Will you listen to my story?

I stared at Jaebum who’s enjoying his coffee while chatting with his bboy crew, AOM.

--

My parents divorced a year ago. I was seventeen that time. I have the right to choose whom I want to be with.

Will I stay with my Mom here in ____________ or move with Dad to Korea? Life was never been easy for me. I was an alien here or anywhere I go. Living in a foreign land was tough, really tough. I’ve always been a left out, an outcast. Making friends was as hard as finding an oasis in a desert. Hard to look for but you know it's out there.

All eyes are scrutinizing and judging me just because I’m Korean is one thing I can’t understand. I tried my best to embrace their culture, even attended several language classes to learn speak their words, eat their food, assumed that I’m ___________ and totally forgot my roots but that didn’t work out well, didn’t work at all. I’m still an apple in a box of oranges.

“___________, I heard your parents divorced and you’re going back to Korea. Is that true?” Camille asked me. Camille is my oasis. She’s my only friend.

“Mmmm.” I smiled at her. She looked at me with her big round eyes, the eyes I always want to have. Korean girls have this fascination with big round eyes and I’m no different.

“You know I’ll miss you.” Camille said in a low voice.

“We could always chat, text and call each other.” I smiled at her.

She just nodded and hugged me tightly. We cried while bidding goodbye to each other. It was hard but I need it.

I'll miss her.

I took a deep breath as soon as I step outside the airport. “At last, I’m home.” I mumbled under my breath.

School hasn’t started so my Dad brought me to his relatives in Busan. They were all so warm to me. I. This is a good start, I thought. But after weeks that past and I still don’t know anyone in our neighbourhood,  I started feeling scared. What if same things happen again? What If I still don’t belong here? Where do I really belong? I have a lot of questions and up to now they were never answered.

My fears became reality when school started. No one dares to speak to me and If I do speak to them they’ll find a way to escape from it. It was like I’m a zombie threatening to eat their brains.

 “Fighting!” I cheered myself every day before going to school until I grew tired of it. A year had passed and still I’m alone.

First day of my senior year. I went to school earlier than usual to get the best seat, the chair beside the windows at the back part of the room. The school was so peaceful during this time. I wasn’t the first one to arrive.

New Student? I thought. I went to my seat and take a quick peek at her.

“Hello!” She greeted in her weird Korean accent.

“Eh! Hello!” I replied back. She, kept silent for few seconds, seems to be finding it hard to speak.

“I’m ______. What’s your name? New student?” I asked her.

“I’m... I” She tried to answer.
“You can’t understand Korean?” I asked her in English. A smile grew on her face.

That’s it. I made a friend. She’s Leighton, a Japanese-American, who came from Seattle. Having the same feelings towards our situation, we instantly clicked together. She’s a part of a transfer-student program. She told me that the reason why she applied for it is because of ... .
----

Someone snapped in front of my face and brought me back to the present time.

“Hey. Why are you staring at him like that?” Someone asked. . It was Claire.

“I’m not staring at him. I was just...”  Claire looked at me sheepishly. “Attracted to him?”

“NO!” I blurted in Korean. Everyone looked at us, at me. I needed to hide under the counter for few seconds. I was that embarrassed.

Yah! ____________. Control yourself. I slapped my chicks lightly and get back to work. Two hours passed yet he was still there.

You know that feeing when someone was boring a whole in your body. That was what I felt when I saw him staring at me. I looked away immediately when our eyes met.

I excused myself for while. I lied that I'm not feeling well. I felt guilty after seeing Claire doing all my work though she's off duty. I was about to approach her when --

"You're lucky to have a nice friend over there.” A very warm voice.

Lucky is not in my dictionary.

I turned to his direction. I was dumb-founded seeing his  face just few inches away from me. It shocked the hell out of me making me lost my balance. I fell flat on the floor. That time, I wish I was a bubble that will soon pop and disappear in this world. He lent his hand to me. Thinking that it will be less embarrassing I took it. I felt his warmth against my palm. I thought I’ll collapse after having a skin contact with him. My blood was drained from my body, my hands were trembled and my throat was dried up. I took my hands as soon as I got on my feet.

"Next time, be careful." He smiled. Just before going out of the shop, he waved at me and said "See you around!"

Claire hurried towards me.

"_____!" She yelled my name loud enough that the people two blocks away could hear

"Did you....just...just hold his....hands? Waaaaaah! Smart ! If only I knew I should’ve drown in front of him so he’ll mouth to mouth me." Hitting my shoulders lightly.

He talked to me. He smiled at me. He touched me. I didn’t know what felt that moment. Embarrassment? Fear?

I was dazed the whole day. How come I can still feel the warmth of his skin, hear his voice and feel his presence.

"Are you that star struck? You know what. We have work to do." Claire dragged me to the counter. She was obviously jealous if only she knew.

“No, I’—I‘m no“ I tried to answer but she shut me up.

“Yes, you are. Look at yourself.”

I did what she said. I looked at my reflection on a spoon. Claire giggled.

“Don’t worry I understand. If I were you I probably faint from happiness.”