Dude looks like a LADY!

Description

No one knows that male idol Shin Kwan, SM’s hottest young idol isn’t actually a he. But after being signed up on a new reality show with SHINee, where he is to live with them in one house for six months while doing ridiculous challenges sent by their fans, her secret might just come out.     Or,  O

 

 

 

Foreword

 

For sure someone'll notice I'm missing! Natsume, maybe? And he won't be hurt by the flames. They'll send him. He's probably in here already, I just can't hear him...

Her sobs grew stronger as she remembered—Natsume, her husband, wasn't coming for her. He was in the hospital. The doctors told her not to be too hopeful with is condition. He had no idea what was going on.

“Mom? Mom, are you up here!?”

Shinho!

"Over here!" The woman threw aside the flannel and turned in the direction of her daughter’s voice.

“Mom! Didn’t you hear the alarm?” The voice grew louder, and Shinho appeared from around the corner, looking more disheveled than her mother knew her to be capable of.

Her mother wiped her tear-stained cheeks and managed to smile. "I guess I slept through-" She inhaled smoke and began to cough.

"Let's get you outside. Rikku called 911, there should be out soon. I left Seung and Haneul at the Jae min’s. We can get out through the windows, I set up a ladder.”

“Oh, Shinho,” she gasped. Her brilliant daughter. Her wonderful daughter. Always thinking ahead, always ready for anything.

“Now, grab my hand—”

There was a sudden groan from below the woman’s feet, followed by the distinct and terrifying noise of wood splintering. She hardly registered what was happening until her foot slipped through the hole, and she was falling down and down.

The last thing she heard before her neck struck the ground, was a ragged, desperate scream from miles and miles above.

.:.

 

Track Zero: Lies.

 

Lies make it better.

Lies are forever.

Lies to go home to.

Lies to wake up to

LIES.

 

.:.

 Eight months later...

Shinho muted the TV as the end credits played. She stared her sister expectantly. “Well?”

“Meh. Needs more zombies,” was all she said.

Right? Plus, it’s entirely unrealistic because all of their zombies are still wearing pants. In real life there’d be zombie undies everywhere.

Rikku blinked. “Um…what?”

“Think about how many times a day you have to pull out a wedgie or hitch up your pants. If you were a zombie you wouldn’t have enough humanity left to think about pulling up your pants even though they’d be slipping lower and lower since you’re running after people all the time so in real life most of the zombies would probably have their pants around their ankles by day two,” she paused, thinking thoughtfully. “Except for the ones whose pants are being held up simply by the horrific wedgies that they can never pull out. That’s the real tragedy of being a zombie.”

“Hmm.” Rikku murmured.

“Well, that,” she continued, “and you eat all your friends. And when your friends see you they’re all ‘Oh, well I guess that’s what Shinho’s underwear looks like—AAAAH!’”

“They’re…screaming about your underwear?” Rikku said, genuinely confused.

She shook her head. “No. They’re yelling because they were distracted by my underwear and then I ate them. It’s like a really embarrassing zombie trap. But yeah, they were probably screaming about my underwear too. Zombie underwear. That sounds freaking terrifying.

Wow. So…when the zombie apocalypse comes you think your underwear…will become a trap?” said Rikku with astonishment.

Well, not an intentional one. That’s why when the zombie apocalypse comes I’m going to put on suspenders first thing,” Shinho said.

Rikku snorted. “Well good luck with your suspenders. I’ll be getting out the riot gun and a samurai sword.”

You load the guns. I’ll get our suspenders,” said Shinho.

Rikku paled. “ ‘Our’ suspenders?”

“I bought some for you. Wanna see them?” She asked.

“You bought me suspenders…for the zombie apocalypse.” Rikku just shook her head.

Shinho frowned. “Well, technically I bought you suspenders for the benefit of other people during the zombie apocalypse. If the suspenders become necessary you’ll already be dead.”

“Huh…”

“I’m thinking of the greater good here!”

“Stop talking.”

Humanitarian suspenders.”

“If the zombie apocalypse comes I’m killing you first.”

“That’s probably a good plan. There’s no way I’m surviving that thing. But wait till I have my suspenders on first, just in case.”

“No, I’ll make sure to behead you. You will not coming back.”

Aw. Thanks dear.”

“For someone who is suppose to be a certified genius, you sure don’t act like one,” Rikku muttered.

“No one say geniuses always have to act stuck up and mean, Broski,” Shinho replied, using the odd nickname she had her sister shared.

“Broski,” Rikku said quietly, “what are we going to do? Land-lady won’t let us stay here for forever. The second you turn fifteen, you’ll have to get a job…god, I just…I just wish Kaa-san didn‘t die in that fire…and that…that….”

Shinho released a sigh. “Rikku. I’m going to take care of you, Haneul and Seung, okay? Don’t talk as if I won’t. I‘ll just get a job.”

“As what?” Rikku questioned. “I know you’re a super-genius, but you no one will take you seriously in those business corporations—”

“PSH,” Shinho huffed. “Being that is too easy. I want to be that!” She pointed at the TV screen.

There was Super Junior dancing to their single Sorry, Sorry.

Rikku looked horrified. “You want to magically become 13 singing dudes?”

“No!” Shinho cried. “I want to be a k-pop idol.”

Rikku considered this. Then bursts into laughter.

Shinho looked hurt, until she realized something. “Oh, you think I’ll become a female idol, right?

“Well, duh,” Rikku said, ceasing her laughter. “What, are you going to become a male idol, or something?”

“Yes.” Shinho replied. “Stop making that face. It’s not like that, okay? Think about this way: I have a naturally masculine voice—YEAH. I ADMIT IT, I SOUND LIKE A MAN, OKAY? BUT WHEN I SING, EVERYONE LIKES IT, DESPITE SOUNDING LIKE MAN—I have a flat chest, and if I style my hair right, I could totally pass a cute dude.”

Rikku looked mildly disturbed. “Shinho, please don’t tell me you’ve decided to become a man. I'm sure there's a guy out there who will love you for your weirdness and man-voice. Oh, god. What the hell am I going to tell our seven year old siblings? 'Your sister wants to become your brother, guys!' OH MY GOD. I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T TAINT THEIR MINDS! YOU CAN'T DO THIS, SHINHO!”

“Let me finish, okay?” Shinho said. “If you look at our charts now, I expect SM entertainment to squeeze out about two more girl groups, and another boy group, and with little miss BoA and IU already exploding on the charts, Id have no chance as a female idol. But if I—”

“Dress up as a dude and storm in there forcing them make you famous, you’ll become HUGE!” Rikku cried. “SM would LOVE that. The real money is where the originality is!"

Shinho frowned. “What? Are you crazy? You want me to go up the SM executives and be all, ‘make me famous.’?”

“YES!” Rikku pumped an excited fist in the air. “You’ll have to work like a dog, but it’ll be worth it in the end! A cute boy who can sing and write his own songs wanting to become famous in order to help support his family! OH MY GOD, LET’S GO! RIGHT NOW! THIS MIGHT WORK! I LOVE YOU BROSKI! OI, SEUNG! HANUEL! GO GET ME SOME SCISSORS, WE‘RE GOING TO MAKE SHINHO INTO A PRETTY BOY!”

“What happened to not tainting the minds of our younger siblings?” Shinho said weakly.

 

.:.

 

Three years later…

.:.

 

So, can you tell us why you decided to do an all-out interview on yourself, SK? The lady asks with a smile.

‘SK’ laughs. Well, one day, I Googled myself and saw my profile, and I realized that it was two years old. When your profile is the same age as a toddler...maybe it's time for an update?

The audience laughs at the joke, so does the host.

SK grins. Okay, here goes. I'm Shin Kwan, or, SK as everyone calls me. I'm an seventeen year old half-Korean, half-Japanese goofball, who has been obsessed with dancing and singing since birth, pretty much.

Wow, youve loved to sing and dance at such a young age? The host-lady cries with amazement. Such talent realized at a young age, amazing!

The audience hoots in agreement.

Cue sheepish smile.

Cue adorable awkward scratch to the head.

Cue squeals.

I dont know, he says. Maybe my parents didn't vaccinate me or something! That would explains a lot about me!

Cue laughter.

Is there anything else about youd like to share? The host-lady asks.

I'm insatiably curious, so I've read a lot of books. I flit a lot, but once I find a genre I love, I stick. I adore bad puns and plays on words, banter, whimsy and shows and books that have a sense of fun about themselves and their characters. I also have a weird sense of humour, and I hope I can find a girl whose fine with that, ahaha.

Cue audience exploding in squeals.

But what I mostly love is my fans, He says staring at the audience. Just realizing that theres a human being out there whos enjoyed the music that I composedit just blows my mind. It makes me work harder and if I could, Id write a song for every single person on this planet telling them why theyre amazing.

Cue explosive applauds.

Cue I LOVE YOU's.

“It is also been said that you’re a family person, correct?” The host says.

“Oh, of course!” SK says. “They’re the reason why I’m here. See, when I younger my mother had been killed an fuse-fire that took our house, and half a year later, my father, our only other known family, had lost a battle to cancer leaving me to take care of my three younger siblings…”

Cue sympathetic sounds.

“…but our land-lady had let us stay with her until I was old enough to get a job, seeing as she couldn’t support and extra family of four, so my sister and I headed to SM and asked to become and idol.”

Cue cheers.

“You honestly asked them to make you famous?” The host gasped.

SK laughs. “Well, we were young, needed money, and I written quite a lot of songs! We thought it might be fine! Thinking about it now, we were a little brash. I’m kind of surprised we weren’t kicked out!”

Cue laughter.

“It’s also been said that you’ll be airing a new reality show with SHINee very soon, correct?”

. WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THAT UP? “That’s right. I’m really excited! It’ll be fun!”

“It sounds exciting. The fans decide your fate on the show, right?” The host-lady cries.

SK laughs. “Yeah, they’ll be ones giving us various challenges, or ‘dares’ as my manager explained, at random points during the day! I just hope they aren‘t too odd!”

“I’ll be sure to tune in!” She cries.

Right. You’ll tune into what will become the revelation of one of the best kept secrets known to the South Korean music biz

Or, you'll tune into SK fangirling over SHINee.

Author‘s Note:

IF IT WASN'T CLEAR:

Shinho Kwan = Shin Kwan. X)

Um...that's it, I guess. If there's anything you want to say to me (besides "Go away! YOU !") there's always PM, commenting, and my wall. I love to talk - which you can take as an incentive to say hi, or as a reason to stay as far away from me as possible. :)

Also, please do request random dares/challenges for our lovely contestants to do! I have a few in mind, but I’m quite you guys can do better.

Well, thanks for reading! I hope you like this uber-long foreword! X)   

Comments

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643Alex
#1
That sad moment when you find an amazing fanfic but see it hasn't been updates in over 4 years
mudkip118 #2
This is kind of hilarious.
genie610 #3
secretly I think the same thing about noona nomu yeppo...especially with the fact that Taemin looks like in that one xD FYI you're possibly the funniest person I've ever not met and I hope to see you update soon :D
nishnish #4
How come you didnt tag this as a comedy?
pandasockSJ
#5
Chapter 4-<br />
HAHAHA!!!!!<br />
GURRRRLLLLLLL, you are the funniest<br />
fan fic writer I've EVER seen!!!(or read stories from but whatever. Same diff.)
pandasockSJ
#6
Chapter 3-<br />
Oh my cheese.<br />
This chapter was SOOOOO BEAUTIFUL!!!! <br />
YOU HAD EVERYTHING!!!!!!!
Goodday #7
ahahah! :)
thelastscene
#8
Good god, you made me spit out all my drink and almost made me choke from laughing so damn hard. <br />
God, this is such a win. Don't call this crap, I'll personally kill you if I have to if you dare say that again. I love Shinho, and I love this whole bonding thing they had. <br />
TACO BELL FTW. <br />
And, um, I doubt they have a Taco Bell down there. Which major . Hm...this inspired me to go get a meal there. ;)
Foundry #9
I can't....oh my god...this is hilarious.
LoveSHINee #10
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I CAN'T BREATHE! COUGARS, PEDOS, ENCHILADAS! LOLOLOLOL. I LOVED MINHO. <br />
"Yeah, 12 year old girls." <br />
YOU ARE A GENUIS. DOWn'T YOU DARE SAY THIS IS . I'LL EAT YOU, WOMAN. LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!