Sehun/Lu Han centric
Continuity: Chapter 4

# 5: This is Ours

Lu Han looked up one night when they were curled up on Sehun’s bed reading (it had to be Sehun’s bed, Lu Han was positively neurotic about his) and said that he had something he needed to talk to Sehun about.

Sehun was grateful for any chance to stop reading his history notes, and he looked up eagerly and tossed his book aside. “Go ahead,” he encouraged.

Lu Han sat up slowly and set his book down on the table between his and Sehun’s bed. He twisted his fingers nervously into the sheets and met Sehun’s gaze cautiously.

“You’re pretty young, considering what I’m about to say, but you’re mature…sometimes I forget that you’re only thirteen. Anyway, you need to know that I’m not expecting anything from you—not now, not at any set point in the future. I just think you need to hear it and hold onto it for the future.”

Sehun took a deep breath and nodded, realizing now just how serious Lu Han was. It wasn’t often that he adopted such a nature, usually he was playful and lighthearted. Whatever he had to say must have been Very Important.

“You can tell me anything,” Sehun assured. “You know I’ll listen and keep an open mind.”

Lu Han smiled shyly. “Well okay then…I’m in love with you.”

‘Oh,’ Sehun thought as he was suddenly overwhelmingly happy and terrified.

Lu Han continued, getting more and more confident with each word he spoke.

“I was so happy when you reached out to me on that first day, I’ve never met anyone who made me feel more special and happy with just one gesture. You learned to talk because you wanted to communicate with me, and it was the best feeling in the world. And even when I was homesick and cried, you never left me alone. Ever since I met you I’ve felt like I always have someone looking out for me, that no matter what I do or where I am I’ll always have someone who will be there for me. Not just physically and as a friend, but as an emotional and spiritual support. You’re so young and yet you’ve changed the way I think about my future, I feel like I can be anything I’m needed to be—a Guardian, a judge, worthy of my position—as long as I have you with me. Nobody else makes me feel like that, not to the degree that you do. And that’s what made me love you. How could I not love you, after all that? You’re such an amazing person, Sehun, and I don’t think you realize it. I’m so determined to make you see how special you are, starting with this, with you realizing what you mean to me.”

Sehun was struck silent. He’d never expected a confession like that from anyone. Could it really be true, all of it? Any of it? The only logical answer he could think of was yes—Lu Han wouldn’t lie to him about a thing like this. And what about his feelings for Lu Han? For the boy who had helped him find his words after seven years, who never gave up on him and who never looked down on him for being younger and at times a petulant child? Everything Lu Han had just said applied to how Sehun felt for Lu Han, but how could he possibly say something that would equate those feelings, as well as give voice to his fears?

“Thank you,” Sehun whispered, his voice think with tears. “I wish I could say I feel the same way…but the truth is I don’t know how I feel about you.”

Lu Han was quiet for a whole minute. Then he gently wrapped his arms around Sehun.

“Sehun, you should know better than to lie to me. It hurts more than anything you could ever say.”

Sehun buried his face in Lu Han’s shoulder and sobbed. Damn it all, he thought to himself. Damn it, damn it. Now what could he say?

“I—I don’t—can’t—”

The words were stuck in his throat. He needed to get them out but he couldn’t, and the harder he tried the further they seemed to be. Sehun felt like he would choke, or his desperation would swallow him.

Lu Han pulled back and took Sehun’s face in his hands. “Take it easy,” he soothed. “Don’t force the words. Take as much time as you need.”

Sehun shook his head. “Need…now.” He gasped.

Lu Han gently wiped the tears off Sehun’s face. “Okay, but first I want you to breathe.”

This was what Lu Han had done with him when he was a child and these kinds of fits were a bi-weekly occurrence. Sehun forced himself to calm down and take slow, even breaths. Within a few minutes he’d managed to calm down enough to speak clearly.

“I’m sorry I lied just now,” he started. “I do know what you mean to me. Everything you just said…it’s all true for me as well. You changed my life, you made me someone I was proud to be. I love you so much, so much more than anyone else I’ve ever met. You’re my everything, Lu Han, and to be honest it scares me. I’m so afraid of what could happen to us, not because of anything we did to each other but what others did to us. What if we told the others and they didn’t approve? What if we fought and they picked sides, and our group was split? I know we haven’t fought on that kind of scale, but suppose they think we might? What if they don’t approve? Could we stay together even if everything in the world told us not to?”

Sehun paused and took a deep breath. “I’m not saying it wouldn’t be worth it to try, but…”

He trailed off, the words leaving once again. Luckily, Lu Han knew what he meant.

“I’ve thought about that too,” he confessed. “But really, what you’ve told me now is more than I could have ever hoped for. I’m so happy right now, because now I know that if I have to fight for you, I won’t be fighting for something you don’t want. And we can worry about all of that later, really I wanted to tell you now because…well who knows how crazy our lives are about to get. We’re going to go see the Tree in a few days, and after that anything goes. I wanted to tell you now, before we have all of this uncertainty to deal with. And…I really want us to be there for each other during that time, you know? If everything else falls apart and goes to hell, I wanted you to know that you’ll always have me.”

Lu Han was crying now, silent tears dripping onto his cheeks. Sehun started to cry again, too.

“Me, too,” he managed. “You’ll always have me, too.”

Sehun was worried about a lot—his future, Lu Han’s future, the future of his brothers and his planet, but he decided that those worries…they could wait for a few hours. Or days. At that moment, all he wanted to do was go to sleep in Lu Han’s arms like he did every night, only tonight he would know that this was something wonderful and tangible, and he would have this feeling no matter what the next weeks brought. Tonight, Sehun reasoned, belonged to him and Lu Han. Their problems would all work out somehow.

(And he was right.)

Special thanks to Suzetteisblue, Deceptions_, Minapple, maknae-minded-Beth, Joo-Mi, Pollution, buingbuingaegyo, EnchantedAngelWings and GreenScarfLady for commenting on the last chapter!! I didn't have a chance to respond to most of you but I want you to know that I see you and I greatly appreciate your lovely, thoughtful words ^^

Updates might be slow in the next few weeks...I'm working on 2 other stories at the moment (non-EXO) which will hopefully be published by the end of the summer, and I'll be starting my summer class very soon too, so I'm a very busy person at the moment. But don't worry, there's still a lot I want to do with this story, so it's not over yet!!