something stopped me. I can't remember what, it was like a light. But that's not important. They ended up dying, you know. The bastard had a heart attack from all the drinking and smoking and the got some STD because she's a dumb . I couldn't tell you that either, which is why I made up the business trip lie.

They never touched me ually, like that or anything. Don't worry. But after they died, that was when I found out I was adopted and that I was gay.

I saw how everyone treated homouals so I didn't want to come out the closet. I knew what happened to them. It scared me. I didn't want to tell you guys either because you made fun of them too until the end of primary school. How was I supposed to tell you, my best friends who insulted them like nobody's business, that I was one too? Easy. I couldn't. (I know, I was 'too young' to be gay, eh?)

Either way, it doesn't matter any more. Why? Because I'm free now :') I'm sorry if you feel guilty. I'm sorry if I made you cry. I'm sorry if I made you angry. I'm sorry.

Love from,

Lee Donghae, 21.*

There, finished. I folded the pieces up one by one and then carefully placed them in the enevelope I had spare in my drawers. I stood up and streched, a bit, and then walked into my bathroom. Opening the cabinet I found some boxes of extra strong paracetamols, a couple of spare razor blades, Citalophram*, and some bandages and other unimportant things. I grabbed the first three things I saw and walked to my window, opening it as wide as it could go.

Wanna know my plan?

I'm going to take every single pill in the boxes. 28 Citalophram pills and 16 extra strong paracetamols. Already that's an overdose right there. After, I'm going to climb out the window and onto the apple tree that's been there since I was a child with the rope I've been hiding under my bed. Taking the razor blades, I'll cut the veins on my wrists and slowly bleed to death.

But it won't stop there. Oh no. No no, no no, no.

I'll then tie the rope to the end of the branch and make a loop, large enough to fit over my head and say my prayers before letting myself fall off the branch, ending my life. Is that too much? Should I have done it more simply? I just want to make sure I die.

...and to hopefully feel some of the pain Eunhyuk felt...

The plan was perfect in my eyes. Nothing could stop me now. Eunhyuk, I'll be with you soon! 

At least, I was supposed to be.

As I got ready to hang myself, tying the knots of the rope, I heard a voice call up to me.

"What are you doing?" 

I was starting to get dizzy from the blood loss so as I looked down and saw a lithe figure resembling my beautiful Eunhyuk I thought I was hallucinating. I shook my head and carried on with the tying of the knots. It couldn't be him.

"Hey! Stop it, what are you doing?!" the voice continued to call at me. 

Still I ignored him. He isn't real, Donghae, he isn't real. There's no one there at all. 

I told myself that countless of times, yet I somehow started to believe he was real. It was probably due to the mass of drugs I took earlier, but in doing so, I finally answered him. 

"What do you think I'm doing, Eunhyuk? I'm joining you."

"...What? Who's Eunhyuk? What do you mean you're joining me? Joining me where?!"  What the ? How can Eunhyuk not know who he is? How can he turn around and ask me 'joining him where?'

"You should know, Eunhyuk! You're the one who's dead!" I screamed at him. Has being dead for three months made him retarded in the afterlife? I know. That was harsh. But I'm just so confused here!

"Hello, dip? You gonna make some sense here?" he stared up at me and I suddenly felt the world spin for a bit. "Are you high or something?" he mumbled as an afterthought. His gaze went to floor, then to the tree and finally back to me before he apparently decided on something. He murmered something again but I was too drugged up to know what. All I know is that he began stalking towards the base of the tree and then disappeared from sight.

I hazily went back to tying the knot of the blasted rope when I heard movement below me. I glanced downwards and saw who I swore was Eunhyuk on some branches a couple feet away from me. He looked up as I looked down and our gazes connected.

And for a moment, I felt whole again... 

He smiled at me and said, "You know, I doubt it's very comfy up there. Why not come down here with me?" I guess that was his way of persuading me to not kill myself or something but it wasn't going to work. If he couldn't see what I was trying so desperately to do, for, for, for HIM, then I guess I'll just have to show him and get it over with. 

I ignored him completely and finally finished tying the stupid knot. I looped it around my neck and prepared myself to let go. So I prayed. I prayed to God and asked him to let me see him in the afterlife.

God... Please... I just want to see him again. The person before my eyes cannot be him, as I'm clearly not dead yet. Tell me, why are you so cruel? Why will you let me suffer? Why did you let him suffer? He prayed everyday for you, you son of a . He gave up his time to listen to your so-called teachings and bask in the light of God and this is how re-pay him? By killing him in a vile way? Nice sense of humour you got there, Lord. Real nice. Just let me see hi-

I stopped abruptly when I felt a breath next to my ear. I half turned to face the person I knew it would be. 

My mind went blank. Suddenly my vision went from blurry to near blackness, my eyes barely staying open. My body felt weak and drained of energy and my clothes - mainly my sleeves - were stained with my blood that just kept pouring. I felt so lethargic... I just want to sleep and forget about everything... Go to sleep forever and never have to worry about love, life, friendship, family, pets, Eunhyuk... ever again...

"Don't die for me. I'm not worth it."

Tears sprung to my eyes as my life flashed by me, from when I was adopted by my foster parents, to meeting Kyu and Teukie, meeting Min and the others, my cousin Kibum for the first time, Eunhyuk... all the great memories I had with him filled up my brains and suddenly, I didn't want to die anymore.

I wanted to live. Can you believe that? I've been depressed for three months, I've been moping around talking and ranting about my suicidal thoughts, and now that I'm on the brink of death- the only thing I wanted in life after I lost Eunhyuk, I want to live. 

I don't want to die. I don't want to.

I want to live on. For Eunhyuk.

For Eunhyuk.

For Eunhyuk.

For him...

"Live on for me, Donghae ah. Stay alive for me..."

It was the last thing I heard before I fell off of the branch, the rope still secured around my neck. I was going to die. I'm going to drop and fall down so fast and suddenly be wrung up and just... dangle there in public view, for everyone's eyes to feast upon. I'll be the known as the young man who couldn't take the fact his lover died.

So why is it that I feel like I'm being cradled in soft, gentle arms?

Am I... Am I really dead?
 

*...~...~...~...*

I woke up to a beeping sound and opened my tired, heavy eyes slowly, trying to adjust to the bright lights and insanely pure white ceiling. I glanced down at my arms which were lying neatly beside my sides and saw thick bandages on each wrist, an IV drip attached to my right hand. On my right arm, also, on the crease where my elbow was, lay a cotton pad and tape. That must be where they took blood from. I also found I had an oxygen mask on. I reached up and took it off now that I was conscious. 

I tried to shift my body but found that my legs had unfamiliar weight on them. I looked down and saw a blonde haired male sleeping soundly on a chair, his arms folded on my legs and his gorgeous face buried in them. His bangs fell messily over his single-lidded eyes and his plump lips were parted slightly. He was snoring lightly, which I chuckled at. His milky complexion suited well against the black t-shirt he was wearing. I smiled at him and mumbled a name.

"Eunhyuk..."

"No. My name is Hyukjae." 

I must've been staring into space too long because I hadn't even noticed that the young man had moved.

"Wuh-What?" I stuttered.

"That isn't my name, Fishy." he sat up and streched, , his t-shirt riding up revealing his toned stomach. He grinned at me, showing me his gummy smile, and I blushed slightly.

"I don't know why you assumed that was my name on our first meeting..." he squinted at something on the end of the bed. "Lee Donghae." 

I stared at him as he continued to speak, little pieces of what happened slowly coming back to me. 

"But... my name isn't Eunhyuk, as you keep calling me. It's Lee Hyukjae."

Oh.

So I'm not dead afterall. 

*~...I Wished Upon a Shooting Star..~*

HI :) I'm back~ This chapter honestly was a to write. It got repetitive with the letter, and I couldn't think of anything at all. But it's been so long since I've updated and I wanted to give you one ;) And now to explain the stars...

* Number One: "And I took that as a hint to sweep my tongue into his sweet, wet mouth..." I put a star next to mouth because it seems like this word is never used when describing a kiss scene. In nearly everyy fiction I read, it's always, 'into to his wet cavern'. I feel that the word CAVERN is overrated so I'm not going to use it. I might sometimes but... yeah...

* Number Two:  "Ran to the nearest college outside of Seoul." I don't know whether any of you'll pick up on it, but I mentioned in the beginning of the letter that he lived in Seoul. See, what happened was, they were sick of the town by time they finished high school so they ran out of Seoul fro college but got homesick and missed their friends so the eventually moved back to go to Uni. :P

* Number Three: "Love From, Lee Donghae, 21." There's actually nothing wrong with this line, I just wanted to apologise for the awful, repetitive suicide letter. It was horrible, I know ; A ;

* Number Four: "Citalophram," Citalophram is an anti-depressant. So obviously they're pills you take when you've been diagnosed with depression. My two brothers take this. Sorry, one of them actually takes them, the other doesn't bother with them and then shouts at me because I have a dig at him for not taking them. (There are like, 2-4 boxes that are still full.)

And that should clear up every little star I put in there.

Please COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE. My eyes actually light up when I see a little black box on my phone when I check my profile, but then they sadden because it's only a friend's blog post or wall posts. :( I'm trying really hard here, I don't whether ANY of you like it considering there are like... 4 views and most of them are silent -_- 

Sorry... Rant over xD Enjoy? 

*TELL ME WHAT TO IMPROVE ON :D* *It's not long enough, is it? D:*